Episode 36 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
-Across the UK... -Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object. | 0:00:01 | 0:00:04 | |
What does it want from us? | 0:00:04 | 0:00:06 | |
-Thousands of children... -..hoping they will be chosen. | 0:00:06 | 0:00:09 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:13 | |
He is... | 0:00:13 | 0:00:17 | |
-the Joke Master. -Did someone say my name? | 0:00:17 | 0:00:20 | |
And this is The Joke Machine. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:27 | 0:00:30 | |
Oh! Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
ALL: Lea Forest Primary. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
Make me crack up, you jokesters. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:48 | |
-Where am I? -You're on The Joke Machine. | 0:00:48 | 0:00:52 | |
-What do you call a pig with three eyes? -I don't know, what? | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
Pi-i-ig. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
-You get it? -That's a waste of my time. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
So, what you're trying to say that it's not the best joke, | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
-it's like the worstest joke. -It is the worstest joke. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:07 | |
All I have to say is you are the worst Joke Master ever. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:10 | |
I prefer the term worstest. Zap! | 0:01:10 | 0:01:13 | |
Is that the best you can do? | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
No, this is. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
Aaaargh! | 0:01:18 | 0:01:21 | |
-Next! -There are two muffins in an oven on a baking tray. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:25 | |
The first muffin said to the other muffin, "Crikey, it's hot in here!" | 0:01:25 | 0:01:29 | |
And the other muffin said, "Oh, my God, a talking muffin!" | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
Oh, my God, a funny Brummie! | 0:01:31 | 0:01:34 | |
Whoo! I know there are a lot of funny Brummies. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:37 | |
What goes black and white, black and white, black and white? | 0:01:37 | 0:01:40 | |
-And then rolling down the hill? -Negatore on the hilaritaro. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:44 | |
Shut up. | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
-Excuse me? -I said shut up. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
P-p-p-p-p-p... I heard what you said, I'm just... P-p-p-p... | 0:01:48 | 0:01:53 | |
disgusted that you're using that language. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
Bring in the next one. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
What would you get if you crossed a sheep with Ebenezer Scrooge? | 0:02:00 | 0:02:04 | |
-What? -Ba-a-a-a-ah humbug. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
Now, it's party time! | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
Whoo. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
Picking the apples, picking the apples. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
Joke it up. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
-Where do cows go on their holiday? -Where? | 0:02:16 | 0:02:19 | |
-Moo York. -Oh. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
-That joke is really, really not funny. -Oh. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:24 | |
I could have won that. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:27 | |
Well, how about you apologise for that awful joke? | 0:02:27 | 0:02:30 | |
-Sorry. -What you sorry for? -I'm sorry for ruining the jokes. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:36 | |
Such a nice guy. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
This is going to hurt me a lot more than it's going to hurt you. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
HE SOBS | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
It was never meant to be this way. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
Why couldn't he just be funny? | 0:02:51 | 0:02:54 | |
Next! | 0:02:54 | 0:02:56 | |
Come to me, class two, for I need jokes. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:03 | |
ALL: St Matthew's Primary. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:11 | |
Joke time. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
Come on, buddy, hit me with it. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
I said to the lion and the witch, what are you doing in my wardrobe, | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
and it said, it's "Narnia" business. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
Oh, "Narnia" business! Ha-ha, yes! | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
-Yay! -"Narnia" business! Whoo! | 0:03:30 | 0:03:35 | |
What does an idiot say in the dark? | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
It's too dark in here, I can't hear you. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
Boom, boom, boom! | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
Yeah! | 0:03:41 | 0:03:42 | |
I want some more, I want some more. | 0:03:42 | 0:03:45 | |
What do you call a Loch Ness monster with no neck? | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
-A loss neck monster. -Eh-eh! | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
Aaargh! | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
MACHINE BURPS | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
JOKE MASTER SNARLS | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
-Why do witches wear nametags? -Why? | 0:03:57 | 0:04:00 | |
To see which witch is which. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
I'm just sending a message to my mum, | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
she likes jokes about witches. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
Oooh-ooh! | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
Ha! Send. | 0:04:09 | 0:04:11 | |
Mm, who should win? Ah... | 0:04:13 | 0:04:17 | |
You! | 0:04:17 | 0:04:19 | |
-THEY CHEER -St Matthews! | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
THEY BOO | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
Don't boo me, boo yourselves! | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Whoo! We got some funny stuff. Funny stuff. But I need more! | 0:04:29 | 0:04:34 | |
So, I'll joke you later, jokesters. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 |
