Tears of Fury The Legend of Dick and Dom


Tears of Fury

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Many years ago,

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a terrible plague consumed the mighty kingdom of Fyredor.

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The only hope of a cure rested with one young wizard, sent out to scour

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the Earth for precious ingredients.

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After many years, he returned with an antidote.

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The king's sons, princes Dick and Dom, were the first to be cured.

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And the last to be cured.

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They were banished from the kingdom,

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along with their trusty mage, Mannitol,

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and light-fingered servant, Lutin,

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all never to return

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until they'd collected the ingredients to re-make the antidote.

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And so, The Legend Of Dick And Dom Had begun.

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Of all the ingredients

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they had to collect on their quest, one thing struck fear and terror

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into their hearts...

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And the next ingredient on the list is...

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Ahhhhhh!

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- Honestly! - What's wrong with him?

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It can't be that ba...

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..The Tears Of Fury.

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What are the Tears Of Fury Anyway?

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I've no idea. You?

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-Haven't got a clue.

-Beats me.

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I know.

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But you're not going to like it.

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'In a time before time,

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'legend tells of a terrible dark curse, a curse so evil, so ugly,

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'that all who crossed its path

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'were doomed to a life of pain and horror.'

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-Bad then?

-Pretty bad.

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Imagine trapping your finger in the door of the outside lav...

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in front of your friends, at three in the morning, in winter,

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on Christmas day, in only your pants...

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-Woh!

-Exactly.

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In fact, things got so bad

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that a meeting was called of the Grand Council Of Wizards.

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For the first time in their history,

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they agreed to combine their powers to fight the curse.

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Finally the wizards forced the curse into a distant valley.

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But little did they realise

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that deep within that valley sat a newly laid batch of dragon's eggs.

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And as the eggs mixed with pure evil, the creatures inside began to mutate.

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And when the eggs hatched...

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a creature of terrifying awfulness was born...

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a Fury!

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CREATURE ROARS

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Few have ever seen one.

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And now that whole valley is completely deserted of all humankind.

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It's surrounded by an enormous impenetrable wall,

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not just to stop the creatures from leaving,

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but also to stop anyone from getting in.

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Don't worry. I know how we can get in.

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I could fire a big dirty bolt of fiery magic splat at him.

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Or we could just say please.

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No, no, no, no, we need to think of something a lot more cunning.

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Ahhhhh, waaaahhh!

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Ahhhhh!

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Ahhhhhhh!

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Waaaahhhh!

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Ahhhhh!

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Ahhhhhh!

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Waaaahhhh! Waaaaaahhh! Ahhhhhhh! Waaaaahhh!

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Quick! Run! They're coming! You've got to get out of here! RUN!

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Afternoon.

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No, what are you doing? The Furies.

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-They've escaped!

-Eh?

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Someone's let them out.

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-They're running rampage across the whole kingdom.

-Oh, behave yourself.

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They are, they are.

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-They're everywhere!

-Oh, right, yeah, yes.

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I suppose you're going to tell me that the safest place

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-is on the other side of this wall.

-Yeah.

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Then I stupidly help you over, even though the whole story is made up.

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-Has someone done this one before?

-At least three times a week.

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Oh.

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You don't take bribes, do you?

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20 gold pieces, I'll turn a blind eye.

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30 - and I'll give you a rope and a leg up.

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Right! He takes bribes.

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Yeah!

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And there's your change - five, ten, 15, 20...

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-Thank you.

-Anything, else I can do for you, slaves, potions?

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Oh, I've got a lovely second-hand throne I could do for 20% below cost.

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-That'll do for now, thanks.

-All right.

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You couldn't tell us where the Furies are, could you?

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You won't have to find them.

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They will find you.

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Yeah, cheers.

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ROARING

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Hopefully they're vegetarians.

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Hey! Come on, onwards.

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'After bribing the wall guard, our heroes bravely marched onwards

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'into the land of the Furies.

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'Along the way, they passed long dead things.

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'They also saw big scary footprints, but never once did they falter

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'or run away,

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'even when they passed the scary stones with scary pictures.

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'But as darkness fell and the warning signs grew more scary,

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'Prince Dom began to have his doubts.'

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Look, I don't know about you,

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but I'm not massively keen on staying the night here.

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Oh, come on, we'll be fine.

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The chances of the Furies finding us are like a million to...

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TWIG SNAPS

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It came from behind that tree.

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Now just back away, very, very slowly.

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Ah, evening.

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Wait!

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Come back, wait!

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-I thought you said this place was deserted of all humankind.

-I did.

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-So what?

-Well, why is there a pub there?

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It is a very small pub.

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Oi!

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Come back!

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-Hey!

-Go away!

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-Just...relax!

-We not here to hurt you!

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We're not monsters. We're just here to talk, we're human.

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-Rrragghh!

-What did you do that for?

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-Sorry, I just couldn't resist it.

-Here, I know what to do.

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Three more coins and you're in.

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This is getting very expensive.

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Come in, yes, you four.

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So unless we get the Fury's tears...

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well, we can't go home.

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Before you respond, can I just say,

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haven't you got lovely jumpers?

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I think you've made a wasted trip, my friend. No-one has ever survived

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an encounter with a Fury, never mind attempted to make one cry.

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-Will you just stop it?

-Sorry. I just really like them, that's all.

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My advice to you is leave.

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This is no place for strangers.

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So why do you stay?

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We stay because...

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We stay because...

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Has anyone offered you something to eat? The soup is excellent.

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Don't you think it's all a bit fishy?

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It tastes more like chicken to me.

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No, in here I mean this all looks very cosy and...

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Shall we have a song?

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# When I was a young man

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# Hah nonny nee

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# I knew that a Fury would have me for tea

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# A volcano erupted... kerpow!

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# And out came the beast

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# half-lion, half-snake... #

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Oh, no!

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# And twelve foot at least

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# It was a Fury. #

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Thank you, thank you.

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Hang on a minute, I thought the Furies came from dragon's eggs.

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What's all this about volcanoes, lions and snakes?

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Right, that's it.

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I've had just about enough of you and your snooping friends.

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Get out of 'ere if you don't like it.

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Stop it. ..Sorry, about him.

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Look, we have to find the Furies.

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-And we need is someone to guide us.

-Guide you?

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LAUGHTER

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Guide you?

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You should be so lucky.

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Now, shove off.

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Is it just me or is this not going well?

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I've had better nights out.

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Just remember if you can't see them, they can't see you...

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unless of course they've got really good eyesight.

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Thanks for that.

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'So it began a terrifying night in the valley.

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'Every sound,

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' every shape, every smell was

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'transformed in their minds into an enormous angry Fury,

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'ready to attack.'

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-Agh!

-Sorry.

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That was me.

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If you want shelter, follow me.

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Fast.

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Mmm...fields of daisies.

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Wake up! They're here. We've found 'em.

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-Eh?

-The Furies. They're over there. Behind a tree.

-Loads of them.

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-What?

-Shh...

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Come on.

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-Where are they?

-There.

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-That's not them.

-Oh, yes, it is.

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They're not Furies. They're Furries.

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What about all that in the pub?

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Ah, it's rubbish, I'm afraid.

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Everyone's too scared to come looking for them.

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Over time, people got confused, rumours started.

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Before you know it people think the valley is full

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of enormous man-eating creatures, but there's nothing of the sort.

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Jasper's shown me hundreds of them. He paints them and studies them.

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They're actually quite fascinating.

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It's just a hobby really.

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You're so modest.

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He's so modest. Jasper's going to show me some new ones being born!

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All right, all we have to do is make them cry and we'll be on our way.

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I don't think that's going to be easy.

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'While the boys tried to catch a Furry and make it cry,

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'so they could collect its tears and get on with their quest,

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'which is the whole point of the story... '

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Go!

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'..Jasper showed Lutin the ways of the Furries.'

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WHIMPERING

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GO!

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FURRIES GROAN

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They're all dead.

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Did you know that

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when Furries are very relaxed they like to sing in harmony?

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Really?

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-Oh, look at this one.

-Ah...now this one's very rare.

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It moults 30 times a day.

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Oh, oh, and this one...

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this one is very prone to hiccups.

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FURRY HICCUPS

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And this one makes a noise that can only be heard by ducks.

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< QUACK-QUACK

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Oh, Jasper this is wonderful.

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I could stay here and watch these forever.

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-Well, why don't you?

-What do you mean?

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Well, why don't you stay here with me?

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It's too fast, Jasper. You hardly know anything about me.

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Well, let me find out.

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OTHERS SHOUT AT FURRIES

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Oh!

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-You've killed them!

-Eh?

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Oh.

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-What did you do that for?

-We're just trying to scare them, you know,

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to make them cry to get their tears.

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These creatures don't deserve to die!

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-Sorry.

-We didn't realise.

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No wonder they put up a big wall round this place!

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It's to keep idiots like you out.

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Come on, Jasper.

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I've had enough of this quest.

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Goodbye, little Furry. We knew you so briefly.

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If your other little friends were here,

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I'm sure they would speak highly of you.

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And they would probably shed a little tear,

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which would be very beneficial to us,

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but we don't want them to feel under any pressure.

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Right, well that's the last one.

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You know, I'm starting to have my doubts about this whole quest.

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Me too. What did these little furry guys do to deserve this?

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THEY WEEP

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-Would this help?

-No.

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-What's going on?

-We're arresting you for cruelty to wildlife.

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As an affiliate member

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of the Society For The Prevention Of Cruelty To Cute Creatures,

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also known as SPCCC,

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you'll be detained until a time has been set for your trial.

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-But we didn't mean to do it.

-Tell it to the judge.

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-Lutin!

-You know about the quest. We were only trying to...

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The quest is over. Too many have suffered.

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Take them away!

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Lutin! Lutin!

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Now there are a couple of things that don't seem right to me.

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Erm, yep, that's one of them.

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Yep, and that's the other one.

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-These people are supposed to be living in fear, right? Ow!

-Ow!

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And that they do know that the creatures...

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are Furries not Furies, right?

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-Yes.

-So why's no-one mentioned it? They just don't seem bothered.

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That's fascinating, Brainiac, but how are we gonna get out of these?

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-With magic?

-NO!

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Nantwich, Shyamalan, Melamine, Spandex...

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See?

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-Oh, ye of little faith.

-Yeah.

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HE SNEEZES

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Oh, Mannitol!

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Well, at least we're clean now.

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Hello?

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OK, everybody, I want to maximise production...

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That's nice there, the colour.

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Jasper, get me another one of those dead Furries.

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Oh, nice, orange, my favourite colour.

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Very nice.

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Jasper?

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Quick! We've got to get the Furries out of here!

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-You've changed your tune.

-What time is it?

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They're farming them and turning them into fluffy leisurewear.

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I knew it!

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-This whole place is a scam.

-No wonder they don't want any visitors.

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Those Furries don't deserve to be turned into jumpers.

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Yes, but they do make lovely jumpers.

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That's not the point.

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You can't hide a whole species of animal away, just to make a profit.

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Those creatures deserve their freedom.

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-And we're going to give it to them.

-Right!

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'So our heroes set off to free the Furries and hopefully collect

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'a few tears on the way to continue their quest.'

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Here furry Furries...

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You lot stay back.

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Here furry Furries!

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FURRIES ARE CHEERING

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OK, let's go.

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Lutin, I'm sorry.

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How could you?

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You don't understand.

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-It's complicated.

-Stay away from me.

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I thought you cared about these creatures.

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I thought you cared about me.

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I do. It's just this is my family's business.

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It has been for over 100 years.

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I'm trying to change their minds...

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but it takes time.

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This is wrong, Jasper, and you know it is.

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I know and I'm trying to change things.

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We can still save them...together.

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It's too late, Jasper. I'm taking these Furries with me.

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Run!

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'And so they ran.'

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-Hey!

-Hello!

-Guard! Are you there?

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-Throw the rope down.

-I think he's gone.

-Quick, they're coming.

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We have to save the Furries. I don't care about us.

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-Throw them over the wall.

-Yes.

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FURRIES ARE WHIMPERING

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Wait, folks. I think we have the answer here.

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The Furries are crying, but they're not tears of pain.

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-They're tears of JOY!

-But we still have to save them.

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Throw them higher.

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Seize them!

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-Get off me, you barbarians!

-Get off me!

-How could you?

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-Stealing property, trespass, animal cruelty...

-Pah!

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Animal cruelty, unauthorised magic and rudeness.

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These are all very serious charges,

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I think you'll agree, ladies and gentlemen.

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And serious charges demand serious punishments.

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All those in favour of two months hard labour say "Guilty".

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Guilty!

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What sort of trial is this? Where's the judge? The defence?

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The prosecution?

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That's me, cupcake.

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-You can't do that.

-Here, when do we get to state our case?

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-Call witnesses? Cross examine?

-That all sounds very boring.

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That's not the point. We need a chance to prove we're innocent.

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-But you're not.

-Says you.

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Says everyone. Are they innocent or guilty?

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-ALL: Guilty!

-Well, what a surprise.

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I don't like oatmeal. I want multi colours.

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Hey, you, sweet cake, this is not a holiday. More work, please.

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I'm not touching them. It's inhumane.

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Inhumane!

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You've got to admit they do make lovely jumpers.

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I can't help thinking this would work much better with a bit more blue.

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Maybe. I think it would work as a V-neck.

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Oh, yeah! You're right.

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What about if we do the sleeves in this, and the trim in this?

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Stop it. You're as bad as they are.

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Now work, work you two.

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Where do you think these sacks of jumpers go?

0:22:570:23:01

I don't know. Off to be sold somewhere?

0:23:010:23:05

Outside!

0:23:050:23:06

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

0:23:070:23:09

Exactly...

0:23:090:23:10

Mmm. With a cheese sauce.

0:23:100:23:14

What?

0:23:140:23:15

Oh, you mean escape in the sacks?

0:23:180:23:20

But what about the Furries?

0:23:220:23:23

Lutin, we can't solve all the problems of the world, you know.

0:23:240:23:27

We have the tears and we have a quest to complete.

0:23:270:23:30

People are relying on us.

0:23:300:23:32

'And so our heroes, hidden in a sack, were loaded onto a cart

0:23:430:23:48

'and transported away from the land of the Furries.

0:23:480:23:52

'They travelled through the night...

0:23:520:23:55

'and into the next day.'

0:23:550:23:57

MANNITOL BREAKS WIND

0:23:570:23:59

Oh, Mannitol!

0:24:010:24:02

'Mannitol would make the journey a bit smelly at times,

0:24:020:24:06

'and on the whole it was really uncomfortable.

0:24:060:24:09

'But Mannitol would also break the tedium with his beautiful singing.'

0:24:090:24:13

# Oh, my baby, let me... #

0:24:130:24:14

Oh, shut up! Shut up!

0:24:140:24:17

'Eventually they arrived at Mansfield,

0:24:170:24:20

'a small market town just outside the wall.'

0:24:200:24:23

Hey, hey I think we've stopped. Come on, let's go.

0:24:250:24:28

Ah these really are soft, aren't they?

0:24:280:24:32

-Can you do those in green?

-Oh, yes,

0:24:330:24:37

-there's plenty more where that came from.

-I'd like 500 in green, please.

0:24:370:24:41

All right, I can do that by next Tuesday.

0:24:410:24:43

Wait!

0:24:460:24:47

We've got to go back.

0:24:480:24:50

-What?

-We can't just leave them.

0:24:500:24:53

If they carry on farming them like this you know what will happen.

0:24:530:24:56

-No more jumpers.

-No!

0:24:560:24:58

-They'll be extinct.

-Oh, yes. That too.

0:24:580:25:01

This is our one chance to save them.

0:25:010:25:03

We haven't got any more money to bribe the wall guard with.

0:25:030:25:07

You leave that to me.

0:25:070:25:10

'Armed with Lutin's amazing disguise,

0:25:100:25:12

'our heroes returned to save as many Furries as they could.'

0:25:120:25:17

-Come on, that's enough.

-Just a few more.

0:25:170:25:20

We've got to go. Come on.

0:25:200:25:22

Lutin?

0:25:220:25:23

You should be ashamed of yourself.

0:25:250:25:27

Why?

0:25:270:25:28

I thought I'd give you a hand.

0:25:280:25:30

That's the last one.

0:25:390:25:42

I owe you an apology.

0:25:420:25:44

-No...

-Now I can see how complicated things are for you.

0:25:440:25:48

-You were right. This place is wrong.

-Then leave.

0:26:020:26:04

-Come with us.

-I want to, but my work is here.

0:26:040:26:07

I want to change this place from the inside.

0:26:070:26:09

Who knows, maybe next time you come these walls won't be here any more.

0:26:090:26:15

Is that a date?

0:26:150:26:16

Yeah, you bet.

0:26:160:26:18

WEEPING

0:26:180:26:21

Sorry, sorry, something in my eye.

0:26:250:26:27

Yes, me too. Funny the way it just...

0:26:270:26:31

Don't you think we should, you know, get off?

0:26:310:26:34

I'm not going to say goodbye cos I'm coming back.

0:26:350:26:39

I'll be waiting.

0:26:390:26:41

'And so the Furries were finally released back into the wild.

0:26:470:26:52

'Yes, long before it was fashionable,

0:26:520:26:55

'Lutin and the gang were doing their bit for animal rights.

0:26:550:26:59

'And another vital ingredient was added to the potion.

0:26:590:27:02

'The Furries were once again able

0:27:180:27:20

'to roam free without fear of being turned into a cardi or a tank top.

0:27:200:27:24

'What a shame orcs were to find them so tasty...

0:27:250:27:28

'But that's another story.'

0:27:280:27:30

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