Episode 16 The Joke Machine


Episode 16

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Transcript


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-'Across the UK...

-Sightings have been reported of a mysterious

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-'object in the sky.

-What does it want from us?

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'Thousands of children, hoping they will be chosen.

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'One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. He is...

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'..the Joke Master!'

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That's my name. Don't wear it out.

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'And this is The Joke Machine.'

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Joke machine, activate!

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WHIRRING

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Joke machine, activate.

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Where are we going?

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THEY CHEER

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Cracking up time, jokesters!

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Come on, come on, come on, I want some jokes!

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-What's green and sits in the corner?

-What?

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The incredible...

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sulk.

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Whoa, someone call the binman because that joke was rubbish.

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You want a piece of me?

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Next!

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Did you hear about the man who drowned in his muesli?

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Apparently he got dragged down by a strong currant.

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That is a tragic, tragic story.

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SHE SCREAMS

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Hello. Are you funny?

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Why wouldn't I be?

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All right. Hit me with your joke.

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-Why can't you invite footballers to dinner?

-Why?

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Because they dribble so much.

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I was expecting so much

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and you delivered so little.

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SHE SCREAMS

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I just need a good joke!

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I asked my grandad what I was having for dinner

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and he went, stewed balloons with the skin off.

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And I didn't get anything for dinner!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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What do you call your sister's ex-boyfriend?

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What?

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Out of date.

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Funny!

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Get in there!

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Next joke!

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Where does a policeman live?

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999 Letsby Avenue.

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Woo-hoo!

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More, more, more!

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-Is that a Blue Peter badge?

-Yeah.

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Did you get it for telling jokes?

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No.

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Oh. Well. Tell me a joke.

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-What cheese do you use to disguise a horse?

-What?

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Mask-er-pony.

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How dare you come in here with that rubbish!

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You are actually a brain-eating alien from Mars.

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A brain-eating alien. That is so ridiculous. I eat peas.

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Let's get me some new jokes.

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THEY CHEER

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Joke away.

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Joke it up.

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-Why wasn't the elephant allowed on the beach?

-Why?

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Because he couldn't keep his trunks up.

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Hee-hee-hee, yeah, that is funny!

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Thank you very much, sir.

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What do you get when you cross nuts with facial hair?

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Pistachio mustachio.

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That was wal-nut funny, so ses-a-me.

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-Why are teddy bears never hungry?

-Why?

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Because they are always stuffed.

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Teddy bears are so good! You know why?

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Because they scare away the nightmares.

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Yay!

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I want some more! I want some more!

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What happens when you eat yeast and polish?

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What?

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Of course, every morning you rise and shine.

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Ooh, it was tragic!

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Well, I am sick of bad jokes, make it good!

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Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge! What's come over you?

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25 cars, a bus and a lorry.

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That was just awful.

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Who gave you this job?

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Why, I saw it advertised

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in the paper and I went in for the interview and what can I say?

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I'm just really good in interviews.

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Hmm... Who was the victor?

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It was...

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you!

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Spring Bank!

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THEY CHEER

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BOOING

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It's not my fault you didn't come up with the goods.

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Whoo! Got some good jokes there.

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But I...

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need more!

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So I'll see you again.

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Joke you later, Jokesters!

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