Episode 42 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
-Across the UK... -..reported sightings of a mysterious object in the sky. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:05 | |
What does it want from us? | 0:07:05 | 0:07:07 | |
Thousands of children... | 0:07:07 | 0:07:09 | |
..hoping they will be chosen. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:11 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. He is... | 0:07:11 | 0:07:16 | |
..the Joke Master. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:19 | |
That's me-E-E-E-E! CRASH! | 0:07:19 | 0:07:22 | |
And this is The Joke Machine. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
Joke Machine - activate! | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
DISAPPOINTING WHIRRING | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
GENTLE ELECTRONIC HUMMING | 0:07:32 | 0:07:35 | |
Where are we going? | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
COMPUTER BEEPS AND WHIRS | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:07:44 | 0:07:47 | |
TRANSPORTER HUMS | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
Let's get these jokers cracking up! | 0:07:51 | 0:07:53 | |
Joke away. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
What did the buffalo say to his son when he went on a school trip? | 0:07:57 | 0:08:00 | |
I don't know. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:01 | |
BYE-SON. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
Hello, hilarity. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:05 | |
-DING! -Yeah! | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
Whoo! Now we're cooking with laughs! Next one. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
What did ET's mother say when he got home? | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
What? | 0:08:12 | 0:08:13 | |
Where on EARTH have you been? | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
BUZZER That is a flop! | 0:08:15 | 0:08:16 | |
What? You don't even know what a joke is! | 0:08:16 | 0:08:19 | |
Well, I do - set up, punch line, laugh. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
Tell you what you had - set up... | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
..and that was it. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:26 | |
MACHINERY WHIRS | 0:08:26 | 0:08:27 | |
WHACK! | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
Tell me your joke. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:31 | |
-Where did the rabbit learn to fly? -Where? | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
The HARE Forces. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
Bring on the funny! | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
BOOM! There it is. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:38 | |
-Yes! -DING! | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
More! More! More! | 0:08:40 | 0:08:41 | |
What do elves learn at school? | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
The ELF-abet. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:44 | |
BUZZER I hope you've got ELF insurance, | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
because this is going to hurt! | 0:08:46 | 0:08:48 | |
ARGH! | 0:08:50 | 0:08:51 | |
What did the leaf say to autumn? | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
I don't know - what? | 0:08:56 | 0:08:57 | |
"I'm falling for you." | 0:08:57 | 0:08:58 | |
I see what you did there | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
and I LIKED it! | 0:09:00 | 0:09:01 | |
-DING! -Yay! | 0:09:01 | 0:09:03 | |
Come to me, Class Two, for I need jokes. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:09 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
Joke time! | 0:09:21 | 0:09:22 | |
Think you can do better than those guys? Hit me. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:28 | |
Why did Humpty Dumpty laugh when he fell off the wall? | 0:09:28 | 0:09:31 | |
I don't know. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:32 | |
He had a CRACKING time. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:34 | |
Ooh, careful! I'm going to fall off my chair | 0:09:34 | 0:09:36 | |
if you keep saying funny things like that. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:09:38 | 0:09:39 | |
SILENCE | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
-Yes! -DING! | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
SILENCE CONTINUES | 0:09:43 | 0:09:44 | |
Hello. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:45 | |
What did the tomato say to the other tomato? | 0:09:45 | 0:09:48 | |
Pfft. I've got no idea. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:49 | |
"I've really got to go, but let's KETCH-UP tomorrow!" | 0:09:49 | 0:09:52 | |
Fruit, that we always mistake as vegetables, talking | 0:09:52 | 0:09:55 | |
is always a winner! | 0:09:55 | 0:09:57 | |
-Why, thank you! -DING! | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
HE CHUCKLES | 0:09:59 | 0:10:00 | |
What did the grape say whenever it got stood on? | 0:10:00 | 0:10:03 | |
It just let out a little WINE. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:05 | |
BUZZER Hello, comedy police? | 0:10:05 | 0:10:07 | |
I would like to report a joke fraud. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:10 | |
ARGH! | 0:10:10 | 0:10:12 | |
Oh, I'm sorry. Wrong number. Bye. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:15 | |
Where do you go to dance in California? | 0:10:15 | 0:10:18 | |
Where? | 0:10:18 | 0:10:19 | |
San Fran-DISCO. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
BUZZER That is not funny at all. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
I used to live there! | 0:10:22 | 0:10:23 | |
What's your point? That's probably why it's not funny. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
That's not very nice. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
I don't have to be nice - I can do things like THIS! | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
ARGH! | 0:10:33 | 0:10:35 | |
Please - I just need a good joke. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
What dog can jump higher than a building? | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
What dog? | 0:10:43 | 0:10:44 | |
Any dog - buildings can't jump. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
BUZZER | 0:10:46 | 0:10:47 | |
That's one of the most annoying jokes I've heard, EVER, in my life. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:51 | |
I'd like to see you try better. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
OK, what did Superman say to Wonder Woman | 0:10:53 | 0:10:57 | |
when they were travelling in her invisible jet? | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
"Hey, what...?" | 0:10:59 | 0:11:00 | |
I haven't got time. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:01 | |
Hit me with it. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:06 | |
How did the snowman get to school? | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
I don't know - how? | 0:11:08 | 0:11:09 | |
-By ICICLE. -BUZZER | 0:11:09 | 0:11:10 | |
I'm out of patience and I'm out of time. | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
That's one too many bad jokes from you! | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
WIND ROARS | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
Hmm...who should win? | 0:11:21 | 0:11:22 | |
Er... DRUM ROLL | 0:11:22 | 0:11:25 | |
..you! | 0:11:25 | 0:11:26 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:11:26 | 0:11:27 | |
By jingoes, you did well, Bullion Lane. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
THEY BOO | 0:11:30 | 0:11:31 | |
Don't be a player-hater, be a congratulator. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:34 | |
Phew! Got some good jokes there, didn't we? | 0:11:34 | 0:11:37 | |
But me need more ha-ha! | 0:11:37 | 0:11:39 | |
Ee-ah, ooh! | 0:11:39 | 0:11:41 | |
Joke you later! | 0:11:41 | 0:11:42 |