Episode 14 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Across the UK... | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:06 | |
What does it want from us? | 0:00:06 | 0:00:07 | |
Thousands of children... | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
Hoping they will be chosen. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:11 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:16 | |
He is... | 0:00:16 | 0:00:18 | |
The Joke Master. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
Did someone say.... | 0:00:20 | 0:00:21 | |
..my name? | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
This is The Joke Machine. | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
Joke Machine activate. | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
ELECTRICITY CRACKLES Ooh! Aah! | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
Aaargh! | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
Joke Machine activate...? | 0:00:37 | 0:00:39 | |
MACHINE WHIRS | 0:00:39 | 0:00:40 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
-ALL: -Birchgrove Primary - we're the stars! | 0:00:45 | 0:00:49 | |
Let's get cracking, jokers! | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
Go for it. Good luck. | 0:00:58 | 0:00:59 | |
What do you call a dog that loves bubble bath? | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
What? | 0:01:02 | 0:01:03 | |
A shampoodle. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:04 | |
Twinkle, twinkle, you're a little star. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:08 | |
Yay! | 0:01:08 | 0:01:09 | |
Woo! Now we're cooking with laughs. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
What is an egg's favourite thing to do? | 0:01:12 | 0:01:14 | |
Kara-yolky. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
You've got to be yolking! | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
Yay! | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
HE CHUCKLES Love a pun. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:21 | |
Why was the baby strawberry crying? | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
Why? | 0:01:23 | 0:01:24 | |
His parents were stuck in a jam! | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
BUZZER Denied! | 0:01:26 | 0:01:27 | |
PFFRRT! | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
Grrr! | 0:01:29 | 0:01:30 | |
Aah! | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
Ooh! | 0:01:32 | 0:01:33 | |
Ha, ha, you got any more?! | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
Actually, I've got loads. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:36 | |
Oof! | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
Come on, buddy. Hit me with it. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
Suddenly my friends started throwing "TH" words at me! | 0:01:41 | 0:01:44 | |
I managed to miss "this", "that" and "then", | 0:01:44 | 0:01:47 | |
but I didn't see "that" coming. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:48 | |
BUZZER I don't know how to put "this", | 0:01:48 | 0:01:51 | |
but "that" is not funny. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
-You're not funny either! -Don't you know who I am? | 0:01:54 | 0:01:58 | |
The Joke Master. | 0:01:58 | 0:01:59 | |
You should give me more respect. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
How did you become a judge when you're not even funny? | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
Hey, I'm like the Queen - | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
do not question me. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
Aaah! | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
Next. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:13 | |
Whoa, whoa... | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
I think I'm seeing double. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
-BOTH: -How do crazy people go through the forest? | 0:02:18 | 0:02:22 | |
They take a psychopath. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
Boom, boom, boom! | 0:02:24 | 0:02:26 | |
Yay! | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
Mwah! | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
My thumbs are twins! | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
"Hello!" | 0:02:32 | 0:02:33 | |
What do houses wear? | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
"Address". | 0:02:35 | 0:02:36 | |
SILENCE | 0:02:36 | 0:02:37 | |
Oh, I get it! Yes! | 0:02:37 | 0:02:38 | |
Oh, you had me for a second! | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
Yes! | 0:02:41 | 0:02:43 | |
New class, new jokes. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
-ALL: -Yeaahhh! | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
Welcome to the Joke Machine. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
Now, get joking. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:03 | |
Calm down, you're in the right place. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
Why did the croc cross the road? | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
Cos he wanted to dial the phone. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
BUZZER Eh-ehh. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
Croc-o-dile. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:14 | |
I did get it, it's just not funny, mate. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
MOO! | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
That's what I'm talking about. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:21 | |
Where do sheep get their hair cut? | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
The baaa-bers. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:24 | |
Yee-hah! | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
I'm going to lasso me some funny. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
Woo! | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
Yes! | 0:03:30 | 0:03:31 | |
Next joke. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:32 | |
Are...you...funny? | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
Course I am! I'm from Liverpool. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
Oh, here we go, then. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
What do you call an alligator that wears a vest? | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
An investigator. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:44 | |
BUZZER Well, now I'm in a bad mood! | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
Bring in the next one. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:51 | |
-How did the barber win the race? -How? | 0:03:51 | 0:03:54 | |
Because he knew a short cut. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:56 | |
Splendid. Just splendid. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:59 | |
Get in there, baby, get in there! | 0:03:59 | 0:04:02 | |
Hee, hee, yeah! | 0:04:02 | 0:04:03 | |
What did the sea say to the penguin? | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
Nothing, it just waved. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
BUZZER Brrrrr! | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
Well, that joke has left me feeling like a penguin - | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
cold. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
Well, you don't know what you're talking about! | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
Go, go, go! | 0:04:20 | 0:04:21 | |
-What do you call a chicken with the nose of a cow? -What? | 0:04:21 | 0:04:25 | |
Nosey chicken. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
BUZZER Wow! | 0:04:27 | 0:04:28 | |
I didn't know a joke could BE that bad. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
Aah! | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
Hmmm... | 0:04:33 | 0:04:34 | |
Who was the victor? | 0:04:34 | 0:04:37 | |
It was... | 0:04:37 | 0:04:38 | |
you. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
-ALL: -Yeah! -Birchgrove! | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
-ALL: -Boo! | 0:04:45 | 0:04:46 | |
And that is what losing tastes like, St Matthew's. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
Some good jokes there, team. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:52 | |
But not enough! | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
So, we're going to have to do this again. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:56 | |
Joke you later! | 0:04:56 | 0:04:57 |