Episode 24 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
-FEMALE REPORTER: -Sightings have been reported | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
of a mysterious object in the sky. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:05 | |
-MALE REPORTER: -What does it want from us? | 0:00:05 | 0:00:07 | |
Thousands of children... | 0:00:07 | 0:00:08 | |
Hoping they will be chosen. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:10 | |
One man is one a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:15 | |
He is... | 0:00:15 | 0:00:16 | |
..The Joke Master. | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
That's me! | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
And THIS is The Joke Machine! | 0:00:21 | 0:00:23 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:27 | 0:00:29 | |
Hup! | 0:00:29 | 0:00:30 | |
THUD | 0:00:30 | 0:00:31 | |
Joke Machine, activate? | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
MECHANICAL WHIRRING | 0:00:36 | 0:00:37 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:39 | 0:00:40 | |
CHEERING | 0:00:42 | 0:00:43 | |
Let's get cracking, Jokers! | 0:00:49 | 0:00:50 | |
One, two, three, jokes! | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
What did the hippie say to the Stone Age man who arrived three | 0:00:54 | 0:00:58 | |
-hours late at the party? -What? | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
"You're early, man!". | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO... Hello! | 0:01:02 | 0:01:06 | |
That's a funny joke. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:07 | |
Yay! | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
Next joke. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:10 | |
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? | 0:01:10 | 0:01:13 | |
What? | 0:01:13 | 0:01:14 | |
A labra-cadabra-dor. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:16 | |
KLAXON No. No! | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:01:20 | 0:01:21 | |
What has eyes that cannot see, a soul that cannot die | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
and tongues that cannot taste? | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
-I don't know. -A shoe. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad joke. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:34 | |
Please, may I speak to your manager? | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
Yeah, I'll just get him. Hello, Mr Manager. Shall I get rid of this guy? | 0:01:36 | 0:01:40 | |
Yes, get rid of him! The joke was bad! OK! | 0:01:40 | 0:01:44 | |
LASER BLASTS | 0:01:45 | 0:01:46 | |
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
What do you call two rows of vegetables? | 0:01:50 | 0:01:53 | |
Dual cabbage way. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:54 | |
Whoop, whoop, whoop! | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
Health and Safety never takes a day off, | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
because that joke was so funny, it was dangerous! | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
Yes! | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:02:03 | 0:02:04 | |
-What game to zombie kids like to play? -What? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
Corpse and robbers. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:08 | |
HE GROWLS LIKE A ZOMBIE | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
IN GROWLY VOICE: I've come to tell you that I really like that joke. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
Really? | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
HE GIGGLES | 0:02:16 | 0:02:17 | |
HE GURGLES AND GROWLS | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
What's the purpose of a child's middle name? | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
So they can tell how much trouble they're in. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
I've been in a lot of trouble in my life, | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
and because I don't have a middle name, my parents just go... | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
You couldn't tell a joke that good. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
Yes, I could. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:31 | |
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Dutchman all get along. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:35 | |
Go for it, maestro. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
-Why was the potato embarrassed when he opened the fridge? -Why? | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
Because he saw the salad dressing. | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
Woo-hoo! | 0:02:46 | 0:02:47 | |
YES!!! | 0:02:47 | 0:02:48 | |
It wasn't that funny. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:51 | |
New class, new jokes. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
CHEERING | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
Welcome to The Joke Machine. Now, get joking. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
Hello, little lady. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
Last night, I dreamt of eating a giant marshmallow, | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
and when I woke up, my pillow was gone. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:20 | |
It is good! | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
YES!!! | 0:03:22 | 0:03:23 | |
Let's keep it going! | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
The doctor said, "Don't worry just sit down on the couch." | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
He said, "Don't mind my plaid." I can't, cos I'm a dog. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
The three biggest disasters I've experienced, volcano, | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
asteroid and that joke. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
Bring in the next one. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:51 | |
Denied! | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
Make it good. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
This teacher pointed at a boy with a ruler and said, | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
"There's an idiot at the end of this stick." | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
The boy got a detention for asking, "Which end?". | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
You can't tell jokes at all! | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:04:09 | 0:04:10 | |
What's green, oblong, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? | 0:04:13 | 0:04:17 | |
-What? -A snooker table. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:18 | |
Whoo! That's a knee slapper! | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
There you go. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
YAY!!! | 0:04:24 | 0:04:25 | |
Whooo! Now we're cooking! | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
What did Santa say to Ms Claus when it was raining in the North Pole? | 0:04:27 | 0:04:31 | |
"Looks like rain, dear." | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
That joke was so bad, Santa's not going to give it any presents. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:37 | |
Hmm. Who should win? Er... | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
DRUM ROLL | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
You! | 0:04:46 | 0:04:47 | |
Dunblane! | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
CHEERING | 0:04:49 | 0:04:50 | |
So that's what losing feels like? I wouldn't know. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
Whoo! Got some good jokes there, didn't we? | 0:04:54 | 0:04:57 | |
IN CAVEMAN VOICE: But me need more, ha, ha. | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
HE GRUNTS | 0:05:00 | 0:05:01 | |
Joke you later! | 0:05:01 | 0:05:03 | |
MECHANICAL WHIRRING | 0:05:05 | 0:05:06 |