Episode 33 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
-Across the UK... -..sightings have been reported | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
of a mysterious object in the sky. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:05 | |
What does it want from us? | 0:00:05 | 0:00:07 | |
Thousands of children... | 0:00:07 | 0:00:09 | |
..hoping they will be chosen. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:10 | |
One man is on a mission | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
He is... | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
..the Joke Master... | 0:00:18 | 0:00:19 | |
Did someone say... | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
..my name? | 0:00:22 | 0:00:23 | |
..and this is The Joke Machine. | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
Joke machine, activate! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
Argh! SIREN WAILS/ELECTRICAL CRACKLING | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
Oooh! Ooh! | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
Joke machine, activate? | 0:00:37 | 0:00:38 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
-ALL: -Westborough Primary! We rule the world! | 0:00:45 | 0:00:49 | |
Joke systems are go. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
Is this joke going to be funny? | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
We'll have to wait and see. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:00 | |
Hit me with it. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:01 | |
Which painting is never happy? | 0:01:01 | 0:01:03 | |
I don't know, which one? | 0:01:03 | 0:01:04 | |
The Moaning Lisa. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
Whoo! | 0:01:06 | 0:01:07 | |
What can you say? I'm a natural. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:10 | |
Next. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:11 | |
Why was the computer cold? | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
Why was the computer cold? | 0:01:13 | 0:01:15 | |
It left all its Windows open. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
Yeah, that is two thumbs up, from you and from me. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:20 | |
Yeah! | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
Send the next jokester in, please. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
Why do elephants have big ears? | 0:01:24 | 0:01:27 | |
Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
That is a triple, triple funny. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
Boom! Yeah! | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
Boom! Yeah! | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
-What do you call an adult balloon? -What? | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
-A blown-up. -BUZZER | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
Well, I don't like that joke. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:40 | |
-You do. -I don't. -Yes, you do. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
Wait, do I? Do I? | 0:01:43 | 0:01:45 | |
Stop playing these Jedi mind tricks. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
Joke me up, hotshot. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
Why didn't the chicken cross the road? | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
Because KFC was on the other side. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
BUZZER Ehhhh! No. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
You have no sense of humour. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
Pull a funnier face than me, then. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:05 | |
Can you make a funnier noise than me? Mwaaarp! | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
Myeh-myeh-MYEH! | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
You've won a prize. It's right behind you. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
SHE SHRIEKS | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
The house always wins. | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
HE GURGLES GIBBERISH | 0:02:21 | 0:02:22 | |
Hello? | 0:02:22 | 0:02:23 | |
Is it me you're looking for? | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
Kind of. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
OK, then. Tell me a joke. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
Well, I chopped down my dad's | 0:02:28 | 0:02:29 | |
cherry tree. He didn't punish me. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
Do you know why? | 0:02:32 | 0:02:33 | |
Why? | 0:02:33 | 0:02:34 | |
Cos I still had the chain saw in my hand. | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
BUZZER What your dad needs is a new pet. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
Oh, Cupcake! | 0:02:39 | 0:02:42 | |
What have you done? Oh, my..! | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
SNARLING | 0:02:44 | 0:02:45 | |
New class, new jokes. Let's go. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:52 | |
-ALL: -Roscoe Primary! We're the best! | 0:02:57 | 0:03:01 | |
Jokers are a-go-go. Yo. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
Jokey, jokey, jokes. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
-What do you call butter that can fly? -What? | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
A butterfly. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:14 | |
BUZZER That literally means nothing to me. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
You're not a real Joke Master. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:18 | |
I am and I've got the certificate to prove it. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:22 | |
It's somewhere around here. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
ALARM BLARES | 0:03:25 | 0:03:26 | |
Hit me with it. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:28 | |
Why can't you trust someone in bed? | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
Because they're lying. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:31 | |
Wheeew! That was the jet plane of funny and you were on board. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:36 | |
Thank you. You're amazing. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
It's these little moments that just keep me going, so thank you. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
What's an insect's favourite sport? | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
Cricket. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
Cos it's an insect and it's a sport! | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
Yay. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
It's a half-hour of action jam-packed into a day. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
Joke it up. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:55 | |
What's the best way to kill a circus? | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
I don't know. How? | 0:03:57 | 0:03:58 | |
Go straight for the juggler. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
BUZZER Oh, no, you don't. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:04:02 | 0:04:03 | |
FIZZING | 0:04:04 | 0:04:06 | |
Huh? | 0:04:06 | 0:04:07 | |
"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a cowboy." | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
"How long have you been feeling like that for?" | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
"About a year-ha!" | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
Yee-ha! | 0:04:13 | 0:04:14 | |
I'm going to lasso me some funny! Woo-hoo! | 0:04:14 | 0:04:18 | |
Yes! | 0:04:18 | 0:04:19 | |
It's the last one from your class. Make it count. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
What does a vampire eat for breakfast? | 0:04:22 | 0:04:25 | |
Ready-neck. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:26 | |
V-F. Very funny. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
Yeah! | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
Oh! Who could possibly have won that one? | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
It was... | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
Bingo. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:37 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:04:37 | 0:04:38 | |
Really good stuff, Roscoe. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
Don't blame me, blame the person that told you those jokes. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:47 | |
Ooh! Thanks, guys, we got some good jokes. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:50 | |
But me need more, ah-ha! Urgh! | 0:04:50 | 0:04:54 | |
Joke you later! | 0:04:54 | 0:04:55 |