Episode 31 The Joke Machine


Episode 31

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Transcript


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-Across the UK...

-..sightings have been reported

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of a mysterious object in the sky.

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What does it want from us? Thousands of children...

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..hoping they will be chosen.

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One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes,

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he is the Joke Master.

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Did someone say my name?

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And this is The Joke Machine.

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Joke Machine activate.

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ENGINES SWITCH OFF

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Sorry, cupcake.

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Joke Machine activate!

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Where are we going?

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CHEERING

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Let's get cracking, jokers!

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Go, go, go.

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Why did the skeleton go to the Chinese?

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To get spare ribs.

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I hope he put salt and pepper on it.

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Yay!

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Other national cuisines are available. Ha-ha-ha!

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What do you call a useless pencil?

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Pointless.

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That joke was un-un-un-funny!

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Why are you called the Joke Master?

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You should be called the Boring Master.

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You're right, I need to spice up my life a little bit more.

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I'm going to do this, this, this, this,

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and bye!

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Send in the next one.

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What did the head teacher say to the egg?

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-What?

-You're egg-spelled.

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He-he-he! Egg pun!

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More, more, more!

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How do you keep someone in suspense?

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How?

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-I'll tell you next week.

-No, you won't.

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This had better not be a bad one.

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Two peanuts went to the park,

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one was a-salted.

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No, no and no.

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What do you know? What's your best joke?

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What's orange and sounds like a carrot?

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I don't have time, bye!

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Give me a good one!

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One day someone from the local rotary club

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came to my door and asked,

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"Would you like to give a small donation towards the local pool?"

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So I gave them a glass of water.

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Oh, wait, I've broken it, I've broken it.

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It's fine, fine.

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Bring in the next victims, I mean, jokers.

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Cracking up time, jokesters.

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Joke away.

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Why did the soldier flush the toilet?

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I don't know, he was at somebody else's house?

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Cos it was his duty.

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CHEERING Smiling!

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Yeah!

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This will be a good one, I can feel it in me bones.

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-What did Sean Connery say when he put a wonky shelf?

-What?

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-AS SEAN CONNERY:

-I'm ashamed of my shelf.

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AS SEAN CONNERY: That's not funny, Miss Moneypenny.

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Joke it up.

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Three good reasons to go to school.

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One, the video shop doesn't open until four o'clock.

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Two, the heating goes off at home at nine o'clock.

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And three,

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you learn what life will be like when you're old and grumpy

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by watching the teachers at break time.

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And four, you have to listen to tedious jokes

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from children like you.

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You don't know anything about jokes

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and you couldn't do any better than I did.

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No-one goes to video stores any more. What, are you from the '80s?

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You mean you're an old man who doesn't have any sense of humour.

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I'm an old man who knows that you can legally download films now.

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Ah!

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What's that you're doing?

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It's just my nervous dance.

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Tell me your joke.

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There were three men in the woods, they found a magical slide.

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Whatever you said when you go down the slide,

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you land in a pot of.

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The first man said, "Gold."

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The second man said, "Silver."

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And the third man said, "Whee!"

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He landed in a pot of wee! Ha-ha-ha!

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Yes!

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What an idiot.

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What do you call an underground train full of professors?

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A tube of Smarties.

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Denied!

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Hmm. Who was the victor?

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It was...

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you.

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St Margaret's! CHEERING

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BOOING See you later, Cestria.

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Phew! Some good jokes there but not enough

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so we'll have to do it again.

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Joke you later!

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