Episode 19 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky. | 0:00:01 | 0:00:04 | |
What does it want from us? | 0:00:04 | 0:00:06 | |
Thousands of children are hoping they will be chosen. | 0:00:06 | 0:00:09 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:14 | |
He is... | 0:00:14 | 0:00:15 | |
..the Joke Master. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:19 | |
Did someone say my name? | 0:00:19 | 0:00:20 | |
And this is The Joke Machine. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:26 | 0:00:29 | |
Oh, Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
L-L-L-Let's get cracking, Jokers. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:50 | |
What have we got? | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
Why did the man put his trumpet in the fridge? | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
-I don't know. -Because he likes cool music. | 0:00:57 | 0:01:00 | |
That is percussion for...good joke, my friend. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
Yes! | 0:01:05 | 0:01:07 | |
I know. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
He's not happy at Christmas. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
Who? | 0:01:11 | 0:01:12 | |
The turkey, because it's always stuffed. | 0:01:12 | 0:01:15 | |
Is there any funny in that joke? | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
No! There's nothing, there is no funny there! | 0:01:17 | 0:01:20 | |
# La la la la... # | 0:01:25 | 0:01:29 | |
Teacher says to the pupil, "Why were you so late for school?" | 0:01:29 | 0:01:34 | |
The pupil said, "Because of the sign." | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
The teacher says, "What sign?" The pupil says, | 0:01:37 | 0:01:40 | |
"The one that says, 'Slow down, school ahead'." | 0:01:40 | 0:01:44 | |
I wish you'd slowed down to a stop | 0:01:44 | 0:01:45 | |
so you didn't arrive here today to tell me that joke. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
-Have you ever heard a joke before? -Not one as bad as that. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:52 | |
Come on, buddy, hit me with it. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
How do you make a skeleton laugh? | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
You tickle its funny bone. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
And you've tickled MY funny bone. Leave it alone, leave it alone. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:07 | |
Yes! | 0:02:07 | 0:02:10 | |
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
Say it. Go on, say it. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:16 | |
Nacho cheese. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
Ai, ai, ai! | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
Yeah! | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
Class two, what have you got? | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
Welcome to the Joke Machine. Now, get joking. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
Where am I? | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
You're in the Joke Machine. Now tell me a joke. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
How does a cat describe itself with no money? | 0:02:57 | 0:03:01 | |
-How? -Paw. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:03 | |
Now, THAT is a joke. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
Yes! | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
Next. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
Nice tie. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:12 | |
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? | 0:03:12 | 0:03:15 | |
Why? | 0:03:15 | 0:03:16 | |
-Because he was standing on the deck. -Denied! | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
Hit me with it. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:25 | |
-Why did the computer need glasses? -Why? | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
To improve his website. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
Yes, I like it, I like it a lot. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:32 | |
Why can't cars play football? | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
Because they only have one boot. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
You can't play football with one boot. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
Yeah! | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
Have you heard the joke about the dustbin? | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
Well, don't listen - it's a load of rubbish. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
Oh, here's the garbage truck. It's coming to take your joke away. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:57 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:03:58 | 0:03:59 | |
Get me out of here! | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
Oh, come on, give me a good one. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
-Why did the dog get in trouble? -Why? | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
Because he was playing too ruff! | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
Oh, that joke was ruff! | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
Bigger boo! | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
What was that? | 0:04:13 | 0:04:14 | |
-Bigger boo! -How dare you? | 0:04:14 | 0:04:17 | |
Hiya. | 0:04:20 | 0:04:21 | |
-What did the talking cat say to the scarf? -I don't know. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:25 | |
You can just hang around and I'll go on a head. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Oh, I've got a funny one here. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
Yes! | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
Now, who was the victor? | 0:04:36 | 0:04:38 | |
It was...you! | 0:04:38 | 0:04:41 | |
Abbey Catholic. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:45 | |
Don't be a player hater, be a congratulator. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:51 | |
Hoo! We've got some funny stuff. Funny stuff. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:56 | |
Not any more! So joke you later, Jokesters. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 |