Episode 43 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
-Across the UK... -Sightings have been reported | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
of a mysterious object in the sky. | 0:00:04 | 0:00:05 | |
-What does it want from us? -Thousands of children... | 0:00:05 | 0:00:09 | |
..hoping they will be chosen. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:11 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:11 | 0:00:15 | |
He is... | 0:00:15 | 0:00:16 | |
The Joke Master... | 0:00:18 | 0:00:19 | |
Did someone say my name? | 0:00:19 | 0:00:22 | |
..and this is The Joke Machine. | 0:00:22 | 0:00:24 | |
Joke Machine, activate. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
HIS STOMACH GROANS | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
I've not been well. | 0:00:32 | 0:00:35 | |
Joke Machine, activate. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:36 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:39 | 0:00:41 | |
ALL: Roath Park Primary! | 0:00:43 | 0:00:45 | |
Let's get cracking, jokers. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:50 | |
Tell me the joke. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:54 | |
My friend gave Usain Bolt a record | 0:00:54 | 0:00:57 | |
and he smashed it. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
And you smashed that. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:00 | |
Yay, yay, yay! | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
Whoo, next dish, please. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:06 | |
-Why did the bee get married? -I don't know, why? | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
He found his lovely honey. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:10 | |
Argh! | 0:01:10 | 0:01:11 | |
Make it good. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:15 | |
-Knock, knock. -Who's there? | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
Interrupting Cow. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:18 | |
Interrupting Cow... Moo! | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
I don't like it. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
I've got something to tell you. | 0:01:22 | 0:01:23 | |
What? | 0:01:23 | 0:01:24 | |
You're a... | 0:01:24 | 0:01:25 | |
sch-loser. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
What's a school loser? | 0:01:27 | 0:01:28 | |
Schore-loser. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:29 | |
I haven't got time to debate this. Turn around and face the wall. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:33 | |
Aaah! | 0:01:36 | 0:01:37 | |
Do you sprechen Sie funny? | 0:01:39 | 0:01:40 | |
Good. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:42 | |
"Hey, sis, is it all right to eat caterpillars?" | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
"Of course not. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:46 | |
"Anyway, why did you ask?" | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
"Oh, there was just one in your salad, | 0:01:48 | 0:01:49 | |
"but don't worry, it's gone now." | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
Which guy's giggling? | 0:01:51 | 0:01:52 | |
This guy's giggling. | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
Yay! | 0:01:54 | 0:01:55 | |
Whoo! Let's keep it going. | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
Calm down, you're in the right place. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
What's a twin's favourite fruit? | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
A PEAR. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:05 | |
Un-un-un-un-un...funny. | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
Now, are you cool or are you lame? | 0:02:09 | 0:02:12 | |
What is that, a trick question? Because I'm going to say cool. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
Aaah! | 0:02:15 | 0:02:17 | |
Stop. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:20 | |
Go for it, good luck. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:23 | |
What happens if you mix a snake and a rabbit together? | 0:02:23 | 0:02:27 | |
-What? -Jump rope. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
You have just hit rock bottom. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
-I've got another joke, then. -Go on. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
You know your hair? | 0:02:34 | 0:02:35 | |
Yes, intimately. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
It's really nice today. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:38 | |
Thank you. | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
Sarcasm. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
Well, you know what? I'm going to save you. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
Yes! | 0:02:44 | 0:02:45 | |
Sarcasm. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
That's what I'm talking about. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:51 | |
Bring in the next victims... I mean, jokers. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
Join the joke bell. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
New jokes, let's go. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:13 | |
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet | 0:03:13 | 0:03:16 | |
and the normal alphabet? | 0:03:16 | 0:03:17 | |
What? | 0:03:17 | 0:03:18 | |
The Christmas alphabet has no-L. | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
F-f-f-f-f-funny, funny. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:24 | |
Yes! | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
Break it down. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:27 | |
How do you make a goldfish age? | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
No... | 0:03:30 | 0:03:31 | |
Take away the G. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:32 | |
You can take the G away, but fish is still in there. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
That's unfair. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
It's unfair that you've thrown fish in my face! | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
CLATTERING | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
Next! | 0:03:48 | 0:03:49 | |
Oh, here's double trouble. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
What do you call two banana skins on the carpet? | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
-I don't know. -A pair of slippers. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
Oh, I knew it and it's awful. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
You're the worst Joke Master ever. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
You're the worst twins ever. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:07 | |
Aaah! | 0:04:07 | 0:04:08 | |
Where's my twin? | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
You can join her. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:11 | |
Aaah! | 0:04:11 | 0:04:12 | |
Oh, come on, give me a good one. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
What happens if you feed a chicken gunpowder? | 0:04:15 | 0:04:18 | |
I don't know. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:19 | |
An EGGS-plosion. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
Bu-gak, bu-gak, bu-goom. | 0:04:21 | 0:04:24 | |
Yay! | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
Now we're cooking. Next joke. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
What do you call a fake noodle? | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
An im-PASTA. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
Yes, joke. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
Whoo-hoo! | 0:04:34 | 0:04:35 | |
Hmm, who was the victor? | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
It was... | 0:04:40 | 0:04:42 | |
You. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
St Mary's. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
THEY CHEER | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
THEY BOO Oh, thumbs down. Ooh, I'm scared(!) | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
Whoo, we got some funny stuff. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
Fun-ny stuff... | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
but I need more! So I'll joke you later, jokesters. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:01 |
