Episode 34 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Across the UK... | 0:00:02 | 0:00:02 | |
Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
What does it want from us? | 0:00:05 | 0:00:07 | |
-Thousands of children... -Hoping they will be chosen... | 0:00:07 | 0:00:11 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:15 | |
He is... | 0:00:15 | 0:00:18 | |
the Joke Master. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
That's me-ee! | 0:00:20 | 0:00:21 | |
And this is The Joke Machine. | 0:00:21 | 0:00:24 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
CHEERING | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
Joke battle, begin! | 0:00:49 | 0:00:52 | |
Come on, I want some jokes! | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
Why did the girl stare at the orange juice for 20 minutes? | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
Because it said concentrate. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
No LOL. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
You're so mean! | 0:01:02 | 0:01:03 | |
You think that's mean! Check this out! | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
-Hello. -What do you call a man that's lost his dog? | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
What? | 0:01:12 | 0:01:13 | |
Doug-less. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:14 | |
Fu-nny! | 0:01:14 | 0:01:17 | |
CHEERING | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
Hee-hee! | 0:01:19 | 0:01:21 | |
Why did the budgie go the hospital? | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
-Why? -To get some tweet-ment. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:26 | |
She shoots, she misses. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
You're terrible! You're the worst joke teller in the world! | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
If you don't think that's funny then what's your best joke? | 0:01:31 | 0:01:34 | |
What do you call a lady with two toilets on her head? | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
Actually, I haven't got time for that. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:40 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
Next! | 0:01:43 | 0:01:44 | |
What did Scooby-Doo say to his wife when he got married? | 0:01:44 | 0:01:47 | |
What? | 0:01:47 | 0:01:48 | |
I dooooo! | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
I dooooo not like that joke. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
Don't care! | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
No pressure, but I really need this to be funny. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:02 | |
Erm, OK, why was the ant dancing on top of the jam jar? | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
I don't know, why? | 0:02:05 | 0:02:06 | |
Cos it said, "twist to open". | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
Well, that's not funny, but thanks for playing. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:12 | |
Argh! | 0:02:12 | 0:02:14 | |
Oh, come on! Give me a good one! | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
-How do dogs stop the TV? -How? | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
With their pause. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
Exactly what we needed! | 0:02:20 | 0:02:21 | |
We were having a dry run but then along came the rain! | 0:02:21 | 0:02:24 | |
Yay! | 0:02:24 | 0:02:27 | |
Another class, another school and another bunch of jokers. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:33 | |
-ALL: -HOLY FAMILY PRIMARY SCHOOL! | 0:02:39 | 0:02:44 | |
Crackin' up time, jokesters! | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
Come on, buddy, hit me with it. | 0:02:51 | 0:02:52 | |
I saw a monster in my closet and I screamed. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:56 | |
What do you think I said to it? | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
I've no idea what you said to it. | 0:02:58 | 0:02:59 | |
I didn't know my headmaster had a twin! | 0:02:59 | 0:03:02 | |
BOO! Don't like it! | 0:03:02 | 0:03:03 | |
-Do you want a real joke? -That's why we're here. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
Go into the lavatory and look in the mirror. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
Then you'll get a real joke. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
-Are you funny? -Yeah. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
-Who said? -Me mum. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:17 | |
Tell me a joke. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:18 | |
Right, what do you get when you cross a frog with a giant? | 0:03:18 | 0:03:22 | |
Frogzilla. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:23 | |
Now that is a movie I want to see! | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
Thank you very much and good day! | 0:03:25 | 0:03:29 | |
Good day to you too. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:32 | |
What did the blonde call her pet zebra? | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
What? | 0:03:35 | 0:03:36 | |
Spot. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:37 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha, oh, yes! | 0:03:37 | 0:03:41 | |
Thank you. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:42 | |
I don't understand why she has to be blonde. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:45 | |
What did the fish do when it swam to the dam? | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
Dam-it! | 0:03:49 | 0:03:50 | |
BUZZER | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
Why can't these fish just drown? | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
Well, my duck thinks it's funny, don't you? | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
Yes, it's funny! | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
Well, your duck looks like it doesn't like you. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
DUCK QUACKS VICIOUSLY | 0:04:04 | 0:04:06 | |
Better not be a bad one. | 0:04:06 | 0:04:08 | |
-Why was the nose so tired? -Why? | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
Cos it had been running all day. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
It's a classic! | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
Oh, get in! Woo-hoo! | 0:04:14 | 0:04:17 | |
What do you call two robbers? | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
I've got no idea. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
A pair of "nickers". | 0:04:23 | 0:04:24 | |
You got me! | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
I wonder who won that one. Hmm? | 0:04:29 | 0:04:32 | |
It was... | 0:04:32 | 0:04:33 | |
Bingo! | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
-ALL: -Yes! -Holy Family! | 0:04:35 | 0:04:39 | |
-ALL: -Boo! | 0:04:39 | 0:04:40 | |
Hey, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
Some good jokes there. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
But not enough! | 0:04:46 | 0:04:48 | |
So I'll have to see you later. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
Joke you next time! | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 |
