Princess Gladys The Legend of Dick and Dom


Princess Gladys

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Many years ago, a terrible

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plague consumed the kingdom of Fyredor.

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The only hope of a cure rested with one young wizard, sent out to scour

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the Earth for precious ingredients.

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After many years, he returned with an antidote.

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The King's sons, Princes Dick and Dom, were the first to be cured.

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And the last to be cured.

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They were banished from the kingdom with

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their trusty mage Mannitol

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and light-fingered servant Lutin.

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All never to return until they had collected the

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ingredients to remake the antidote.

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And so, the Legend of Dick and Dom had begun.

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Why do you get to read off the scroll?

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Because I'm the eldest.

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Yeah, by, like, seven seconds!

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Never lets anyone forget!

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Ah, look, one-legged dwarf riding a burplegriff! Where? Gotcha!

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Oi, that's not fair!

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And the next item on the list is... dandruff?

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Isn't that when you get that white stuff in your hair?

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Yes, I have a minor dandruff problem myself!

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But this is not any old dandruff. This is the dandruff from the

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golden hair of Princess Gladys of Weefordshire.

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Did you say Princess G...

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Gladys of Wee...

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Weefordshire? Yeah, but he said it quicker.

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I've been in love with her for years.

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Princess Gladys! You keep that picture of her

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shoved up your jumper.

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Go on then, give us a butcher's.

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No, I'm too embarrassed.

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Let's have a look at this hot babe of yours.

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Oh, OK!

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Woah!

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Beautiful, isn't she? She's a looker.

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If only I was 90 years younger!

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Shame you're rubbish at talking to girls. I'm not!

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Oh, yeah?

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Well, hello, Dom!

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Oh!

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Ooh!

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HE GIGGLES AND FLUSTERS

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I'll win Princess Gladys's hand in marriage.

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You get her hand, we get the dandruff.

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These princesses are usually well rich. You can rescue her,

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we can nick her jewels and treasure.

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Where do we find this Princess Gladys? Oh, that's easy.

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You know where she is?

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Yeah, one tiny princess in the whole of Bottom World?

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No, I'm about to get an e-mail telling me.

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What is an e-mail?

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E-mail for Prince Dom!

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It stands for elf-mail.

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Late as usual. Yeah, whatever.

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I get this delivered weekly, for princes looking for love.

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Gives the location of every princess in Bottom World.

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It's all a bit too hi-tech

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for an old wizard like me.

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Let's have a look.

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Princess Doris,

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Princess Frank...

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Ah, Princess Gladys.

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Locked up in the evil

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Two-Towered Castle of the Dancing Dolphins of Doom?!

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The evil Two-Towered Castle of the Dancing Dolphins of Doom?!

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I've heard of these Dancing Dolphins of Doom.

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They are renowned for their vicious ferocity, devious cunning

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and their love of a good barn dance. A barn dance?

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What, "Take your partner by the hand"? Exactly.

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I'm quite partial to one myself.

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Many a lady has marvelled at my dosey doe.

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The Dancing Dolphins of Doom sound scary.

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Why don't we pass? Besides, Dolphins don't even have

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any pockets - hard to nick their wallets.

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We need Princess Gladys's dandruff for the potion!

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We're princes, we rescue princesses from castles. It's the rules.

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I suppose.

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Onwards, friends, to the evil Dolphin Castle...Two-Towered...

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Can we just call it the Evil Castle? I mean, life's too short.

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And so Princes Dick,

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Dom and the other two trekked for many days and nights in their quest

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for the evil Two-Towered Castle of the Dancing Dolphins of Doom.

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Just face it, you have no idea where we are, do you?

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We are sooooo lost.

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That is utter rubbish.

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We are definitely somewhere, here...

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..on this map.

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This is the whole of Bottom World. Your point is?

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Why don't we just ask someone for directions? No need.

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Besides, who are we going to ask?

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Let's ask that fellow down there.

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He's nuts! Typical bloke,

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never wants to ask anyone for directions!

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Yeah, but he's barking.

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HE BARKS You see?

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There's no-one else around!

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Oh, OK, OK. Leave it to me, leave it to me.

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How many have you caught today?

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You're the fifth!

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Very good, very good!

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I'm completely sane!

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HE YELPS

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I'm just playing with you.

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So, why are you out here

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in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but rags?

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I like my own company.

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Not surprised, smelling like that!

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It's an expression of my individuality

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and belief in personal freedom.

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I don't get many visitors, so I figure, why not go au naturel?

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HE SNIFFS AND YELPS

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Listen, listen, we're a bit lost. Well, I wouldn't say lost exactly.

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Yeah, we're lost.

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We are after the evil

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Two-Towered Castle of the Dancing Dolphins of Doom.

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The evil Two-Towered Castle of the Dancing Dolphins of Doom?

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You could go that way.

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Carry on in that direction all the way down the valley, until you reach

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the large oak tree. Large oak tree?

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Turn right, left at the stream,

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follow it all the way down to the Smelly Forest.

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Don't go through the Smelly Forest, it stinks!

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Go round the edge till you reach the bridge that crosses

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the Ravine of Desolation, then up and down the hill, through the

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next valley, then left, right,

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then right, left, right, then left, right.

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Then follow the track until you go

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over the second bridge, then you get into a field, then you'll see

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the evil Two-Towered Castle of Doom right in front of you.

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Cheers, mate.

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Yeah, thanks for your help. No problem.

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So, our intrepid adventurers continued their long journey

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to the evil Two-Towered Castle of the Dancing Dolphins of Doom.

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HE BARKS AND YELPS

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What the...?! All right? We're back to where we started!

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Have you just sent us in a massive circle?

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Thought you'd like the scenic route.

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But we wanted to get to the castle!

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I know. Why have you sent us in the wrong direction?

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I didn't. You didn't?

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No, it's there.

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What a complete waste of time!

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Not really - think of the exercise.

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You...!

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Look, up there in the window at a tower!

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Yoo-hoo! Over here, boys!

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Princess Gladys!

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Blimey, she's tiny!

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She's just really far away!

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Oh, right!

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Say hi to the Princess for me!

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So, all we have to do is

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get in the door, creep past the Dancing Dolphins

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climb the tower, rescue the Princess, escape.

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That way, we get her dandruff for

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the potion and I marry her. Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.

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Ugh, it's locked!

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Lutin?

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Nah, they've got one of those new-fangled

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triple-ratchet combination multi-lever latches.

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What does that mean?

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It's locked.

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I could perform my legendary "Open Sesame" spell!

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Last time you did that, you turned us into parrots.

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I found feathers in unusual places for months.

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We could try...

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..the doorbell!

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Like that'll work!

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DOORBELL CHIMES

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Ah!

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SQUAWKING

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You must be one of the Dancing Dolphins of Doom.

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Can we come to your evil castle, please?

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DOLPHIN SQUAWKS

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I think that was a no!

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So how are we going to get in?

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Look at these walls.

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BUGLE BLARES

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What was that?

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Who are you, then?

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I am Sir Macho of Sixpackshire.

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BUGLE BLARES

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Heroic knight, renowned adventurer

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and possessor of the shiniest, bounciest mane of man hair

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in all of Bottom World!

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Hi, I'm Lutin.

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Love the jewellery!

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Hello, m'lady!

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Methinks you've stolen me heart.

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Yes!

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And your ring!

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Just a second, what are you doing here?

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Well, according to this latest elf-mail,

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a certain Princess Gladys is locked up in the tower of this evil castle,

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so I intend to rescue the little lady and make her my blushing bride.

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Hang on! I'm here to rescue her and make her

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my blushing bride!

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I don't think so. You see, rescuing princesses is a

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man's job, and you look like a sissy weakling mummy's boy loser to me.

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What did you just call me? A sissy weakling mummy's boy loser!

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And your hair's awful.

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Right, come on then! You want a piece of this little mummy's boy.

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You and me, right now, Sir Nachos!

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All right, I can see you're a man of conviction,

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so I have a suggestion.

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All right, let's hear it.

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How about if we join forces to rescue the Princess,

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and then we let her decide whether she wants to marry me...or you?

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What do you think? I reckon go for it.

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We need the potion, the dandruff. Exactly.

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Princess Gladys, she's going to choose me over

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Poncey Pants over there. What do you think?

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What? Oh, yeah, absolutely. All right, then.

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You and me as a team, and then we'll let the Princess

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choose her husband. Deal?

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Deal.

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First things first.

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How to get into the castle?

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The front door's a no go, we've tried that one.

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People, please.

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You're in the presence of an expert at rescuing princesses.

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Who? Me?

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Me, you old coot! Sir Macho is the best

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in the business. Already liberated 30 little ladies this year alone.

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So, we can't get in through the front door.

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So, my train of thought is,

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we're going to have to go in over the battlements.

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HE BLOWS THE BUGLE

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Those dolphins look like trouble.

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I've got a head for heights.

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Is there any way we could tunnel under?

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Oh, please! Dolphins don't scare me!

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I am an accomplished climber.

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Follow me if you dare, pant-wetters!

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Is he always this annoying?

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Oh, yeah.

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Ah, yes. I should be up here in no time whatso...

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..ever.

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Anybody got a moist towelette?

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DOLPHINS LAUGH

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Can't get through the door, can't climb the walls. How are we

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going to get in?

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I could magic us a spell to transport us over the walls?

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No, not a spell. Anything but.

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Transportium levitatum...

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Mannitol, nooooo!

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Broccoli floaty monkey magicum!

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Wooahh!

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I never thought I'd say this, but your spell has worked!

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I know, it's brilliant!

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ALL: Woah!

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I think I landed on my staff!

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Well, we're in the castle, there's

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the Princess in that tower, and there's the entrance right over...

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Oh, dear.

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What?

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Those Dolphins of Doom look scary to me.

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The little blighters are

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between us and the Princess's tower.

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We might have to take them on hand-to-fin.

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Madness! They're renowned to be deadly

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fighters, we would never win. We're outnumbered as well.

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There's got to be another way. Wait a sec.

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Aren't they the Dancing Dolphins of Doom, yeah?

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And Mannitol, didn't you say they had

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a love for a great barn dance?

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So the legend goes, yes.

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I think I've got a plan.

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Five, six, seven, eight.

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SHE STARTS PLAYING

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Barn-dance music? Nice one!

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Rubbish dancers!

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I think it's working!

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Right, now's our chance!

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How are we doing?

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I think...we're about...

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..halfway.

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This is it! Must be her room.

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Right, let's get this baby open!

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It's locked. There's no key.

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Stand aside.

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I'll have it down in no time whatsoever!

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I'd be careful, that door looks...

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CRUNCHING

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..solid.

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Are you all right?

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I think I've just dislocated my...

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I'm fine, I'm fine.

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Hey, I've got an idea.

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Where did our father always keep the spare key to the family castle?

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Under the doormat!

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Ding dong!

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That is one good-looking filly!

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Princess, I've waited my whole life for this moment.

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You're more beautiful in real life...

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ALL: Woah!

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Well, about time!

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I'd given up on you lot!

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So, which one of you is my lucky future husband, then?

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Come on, boys, don't be shy.

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I've been locked in this tower for years.

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I'm desperate to get hitched.

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I'm not marrying her. She looks nothing like her portrait.

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See, blatant false advertising!

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I'm not marrying her. I fought an ape's mother

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more attractive than that. Listen to you!

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Looks aren't everything. Inner beauty counts.

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It's keeping your breakfast down that counts.

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Friends, remember what's important.

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We need her dandruff for the potion.

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No-one really needs to marry her.

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Good point.

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Princess, I'm sorry but there's

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been a terrible mix-up and we can't marry you because, er...

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Because we're...

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..already married! Brilliant!

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Exactly! You're already married?

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But we could do with dandruff from your hair for our potion.

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No.

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For a start, I don't have dandruff.

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Oh, but Princess Gladys, we...

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What did you just call me?

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Princess Gladys. I'm not her.

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No? I'm Princess Gloria.

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Gladys is my sister, beautiful face, nasty dandruff.

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No wonder she looks nothing like her portrait!

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I am still here, you know!

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Where would we find Princess Gladys?

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She's in the other tower.

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Yoo-hoo!

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Of course, it is the evil Two-Towered Castle!

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Wrong tower! An easy mistake to make.

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Gotta go, see ya!

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Wait, what about my wedding?!

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Come back here! Rrr!

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Men!

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They're all the bloomin' same...

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no class whatsoever.

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HE BURPS

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Blimey, they're still going.

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Good fun this, isn't it?

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CRASH!

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Here I am, Gladys.

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Hi, there!

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So, which of you is my future husband?

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Princess Gladys, may I present to you Sir Macho and Prince Dom.

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Which of these fellows will you marry? Take your time.

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Hmm, tricky one.

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Hello.

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OK, I've made my decision.

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Prince Dom,

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you're a really good-looking guy...

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He is?! You heard the lady. And you'd make a wonderful husband.

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Hey, crunchy nachos, looks like she's picked a winner.

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Why, you little...

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Actually I have, and the winner is...

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Sir Macho!

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Get in!

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What?! Sorry, I just couldn't resist his luxuriant mane

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of gorgeous, shiny man-hair. So dandruff-free!

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I'm a big man. No, you're not - you're only four foot two!

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Princess Gladys, I can accept your...decision...

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on one condition.

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Can we have some of your dandruff?

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Sure, I don't see why not.

0:22:090:22:10

Oh, I don't think so, old boy! Oh, go on, give us some of your dandruff!

0:22:100:22:14

Now look, I won this whole princess fair and square.

0:22:140:22:18

I'm not leaving any of her behind, including any pieces of dandruff.

0:22:180:22:22

Gladys, baby, we're out of here, let's go.

0:22:220:22:24

So long, losers! Quick, get after them!

0:22:260:22:29

We'll soon have you out of here.

0:22:380:22:39

Oh, that is just great. Ouch!

0:22:500:22:53

It's always the same, isn't it, Gladys?

0:22:530:22:56

Oh, here we go again! Yeah, you get rescued

0:22:560:22:59

by the handsome prince and never me. It's the story of my life.

0:22:590:23:02

Well, there may be a reason for that, potato-face!

0:23:020:23:05

Why, you spoilt little...!

0:23:050:23:07

Madam, madam, Gladys and I here are just about

0:23:070:23:10

to leave, so if you'll excuse us...

0:23:100:23:12

And we were just leaving too. No-one's "just leaving"

0:23:120:23:14

until I get what I want. What, a replacement head?!

0:23:140:23:16

No. A husband.

0:23:160:23:19

Alas, madam, I'm already spoken for, I fear.

0:23:190:23:23

But the little fella's available at the back there.

0:23:230:23:26

Oh!

0:23:260:23:28

Ah, no...

0:23:280:23:29

No. No, no, no, I don't want to marry him. Oh.

0:23:290:23:34

I want to marry...that one.

0:23:340:23:36

Choo-choo! No, no, no. I'm too young and innocent to get married.

0:23:380:23:42

I haven't even kissed a girl! Well, we'll soon do something about

0:23:420:23:45

that - come here, handsome! Help! I'm being Dick-napped!

0:23:450:23:49

Get off, he's my brother! Fellas, lend a fin!

0:23:490:23:52

Come here, you naughty little man.

0:23:520:23:54

Come on.

0:23:540:23:56

Look! Sir Macho and Gladys are getting away!

0:24:030:24:07

After them!

0:24:120:24:15

Derek! Music, please!

0:24:190:24:23

JAUNTY TUNE PLAYS

0:24:240:24:27

They're getting away!

0:24:330:24:35

The dandruff, Princess Gladys's dandruff, it's in her hair!

0:24:390:24:43

Leave it to me!

0:24:430:24:45

Well, we made it out in one piece, Gladys, baby,

0:25:040:25:07

and now there's only one thing remains for me to do -

0:25:070:25:11

for me to take you back to my castle and marry you ASA to the P

0:25:110:25:14

and then tonight we're going to...

0:25:140:25:17

Woah!

0:25:170:25:20

Gladys, what happened?

0:25:330:25:35

When Sir Macho saw my jam- spattered head, he did a runner!

0:25:350:25:41

It's OK, here's your hair back.

0:25:420:25:45

Thank you.

0:25:450:25:47

Here, let me.

0:25:470:25:49

Oh, thank you.

0:25:490:25:51

Oh, before I forget,

0:25:510:25:53

Dom, hold out your hands.

0:25:530:25:56

COUGHING

0:25:560:25:59

For your potion, yeah? Thanks, I forgot about that.

0:26:010:26:05

Prince Dom...

0:26:050:26:08

if you'll still have me, and you don't mind me being a jam-head girl

0:26:080:26:12

with a serious dandruff problem, I'd love to marry you.

0:26:120:26:15

Oh, Gladys!

0:26:150:26:17

Hold it right there before I vom.

0:26:190:26:22

Hello, Dom, what about the quest?

0:26:220:26:24

I don't care about the quest, I'm in love. You lot carry on without me.

0:26:240:26:28

Me and Gladys are going to buy a little castle

0:26:280:26:30

and have lots of little Doms, so if you'll excuse me...

0:26:300:26:33

What happened to Gladys?!

0:26:380:26:40

Hello? What have we here?

0:26:400:26:43

Gladys, is that you?

0:26:430:26:46

Princess Gladys has had a frog transmogrification curse

0:26:460:26:50

placed on her.

0:26:500:26:51

Yes, as soon as she received a snog from a man that really

0:26:510:26:54

loved her, like you, Prince Dom, she's turned into a little frog.

0:26:540:26:59

Typical! You turn princesses into frogs.

0:27:020:27:04

Shut up! ..Mannitol, can you reverse it?

0:27:040:27:08

No, virtually impossible to reverse.

0:27:080:27:11

Oh, Gladys!

0:27:110:27:13

Oh, come back, Gladys! Come back!

0:27:130:27:18

With another ingredient successfully found and added to the potion,

0:27:300:27:34

the quest could continue for our plucky foursome.

0:27:340:27:38

Alas for Prince Dom, his dream of marrying a beautiful princess

0:27:380:27:42

was not to be.

0:27:420:27:43

Don't say that, Gladys.

0:27:430:27:45

Of course we can make it work.

0:27:450:27:46

Or was it?

0:27:460:27:49

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:28:020:28:05

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:050:28:09

Children's sitcom, in which daft Princes Dick and Dom embark upon a formidable quest, having been banished from the kingdom of Fyredor.

Our heroes need dandruff from the golden hair of Princess Gladys. Prince Dom is in love, but has a rival for her hand in marriage.


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