Episode 38 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
-Across the UK... -Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
-in the sky... -What does it want from us? | 0:00:04 | 0:00:07 | |
Thousands of children... | 0:00:07 | 0:00:08 | |
Hoping they will be chosen. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:10 | |
One man is on a mission | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:15 | |
He is... | 0:00:15 | 0:00:16 | |
..the Joke Master. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
That's my name, don't wear it out. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
And this is... | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:29 | 0:00:32 | |
HE YELPS | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
-HE SIGHS -Joke Machine, activate. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:40 | 0:00:42 | |
CHEERING | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
Cracking up time, jokesters. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:54 | |
Jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes. | 0:00:55 | 0:00:58 | |
Where's Greece? | 0:00:58 | 0:00:59 | |
Er...Europe? | 0:00:59 | 0:01:00 | |
There's loads in the school dinners. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
That's why I always take a packed lunch! | 0:01:02 | 0:01:05 | |
Yay! | 0:01:05 | 0:01:06 | |
-Next! -Knock, knock. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
Who's there? | 0:01:08 | 0:01:09 | |
-Wee man. -Wee man who? | 0:01:09 | 0:01:10 | |
Wee man who can't reach the doorbell. | 0:01:10 | 0:01:13 | |
Bingo! | 0:01:13 | 0:01:14 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:01:16 | 0:01:17 | |
What have you got for me? | 0:01:18 | 0:01:19 | |
Why do fishes live in salt water? | 0:01:19 | 0:01:22 | |
Because pepper makes them sneeze. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:23 | |
BUZZER | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
Fish... | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
are...not... | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
funny. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:32 | |
Next! | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
What do you call a sad coffee? | 0:01:37 | 0:01:38 | |
-What? -Depresso. | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
-BUZZER -Erk. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:42 | |
I have no words for how bad that joke was. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
You're lame, then. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
Ooh - you are. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:48 | |
I don't care. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
SCREAMS | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
Go for it, good luck. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:57 | |
What did the traffic light say to the man? | 0:01:57 | 0:02:00 | |
Pfft. I've got no idea. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:01 | |
"Don't look, I'm changing." | 0:02:01 | 0:02:02 | |
-BUZZER -Cupcake red... | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
cupcake orange... | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
cupcake green! | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
SCREAMS MONSTER SNARLS | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
BURP! | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
Class one, done. | 0:02:13 | 0:02:14 | |
Class two, what have you got? | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
Birchgrove Primary! | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
We're the stars! | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
Join the joke battle. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
Whoa, what is this place? | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
Welcome to the Joke Machine. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:38 | |
Do not disappoint me. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
How do bees go to school? | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
-How? -By buzz. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:43 | |
BUZZER | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
I'm throwing my disappointed face at you! | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
Have you got a heart? | 0:02:48 | 0:02:49 | |
What happened when the teacher tied up the class's shoelaces? | 0:02:55 | 0:02:58 | |
What? | 0:02:58 | 0:02:59 | |
They went on a class trip. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
BUZZER | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
Ewp. Ewp. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
No way! | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
You are the worst Joke Master in history! | 0:03:06 | 0:03:09 | |
I am the ONLY Joke Master in history. | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
What's a demon's favourite drink? | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
What? | 0:03:18 | 0:03:19 | |
Demonade. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:20 | |
That joke was cool. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:21 | |
I'm actually proud of myself. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:24 | |
You should always be proud of yourself, mate. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
Hello, little lady. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:28 | |
I cleaned the attic with my little sister, | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
but now I can't take all the cobwebs out of her hair. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
You used your sister as a mop! Ha-ha! | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
Yay! | 0:03:36 | 0:03:37 | |
Aren't I very good? | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
Eh, you're OK. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:40 | |
Give me some jokes. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
Why did Cinderella get dropped from the basketball team? | 0:03:43 | 0:03:46 | |
Because she kept running away from the ball! | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
A little curtsy as well. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
Well done. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
Yay! Hole in one! | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
I'd like to thank my mother - hi, Mummy! - | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
my father, my sister... | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
Oh, I'm just getting all emotional. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
All right, that's enough, that's enough. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
-And my cat, Muppet. -SHE SOBS | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
Thank you for... | 0:04:07 | 0:04:08 | |
Two snakes were talking, and one snake said, "Are we poisonous?" | 0:04:11 | 0:04:15 | |
The other said, "Why?" | 0:04:15 | 0:04:16 | |
"Because I just bit my lip." | 0:04:16 | 0:04:18 | |
-That would hurt! -HE CHUCKLES | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
Yes! | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
Hmm... | 0:04:22 | 0:04:23 | |
who was the victor? | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
-DRUM ROLL -It was... | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
you! | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
-Birchgrove! -CHEERING | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
-BOOING -Cheer up, it's home time soon. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:37 | |
Whoo! We got some good stuff there. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
-But too many bad jok... -PHONE RINGS | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
Hello? Oh, hi, sweetheart. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
Yeah, I'm on my way home. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:46 | |
OK. Joke you later! | 0:04:46 | 0:04:48 | |
Whoa, um, yeah. Love you, love you. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
Joke you later, jokesters! | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 |