Episode 25 The Joke Machine


Episode 25

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Transcript


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-FEMALE REPORTER:

-Sightings have been reported

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of a mysterious object in the sky.

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-MALE REPORTER:

-What does it want from us?

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Thousands of children...

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Hoping they will be chosen.

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One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.

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He is...

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..the Joke Master.

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That's my name, don't wear it out.

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And THIS is The Joke Machine!

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Joke Machine, activated!

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BIRTHDAY BLOWERS

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Ah! Uh-huh! Uh...

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HE SIGHS

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Joke Machine, activate.

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Where are we going?

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CHEERING

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Crack a nut time, jokesters!

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# Hit me with your joke, yeah! #

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What is Beethoven doing in his grave?

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Decomposing.

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I am not amused.

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Seriously? What are you thinking? You're rubbish at laughter.

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You just didn't elicit any from me.

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Go for it. Good luck.

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A dog walked into a newspaper office to place an ad in the paper.

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He took out a blank piece of paper and wrote,

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"Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof ,woof, woof."

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The staff said, "There are only nine "woofs" here.

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"You can have another "woof" for the same price."

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The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all."

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You make me ha, ha, ha! You've made me ha, ha, ha!

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DING!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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More, more, more!

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Why was the cemetery crowded?

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Because everybody was dying to get in!

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I looked up funny in the dictionary, and you weren't there.

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KLAXON

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ANIMAL GROWLS

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But you were listed under lame.

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-Where do you cross a zebra?

-Where?

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A zebra crossing.

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You gave away the punch line in the set-up! Rookie mistake!

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-Well, I'm funnier than you.

-You are NOT funnier than me!

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-Huh?

-What do you call twin vampires?

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-What?

-Blood brothers.

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I VANT to suck the blood from your joke!

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Yes! Get in there!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

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Oh! What could be worse than that?

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Finding half a worm.

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Oh, that means I've eaten the other half! Ahhh! That's good!

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Yay!

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Bring in the next victims, I mean, Jokers!

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CHEERING

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Shall we get cracking, Jokers?

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Come on, come on, come on, I want some jokes!

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What did the big chicken say to the small chicken?

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-I don't know, what?

-"You're too young to lay an egg."

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You should've kept that joke cooped up inside.

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Come on! Give me a good one!

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What's the same about a shark and a fish?

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One is can-able and the other is a cannibal.

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KLAXON

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When you walked in, I thought, "I like this guy",

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but then you said a joke about fish and now I don't like you!

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You're a wee idiot!

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Am I?

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Ahhh!

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GLASS BREAKS

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Next!

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-Why did the teacher jump over the clock?

-Don't know, why?

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Cos she wanted some overtime.

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Eh-eh!

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SHE SCREECHES

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I'm a princess! And you don't disrespect princesses like that!

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Princesses here, Joke Master is up here, hanging out with the king.

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SHE YELPS

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FROG CROAKS

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-Knock, knock.

-Who's there?

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-I love Doctor.

-I love Doctor who?

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Well, you love Doctor Who now, don't you?

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Well, I prefer Torchwood, I just don't know what you're getting at.

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-Well, tell me your joke! You're not funny either!

-Knock, knock.

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Who's there?

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HE SCREAMS

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It's the last one from your class. Make it count.

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There's a cowboy and he goes into town on Friday.

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He stays for two nights and goes home on Friday. How does he do it?

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Something about the horse?

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His horse's name is Friday.

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I knew it and I still love it!

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Yay!

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Hmm. Who was the victor?

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It was...

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DRUM ROLL

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You.

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St James's!

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CHEERING

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Cheer up, it's home time soon.

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Whoo! We got some funny stuff. Funny stuff. But I need more!

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So, check you later, Jokesters.

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MECHANICAL WHIRRING

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