Episode 7 The Johnny & Inel Show


Episode 7

Comedy series. Johnny has got a new girlfriend JoJo, who doesn't seem to like Inel. Who will Johnny choose? Lucy Spraggan performs in the studio.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

Hello and welcome to the Johnny And Inel Show, guys.

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ALARM RINGS

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# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

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# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out my eyes

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# The sun's out shining I'd better stop rhyming

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# As Mum's always telling me "Fix up your timing!"

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# Now we've got a show on CBBC

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# Sure all of my fans will be out to see me

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# Get set cos the time is here

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# Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

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BOTH: # We're doing well as you can tell

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# So here comes the show with Johnny

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# And Inel."

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Let's see what's coming up on today's Johnny And Inel Show.

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Lucy Spraggan.

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# Come say it to me... #

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Blondie.

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I'll be right back after this break.

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This guy!

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Top bants, Noris.

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It's £850, please.

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-It's a banana.

-Well, it says "Laptop £850."

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And now it's time for the studio. Let's meet the crew.

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She runs the show.

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Last year's runner and now he calls the shots.

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She spins the wheels on the J&I decks.

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He just wants to be famous - but not on my watch!

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Welcome to the Johnny And Inel Show.

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Oh, Jonny, I thought you said you were going to pick me up

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in the car, mate.

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Yeah, sorry about that, mate. There wasn't enough room in the car.

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Not enough room in the car?

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Oh, I know what this is.

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Cos you've got your new girlfriend, isn't it? JoJo.

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Hiya, Inel.

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All right?

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Yeah, JoJo likes to take a route that doesn't pass your house.

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You what? I live next door to you, mate.

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-Thanks, JoJo.

-Yeah, anyway, let's do a Greet Of The Week, shall we?

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Yeah, I got a good one. Right, what we're going to do is...

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SHE CLICKS HER FINGERS

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-What is it?

-TLA.

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-What's TLA?

-Do it.

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Go on!

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True Love Always.

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-Do it!

-Yeah, I will.

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-Do it now.

-In front of everyone?

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For me?

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WHISPERING: TLA. TLA.

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AUDIENCE: Awww!

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Come on, everybody - TLA.

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HE GAGS

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-Yeah, you can stop.

-TLA, mate (!)

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I tell you what, everyone, we should do a love heart Greet Of The Week.

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AUDIENCE: Oooh!

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HE MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND

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-Stop.

-Why don't you cut to a sketch, boys?

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Yeah, good thinking, JoJo.

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-John-John.

-SHE CLICKS HER FINGERS

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Oh, mate, you ain't going to go over there

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after she clicked her fingers, are you?

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-You're just jealous, mate.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah.

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She clicking her fingers like you're a dog or something?

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On your own again?

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Oh, it's like that, is it?

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Did you see that? Did you that look she gave me?

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AUDIENCE: Awww!

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I'm good man, I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm cool.

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Get ready for WWJI, let the crazy battles begin!

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FIGHT BELL RINGS

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Tonight, we finally get to see the Weather Man

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take on the Hairdresser!

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I'm going to take you downtown.

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To the Northwest coast of Ireland,

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where it's surprisingly chilly for this time of year.

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And you won't have a coat!

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Visibility is less than three feet.

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So you won't see me coming!

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High or low, I don't feel pressure.

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Oh, yeah? Well, you need a wash, a cut, and a blow-dry.

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And I'm the guy to make that happen.

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Imma perm your hair so tight

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your brain gone hurt.

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FIGHT BELL RINGS

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Do not miss out on this epic event. Tickets go on sale midnight tonight.

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Make sure you have permission to stay up that late.

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Right, let's go and see what Blondie's been up to.

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Uh, yeah, it's time for me!

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Since I was so popular on the Johnny And Inel Show last year,

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the BBC have decided to give me my own show!

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Standard!

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You actually look even more radiant every time I see you.

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Oh, Noris.

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'Noris Gloris is, like, the biggest cheeseman, ever.'

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Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.

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Oh, my gosh!

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Noris Gloris thinks he's proper clev, using my show as a vehicle

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to push his career to bigger and better things.

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I don't think so, Noris! Nobody - I mean, nobody! - uses Blondie!

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No-one.

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And that's when I said to him,

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"I'll be right back after this break."

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This guy!

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-Top bants, Noris.

-I know.

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I can't wait to tell my friends at school that joke, Mr Gloris.

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-Eh, what friends?

-Blondie.

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Well, it's true. Everybody knows he hasn't got any friends.

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You, sir, are one funny brother from another mother.

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Why thank you, Cornelius. Did you get all that?

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You get all that?

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And you, Cornelius, you're one very fascinated fellow.

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Your book has to be in the top ten books I've ever read.

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-But you've only read, like, ten books.

-Blondie!

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Well, it's true. I bet he hasn't even read yours.

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What's Grandad Cornelius' book called, if you're such a fan?

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-You don't have to answer that, Noris.

-No, no, it's fine.

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-I've been fortunate enough to have read it several times.

-Well?

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Stop stalling.

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-Oh, well...

-What's it called?

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Uh...

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KNIFE CLATTERS

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Oh, I dropped my knife on the floor.

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Cornelius' book is called The Dictionary Of What Kids Say.

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And I think you'll find, on page 32, that is what is what as known as

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"a burn."

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That's the one, good fellow. Burn indeed.

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Page 32.

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-Extra chicken for you?

-Oh, please.

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Thank you. Looks much better on my plate than yours, doesn't it?

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Succulent.

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Checkmate.

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SHE SHRIEKS

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-Where do you think you're going, young lady?

-I'm going to my room!

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It's fine, Denise, leave her to it.

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Don't let her ruin what has been a splendid evening.

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-I'm having a fantastic time, aren't you?

-I'm loving it.

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Brown sauce guy. Anyone remember that?

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Who forgot about that one?

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Let's get back to the studio!

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CHEERING

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-New outfit, is it, Johnny?

-Oh, this? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Let's just get on with it, shall we?

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Hey, hey, and welcome back to the Johnny And Inel Show.

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Aaaand cut!

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What's going on? What you doing?

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What is she doing?

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I'm sorry, Inel, what you said, it's not working.

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I just said, "Hey, hey."

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It's not funny. And it's affecting the John-John performance.

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-Is it?

-Yes, it is!

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He is holding you back. Can't you see?

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-Ouch!

-She is really starting to get on my nerves.

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Do you know what? I'm just going to go for lunch.

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-See you later.

-Bye.

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AUDIENCE: Awww!

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Inel!

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-You can't do this, we're rehearsing.

-Hello!

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Focus on the clicks!

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Do you think I like having to come out here and save your show?

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He is holding you back.

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Listen to me, John-John.

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I. Know. What's. Best. For. You.

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And. It. Is. Not. Inel.

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AUDIENCE: Oooh!

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-How about a Mo Show?

-Now you're really starting to get on my nerves.

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No? OK.

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Where's Inel gone?

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I think I need to go and sit down.

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SHE SIGHS

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Hello! What do I need to do to get a drink round here? Mo!

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Hey.

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-Drink!

-Oh, sorry!

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Cos I'm Mo, get your drinks.

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Who's turned up at the checkout for Rody and Boyyer?

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Oh, yo! Voice-over, bruv. Baggit!

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-All right, lady-bruv?

-Yeah. Just like to buy that, please.

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BEEP!

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That's £850, please.

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What do you mean?

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£850.

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Uh, yeah, but it's a banana.

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Well, it says, "Laptop, £850."

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-But it's a banana.

-Well, that's not what the till says there.

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-But I think...

-Please don't argue with the till, bruv.

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Look.

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It's a banana.

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You just destroyed an £850 laptop, bruv!

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What? Where you going, bruv?

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You can't... Security!

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Sorry about that, bruv, you just get people trying it sometimes.

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BEEP!

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One cauliflower.

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That'll be 17 pence, please, bruv.

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Nice.

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See you later, Rudy. Let's get back to Johnny and Inel.

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-You all right?

-All right?

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See you went for the special.

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Yeah, spag ball. Can't go wrong, man.

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Um...

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-where's JoJo?

-Giving notes to the director.

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I know, I know. She's got to go.

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-Yep.

-It's just about how I say it now.

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-I'm going to break her heart, bless her.

-Break her heart?

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She hasn't got a heart.

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If she does, it's made of stone.

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TAPE REWINDS

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# I've known Inel for years

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# He's a nice guy

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# I'm just tellin' you, Johnny

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# That he will tell you lies

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# You're the liar

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# He's never betrayed me once

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# Now what about you?

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# I'd never betray you, Johnny

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# Inel would say that, too

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# I'm sorry

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# But blaming it on Inel

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# That's just real low

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# I'm just warning you, Johnny

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# He wants to be the star of the show

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# Do you think?

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# I've always suspected that might be his plan

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# I'm not his biggest fan

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# But I want what's best for my man

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# Stop hangin' round him

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# Don't like how you sound here

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# I'm not controlling

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# But his ego's outstanding

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# But why you gotta fight him?

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# Cos I don't like him

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# I've known him for too long

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# I think you've got it wrong

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# Go in there and shake his hand

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# And tell him that he is the man

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# Cos I can tell you don't like Inel

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# You better find him and make up

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# If you don't want us to break up

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-# Choose me

-I can't choose

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-# Choose me

-Can't choose

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-# Choose me

-Can't choose

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-# Choose me

-Don't make me choose

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-# Choose me

-Can't choose

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-# Choose me

-Can't choose

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# Choose me, choose me now

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# You really better start choosing. #

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FINGERS CLICK

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All right, here goes.

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-Think there's going to be some tears before bedtime.

-Yup.

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Wish me luck.

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Good luck with that, Johnny. It's not going to be easy.

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Right, I could do with a haircut,

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but I don't think I'll go to The Salon. What if I don't like it?

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Welcome

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to the great Ernesto's

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Salon.

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And me, Julio.

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Captain Black of the Jolly Roger once said to me...

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Julio, play me some music!

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MUSIC: "What Makes You Beautiful" By One Direction

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Julio, don't be so ridiculous. You know I can't stand pop.

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SEA SHANTY PLAYS

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I have it! Julio, I have it!

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-Cannon ball.

-Cannon ball.

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BOING!

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BOING!

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BOING!

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I am finished.

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BOING!

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It is complete.

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Voila!

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Oh!

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I don't like it!

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-Julio, this was your fault.

-Me?

-Fire!

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Fire!

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Fire!

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Ernesto, I made it.

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BIRDS TWEET

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Hey, it's time to check out Beenie and Fro Fro.

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Yo, Beenie.

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Oh, what you want this time, Fro Fro?

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Guess what I got for you, Beenie?

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Another one of your silly jokes no doubt.

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That's dead...

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You're, like, a mind-reader.

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I'm well impressed.

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Mercy!

0:14:310:14:33

What do you call the boy sat under a cow?

0:14:330:14:38

Me not care.

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Pat.

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HE LAUGHS

0:14:410:14:44

That's disgusting!

0:14:440:14:45

Oh, they're just jokes!

0:14:450:14:47

I wonder how Johnny's getting on with JoJo.

0:14:490:14:52

-Look, JoJo, I've got something to say.

-Well, can we hurry up?

0:14:520:14:55

I've got some notes to give the producer.

0:14:550:14:58

I hope it's not bad news.

0:14:580:15:00

Oh, it's not bad news.

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It's more how I see...what I think's best for both of us.

0:15:020:15:07

Really? OK.

0:15:070:15:08

-I'm waiting.

-Well, it's just how I see us moving forward.

0:15:100:15:14

I... You... We...

0:15:160:15:19

Well, come one, John-John, spit it out.

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I...

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want to break up with you.

0:15:260:15:28

You what?!

0:15:280:15:29

THUNDER RUMBLES

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I said, will you marry me?

0:15:300:15:32

Oh.

0:15:320:15:33

Well, I wasn't expecting this.

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HE SIGHS

0:15:420:15:43

Oh, Johnny. Did you tell her? How did it go, then?

0:15:430:15:47

Yeah. Yeah, mate.

0:15:470:15:49

Hey, Jonny, you did the right thing, mate.

0:15:510:15:53

Did I?

0:15:530:15:54

No, it's not your fault. I'll see you later.

0:15:570:15:59

I like this Noris fellow. He has very good taste.

0:16:100:16:13

I've definitely struck gold with Noris.

0:16:160:16:17

I would love for Mr Cloris to give a talk at our school one time.

0:16:170:16:22

Because he is a fascinating...

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Stimulating individual. It's been a long time

0:16:240:16:27

since I've had such riveting conversation at the dinner table.

0:16:270:16:31

It's usually talk about Beyonce.

0:16:310:16:33

But Noris has really switched things up around ours.

0:16:330:16:36

I mean, he's brightened up the whole evening.

0:16:360:16:39

Is this guy ever going to leave?

0:16:390:16:40

Great company, funny anecdotes. I give Noris Gloris...

0:16:400:16:44

When is he going to leave? When is he going to leave?

0:16:470:16:51

My family all adore him, apart from Blondie.

0:16:530:16:56

I really like him.

0:16:560:16:58

I can't fault him. He's perfect.

0:16:580:17:02

I'm giving him a 10.

0:17:020:17:03

Just breathe. Breathe in.

0:17:030:17:06

What do I think?

0:17:060:17:08

Well, I think the evening's going rather well.

0:17:080:17:11

Guys, do you mind if I have a quick moment alone with Denise?

0:17:180:17:22

Sure thing, Mr Gloris.

0:17:220:17:25

Fine. I can take a hint.

0:17:250:17:27

Now for the icing on the cake.

0:17:290:17:32

Denise, I haven't known you for a long time

0:17:330:17:37

but there is one thing about my future that I am sure of.

0:17:370:17:41

And that's that I want you

0:17:410:17:43

and your wonderful family to be a part of my life.

0:17:430:17:47

Oh, that's so cute, Noris.

0:17:470:17:49

Are you getting this?

0:17:580:17:59

Denise, will you do me the honour of making me the happiest man alive?

0:18:000:18:06

Will you marry me?

0:18:060:18:08

Oh, my golly, golly,

0:18:080:18:11

go-o-o-o-o-sh!

0:18:110:18:18

Shall we say au revoir?

0:18:210:18:24

The world does not revolve around you?

0:18:240:18:26

-Are you trying to say I'm selfish?

-Yes, I am, young lady.

0:18:260:18:29

Let's get back to the studio.

0:18:310:18:33

All the way from her auditions on X Factor to her successful UK

0:18:330:18:37

-and Irish tours. ..

-Now headlining the Johnny And Inel Show, guys,

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give it up for Lucy Spraggan.

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MUSIC: "Paper Dreams" by Lucy Spraggan

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# Got my feet on the ground but I know where my heart is

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# Writing a song doesn't make me an artist

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# Tryna get somewhere, try my hardest

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# Somewhere now and I haven't even started yet

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# I've got so much to do

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# But I'm too tired to put on my shoes

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# And walk to the next stop in jeans and a vest top

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# With last nights pizza that I'll eat the rest of

0:19:030:19:06

# Friend of a friend, I met and I hated

0:19:060:19:08

# Unfortunately he thought he was amazing

0:19:080:19:10

# You and me minus your VIP

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# Means you got a fatter wallet but we're pretty much the same thing

0:19:120:19:15

# I'll admit that I could look fitter

0:19:150:19:17

# I might get jealous but I'll never be a quitter

0:19:170:19:20

# Stumble on your heels while I do up my shoelace

0:19:200:19:22

# I might be a witch but I'll never be two faced

0:19:220:19:25

# Say what I want and do what I do

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# I have my own friends and they hate you too

0:19:270:19:29

# You have to give respect to get respect

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# Crawling back under your rock is your best bet

0:19:310:19:34

# And if you've got something interesting that's worth me listening

0:19:340:19:38

# Come say it to me

0:19:380:19:39

# But if you can't be nice then shut your mouth

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# I'll drift away and chase my paper dreams

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# Cos I'll never be the person that everyone else want me to be

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# I've got my hands in the air but I'm still dreaming

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# I'm half lazy half human being

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It's hard to think when your brain's on the ceiling

0:20:170:20:19

# I might do the robot but I've got feelings, yes

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# And you'll agree with me

0:20:220:20:24

# Even if I look stupid I'm pretty happy

0:20:240:20:26

# If you're having fun don't care what you look like

0:20:260:20:28

# As long as you're smiling then you've got the game right

0:20:280:20:31

# And if you've got something interesting that's worth me listening

0:20:310:20:35

# Come say it to me

0:20:350:20:37

# But if you can't be nice then shut your mouth

0:20:400:20:43

# I'll drift away and chase my paper dreams

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# Cos I'll never be the person that everyone else want me to be

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# You can love me or hate me

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# You can love me or hate me

0:21:020:21:05

# You can love me or hate me

0:21:050:21:07

# You can love me or hate me

0:21:070:21:09

# Love me

0:21:090:21:11

# Hate me

0:21:110:21:12

# Love me

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# Hate me

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# Love me

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# Hate me. #

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CHEERING

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Let's crack on with the studio.

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Look's like Mo's got a delivery for Johnny.

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Got some kind of letter.

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Cheers, mate.

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All right, mate!

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-JoJo:

-'Dear John-John,

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'things are moving all too quickly for me,

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'especially now that Jim-Jim has come through from LA.

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'Thanks for the memories.

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'I hope this doesn't completely shatter your confidence.

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'You're a nice guy with a good heart

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'and I'm sure there's someone out there just for you.

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'Send my love to Inel.

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'JoJo.'

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You all right, Johnny?

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Reading fan mail, are we?

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It's JoJo, she's broke up with me.

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Yeah!

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Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on, hold on.

0:22:210:22:23

-I thought you said you already broke up with her?

-Yeah. Yeah, I did.

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I broke up with her and then, weirdly,

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she still thinks that she can break up with me. Crazy!

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And now she's going on about some new guy. Jim-Jim, apparently.

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-I mean, what kind of name is that? "Jim-Jim."

-I don't know, "John-John."

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HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS

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All right!

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THEY ALL CLICK THEIR FINGERS

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All right, all right! Let that go, let that go.

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Stop clicking!

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You're bitter, you are. Jealous.

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-Me?

-Jealous.

-All right.

-Yeah.

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HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS

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All because I got a girlfriend? You're that jealous, are you?

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I'm not jealous at all, mate.

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Yeah, don't even bother me, anyway.

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Now I no longer have a girlfriend,

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who I broke up - for you, may I add - what say you about bowling tonight?

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-Ooh, ahh.

-Come off it, Inel, you've never got plans.

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Actually, there's a funny story about the plans, actually.

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WOMAN WHISTLES

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Coming, lovely. Two minutes.

0:23:230:23:25

What was that?

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It's date night. Yeah. Got to go.

0:23:270:23:30

You couldn't hurry up and say "We got to keep making it look good,"

0:23:300:23:33

-could you?

-Betrayed me.

-Hurry it up.

0:23:330:23:37

We'll keep making it look good.

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The only way Johnny and Inel could.

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-See you later.

-Hit the music.

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BELL RINGS

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THEME MUSIC PLAYS

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Everybody say... Oh!

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Johnny has got a new girlfriend JoJo, who doesn't seem to like Inel. Who will Johnny choose? Lucy Spraggan performs in the studio.


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