Episode 6 The Johnny & Inel Show

# My alarm wakes me up

# I'm ready to rise

# Splash water on my face To get the sleep out my eyes

# The sun's out shining I'd better stop rhyming

# As Mum's always telling me

# "Fix up your timing!"

# Now we've got a show on CBBC

# Sure all of my fans will be out to see me

# Get set, cos the time is here

# Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

-# BOTH:

-We're doing well as you can tell

# So here comes the show with Johnny...

# And Inel. #

Coming up on today's show...

Cos me and the Skate Till Late Crew,

we ain't taking it any more!

The Only Way Is Blondie...

# Liberty-ee-hee! #

Now it's time for the studio.

-Hey-hey!

-Ya-ha!

And welcome to the Johnny and Inel show.

Hold up, Inel...

Where's the audience?

No audience?

Why didn't you say anything, Brennan?

I-I didn't notice.

Hey, Mo. Mo! Where's the audience?

I just went down to get them ten minutes ago,

-there's no-one in the queue.

-Nobody in the queue?!

They're missing.

WHIRRING

Who's messing about with sound effects?

Just testing.

Oh. It's just Gail.

So who would steal 100 of the coolest audience members

at CBBC?

-Hmm.

-Hmm.

I reckon it's Sam and Mark.

-What makes you say that?

-Sneaky eyes.

WHIRRING

Ahem, testing, one, two, three.

So, no audience and no show.

-Mm-hm.

-We've got to do something.

-We?!

-Yes, WE.

While we get this show back on track,

let's check out some more action in WWJI.

DING! DING! DING!

Tonight we finally get to see The Dentist...

..take on The Footballer!

I'm just going to ask you to rinse before we begin.

Mouthwash.

Then I'm going to prise open your mouth

and stuff your cheeks with cotton wool.

And then I'm going to ask, "When was the last time you saw me?"

Er...

And finally, you may feel some discomfort,

mainly caused by my drill.

Argh!

Well, I'm going to run around taking foul penalty kicks

and doing pointless stepovers,

and then if you get within a 30cm radius of me,

I'm going to hit the ground and start rolling around like I'm in agony.

-Argh!

-Mm, what they all do.

And then just jump right up again.

And I'm going to wave imaginary cards in your face.

And when I know the referee's definitely not looking,

I might even try a crafty elbow.

MATCH OF THE DAY THEME And then, when I win,

I'm going to do a knee slide and wait for all of my team-mates

to come and hug me.

Two giants of the wrestling scene.

This is not to be missed.

Brought to you exclusively by WWJI.

Next up, The Only Way Is Blondie.

Since I was so popular on the Johnny and Inel show last year,

the BBC have decided to give me my own show!

Standard!

Oh, my golly-golly-golly-golly gosh!

-What is it?!

-Tell us!

It's my mum!

She's got a new boyfriend.

THEY GASP

Oh, my gosh!

I can't believe my mum has invited her new boyfriend

that no-one has seen round for dinner!

# Liberty-ee-hee! #

Didn't even ask the rest of us if that was OK. Very rude, innit?

I mean, I'd never invite my boyfriend round

without asking her permission first. That's just manners.

Not that I have a boyfriend.

I'm single. Through choice.

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh, my gosh! I'm coming!

-PARROT SQUAWKS

-Who keeps ringing the doorbell

like they're the hunchback of Notre Dame?!

Hi, I'm Norris Gloris, formerly of the J&I News Network.

Er, I know who you are.

But no offence, what's your straggly self doing here?

I'm here to have dinner tonight with you, your mother

and the rest of your family.

I'll be live in your living room from 6:30pm

on the CBBC channel.

Oh, my gosh!

This is my mum's new boyfriend?!

Oh! If I'd known there were cameras here, I 'd have dressed up.

Too late.

MUSIC: "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye

Why, hello there, Norris Gloris.

You're just in time for dinner.

Well, hello there...

Denise.

May I say how wonderful you're looking

in that dress that you're wearing?

Oh! This old thing!

I definitely don't need to keep THIS receipt.

We'll see more of Denise and Norris's date later,

but now Rudy and Boyyer with...

Yeah. Yeah, I'm so looking forward to seeing everyone on the yacht.

Yeah. Who's going to be there? Milly?

-HE SNORTS

-Really?

-OK, and Trixie?

-Rich tea biscuits.

-BOTH:

-Baggit!

Rich fruit cake.

-BOTH:

-Baggit!

Sorry...

-Gold chocolate coins. BOTH:

-Baggit!

Millionaire shortbread.

-BOTH:

-Baggiiit!

-Excuse me, I'm on the phone here.

That'll be £9.26 please, bruv.

Yeah, sorry, where was I?

-OK, yeah.

-HE SNORTS

-Really?

-I say, pardon me, bruv...

-Is one ready to pay now, bruv?

Really, I'm getting a little bit distracted here.

Excuse me, I think bruv's talking to Mumsy.

Oh, what! Should one call the driver to bring the car round, bruv?

Do you mind?!

Honestly. Some people have no manners.

-Agh!

-You're getting bagged.

-BOTH:

-Baggit!

APPLAUSE

I wonder if Johnny and Inel have found their audience yet.

Let's find out!

Oh, I can't take this.

We can't just sit here, we've got to do something, Johnny!

We've got to find our audience!

Don't worry, Inel!

-I've got connections.

-Yeah?

I know a couple of guys.

Oh, yeah. They can sort this right out.

FUNK MUSIC PLAYS

-Agh!

-Gah!

What's the sitrep?

We're pinned down!

Right...

SIREN WAILS

-Well?

-Looks like we're going to have to give up one of the bags.

Not a chance!

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Hi, it's Johnny from the Johnny... SIREN WAILS OVER PHONE

-Who is it?

-It's Johnny.

Listen, Johnny, I can't talk now, I'm kind of busy.

It's just that we've got a bit of a problem.

Someone's stolen our audience, and we need your help to find them.

Sounds like a big job.

Must have been a team. At least two people.

Two people who knew the channel real well.

'Two people who knew CBBC'

inside out.

What? Who?

Sam and Mark. It's obvious.

Cool audience goes missing at CBBC headquarters?

It's them. Clear as day.

-BOTH:

-Open and shut case.

Oh.

What did they say, then?

-They couldn't help.

-Oh.

Haven't got a clue.

Look, we're going to have to sort this out by ourselves.

Yeah.

While Johnny and Inel keep looking for the audience,

we'll take a trip to the Rampz.

Hi, I'm here at the Rampz,

and I'm joined by Chad and the rest of the Skate Till Late Crew.

Don't even know if we can be called a crew any more.

I mean, crews are people that have each others' backs.

They don't have my back.

What's this all about, Chad?

It's that loser Darrel.

He keeps picking on me and the Skate Till Late Crew.

I'm the only one who wants to do anything about it.

So what's happening, guys?

Do you not want to stick up for yourselves against Darrel?

Yeah, we do, but it's Darrel, isn't it?

What's so scary, man? I've stuck up to Darrel before.

Nothing bad happened.

Didn't I, Glen?

I don't know, I wasn't there.

OK, Glen wasn't there, but it happened.

Look guys, are you going to have my back or what?

Yeah? OK! Well, today's the day we take the Rampz back.

Let's go!

Hey, in, in! Hands in!

Skate Till Late!

Oi, Chad! What you doin'?

Get off the board, man.

Why should I, Darrel?

All right, let me make this simple, yeah, so you can understand.

Imagine, yeah, there's like a mouse,

and it wants to play on the mouse ramps...

but a cat turns up at the mouse ramps.

So do you think the mouse is going to stay at the mouse ramps?

What are mouse ramps?

It doesn't matter what mouse ramps is, he isn't going to stay, is he?

So, you come off your board,

otherwise something bad's going to happen.

No doubt, cos me and the Skate Till Late Crew,

we ain't taking it any more!

Oh, yeah?

And what Skate Till Late Crew is that?

Darrel, you're such a loser!

-I'm telling Dad on you!

-Oh, right!

Does it look like I care what he thinks?

-I'm getting out of here!

-See ya!

Sorry, did I hear right?

Are you two really brothers?

Hey, Darrel...

take your stabilisers off, you loser!

Oh, yeah?!

Well, after that amazing revelation,

I think it's time to say goodbye to the Rampz for now.

Hello?

You guys have left the cameras on.

Do you want me to...cut them?

No?

Johnny?

Hi!

Welcome to the Mo Show.

MUSIC: "Good Time" by Chic

Nnngh, electric shock!

What's up, people? My name is Mo.

The guy with more swagger, more charm,

and the most charisma this side of the Atlantic.

That's right, me, M to the O, Muh and Oh.

See, I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

Johnny can't test me when he's on TV.

Everybody say, never going to know, come on BBC, give me the Mo Show.

'Mo, I need you!'

RECORD SCRATCHES

Let's check out what Beenie and Fro Fro are up to.

How are you, Beenie?

Mm? Listen, me nah you're going to say sumting nasty,

and me nah want to hear it.

-All right?

-Relax, Beenie.

-I've just learnt something today...

-Huh?

..and I wanted to share it with you.

Wha... Wha ya learn?

I found out what is invisible and smells of carrots.

What is it?

Rabbit trumps!

FRO FRO LAUGHS

Dat is disgusting! You're sick, Fro Fro, you're sick.

-Chill out, Beenie!

-No.

You need to go see a doctor or sumting, Fro Fro,

because your jokes, dem are sick! They're sick!

They're just jokes!

Koh.

Hee-hee, rabbit trumps!

So why are dressed as Ghostbusters again?

Because, Inel, silly old me

thought that there might just be something supernatural

-about 100 people going missing.

-Right.

Yeah, that and the Sherlock Holmes and Watson costumes were all out.

-Oh, that's why we're both dressed as Winston.

-Yeah...

I did try and get the Peter, Ray or Egon one, but they were all gone.

So Winston will have to do.

-It's always the way, innit?

-Yeah.

So what shall we do now?

I guess we're going to have to take back control.

# We arrive every day come to see our fans

# But it looks like today there's a hitch to our plans

# Not a soul in the studio so we can't start the show

# It's looking like a nightmare I'm telling you, man

# "Where the audience at?" Is what I say

# But not a single response comes back my way

# Think we might be haunted but I ain't daunted

# I just don't know what could've made them stray

-BOTH

-# I guess we're gonna have to take control

# Gotta...

# Gotta find the audience

# The audience

# For our show

# We should

# Get to looking

# Were are they?

# I don't know

# But who...

# Could come and take the audience?

# Cos I've been left in the dark

# Where are they?

# Find that audience

# They've gotta be...

# With Sam and Mark. #

No way.

We're not going to find our audience messing around singing songs.

It's Liam Piam with Wit Wall!

James@Riverdance says, "Johnny and Inel's Ghostbusters outfit...

"hashtag - who do you want to call?"

Not Johnny and Inel. Don't call them, please.

Sway!

I wonder how Blondie is getting on with her new house guest, Norris?

D'you know, Denise, I didn't think it was possible,

but you actually look even more radiant every time I see you.

Oh, Norris, well...

Come on in and meet the rest of the family. This is my father, Cornelius.

-Good evening.

-Wa-wham, Norris.

-Yeah, right back at you, old bean.

-And my son, Tristian.

-Hi, I'm Tristian.

-How are you, Christian?

-Tristian.

-Christian.

-Tristian.

-Christian.

-It's Tristian.

Listen, son, whatever religion you choose, I'm not going to judge you.

Take seat for me.

Oh my, Michelle!

SHE SQUEALS

-Gosh, Norris is like the biggest cheese man ever.

-'I know.'

-And we are not talking mild cheese neither.

-'What do you mean?'

Norris is a full-blown, high-grade mature cheese from

cheese region, lock it in the cheesiest valley ever.

'You definitely said it, girl.'

-I know, that's well cheesy.

-# Cheesy! #

-One second, Michelle.

-'OK.'

'What's he saying?'

These flowers are for you.

Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.

Oh, Norris, I'd blush if I could. They're lovely.

How did you know orange roses are my favourite?

Let's just say I have my sources.

Ketchup, mainly, sometimes brown sauce. Ha, ha, ha!

-Norris, you're hilarious.

-I know. I know.

-You, sir, deserve your own show.

-I should have my own show.

Oh, I am going to get him. I'm going to get Norris, real good.

# I swear it! #

Norris, thinks he's proper clev using my show as a vehicle to

push his career to bigger and better things.

I don't think so, Norris!

And now, let's check out School Room Solutions.

Kids, tired of mean words from school haters?

Debaters?

You need Gossip Proof Vest.

Gossip Proof Vest means you can

confidently stroll through classrooms,

corridors, playgrounds, and dining halls.

Gossip Proof Vest protects against rumours. Jibes.

Cusses. And more.

# Get up, get up! #

Next, Bants In The Booth.

I wonder what celebrity is going to be in the booth this week?

Uh-oh, look! It's Wretch 32.

# Let there be no light

# Oh

# Let there be no light

# Till the sun rise

# Let there be no light...

# Light, light

# Only then will I open my eyes

# Let there be no light... #

Are you really Wretch or are you a fake Wretch?

No, I think it's me, cos I can tell by the shirt.

Hey, spad me there.

Of course. Me too, me too.

Don't leave me out, I won't leave you out never.

Aw.

So, Wretch, you've been doing music for a long time, haven't you?

It's been a fun journey.

Started off just messing around,

of course, everybody starts off messing around then I started

taking a lot more seriously and I got a lot better.

And then now we're here, sitting in the booth today.

So, Wretch, we're trying to get into a bit of music now, yeah.

So what advice could you give us for how to come up with some lyrics?

I'd say think out the box, even though I'm in one now.

It's about being your own critic,

but at the same time it is about enjoying it.

I've tried being my own critic,

but anything I've written so far is just brilliant.

Wretch, you've been doing so much music,

who would you like to collaborate with in the future, anyone?

It would be nice to make a record with Adele,

but who wouldn't say that. I'd like to write something with Gary Barlow.

So that is an exclusive in Bants In The Booth. Take that.

It's like Take Wretch. Take that, Wretch.

-Take that!

-It works.

Thanks so much, Wretch, for coming and having some Bants In The Booth,

it's been great having you. Oh!

# Bants in the booth. #

Have Johnny and Inel found their audience yet?

100 audience members can't just disappear. Where's Sam and Mark?

-I mean, who would want to take 100 audience members?

-Sam and Mark!

-Who's even got room for 100 audience members?

-Let me think, Sam and Mark.

You're not going to believe this, Inel, it's Sam and Mark.

-And how did you come to this conclusion, Johnny?

-Instincts.

Always trust your instincts.

I always trust my instincts, Johnny!

On today's Johnny Kyle Show, Mrs Pan says,

will my son Peter ever grow up?

Let's find out.

-So, how did this all start?

-Back when he was a teenager.

Now he's a man and it's getting worse. He doesn't listen.

He doesn't have a job and now he is going around saying

he is the leader of a gang of boys.

That is not something a mum wants to hear, you know.

Let's go and hear his side of the story, shall we?

Guys, please welcome Peter Pan.

Hey, yo, here he is. Big Pan, ha ha ha!

# Lost boys, lost boys, lost boys! #

Ha, ha, ha!

Sit down!

All right, I'll sit down, only cos I want to sit down,

not cos you told me to sit down.

And you'll sit down because I told you to.

Sat down because I told myself to sit down.

Make sure you stay seated.

-I'm seated because I want to be...

-SIT.

I'm sitted.

See what he's like? He's so angry, all the time.

You know what? I think it's Tinkerbell's fault.

Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag -

it's got nothing to do with Tinkerbell, love.

Why don't you start showing your mum some respect?

Start listening to her.

Oh, whatever.

All she does is just whine on about the same stuff, anyway.

"Peter Pan, do this, do that." Sounds just like Wendy.

That's another one, don't get me started on her.

She's let herself go, wears her PJs all over the gaff,

treats me like an employee in my own house.

You're a spoilt little boy - a little Lost Boy in a man's body

who's afraid of growing up.

Oh, whatever. You know what? Don't even have to listen to this.

I'm Peter Pan - ha-ha!

Got my own gang of Lost Boys, yeah?

You need me, we'll be down in Never Never Land, yeah?

-LOST BOYS JEER

-See you later, losers.

Sad.

It's all right. Just...just need to warm up first, know what I mean?

PETER CHUCKLES

So long.

THUD!

Argh!

-Oh, it's worse than what I thought.

-I'm sorry, Mum. I'm sorry, Mum.

It's all right.

-TEARFULLY:

-It's Tinkerbell.

She's just led me down the wrong path in life.

We can help you out.

Me and the aftercare team,

we've dealt with much worse than this before.

We'll help you get back on the right path.

But you've got to meet us in the middle.

-Can you do that?

-Yes, Johnny Kyle.

PETER SNIFFS LOUDLY

OK.

Right, now they're done, who's next?

Tell you what's coming next - we're going to confront Sam and Mark

about stealing our audience.

That's what I'm saying...

Tell them. Tell them!

Oi! Sam and Mark! We want a word with you two.

Yeah! Give us back our audience!

Don't know what you're talking about, mate.

We have deduced that you had the motive, the opportunity

-and the means to commit this crime.

-That's right.

Listen, I think it's a simple case of mistaken identity.

-It's probably Dick and Dom.

-Yeah - I mean, this is our audience.

If some of your audience are coming to our show,

then that's not our problem, you see?

It's an accident.

They're lying. They came and got us.

They told us to laugh "louder than you would

"on the Johnny and Inel Show."

-That's all I need to hear.

-The gig's up.

We know it was you.

Would've gotten away with it as well if it wasn't for those pesky kids.

-Come on, guys.

-Come on, let's get out of here.

Can't believe this - expected better of you two.

Let's go, this way, out of here.

'See? I told you it was Sam and Mark!'

'I know, you don't need to keep going on about it.

'I know you're rarely right...'

AUDIENCE CHEERS

-Ah!

-Yeah!

I'm so pleased to be back in our studio

with our loyal legions.

I'll tell you, mate. And just in time

for Greet Of The Week - ha-ha!

Let's do it.

Uh...uh...uh...uh...

Point!

Let's do it again.

Uh...uh...uh...uh...

Point!

-Ha-ha!

-Oh, yeah.

-Yeah.

-So, that's all we've got time for.

-Yeah.

Is that it?

Uh...sorry, it's not our fault you're so gullible,

-you'd just follow anyone.

-Yeah, come on.

Hey, everyone, if we hurry up,

we can catch Friday Download before they finish!

CHEERING

Uh...?

Oh! The cheek of it!

Unbelievable!

-Anyway, we'd better wrap things up.

-Mm-hm.

We're going to keep making it look good...

..the only way Johnny and Inel could - ah-ha!

Hit the music!