Episode 32 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
'Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.' | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
'What does it want from us? Thousands of children...' | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
'Hoping they will be chosen.' | 0:00:08 | 0:00:11 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:15 | |
He is... | 0:00:15 | 0:00:16 | |
..the Joke Master. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:19 | |
That's my name! Don't wear it out. | 0:00:19 | 0:00:22 | |
And THIS is the Joke Machine! | 0:00:22 | 0:00:25 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:29 | 0:00:31 | |
LOUD THUDDING | 0:00:31 | 0:00:32 | |
Ugh! | 0:00:35 | 0:00:36 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
ELECTRONIC WHIRRING AND BEEPING | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
-CHILDREN: -Birley Spa! | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
Let's get cracking, Jokers! | 0:00:50 | 0:00:52 | |
Give me some jokes! | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
-What did the judge say when a skunk runs into the court? -What? | 0:00:55 | 0:00:59 | |
Odour in the court! | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
That joke stinks! | 0:01:01 | 0:01:02 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
CRASH! | 0:01:06 | 0:01:07 | |
Hiya! | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm an apple. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:12 | |
"Then we must get to the core of this then." | 0:01:12 | 0:01:14 | |
KLAXON | 0:01:14 | 0:01:15 | |
The jury's verdict is in, and on charges of being funny, | 0:01:15 | 0:01:18 | |
you have been found not guilty. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
What have you got? | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
What do you call a bear with no teeth? | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
A gummy bear. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:28 | |
I was going to turn up the funny on that, but I didn't need to! | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
Yeah! | 0:01:31 | 0:01:32 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:01:32 | 0:01:33 | |
That was such a good joke! | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
Why did the boy put sugar on his pillow? | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
Why? | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
Because he wanted to have sweet dreams. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
Switching all the switches to try | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
and distract myself from how unfunny that was. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:47 | |
I think it's very funny. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
Another uppity child. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:50 | |
No, I'm not. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
Yes, you are. Uppity, uppity. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:53 | |
Uppity, uppity, cuppity, cuppity, cupcake! | 0:01:53 | 0:01:57 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:01:57 | 0:01:58 | |
DINOSAUR ROARS AND SQUEALS | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
Hello, little lady! | 0:02:02 | 0:02:03 | |
What do you call a cheese that's not yours? | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
Say it. Say it! I can't wait for this. Say it! | 0:02:05 | 0:02:08 | |
Nacho cheese. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
Ay-yi-yi! | 0:02:10 | 0:02:11 | |
MARIACHI MUSIC | 0:02:11 | 0:02:12 | |
Woo-hoo! | 0:02:21 | 0:02:22 | |
(Thank you.) | 0:02:22 | 0:02:24 | |
Come to me, class two, for I need jokes. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
ELECTRONIC BEEPING | 0:02:33 | 0:02:34 | |
-CHILDREN: -Bournemouth Park! Too cool for school! | 0:02:36 | 0:02:40 | |
Joke time! | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
One, two, three, jokes! | 0:02:47 | 0:02:48 | |
What does a tomato do when he misses his favourite show on TV? | 0:02:48 | 0:02:52 | |
He uses ketchup. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:53 | |
Funny! | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
Yay! | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
Come on, come on, come on! I want some jokes! | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
Where am I? | 0:02:59 | 0:03:00 | |
-You are in the Joke Master's lair. -What do I do? | 0:03:00 | 0:03:04 | |
Fill my ears with a joke. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
Knock, knock. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
Whom is there? | 0:03:08 | 0:03:09 | |
A dare. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:10 | |
A dare who? | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
A dare once but I'm bored now. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
KLAXON | 0:03:14 | 0:03:15 | |
No! I banish you! | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
HE YELPS | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
BOY TURNS INTO KITTEN AND MEWS | 0:03:20 | 0:03:21 | |
Mwah-ha-ha-ha! | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
If money doesn't grown on trees, then why do banks have branches? | 0:03:23 | 0:03:26 | |
That is a good question, but it's also pretty funny. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
Oh, my God, let's do the boogie. Ah. Uh-huh! | 0:03:29 | 0:03:33 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:03:33 | 0:03:34 | |
Whoo! | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
Hey, man. How was school today? | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
Let's just get on with it. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:39 | |
Have you heard about the cafe in space? | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
No. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:43 | |
Well, there's great food, but no atmosphere. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
And the atmosphere has been sucked out of that joke. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
You wouldn't know humour if it punched you in the face. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:51 | |
Did somebody say "punch in the face"? | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
What biscuit flies? | 0:03:56 | 0:03:57 | |
What biscuit flies? | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
A "plain" biscuit. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:00 | |
Of course it does! | 0:04:00 | 0:04:01 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:04:01 | 0:04:02 | |
DING! | 0:04:02 | 0:04:04 | |
Next joke. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:05 | |
Have you heard the news that a mummy in Egypt | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
has been found dug up? | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
Not only that, it has been found in chocolate and nuts. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:12 | |
They have named it Pharaoh Rocher. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
That was a long time to wait for an awful ending! | 0:04:14 | 0:04:18 | |
I think you can't hear properly. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
Hmm. Who was the victor? | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
It was... | 0:04:27 | 0:04:28 | |
DRUM ROLL | 0:04:28 | 0:04:29 | |
..you! | 0:04:29 | 0:04:30 | |
Bournemouth Park! | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
CHILDREN CHEER | 0:04:33 | 0:04:34 | |
You need to ask for a new joke book this Christmas. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
Whoo! Some good jokes there. But I need more! | 0:04:39 | 0:04:44 | |
So, see you again. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
Joke you later! | 0:04:46 | 0:04:47 | |
ELECTRONIC WHIRRING | 0:04:49 | 0:04:50 |