Episode 15 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Across the UK sightings have been reported of a | 0:28:02 | 0:28:04 | |
mysterious object in the sky. | 0:28:04 | 0:28:05 | |
What does it want from us? | 0:28:05 | 0:28:07 | |
Thousands of children hoping they will be chosen. | 0:28:07 | 0:28:10 | |
One man is on a mission | 0:28:10 | 0:28:12 | |
to find the funniest jokes. | 0:28:12 | 0:28:15 | |
He is... | 0:28:15 | 0:28:16 | |
..The Joke Master. | 0:28:18 | 0:28:19 | |
Did someone say my name? | 0:28:19 | 0:28:21 | |
And this is The Joke Machine. | 0:28:21 | 0:28:24 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:28:28 | 0:28:30 | |
CRASHING | 0:28:30 | 0:28:31 | |
Joke Machine, activate. | 0:28:35 | 0:28:36 | |
Where are we going? | 0:28:39 | 0:28:41 | |
-THEY SHOUT: -Yeah! | 0:28:42 | 0:28:45 | |
Let's get cracking, jokers. | 0:28:50 | 0:28:52 | |
Hello, little lady. | 0:28:54 | 0:28:56 | |
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig? | 0:28:56 | 0:28:59 | |
I don't know. | 0:28:59 | 0:29:00 | |
Jurassic Pork. | 0:29:00 | 0:29:01 | |
That is up there with the one-eyed dinosaur, do-you-think-he-saurus? | 0:29:01 | 0:29:04 | |
Yes, he did! | 0:29:04 | 0:29:06 | |
Thanks. You're so cool. I'm going to put you on my good list. | 0:29:06 | 0:29:09 | |
And I'm going to put you on my funny list. | 0:29:09 | 0:29:12 | |
It's not a very long list. | 0:29:12 | 0:29:13 | |
-Knock-knock. -Who's there? | 0:29:14 | 0:29:16 | |
-Fix. -Fix who? | 0:29:16 | 0:29:18 | |
Fix the doorbell. It's broken. | 0:29:18 | 0:29:20 | |
And what a creative way | 0:29:20 | 0:29:22 | |
to let someone know their doorbell's broken. | 0:29:22 | 0:29:24 | |
-Ah. -Yay. | 0:29:24 | 0:29:27 | |
And the hits a-keep o-o-on coming. | 0:29:27 | 0:29:31 | |
What day do fish hate? | 0:29:31 | 0:29:32 | |
Fry-day. | 0:29:33 | 0:29:35 | |
BUZZER SOUNDS | 0:29:35 | 0:29:36 | |
Fish! | 0:29:37 | 0:29:38 | |
You know how much I don't like fish! | 0:29:38 | 0:29:41 | |
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! | 0:29:43 | 0:29:45 | |
Why was the star famous? | 0:29:45 | 0:29:47 | |
Because of its hit single Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. | 0:29:47 | 0:29:50 | |
-BUZZER SOUNDS -Ah, that joke was horrible. | 0:29:50 | 0:29:54 | |
Are you describing your face? | 0:29:54 | 0:29:56 | |
Bring in the next one. | 0:29:58 | 0:30:00 | |
What's invisible and smells like carrots? | 0:30:00 | 0:30:03 | |
What? | 0:30:03 | 0:30:04 | |
A rabbit fart. | 0:30:04 | 0:30:05 | |
-BUZZER SOUNDS -Phoom! | 0:30:05 | 0:30:07 | |
Did you see that? That was funny. | 0:30:07 | 0:30:08 | |
It just flew by and you failed to catch it. | 0:30:08 | 0:30:11 | |
You're a waste of space. | 0:30:11 | 0:30:13 | |
Oh, come on! Give me a good one. | 0:30:16 | 0:30:18 | |
Why did the tomato turn red? | 0:30:18 | 0:30:21 | |
Cos it saw the salad dressing. | 0:30:21 | 0:30:23 | |
Yes! Yes, that is a great joke! | 0:30:23 | 0:30:27 | |
(Yes!) | 0:30:27 | 0:30:28 | |
Come to me, class two, for I need jokes. | 0:30:30 | 0:30:33 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:30:40 | 0:30:42 | |
Joke time. | 0:30:46 | 0:30:47 | |
# Hit me with your joke, yeah. # | 0:30:49 | 0:30:52 | |
What is a duck detective's goal? | 0:30:52 | 0:30:54 | |
To "quack" the case. | 0:30:54 | 0:30:55 | |
BUZZER SOUNDS | 0:30:55 | 0:30:56 | |
Send in the next one. | 0:30:59 | 0:31:00 | |
-What do you get if you cross a monastery with a potato? -Dunno. | 0:31:01 | 0:31:05 | |
Chipmunk. | 0:31:05 | 0:31:06 | |
-BUZZER -They hide their nuts for the winter, | 0:31:06 | 0:31:08 | |
but they also hid the funny in that joke. | 0:31:08 | 0:31:10 | |
Don't let your mind run loose in the world, it's too small | 0:31:10 | 0:31:13 | |
to be out by itself. | 0:31:13 | 0:31:15 | |
-See ya. -Argh! | 0:31:15 | 0:31:16 | |
Tell me your joke. | 0:31:19 | 0:31:20 | |
-What does a barber do to the moon's hair? -What? | 0:31:20 | 0:31:23 | |
-"Eclipse" it. -He-he-he, that's... | 0:31:23 | 0:31:26 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:31:26 | 0:31:27 | |
(Yes!) | 0:31:27 | 0:31:28 | |
What do you call a flying skunk? | 0:31:31 | 0:31:33 | |
A smellicopter. | 0:31:34 | 0:31:35 | |
-MAKES NONSENSICAL SOUNDS -G-d-g-d-g-d, neeee. | 0:31:35 | 0:31:39 | |
No, there's no funny to save here. OK, beee-ei! | 0:31:39 | 0:31:42 | |
A man took his dog to the vet's. | 0:31:45 | 0:31:48 | |
The vet picked the dog up | 0:31:48 | 0:31:50 | |
and said to the man, | 0:31:50 | 0:31:51 | |
"I'm so sorry, but I'm going to have to put your dog down." | 0:31:51 | 0:31:54 | |
The man said, "Oh, my gosh. Why?" | 0:31:54 | 0:31:57 | |
And the vet said, "Cos he's too heavy." | 0:31:57 | 0:31:58 | |
-BUZZER SOUNDS -Whoooo-whiiii. | 0:31:58 | 0:32:00 | |
Not funny. | 0:32:00 | 0:32:02 | |
You're creepy anyway. | 0:32:02 | 0:32:03 | |
Hey, say sorry. | 0:32:03 | 0:32:05 | |
-No. -Say sorry. | 0:32:05 | 0:32:07 | |
No. | 0:32:07 | 0:32:08 | |
I bet you can't even spell "sorry". | 0:32:08 | 0:32:11 | |
S-O-R-R-Y. | 0:32:11 | 0:32:13 | |
Apology accepted. Goodbye. | 0:32:13 | 0:32:16 | |
Ahhh! | 0:32:16 | 0:32:17 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha. | 0:32:20 | 0:32:22 | |
I just need a good joke. | 0:32:23 | 0:32:25 | |
What do you call this? | 0:32:26 | 0:32:27 | |
A pea on a fork. | 0:32:29 | 0:32:31 | |
What do you call this? | 0:32:31 | 0:32:32 | |
A happy Joke Master. | 0:32:33 | 0:32:35 | |
CHEERING Yay. | 0:32:35 | 0:32:37 | |
Hm, who should win? | 0:32:39 | 0:32:41 | |
Um... | 0:32:41 | 0:32:43 | |
HE DRUMROLLS | 0:32:43 | 0:32:44 | |
You! | 0:32:44 | 0:32:45 | |
-Wormholt. -THEY CHEER | 0:32:46 | 0:32:48 | |
-ALL: -Boo! -See you later, Cestria. | 0:32:50 | 0:32:52 | |
Whoo, got some good jokes there, didn't we? | 0:32:53 | 0:32:56 | |
But we need more ha-ha. | 0:32:56 | 0:32:58 | |
Eh-ah! Uh! | 0:32:58 | 0:33:00 | |
Joke you later! | 0:33:00 | 0:33:01 |
