Episode 20 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Across the UK... | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky... | 0:00:03 | 0:00:05 | |
What does it want from us? | 0:00:05 | 0:00:07 | |
Thousands of children... | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
Hoping they will be chosen. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:10 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. He is... | 0:00:10 | 0:00:16 | |
..the Joke Master. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
That's me! | 0:00:20 | 0:00:21 | |
And this is The Joke Machine. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:23 | |
Joke Machine, activate. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:30 | |
Oh. | 0:00:30 | 0:00:31 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
-ALL: -Bournville Primary will take you on! | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
Make me crack up, you Jokesters. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:49 | |
One, two, three...jokes! | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
What did the maths book say to the maths book? | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
Boy, do I have problems! | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
Ha-ha-ha! Funny times funny equals funny. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
Ye-a-a-a-h! | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
Squared. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:04 | |
Hey. Do you think you're funny? | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
Oh, yeah. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
Give me a joke. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:11 | |
The teacher says to her class, "Stand up if you're stupid." | 0:01:11 | 0:01:14 | |
Nobody stands up. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:17 | |
She says, "Oh, come on, | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
"there must be someone stupid." | 0:01:19 | 0:01:22 | |
Then little Johnny stands up. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:23 | |
She says, "Ah, little Johnny, are you stupid, then?" | 0:01:23 | 0:01:27 | |
He says, "No. I just don't want to leave you standing." | 0:01:27 | 0:01:31 | |
BUZZER | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
Your delivery was horrendous! | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
I think it's pronounced, "banana". | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
Well, this has been tedious. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
Why do bikes fall over? | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
Because they're TWO TYRED. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
Oh, I wish I had more thighs to slap! | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
-DING -Yes! | 0:01:50 | 0:01:51 | |
Woo! Next joke! | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
-What do you kill a bee with? -What? | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
A BB gun. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
Bye-bye, bees. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
Hello, giggles. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
DING Yeah! | 0:02:00 | 0:02:01 | |
Next batter! | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
What do you get if you cross a fish and an elephant? | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
-Swimming trunks. -BUZZER | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
No-o-o-o! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I said no fish jokes! | 0:02:11 | 0:02:15 | |
I just need a good joke! | 0:02:19 | 0:02:22 | |
What do you call cheese that is not yours? | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
NACHO cheese! | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
Ay-yay-yay! | 0:02:27 | 0:02:28 | |
Wooooo! | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
Thank you. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:41 | |
New class, new jokes. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
-ALL: -Brentnall Primary! | 0:02:55 | 0:02:58 | |
OK, Class Two, am I buying what you're selling, hmmm? | 0:03:01 | 0:03:06 | |
Jokey, jokey, jokes! | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
What do you call a tiny dog with big ears? | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
I don't know. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:14 | |
A half of a rabbit. BUZZER | 0:03:14 | 0:03:15 | |
No-o-o-o! | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
Ah! | 0:03:17 | 0:03:18 | |
Bring in the next one. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
I walked into my classroom and the boy said, | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
"Can I go to the toilet?" | 0:03:25 | 0:03:26 | |
And the teacher said, "Only if you can say the alphabet." | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
Then the boy said, "OK. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:30 | |
"A, B, C, D, E, F, G... | 0:03:30 | 0:03:32 | |
H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
"Q, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z." | 0:03:35 | 0:03:38 | |
Then the teacher said, "Where's the P?" | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
Then the boy said, "Halfway down my leg." | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
Wait, A, B, C, D... | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
Ha-ha, yes! Yes! I like it! | 0:03:45 | 0:03:49 | |
-DING -Yes! | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
He's wet his pants! | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
What do you call a monster that picks his nose? | 0:03:52 | 0:03:56 | |
-A bogeyman. -BUZZER | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
Well, that was a disaster of a joke. Bye! | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
Aaaaah! | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
Next! | 0:04:03 | 0:04:04 | |
Your school needs this joke to be funny, I need this joke to be funny. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:09 | |
Bash asked his mum, "Please can I play with my Wii?" | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
And his mum said, "Yeah, wash your hands after." | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Yes! | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
DING Yay! | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
Next joke! | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
What colour is a burp? | 0:04:20 | 0:04:21 | |
I don't know, what colour is it? | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
Burple. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:24 | |
BUZZER | 0:04:24 | 0:04:25 | |
I'm going to... Excuse me, I'm going to... | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
No, I thought a laugh was coming, but it's not. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
Oh! How dare you! | 0:04:29 | 0:04:30 | |
How dare you show up with an unfunny joke! | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
Hmmm, who should win? | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
Uh... | 0:04:40 | 0:04:42 | |
You! | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
Bournville! | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
Turn that frown upside down. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
Woo, got some good jokes there, didn't we? | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
-HE IMITATES AN APE: -But me need more ha-ha! | 0:04:54 | 0:04:58 | |
Joke you later! | 0:04:58 | 0:04:59 |