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Across the UK... | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
Sightings have been reported of a mysterious object in the sky. | 0:00:03 | 0:00:06 | |
-What does it want from us? -Thousands of children... | 0:00:06 | 0:00:09 | |
Hoping they will be chosen. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:10 | |
One man is on a mission to find the funniest jokes. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:15 | |
He is... | 0:00:15 | 0:00:17 | |
..The Joke Master. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
That's my name, don't wear it out! | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
And this is The Joke Machine! | 0:00:23 | 0:00:25 | |
Joke Machine, activate! | 0:00:29 | 0:00:32 | |
Argh! Oh! | 0:00:32 | 0:00:34 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:00:35 | 0:00:36 | |
Joke Machine, activate... | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
Where are we going? | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
Birchgrove Primary! We're the stars! | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
Crackin' up time, jokesters! | 0:00:52 | 0:00:54 | |
Joke me up, hotshot. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
What do you call a woman who burns her bills in a fire? | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
I don't know. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
-Burn-a-debt. -BUZZER AND BOOING | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
I've just looked up "funny" in the dictionary | 0:01:04 | 0:01:06 | |
and there's not a picture of you. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:08 | |
How could you hurt my feelings like this?! | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
Eh? | 0:01:11 | 0:01:12 | |
Argh! | 0:01:12 | 0:01:15 | |
Do not disappoint me. | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
What did the cake say to the knife? | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
What? | 0:01:22 | 0:01:23 | |
You want a piece of me? | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
CHEERING 100% funny. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
You're dancing. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:30 | |
Stop dancing now. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:31 | |
It's the Joke Machine, not the Dance Machine. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:34 | |
Don't make me do this. | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
What have we got? | 0:01:41 | 0:01:42 | |
What do you call a sheep on a trampoline? | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
I don't know. What? | 0:01:45 | 0:01:46 | |
A woolly jumper. | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
Do I like this joke? No. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
No, I don't like this joke. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:51 | |
You don't even know how to use a trampoline | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
so I don't know why you're saying that! | 0:01:54 | 0:01:56 | |
I injured myself on a trampoline a while ago | 0:01:56 | 0:01:58 | |
and I can't go on it for medical reasons. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
Well, the sheep also did and he made it. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
Let's see YOU on the trampoline, then! | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
Next! | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
What's the best way to speak to a monster? | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
What? | 0:02:13 | 0:02:14 | |
From a long distance! | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
P-too! P-too! Wa-kow! Yahoo! | 0:02:16 | 0:02:19 | |
Yay! | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah! | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
Ten-tickles! | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
Eh-eh. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
You obviously don't know anything about jokes. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
You should try one yourself. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:31 | |
All right, I will. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
A dinosaur walks into... | 0:02:33 | 0:02:34 | |
Whoa! Is that the time? Got to go! Bye! | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
Bring in the next victims! | 0:02:41 | 0:02:42 | |
I mean, jokers! | 0:02:42 | 0:02:43 | |
CHEERING | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
Let's get cracking, jokesters. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
Joke away. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:00 | |
What do you give a dog with a temperature? | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
What? | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
Sauces, ketchup, anything for a hot dog. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
BUZZER AND BOOING | 0:03:07 | 0:03:08 | |
That is genuinely a bad joke and bad advice. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:11 | |
If your dog's got a temperature, | 0:03:11 | 0:03:13 | |
please take it to a trained professional. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
What did the frog order from the takeaway shop? | 0:03:18 | 0:03:21 | |
I don't know. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:22 | |
French flies and Diet Croak. | 0:03:22 | 0:03:24 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:03:24 | 0:03:25 | |
Yes! | 0:03:25 | 0:03:27 | |
HE SPLUTTERS I can't breathe that was so funny. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
What's that on your top? | 0:03:31 | 0:03:32 | |
Erm, it's a birthday badge. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:34 | |
Let's hope you got a joke book for your birthday. | 0:03:34 | 0:03:36 | |
When are doctors angry? | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
When? | 0:03:39 | 0:03:40 | |
When they run out of "patients". | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
# Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you | 0:03:42 | 0:03:45 | |
# Happy birthday That joke was funny | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
# Happy birthday to you! # | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
Thank you! | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
Just blowing out candles. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:53 | |
Go for it. Good luck. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:56 | |
Well, there were two cows in a field and one said, "Moo" | 0:03:56 | 0:04:01 | |
and the other one said, | 0:04:01 | 0:04:02 | |
"Aw, I was going to say that!" | 0:04:02 | 0:04:04 | |
I think cows have that problem every day! | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
Yay! | 0:04:07 | 0:04:08 | |
Next joke. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark? | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
A frostbite. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:14 | |
HE ROLLS HIS TONGUE No! | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
Seriously? | 0:04:16 | 0:04:17 | |
I have never been more serious in my life. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:20 | |
Aw, come on! Give me a good one! | 0:04:24 | 0:04:25 | |
What do you call a person with jelly in one ear and custard in the other? | 0:04:25 | 0:04:29 | |
I don't know. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:30 | |
A trifle deaf. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
BUZZER Well, that would be... | 0:04:32 | 0:04:33 | |
a trifle annoying. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:34 | |
Who could possibly have won that one? | 0:04:38 | 0:04:40 | |
It was... | 0:04:40 | 0:04:42 | |
Bingo! | 0:04:42 | 0:04:43 | |
St Edmund's! CHEERING | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
Better luck next time, Birchgrove. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
Thanks, guys. We got some good jokes. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
But me need more! Ha-ha! Yargh! | 0:04:54 | 0:04:58 | |
Joke ya later! | 0:04:58 | 0:04:59 |