Tears of Fury The Legend of Dick and Dom

Many years ago,

a terrible plague consumed the mighty kingdom of Fyredor.

The only hope of a cure rested with one young wizard, sent out to scour

the Earth for precious ingredients.

After many years, he returned with an antidote.

The king's sons, princes Dick and Dom, were the first to be cured.

And the last to be cured.

They were banished from the kingdom,

along with their trusty mage, Mannitol,

and light-fingered servant, Lutin,

all never to return

until they'd collected the ingredients to re-make the antidote.

And so, The Legend Of Dick And Dom Had begun.

Of all the ingredients

they had to collect on their quest, one thing struck fear and terror

into their hearts...

And the next ingredient on the list is...

Ahhhhhh!

- Honestly! - What's wrong with him?

It can't be that ba...

..The Tears Of Fury.

What are the Tears Of Fury Anyway?

I've no idea. You?

-Haven't got a clue.

-Beats me.

I know.

But you're not going to like it.

'In a time before time,

'legend tells of a terrible dark curse, a curse so evil, so ugly,

'that all who crossed its path

'were doomed to a life of pain and horror.'

-Bad then?

-Pretty bad.

Imagine trapping your finger in the door of the outside lav...

in front of your friends, at three in the morning, in winter,

on Christmas day, in only your pants...

-Woh!

-Exactly.

In fact, things got so bad

that a meeting was called of the Grand Council Of Wizards.

For the first time in their history,

they agreed to combine their powers to fight the curse.

Finally the wizards forced the curse into a distant valley.

But little did they realise

that deep within that valley sat a newly laid batch of dragon's eggs.

And as the eggs mixed with pure evil, the creatures inside began to mutate.

And when the eggs hatched...

a creature of terrifying awfulness was born...

a Fury!

CREATURE ROARS

Few have ever seen one.

And now that whole valley is completely deserted of all humankind.

It's surrounded by an enormous impenetrable wall,

not just to stop the creatures from leaving,

but also to stop anyone from getting in.

Don't worry. I know how we can get in.

I could fire a big dirty bolt of fiery magic splat at him.

Or we could just say please.

No, no, no, no, we need to think of something a lot more cunning.

Ahhhhh, waaaahhh!

Ahhhhh!

Ahhhhhhh!

Waaaahhhh!

Ahhhhh!

Ahhhhhh!

Waaaahhhh! Waaaaaahhh! Ahhhhhhh! Waaaaahhh!

Quick! Run! They're coming! You've got to get out of here! RUN!

Afternoon.

No, what are you doing? The Furies.

-They've escaped!

-Eh?

Someone's let them out.

-They're running rampage across the whole kingdom.

-Oh, behave yourself.

They are, they are.

-They're everywhere!

-Oh, right, yeah, yes.

I suppose you're going to tell me that the safest place

-is on the other side of this wall.

-Yeah.

Then I stupidly help you over, even though the whole story is made up.

-Has someone done this one before?

-At least three times a week.

Oh.

You don't take bribes, do you?

20 gold pieces, I'll turn a blind eye.

30 - and I'll give you a rope and a leg up.

Right! He takes bribes.

Yeah!

And there's your change - five, ten, 15, 20...

-Thank you.

-Anything, else I can do for you, slaves, potions?

Oh, I've got a lovely second-hand throne I could do for 20% below cost.

-That'll do for now, thanks.

-All right.

You couldn't tell us where the Furies are, could you?

You won't have to find them.

They will find you.

Yeah, cheers.

ROARING

Hopefully they're vegetarians.

Hey! Come on, onwards.

'After bribing the wall guard, our heroes bravely marched onwards

'into the land of the Furies.

'Along the way, they passed long dead things.

'They also saw big scary footprints, but never once did they falter

'or run away,

'even when they passed the scary stones with scary pictures.

'But as darkness fell and the warning signs grew more scary,

'Prince Dom began to have his doubts.'

Look, I don't know about you,

but I'm not massively keen on staying the night here.

Oh, come on, we'll be fine.

The chances of the Furies finding us are like a million to...

TWIG SNAPS

It came from behind that tree.

Now just back away, very, very slowly.

Ah, evening.

Wait!

Come back, wait!

-I thought you said this place was deserted of all humankind.

-I did.

-So what?

-Well, why is there a pub there?

It is a very small pub.

Oi!

Come back!

-Hey!

-Go away!

-Just...relax!

-We not here to hurt you!

We're not monsters. We're just here to talk, we're human.

-Rrragghh!

-What did you do that for?

-Sorry, I just couldn't resist it.

-Here, I know what to do.

Three more coins and you're in.

This is getting very expensive.

Come in, yes, you four.

So unless we get the Fury's tears...

well, we can't go home.

Before you respond, can I just say,

haven't you got lovely jumpers?

I think you've made a wasted trip, my friend. No-one has ever survived

an encounter with a Fury, never mind attempted to make one cry.

-Will you just stop it?

-Sorry. I just really like them, that's all.

My advice to you is leave.

This is no place for strangers.

So why do you stay?

We stay because...

We stay because...

Has anyone offered you something to eat? The soup is excellent.

Don't you think it's all a bit fishy?

It tastes more like chicken to me.

No, in here I mean this all looks very cosy and...

Shall we have a song?

# When I was a young man

# Hah nonny nee

# I knew that a Fury would have me for tea

# A volcano erupted... kerpow!

# And out came the beast

# half-lion, half-snake... #

Oh, no!

# And twelve foot at least

# It was a Fury. #

Thank you, thank you.

Hang on a minute, I thought the Furies came from dragon's eggs.

What's all this about volcanoes, lions and snakes?

Right, that's it.

I've had just about enough of you and your snooping friends.

Get out of 'ere if you don't like it.

Stop it. ..Sorry, about him.

Look, we have to find the Furies.

-And we need is someone to guide us.

-Guide you?

LAUGHTER

Guide you?

You should be so lucky.

Now, shove off.

Is it just me or is this not going well?

I've had better nights out.

Just remember if you can't see them, they can't see you...

unless of course they've got really good eyesight.

Thanks for that.

'So it began a terrifying night in the valley.

'Every sound,

' every shape, every smell was

'transformed in their minds into an enormous angry Fury,

'ready to attack.'

-Agh!

-Sorry.

That was me.

If you want shelter, follow me.

Fast.

Mmm...fields of daisies.

Wake up! They're here. We've found 'em.

-Eh?

-The Furies. They're over there. Behind a tree.

-Loads of them.

-What?

-Shh...

Come on.

-Where are they?

-There.

-That's not them.

-Oh, yes, it is.

They're not Furies. They're Furries.

What about all that in the pub?

Ah, it's rubbish, I'm afraid.

Everyone's too scared to come looking for them.

Over time, people got confused, rumours started.

Before you know it people think the valley is full

of enormous man-eating creatures, but there's nothing of the sort.

Jasper's shown me hundreds of them. He paints them and studies them.

They're actually quite fascinating.

It's just a hobby really.

You're so modest.

He's so modest. Jasper's going to show me some new ones being born!

All right, all we have to do is make them cry and we'll be on our way.

I don't think that's going to be easy.

'While the boys tried to catch a Furry and make it cry,

'so they could collect its tears and get on with their quest,

'which is the whole point of the story... '

Go!

'..Jasper showed Lutin the ways of the Furries.'

WHIMPERING

GO!

FURRIES GROAN

They're all dead.

Did you know that

when Furries are very relaxed they like to sing in harmony?

Really?

-Oh, look at this one.

-Ah...now this one's very rare.

It moults 30 times a day.

Oh, oh, and this one...

this one is very prone to hiccups.

FURRY HICCUPS

And this one makes a noise that can only be heard by ducks.

< QUACK-QUACK

Oh, Jasper this is wonderful.

I could stay here and watch these forever.

-Well, why don't you?

-What do you mean?

Well, why don't you stay here with me?

It's too fast, Jasper. You hardly know anything about me.

Well, let me find out.

OTHERS SHOUT AT FURRIES

Oh!

-You've killed them!

-Eh?

Oh.

-What did you do that for?

-We're just trying to scare them, you know,

to make them cry to get their tears.

These creatures don't deserve to die!

-Sorry.

-We didn't realise.

No wonder they put up a big wall round this place!

It's to keep idiots like you out.

Come on, Jasper.

I've had enough of this quest.

Goodbye, little Furry. We knew you so briefly.

If your other little friends were here,

I'm sure they would speak highly of you.

And they would probably shed a little tear,

which would be very beneficial to us,

but we don't want them to feel under any pressure.

Right, well that's the last one.

You know, I'm starting to have my doubts about this whole quest.

Me too. What did these little furry guys do to deserve this?

THEY WEEP

-Would this help?

-No.

-What's going on?

-We're arresting you for cruelty to wildlife.

As an affiliate member

of the Society For The Prevention Of Cruelty To Cute Creatures,

also known as SPCCC,

you'll be detained until a time has been set for your trial.

-But we didn't mean to do it.

-Tell it to the judge.

-Lutin!

-You know about the quest. We were only trying to...

The quest is over. Too many have suffered.

Take them away!

Lutin! Lutin!

Now there are a couple of things that don't seem right to me.

Erm, yep, that's one of them.

Yep, and that's the other one.

-These people are supposed to be living in fear, right? Ow!

-Ow!

And that they do know that the creatures...

are Furries not Furies, right?

-Yes.

-So why's no-one mentioned it? They just don't seem bothered.

That's fascinating, Brainiac, but how are we gonna get out of these?

-With magic?

-NO!

Nantwich, Shyamalan, Melamine, Spandex...

See?

-Oh, ye of little faith.

-Yeah.

HE SNEEZES

Oh, Mannitol!

Well, at least we're clean now.

Hello?

OK, everybody, I want to maximise production...

That's nice there, the colour.

Jasper, get me another one of those dead Furries.

Oh, nice, orange, my favourite colour.

Very nice.

Jasper?

Quick! We've got to get the Furries out of here!

-You've changed your tune.

-What time is it?

They're farming them and turning them into fluffy leisurewear.

I knew it!

-This whole place is a scam.

-No wonder they don't want any visitors.

Those Furries don't deserve to be turned into jumpers.

Yes, but they do make lovely jumpers.

That's not the point.

You can't hide a whole species of animal away, just to make a profit.

Those creatures deserve their freedom.

-And we're going to give it to them.

-Right!

'So our heroes set off to free the Furries and hopefully collect

'a few tears on the way to continue their quest.'

Here furry Furries...

You lot stay back.

Here furry Furries!

FURRIES ARE CHEERING

OK, let's go.

Lutin, I'm sorry.

How could you?

You don't understand.

-It's complicated.

-Stay away from me.

I thought you cared about these creatures.

I thought you cared about me.

I do. It's just this is my family's business.

It has been for over 100 years.

I'm trying to change their minds...

but it takes time.

This is wrong, Jasper, and you know it is.

I know and I'm trying to change things.

We can still save them...together.

It's too late, Jasper. I'm taking these Furries with me.

Run!

'And so they ran.'

-Hey!

-Hello!

-Guard! Are you there?

-Throw the rope down.

-I think he's gone.

-Quick, they're coming.

We have to save the Furries. I don't care about us.

-Throw them over the wall.

-Yes.

FURRIES ARE WHIMPERING

Wait, folks. I think we have the answer here.

The Furries are crying, but they're not tears of pain.

-They're tears of JOY!

-But we still have to save them.

Throw them higher.

Seize them!

-Get off me, you barbarians!

-Get off me!

-How could you?

-Stealing property, trespass, animal cruelty...

-Pah!

Animal cruelty, unauthorised magic and rudeness.

These are all very serious charges,

I think you'll agree, ladies and gentlemen.

And serious charges demand serious punishments.

All those in favour of two months hard labour say "Guilty".

Guilty!

What sort of trial is this? Where's the judge? The defence?

The prosecution?

That's me, cupcake.

-You can't do that.

-Here, when do we get to state our case?

-Call witnesses? Cross examine?

-That all sounds very boring.

That's not the point. We need a chance to prove we're innocent.

-But you're not.

-Says you.

Says everyone. Are they innocent or guilty?

-ALL: Guilty!

-Well, what a surprise.

I don't like oatmeal. I want multi colours.

Hey, you, sweet cake, this is not a holiday. More work, please.

I'm not touching them. It's inhumane.

Inhumane!

You've got to admit they do make lovely jumpers.

I can't help thinking this would work much better with a bit more blue.

Maybe. I think it would work as a V-neck.

Oh, yeah! You're right.

What about if we do the sleeves in this, and the trim in this?

Stop it. You're as bad as they are.

Now work, work you two.

Where do you think these sacks of jumpers go?

I don't know. Off to be sold somewhere?

Outside!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Exactly...

Mmm. With a cheese sauce.

What?

Oh, you mean escape in the sacks?

But what about the Furries?

Lutin, we can't solve all the problems of the world, you know.

We have the tears and we have a quest to complete.

People are relying on us.

'And so our heroes, hidden in a sack, were loaded onto a cart

'and transported away from the land of the Furries.

'They travelled through the night...

'and into the next day.'

MANNITOL BREAKS WIND

Oh, Mannitol!

'Mannitol would make the journey a bit smelly at times,

'and on the whole it was really uncomfortable.

'But Mannitol would also break the tedium with his beautiful singing.'

# Oh, my baby, let me... #

Oh, shut up! Shut up!

'Eventually they arrived at Mansfield,

'a small market town just outside the wall.'

Hey, hey I think we've stopped. Come on, let's go.

Ah these really are soft, aren't they?

-Can you do those in green?

-Oh, yes,

-there's plenty more where that came from.

-I'd like 500 in green, please.

All right, I can do that by next Tuesday.

Wait!

We've got to go back.

-What?

-We can't just leave them.

If they carry on farming them like this you know what will happen.

-No more jumpers.

-No!

-They'll be extinct.

-Oh, yes. That too.

This is our one chance to save them.

We haven't got any more money to bribe the wall guard with.

You leave that to me.

'Armed with Lutin's amazing disguise,

'our heroes returned to save as many Furries as they could.'

-Come on, that's enough.

-Just a few more.

We've got to go. Come on.

Lutin?

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Why?

I thought I'd give you a hand.

That's the last one.

I owe you an apology.

-No...

-Now I can see how complicated things are for you.

-You were right. This place is wrong.

-Then leave.

-Come with us.

-I want to, but my work is here.

I want to change this place from the inside.

Who knows, maybe next time you come these walls won't be here any more.

Is that a date?

Yeah, you bet.

WEEPING

Sorry, sorry, something in my eye.

Yes, me too. Funny the way it just...

Don't you think we should, you know, get off?

I'm not going to say goodbye cos I'm coming back.

I'll be waiting.

'And so the Furries were finally released back into the wild.

'Yes, long before it was fashionable,

'Lutin and the gang were doing their bit for animal rights.

'And another vital ingredient was added to the potion.

'The Furries were once again able

'to roam free without fear of being turned into a cardi or a tank top.

'What a shame orcs were to find them so tasty...

'But that's another story.'

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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