Episode 8 The Johnny & Inel Show

Hello and welcome to The Johnny And Inel Show, guys.

ALARM RINGS

# My alarm wakes me up I'm ready to rise

# I splash some water on my face to get the sleep out of my eyes

# The sun's out shining I better stop rhyming

# As Mum's always telling me fix up your timing

# Now we got a show on CBBC

# Sure all of my fans will be happy to see me

# It's sick cos the time is here

# Now sit back, relax and get ready to cheer

# We're doing well as you can tell

-# So here comes the show with Johnny

-And Inel. #

Coming up on today's show.

MKS.

I've been waiting for this day.

Who's the biggest diva out of you three?

Keisha?

I was about to say we're not.

The Only Way Is Blondie.

Like she'd marry you!

You're like old, and like your hair's like proper dodge,

and don't even get me started about your suit cos like the threads are like terrible.

And we take a trip to the Rampz.

This can't go on, Darryl.

One of us is going to have to leave the Rampz.

So let's get started and get to the studio.

Hello and welcome to The Johnny And Inel Show.

First up, let's meet the crew.

There's Dinah the producer,

she's in charge.

Brennan the director,

I'm not sure what he does though.

Driving the decks in the studio,

we have Gayle the DJ

and driving me mad

-is Mo the runner.

-Thanks.

Now today, Johnny has kindly let me take charge of the show.

So I've decided to throw a party!

CHEERING

Oh, yeah. Johnny, why don't you give us a drum roll to get it started?

DRUM ROLL

That was nice, that was nice. Do it again.

SAME DRUM ROLL Why am I even on drums?

That was amazing. Coming up on my awesome party episode,

we've got some amazing games.

DRUM ROLL

And the biggest and best tunes which are going to make this

the most incredible Johnny And Inel Show episode ever!

I think Inel might be getting a bit carried away.

So let's get this party started!

Hold up, I haven't said a thing!

Now it's time for world wrestling, Johnny and Inel style.

You've never seen anything like this.

This weekend, one of the most hotly anticipated line-ups.

It's the Dentist

versus the Waiter.

If there is one thing in this world, Dentist, that I cannot stand

it's when people don't say please and thank you.

Please.

You, Dentist, look like someone who has bad manners.

Someone who puts their elbows on the table.

Or you eat with your mouth open.

And someone who never leaves a tip.

Here's a tip for you.

Why don't you brush twice a day and floss regularly?

Good advice.

What kind of a tip is that? I'm going to make your life a living nightmare.

I'm going to drink loads of fizzy drinks.

I'm going to eat so many sherbet fountains that they come out

of my nose and I'm never, ever going to brush my teeth before I go to bed!

Well, if that's the case, I'm looking forward to tipping you

back into my chair, poking you with my descaler

and telling you you're going to get gum disease within six months.

You'd better take a card.

I would.

Now get ready to rinse and spit.

Tune in this Saturday to find out the resolution of this battle,

only on WWJI.

I like this Norris fellow.

I've definitely struck gold with Norris.

-Is this guy ever going to leave?

-Will you marry me?

Oh, my golly-golly-go-o-o-o-o-osh.

PHONE RINGS

Sorry, I really have to take this.

Hugo, talk to me.

You're taking a phone call mid-proposal?

It's my agent. OK, yeah. Go on.

Go on.

Hugo, talk to me about when. And how long for?

How much money will I earn, Hugo?

I could not take that, Hugo, I'd rather eat my own toenails.

OK, I'll eat my own toenails. I'll take it.

I'll just finish up here and get a taxi to the airport.

Denise, what can I say?

"I'm a vain and shallow person and you're far too good for me."

You put it so well.

I can see where your daughter gets her way with words from.

Oh, my golly-golly-gosh, like she'd marry you!

You're like old, and like your hair's like proper dodge,

and don't even get me started about your suit cos like the threads are like terrible.

Yeah.

Shall we say au revoir?

I can't do any more.

You could do so much better than him anyway, Mum.

I was happy with him.

Oh, my dizzy, dizzy days.

Are you kidding me? Happy with him?

"Hi, I'm Norris Glorris, and I can barely remember

"my girlfriend's name without an autocue."

-Way to pick them, Mum.

-You didn't even try with him.

It's all right for you, everybody loves Blondie.

"Oh, my golly-golly-gosh."

-What? You think it's my fault?

-Everything is not about you.

-The world does not revolve around you.

-What's that supposed to mean?

It means step out of your bubble

and focus on someone else for a change.

-Are you trying to say I'm selfish?

-Yes, I am, young lady.

I'm sorry for coming along and ruining your life, Denise.

Stepton High's Got Talent. Oh, my gosh. First prize VIP tickets,

backstage, access all areas, go where you want to, no restrictions,

super special tickets to the best concert to date!

Then I guess this challenge is officially on.

Oh, it's on.

It couldn't be any more on.

Now let's check in on Grumpy Beanie and Cheeky Fro Fro.

Beanie. Beanie. Beanie!

Fine. If you're going to just ignore me,

I'll have to amuse myself by telling some jokes.

No, no. It's fine, don't tell no jokes.

So you were ignoring me?

-Wagwan anyway, Fro Fro?

-I just wanted to ask you something.

What? What you want to know?

I just wanted to know

if you knew what the difference between guffing and singing was?

What kind of stupid question is that?

Beanie, the difference between guffing and singing

is I'm not about to start singing.

FRO FRO BREAKS WIND

BEANIE SNIFFS

FRO FRO LAUGHS

Argh, that's disgusting, Fro Fro!

That's low even for you!

That was a good one!

What did you eat?

Come on, Beanie. It's just jokes.

Chill out!

Let's go back to the party in the studio.

Johnny, did I mention it was fancy dress?

Welcome back to the show, guys.

We've got to crack on with some general admin.

Let's get on with greet of the week, shall we?

APPLAUSE

Greet of the week's not so easy in this suit.

-Don't worry about it, you look good, man.

-Do I?

I think I look pretty ridiculous. Don't you think, guys?

Cheers.

Are you sure they didn't have any of these silly suits in your size?

They only had Super Slick Man left.

Don't worry. It wouldn't be an Inel party without a bunch of crazy costumes.

How long is this Inel party episode going to last for?

-Ask him.

-Please don't.

Forget about greet of the week anyway. We want more glitter, don't we, guys?

No, no!

Quick, cut to a sketch.

Let's go to the Rampz.

We are here at the Rampz and today I'm joined by Darryl and his friend.

I'm Darryl. You already know me,

aka, Ghost Rider, aka Big Biker Boss! Boom!

And that's Leon, innit.

-Our motto is "We like to bike."

-You like to bike.

So where's your brother?

Let me put it like this, make it real simple for you.

Imagine, yeah, there's a rat, and that rat has two kids.

One of them kids turned out to be an elephant - wicked -

and one of them kids turned out to be a rat just like his dad.

Does that make them half-brothers?

So are you the rat or the elephant?

What are you trying to say? Obviously I'm the elephant.

Chad is the rat cos he's spoilt like a brat. Spoilt brat rat.

What is it that makes you say he's spoiled?

-Just take a look.

-Oh, hi, guys.

-So is that a new board I see there, Chad?

-Yeah, my dad got it for me.

It's electric.

I realised I was wasting too much energy pushing my other

-one along with my leg.

-Right. Was it a birthday present or something?

No, no. He just got it for me. It's because my old one was looking old.

It's not as good as my one I had last year, though.

That was worth, like, 700 or something. Wasn't it, Glenn?

I don't know. I wasn't there.

OK, well, Glenn wasn't there, but, like, I did have that board.

-It was, like, worth 750...

-Obviously, there is

a lot of tension between the bikers and the skaters.

Is there any hope of any peace between you guys?

I can't stand that loser Darryl. I'm never going to get along with him.

Where is my locally-sourced piccalilli?

This lunch is just so uncool!

Is there nothing that can bring you guys together?

-Wow! Who's that?

-Wait here, guys.

Hey, yo!

Hey, yo!

We ain't got time, yeah, for people coming round here on two wheels.

-Yeah, get out of here.

-Whatever.

Oh, come on, guys.

And you as well, Chad, bring your board out of here, man.

Look, this can't go on, Darryl.

-One of us is going to have to leave the Rampz.

-Yeah?

Well, go on, then.

See you later.

No, Darryl, that competition, I'll face you one on one,

and the loser needs to get out the Rampz for good.

That's fine by me, yeah - it's a quick way of me getting you

and your loser skate crew off my ramps. I'm up for that.

Darryl, you're about to see a skater in complete control

and at the top of his game.

Yeah, you tell him, Chad.

What is going on with this thing? Help, guys! Stop it!

-Yo, Chad, go home, man.

-Are you all right there, Chad?

Go home, Chad, man, go home.

So Chad and Darryl will be battling it out for top spot in the Rampz.

Who is it going to be?

This is an emergency.

We need School Room Solutions.

Kids, football playtime is fun, but accidents can happen.

That ball could end up on the roof, under a car or even down a drain.

We at the Recreation Accident Club can help.

Our personnel are trained to retrieve footballs,

basketballs, tennis balls and even Frisbees stuck up a tree.

Just relax and let us do all the work.

And also take advantage of our bonus package.

Our neighbour negotiation for next-door garden retrieval,

pond retrieval and our superduper stinging nettle retrieval.

We are the Recreation Accident Club for you.

It's Bants In The Booth time. Who will be in the booth today?

Let's find out.

-Who's that?

-Is that MKS?

-No! No! I been waiting for this day.

-What's going on, girls?

-Wait, wait. Spud me.

-Hello!

-Hello.

Me too.

-Hello!

-Hello!

# Stay gone, darling, I won't hang on

# I can feel the flatline

# That oughta be a wave... #

-So we got to ask them something, ask them something.

-Me first, obviously.

I'm the biggest fan. So, MKS, how did you girls come about?

Well, we started over ten years ago,

-and we named ourselves Sugababes.

-Hey-hey!

And we're now reformed again and we call ourselves MKS,

which is short for Mutya, Keisha, Siobhan.

Oh, yeah, they've copied us for inspiration.

-J and I.

-I see you've got a new album coming out. What's it called?

-We do, but we're not allowed to say. Sorry!

-Is it MKS?

-No.

-Now.

-Is it Sugar And Spice And All Things Nice?

-No.

-Put that on the list, though.

-That sounds good, though.

It should be that, if it isn't.

When we break the news, we'll call you first.

Everybody who watches the show knows that Johnny is a bit of a diva.

Who is the biggest diva out of you three?

-Keisha.

-Keisha.

-I was about to say, we're not.

-Keisha, I should've known.

So, girls, you been in the business ten years.

Who's been the coolest person you've met so far?

Just recently I got to meet Brandy and she was, like, my ultimate,

since I was young, I love Brandy. She was everything I thought.

-Jay-Z was pretty cool.

-Oh, you met Jay-Z?

Yeah, I got to hang out with him, actually.

We were in this VIP area, I felt very cool.

All right, ladies, all that is left to be said is thank

you very much for coming into the booth.

We might as well crack on with taking these photos. One, two, three.

-Hold it there.

-Hold it.

-Hold it.

-Hold it.

-Hold that.

-Hold it.

-Hold it, I'm about to take it.

-Keep it there.

-Hold it.

-Keep it.

Hold it. Ho-o-o-o-old it.

Oh, my God!

-Stop it!

-Just go ahead and wait outside for them photos.

-We'll print them out now.

-Five minutes, just wait outside.

Let's get back to the studio.

Right, unfortunately, we've had to end the party early,

because I've had an allergic reaction to the fat suit.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

That's a shame, as well, right before the competition.

-What competition?

-The competition to win my amazing prizes.

What amazing prizes, Inel?

Well, there was quite a few amazing prizes,

but the main one is this games console.

Not THE games console?

The games console I have been going on about for ever.

-Yep, that games console. Plus games.

-Let's not be too hasty!

Don't want to completely kill the party atmosphere.

-Is the competition musical statues?

-No, it's pass the parcel, mate.

Musical statues it is. I'd better go and get ready.

While we get ready for musical statues,

let's go and check out Rudy and Boyyer in the supermarket. Baggit!

Family pack of toilet roll, baggit! Family bag of crisps, baggit!

-Family bag of cola, baggit! Family pack of beans...

-Baggit!

-You got family everything up in here.

-Family man, you get me?

That will be £15.26. Let me go ahead

-and take your loyalty card as well.

-No, I don't have one.

-What was that?

-I said I don't have a loyalty card.

The man has got all family items and no loyalty card to back it up.

-I can't see the point in having one.

-What is it?

The loyalty or the card that you have a problem with, bruv?

Both.

-We's gonna go off!

-That's the problem.

Too many people want to go around buying family items

and not have the loyalty card to back it up, bruv.

Boyyer, take over this transaction, bruv.

To be fair, man, he had to raise himself, you get me?

But on another note, though, you could have earned 22 points

on this transaction today if you did have a loyalty card.

Just makes economical sense.

Yeah, OK.

I must sign you up, then. There you go.

Just when you thought it was safe,

let's head back to some more Beenie and Fro Fro.

-How are you, Beenie?

-Oh, not today, Fro Fro.

Me feeling kind of sheepish.

-That's funny, that is.

-Funny? Why that funny?

Well, I've got a joke to tell that reminds me of a sheep as well.

-Oh, why, oh, why, oh, why?

-What do you...?

-Stop. Stop right there, Fro Fro.

-OK.

-Keep your beanie on, Beenie.

-Thank you.

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!

-Animals without limbs isn't funny, Fro Fro!

-A cloud is just a cloud.

It's just a joke!

HE SIGHS

Have you ever found yourself rhyming accidentally?

Let me show what happens if I'm around when you do.

I was showing Johnny and Inel these moves and then Inel comes out

-and does it and he whacks his leg.

-Hi, girls.

Loving the costumes, they look pretty cool.

Not sure about you, Darce, you look like a fool.

INCREDIBLE!

Wait, check it, check it. Rewind, rewind.

Loving the costumes, girls, you look pretty cool.

Not sure about you, Darce, you look like a fool.

A-a-a-ah!

See you later.

-I look like a fool, yeah?

-I didn't mean what I said, man.

Back to the wrestling ring, WWJI style.

Finally, we get to see Dr Grammer.

Versus...

the Mime!

I'm going to cut and paste your semi-colon.

I'm going to split your infinitive.

You're going to be so confused that you're not going to use

the correct form of your.

You won't even know I am there, I am like the letter G in "gnome".

MIME MUSIC

Silent.

Blue cheese and garlic?!

That's fighting talk.

BELL RINGS

MUSIC STOPS

You do not want to miss this.

Tickets go on sale midnight tonight, book now to avoid disappointment.

CHEERING

Get ready, guys, it's time to play musical statues.

DISCO MUSIC

MUSIC STOPS

Oh, you're out for starters. You're out.

Ah, you're out, I'm afraid.

MUSIC BEGINS

MUSIC STOPS

Oh, you did really well. You can have the mouse mat.

Ah, you moved! You're out!

LAUGHTER You're out. You're out.

You're out.

Oh, you're definitely out.

You dropped your pencil, pick it up for me, please.

Ah, you're out!

MUSIC BEGINS

MUSIC STOPS

Johnny, you're out.

What do you mean, he's been moving since the start!

He's still moving now, look at him. Look, still moving!

Listen, if you want this party to continue then say I've won.

-SIGHS

-Fine. Johnny, you win.

BOOING

Yes! I've won! Yes!

Get in there! So, where's my prize?

-There you are, then.

-Yes!

BOOING

Hard luck, Nigel. Maybe next time, eh?

SMASHING

LAUGHTER

Oops.

I'd better wrap up this party, Inel-style.

Everybody jump aboard Inel's Inner City Soul Train.

Choo-choo!

FUNKY SOUL MUSIC

All aboard!

It's the Inel Soul Train.

Destination: Party Central.

Yeah!

Ha-ha, come on! Cos guess what?

# We're walking down the aisle

# Yeah, we're walking down the aisle

# We're walking down the aisle

# That's right we're walking down the aisle

# Cos you've got to find your seat

# Cos you've got to find your seat

# Cos you've got to find your seat That's right

# Uh-oh, the ride is getting a little bumpy

# The ride is getting a little bumpy

# The ride is getting a little bumpy

# Watch out! Watch out! Can I see your tickets, please?

# Can I see your tickets, please?

# Can I see your tickets, please? Thank you, let me stamp that

# The lady hasn't got a ticket You ain't got a ticket

# What? You ain't got a ticket She's looking kind of pregnant

# Back in your seat

# It's the pregnant woman

# You've got your seat

# Inner-city Soul Train

# It's all about manners. #