Episode 41 The Joke Machine

Across the UK...

Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky.

What does it want from us? Thousands of children...

Hoping they will be chosen.

One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes.

He is the Joke Master.

That's my name, don't wear it out.

And this is The Joke Machine.

Joke Machine activate!

EXPLOSIONS

Joke Machine activate.

Where are we going?

-ALL:

-Milton Park!

Let's get cracking, jokers.

What have you got for me?

-Why does the Oreo go to the dentist?

-Why?

Because he lost his filling.

Happiness.

Yay!

Next joke.

I went to the dentist and he told me to say, "Ah." I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because my dog died."

Frame this look and put it on your fridge.

CHEERING

-What do you call a three-legged donkey?

-What?

-A wonky.

-Oh.

But where do you think it lives?

I don't know, where?

Oh, I don't know either. I think an un-stable.

I didn't even think that joke could get any worse.

Meh-meh-meh!

Who do you think you're talking to?

Er, person in a box who doesn't really do much.

This is not a box and I do a lot, actually.

Where...where am I?

Um, hello?

What have we got?

-What was Beethoven's favourite fruit?

-What?

Ba-na-na-na-na!

Well, slap me around the face with a piano

and tell me to play Twinkle Toes.

Doesn't make any sense.

-Knock-knock.

-Who's there?

-A tish.

-A tish who?

-Bless you.

-BUZZER

Ugh, my snot says not funny.

Let's hear it.

How'd you get five donkeys into a fire engine?

Two in the front, two in the back, one on top going ee-haw, ee-haw.

Ee-haw, ee-haw, no-oh, no-oh.

You're a coward!

IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE: How am I a coward?

-How have you done this to my voice?

-Coward!

-Please stop calling me a coward.

-No!

So much backchat.

Bring me the new class.

THEY CHEER

Now get joking.

AS AN OLD MAN: Hello, little child. Tell an old man your joke.

What do you call Irn-Bru when it's been thrown down the stairs?

I don't know.

Irn bruised.

That joke was so funny it's made me young again! I don't need this!

WINDOW SMASHES

Ooh, yay! I like this.

Oh, I hope the good times keep coming.

One, two, three, jokes!

One day there was a young man walking down the main street.

An older man was also walking down the main street.

The older man said, "Do you want to hear my Batman impression?"

He said, "Oh, all right, then."

So he said, "No, not Krypton!"

He said, "That's Superman."

And the older man said, "Thanks, I'm glad you like it."

Not funny.

I'm Batman.

Why does Luke Skywalker need a night light?

I don't know, why?

-Because he's scared of the Darth.

-BUZZER

Let's just put that down to a "wookiee" mistake.

GROWLING

BURPING

Ha-ha-ha!

-What does the bramble bush say to the person?

-What?

Go away, that's sore.

BUZZER Does not compute.

Boo!

Boo to you too.

Send in the next one.

Just go for it.

-Where does King Caesar keep his armies?

-Where?

-Up his sleevies.

-CHEERING

Lovely little joke.

Well, that's a change from the normal you, then.

-What? I'm a nice guy.

-Ahem,

you've clattered people on the head with a hammer!

I do enjoy doing that. Oh, yeah!

Hmm. Who was the victor?

It was...

you!

Milton Park! THEY CHEER

THEY BOO Aw, such a shame.

Some good jokes there, team. But not enough!

So we're going to have to do this again.

Joke you later!