Episode 45 The Joke Machine
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
Across the UK... | 0:28:02 | 0:28:03 | |
Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky. | 0:28:03 | 0:28:06 | |
-What does it want from us? -Thousands of children... | 0:28:06 | 0:28:09 | |
Hoping they will be chosen. | 0:28:09 | 0:28:10 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:28:10 | 0:28:15 | |
He is... | 0:28:15 | 0:28:17 | |
..the Joke Master. | 0:28:18 | 0:28:20 | |
Did someone say... | 0:28:20 | 0:28:21 | |
..my name? | 0:28:22 | 0:28:24 | |
And this is the Joke Machine. | 0:28:24 | 0:28:26 | |
Joke Machine, activate. | 0:28:30 | 0:28:32 | |
Ah! Oh! Ah! Aah! | 0:28:32 | 0:28:35 | |
Joke Machine activate? | 0:28:37 | 0:28:38 | |
Where are we going? | 0:28:42 | 0:28:43 | |
Let's get cracking, jokers. | 0:28:51 | 0:28:53 | |
These jokes better be hot. | 0:28:55 | 0:28:57 | |
Why did the child study in the aeroplane? | 0:28:58 | 0:29:00 | |
Why? | 0:29:00 | 0:29:01 | |
Because he wanted a higher education. | 0:29:01 | 0:29:02 | |
Eh! And the point just added more to it. | 0:29:02 | 0:29:06 | |
# Celebration time, come on! # | 0:29:07 | 0:29:10 | |
Why did the strawberry need a lawyer? | 0:29:13 | 0:29:15 | |
Cos it was in a jam. | 0:29:15 | 0:29:16 | |
I like it and I like your hairdo. | 0:29:16 | 0:29:19 | |
Yes! | 0:29:19 | 0:29:21 | |
Next joke. | 0:29:21 | 0:29:22 | |
What do you call a blind dinosaur? | 0:29:22 | 0:29:24 | |
What? | 0:29:24 | 0:29:25 | |
A blindosaurus, of course. | 0:29:25 | 0:29:28 | |
Brilliant. | 0:29:28 | 0:29:29 | |
Yay! | 0:29:29 | 0:29:30 | |
Give me the next one. | 0:29:30 | 0:29:31 | |
There was a woman and she lived in a bungalow and she loved pink. | 0:29:31 | 0:29:35 | |
Her clothes were pink, her shoes were pink, | 0:29:35 | 0:29:38 | |
her curtains were pink and even her bed was pink. | 0:29:38 | 0:29:41 | |
What colour was her stairs? | 0:29:41 | 0:29:43 | |
Pink? | 0:29:44 | 0:29:45 | |
No, a bungalow doesn't have stairs. | 0:29:45 | 0:29:47 | |
BUZZER SOUNDS Oh! Now I'm in a bad mood! | 0:29:47 | 0:29:49 | |
Aaaaahh! | 0:29:51 | 0:29:53 | |
-Aaahhh! -CRASH! | 0:29:54 | 0:29:56 | |
Come on, buddy, hit me with it. | 0:29:57 | 0:29:59 | |
Knock knock. | 0:29:59 | 0:30:00 | |
Who is there? | 0:30:00 | 0:30:01 | |
-Scott. -Scott who? | 0:30:01 | 0:30:03 | |
-Scott nothing to do with you. -BUZZER SOUNDS | 0:30:03 | 0:30:05 | |
Actually, it's got everything to do with me, | 0:30:05 | 0:30:07 | |
cos you've just knocked on my door. | 0:30:07 | 0:30:08 | |
CRASH! | 0:30:10 | 0:30:12 | |
Joke me up, hotshot. | 0:30:13 | 0:30:15 | |
What is an ig? | 0:30:15 | 0:30:16 | |
An igloo without a toilet. | 0:30:16 | 0:30:18 | |
BUZZER SOUNDS Whooooaa! Not funny! | 0:30:18 | 0:30:22 | |
You chicken, I'm going to eat you up with a bowl of baked beans! | 0:30:22 | 0:30:26 | |
HE CLUCKS | 0:30:26 | 0:30:29 | |
Baked beans! | 0:30:29 | 0:30:31 | |
Let's get me some new jokes. | 0:30:37 | 0:30:39 | |
ALL: Like a boss! | 0:30:47 | 0:30:48 | |
OK, Class Two. Am I buying what you're selling, mmm? | 0:30:52 | 0:30:56 | |
Get joking. | 0:30:58 | 0:30:59 | |
Why was the Egyptian girl worried? | 0:30:59 | 0:31:02 | |
Because her daddy was a mummy. | 0:31:02 | 0:31:03 | |
I'm going to have to fix my spaceship, | 0:31:03 | 0:31:05 | |
because you just tore the roof off. | 0:31:05 | 0:31:07 | |
Yay, that's me. | 0:31:07 | 0:31:09 | |
Why was the pelican kicked out of the hotel? | 0:31:11 | 0:31:13 | |
Why? | 0:31:13 | 0:31:14 | |
Because he had a large bill. | 0:31:14 | 0:31:16 | |
You are panning for gold, my friend, and you've just made yourself rich. | 0:31:16 | 0:31:21 | |
Yes! | 0:31:21 | 0:31:22 | |
We are rolling along. This is good stuff. | 0:31:22 | 0:31:25 | |
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? | 0:31:25 | 0:31:27 | |
I don't know. | 0:31:27 | 0:31:28 | |
Look at the board and I'll go through it again. | 0:31:28 | 0:31:30 | |
BUZZER SOUNDS | 0:31:30 | 0:31:31 | |
What do all the ghosts in the world say to that joke? Boooo. | 0:31:31 | 0:31:34 | |
-Well, I've got a joke for you. -Go on. | 0:31:34 | 0:31:37 | |
Who is dumb and knows nothing about jokes? | 0:31:37 | 0:31:40 | |
I don't know, who? | 0:31:40 | 0:31:41 | |
-You. -Whoa! That hurts. | 0:31:41 | 0:31:43 | |
You're wasting my time, you know? | 0:31:43 | 0:31:45 | |
You're wasting my time and my oxygen. | 0:31:45 | 0:31:48 | |
Tick tock, tick tock. | 0:31:48 | 0:31:49 | |
Tick tock, tick tock. Drop drop, drop drop. | 0:31:49 | 0:31:52 | |
Aaaahhh! | 0:31:53 | 0:31:56 | |
CRASH! | 0:31:56 | 0:31:57 | |
There were two men in the plane. One called Sam and one called Geronimo. | 0:31:59 | 0:32:04 | |
Sam jumped out of the plane and shouted, "Geronimo!" | 0:32:04 | 0:32:07 | |
Geronimo jumped out and said, "Me!" | 0:32:07 | 0:32:10 | |
BUZZER SOUNDS | 0:32:10 | 0:32:11 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:32:12 | 0:32:14 | |
Hmm, who was the victor? | 0:32:16 | 0:32:19 | |
It was... DRUM ROLL | 0:32:21 | 0:32:23 | |
You. | 0:32:23 | 0:32:24 | |
Pond Park. | 0:32:25 | 0:32:26 | |
THEY BOO | 0:32:29 | 0:32:30 | |
Well, you would have won if this was the Boring Machine. | 0:32:30 | 0:32:34 | |
Some good jokes there, team, but not enough. | 0:32:34 | 0:32:37 | |
So we're going to have to do this again. | 0:32:37 | 0:32:39 | |
Joke you later. | 0:32:39 | 0:32:41 |