The Neehi Tribe The Legend of Dick and Dom

'Many years ago, a terrible plague consumed the mighty kingdom

'of Fyredor. The only hope of a cure

'all rested with one young wizard,

'sent out to scour the earth for precious ingredients.

'After many years, he returned with an antidote.

'The king's sons, Princes Dick and Dom,

'were the first to be cured.

'And the last to be cured.

'They were banished from the kingdom, along with Mannitol,

'and light-fingered servant, Lutin -

'all never to return until they had collected the ingredients

'to remake the antidote.

'And so the legend of Dick and Dom

'had begun.

'And so our heroes journeyed ever onwards.

'Days stretched into weeks, weeks stretched into years,

'years stretched into ye-e-e-e-ears.'

I can't go on. I'm so weary. I want to rest.

Why don't you just take the path, like the rest of us?

We must be close to our next ingredient.

Ugh! ALWAYS the next ingredient! But it's never something simple, is it?

It can't just be...an acorn -

it has to be an acorn from the jaw of a python.

It can't just be a silver coin -

it has to be a silver coin hidden in a giant stinking belly-button.

It took me ages to get that coin out!

-Eurgh!

-The next ingredient is...

..fruit from the Neehi tribe.

So, no other fruit will do.

We must find the Neehi tribe to continue our quest.

And this Neehi tribe, they're definitely from this forest?

This is their last known location.

Nothing has been heard of the Neehi tribe for many, many years.

-They are a forgotten civilisation. A lost tribe.

-Lost?

If they're lost, why don't you think back to when you last had them!

You must have put them down somewhere!

Halt! Walk no further!

Aw, bless! Are you lost?

-Do you want your mummy?

-Wanna buy a skipping rope?

I said HALT! Walk no further!

-It's MY turn to say halt!

-No, it's not!

Aw, look, there's two of 'em! How cute!

HALT! Or else, we'll attack!

Oh, yeah? You and whose army?

OUR army.

-Dom, get them off me!

-Come on, they're only kids!

-Oi, get off! Lutin...!

-I can't - there's too many of them!

Stop it, or I shall tell your parents!

-I think we're being kidnapped.

-This is so embarrassing.

Ow!

-Ow!

-Ah!

-Were WE this bad at their age?

-We're this bad NOW.

-Excuse me...

-PUT your hand up if you have a question!

-Mmm, a bit difficult.

-SILENCE!

Bring 'em to the chief!

-Bring 'em to the chief.

-No, YOU bring 'em to the chief!

-He said YOU bring 'em to the chief!

-You!

-He said bring 'em to the chief!

-You!

-Why don't we both bring 'em to the chief?

-OK.

-Wait a minute! It was my turn to bring 'em to the chief!

-Mine!

-Mine!

-Mine!

-Mine!

-You said it was mine!

-But it's mine.

-It's mine!

-Mine!

Just take us to the chief!

Wait a minute! That's not a bad idea! Let's go.

-Ow!

-Oooh!

-All hail the chief!

-All hail the chief!

On your knees!

At last - an adult.

THEY GROAN

-We have captured more grown-ups!

-Eurgh! Grown-ups!

Eurgh! Grown-ups!

-Sorry, Chief.

-Eurgh! Children!

NEVER call us children! I am the chief of the Neehi.

-What is your purpose?

-Well, we don't mean you any harm.

-We just want a piece of fruit.

-Fruit?!

Oh, that's disgusting! We destroy ANY fruit that we find!

fruit is banned in our tribe, along with any other

-horrible grown-up things!

-No sprouts!

-No...walking slowly!

-And NO bedtime!

-This is SO childish!

What?! It IS!

Ooooh! NOW I'm scared(!)

-Ow! Get off! That hurts!

-Guard!

I warned you! NEVER call us children!

We are the Neehi, a race that may LOOK like children,

but our lives and behaviours are different.

P-F-RRRT! THEY SNIGGER

-You're not helping.

-Look, we're really sorry for trespassing.

If you let us go, we promise not to be any trouble.

No, you cannot leave. You know where we live,

and we don't want any more grown-ups coming.

-Why don't you put them to work?

-Good idea.

-Aw, thank you, Chief!

Creep!

We will let you live here as our slaves. You live by OUR rules.

No fruit, no veg,

-and no bedtime.

-Sounds great! Count us in!

Oh, superb(!)

No, no, I cannot live without vegetables. I like broccoli...

THEY ALL GASP Chief! He has uttered a forbidden word!

-Broccoli?!

-THEY GASP

-Will you stop saying that?!

-All I said was broccoli.

-THEY GASP AND SQUEAL

-Yuck!

I feel sick! That word is banned!

Take these three to the kitchens,

THIS man to the Naughty Cup.

Chips? For every meal?

We only eat chips, and you must make them all.

Yes, our last slaves made chips for years,

until SOMEONE let them escape.

Aaaaargh! Chips, chips!

Aaaa-ha-ha! Chips!

-Chips!

-Chips!

-You have one hour.

-But I'm so tired.

-No bedtime!

Get chipping!

Hang on. These are potatoes. You don't eat fruit and veg!

-Potatoes are a tuber.

-Grrr-rrr!

It's true what they say about blondes...

That's not funny! I'M a blonde!

What we gonna do?

-Oh, I say let's do a runner.

-A runner?

-No, they said no vegetable.

-I meant escape.

-Let's not be hasty.

They might just be kids, but they're bigger than us.

-Duh!

-OK, they're smarter than us.

I don't think so. ..What do you think, Dick?

Well, I think this one looks like an old man's face.

"Hello, how are you?"

"Not bad, Bert, a bit stiff." "That'll be all the starch."

-See? We don't stand a chance.

-You might be right.

THEY CHANT: Ha-ha, ha-ha, you're in the Naughty Cup!

All hail the chief!

I am far too big to be in this tiny teacup.

I should be in a big mug. Please let me go.

Not until you've done your punishment.

This was found in the woods this morning.

-THEY GASP

-Fruit.

-Fruit! At last, we can finish our quest.

To prove you obey our rules, you must destroy it.

No, no... No, no, no! I cannot do that.

Then you must stay in the cup.

BOTH: You're in the Naughty Cup! You're in the Naughty Cup!

I'm not listening, I'm not listening!

Ow! Ow!

You're in the Naughty Cup!

We go along with the tribe,

carry on making chips until we can think of a plan.

In the meantime, one of us washes, one peels, the other chops.

-I'll do the peeling.

-"Doesn't sound very appealing!"

"You're so funny!"

Look, you do the slicing. Do it like this.

"Aaargh! My face! They've taken my eye out!"

"What have they done to you?!" "Avert your gaze, my precious!"

-Put the potato down!

-Get off!

-Give me the other one!

Will the pair of you shut up?!

-Give me it!

-Get off!

-Give me the stupid thing!

Silence! Get to work

or I'll send you to the Naughty Cup!

-Sorry.

-Sorry.

-Sorry.

-Or you could let them escape again(!)

-Leave it, will ya!

'So our heroes were slaves of the Neehi tribe,

'forced to make their favourite food - chips.

'How would they complete their quest, and would Mannitol ever escape

-'the Naught Cup?'

-That's the last one.

I can't believe you skinned Bert alive, then boiled his body! Beast!

I can see pink potatoes dancing with peelers.

All hail the chief! >

Ah, my slaves. You have prepared our potatoes?

We have.

So, where are my chips? Give me my chips.

-Chips! Aaargh! Chips!

-Chips! Aaargh!

We've got a little surprise for you. I know how much you like chips,

but they take ages to make, so instead - you're gonna love this! -

we've made you...

FANFARE PLAYS ..mashed potato!

What?! Eurgh! Eurgh!

She won't like this! The chief won't like this!

You mashed our potatoes?! I don't like mashed potatoes!

I hate them! I hate you! You've ruined everything!

-Guards! Guards!

-Wait, wait!

Mashed potato - it's...good! You can have it with everything!

-We don't eat everything!

-Wait, wait, wait! Mashed potato - it's good.

You can have it...hot or cold.

You can eat chips hot or cold!

Wait, wait, wait! Mashed potato is good!

-You can...you can...

-..throw it at Dom's face!

-Yeah.

Hmm, let ME try this.

Can I have a go?

Yep, yep, yep.

A bit more, I think! A bit more...

Um...yep!

You're in the Naughty Cup! You're in the Naughty Cup!

-There's a mash fight!

-You're in charge!

Aw...

Don't move!

No, no, no. I have a little secret to tell you about Father Christmas.

SHE CRIES

At last,

we can complete our quest!

All I have to do now is put this plum into the...

Whoa!

-Ugh!

-THEY LAUGH

-I like that game. It's fun.

-Great. Don't know why I didn't think of it.

He's laughing on the inside, here.

I'm going to make you my chief advisors on fun.

-You'll stay in my hut and make up more fun games.

-Great!

Then we can have a nap.

No bedtime! And anyway, I didn't mean you,

I meant them. You're going to make lunch.

Ah. Mashed potato?

No! Chips.

What, with a donkey?! Oh, yes!

-Chips...

-Chips...!

Oh, my long lost brothers are back, after all these years,

but what foul misfortune has befallen you?

Chips, chips. CHIPS. Chips, chips, chips, chips, chip-chips. CHIPS!

So they locked you up and had you make chips for them?

Who - help me up - who did this?!

Chip, chip-chip-chip. CHIP! Ooh, chip-chip!

-The Neehi tribe?! Where?!

-Oh, chips. Chips, chips...

-Chips, chip-chip, chips.

-Past the acorn tree, second on the right?

Nobody does this to my family! Before this day is through,

I shall return and get my revenge.

-CHIPS!

-Exactly, my friend, exactly!

'Unknown to the Neehi tribe, a new threat was rising against them.'

The chief's VIP hut!

'Unaware of the dangers ahead, Dick and Dom went to work for the chief.'

Could do with a bit of a tidy in here.

-What?! Did you say "tidy"?

-No! Why would we say that?

-Look at all the mess! We love mess!

-One of my favourite hobbies.

I'm watching you two. If you make one slip-up...

You'll shave us?!

Yes, and Ill tell the chief on you.

We need a plan.

Yeah.

I was thinking...

What about face paints?

No! Not the chief's plan for a fun game - OUR plan.

Our quest to find some fruit for the potion, to save our kingdom,

to get out of here! Remember!

Er, it won't come off.

We need to think fast before the Chief comes back.

Typical! Mannitol is just lazing around in the Cup, cutting up chips,

so it's up to us again to think of a plan to save the day.

Hmm?

Oh, yeah. Typical.

We need to think.

So...think, Dick, as hard as you can.

'As Dick and Dom thought really hard, Mannitol was closing in on his plum.'

Just a little...bit...further...

Aargh!

THUD!

Oh...

Ee-ee!

That's my plum!

Give me back my plum!

Give me back my...

Argh!

Plum! Plum!

I've got it!

-Genius!

-Yay!

-Ho-ho!

Ow!

Aa-aah...

How many have I done now?

One.

I've got to find a way to get out of here and get some sleep.

Give it back! >

-No! Ow, that hurt! I don't want to give it you back!

-Face it!

I've got the biggest stick - deal with it.

-Well, I've got it now!

-Give it back - it's not yours!

-No!

Afternoon there, fellow guards.

Owen. Terri.

I am the new guard...er...Eske.

-He must be!

-Got the right moustache and everything.

I'm here to take over, so if you'd like to give me your twigs...

Thank you.

Wait a minute!

It was MY turn to have the twigs!

-You had them last time.

-Don't start. You always get to carry stuff...

-Oh, now you're just acting like a child.

-What...?

Plum! Plum! Plum!

Mannitol? What's happened?

I surrender! I'm not guilty, Mr Guard. I was just...

going for a walk. Yes.

I don't want to go back in the Naughty Cup, please.

Pick on one of the others instead! that sneaky Lutin for a start.

Mannitol, it's me.

Lutin?

Oh! Lutin! Ha! What a surprise!

Hmm. That really is a first-rate disguise.

Yeah. Hmm. I always said you were the best.

Look at you. What have those nasty kids done to you, eh?

No, I did it to myself. Yes.

I actually found a piece of fruit that hadn't been destroyed.

-A plum.

-Oh.

-I was chasing after it.

And I thought - well, I assumed - that you would be doing the same.

After all, I'm sure you wouldn't be running away,

leaving us all stuck here, now, would you?

Ha! No! No, of course not.

Um, actually, I was just chasing a banana!

Must dash!

Good luck.

Oh!

My plum!

OK - using trained hamsters to get fruit.

No.

Growing our own fruit from toenails.

It's not going to happen.

-Put on a play about...fruit.

-It won't work. Hang on.

What about this?

We will attack in two hours. We shall have our revenge on that

whole tiny Neehi tribe. We will crush their village like a watermelon!

Chips?

Well, what's easier to crush, then? A peach? Yeah, I'll try that.

We will crush their village like a peach! Oh, yes, much better.

-I've got to warn the others.

-CRACK!

Halt! Who goes there?

Are you with the Neehi tribe?

No, my lord! Um, Warrior Blue...nose reporting for duty.

Oh, yes, Bluenose.

Looks every inch one of our brethren - got the moustache and everything.

-Chips...

-What are you doing wandering around?

Uh...checking for the enemy, my Lord.

Ah, yes, good. We will attack the Neehi tribe from the west, using

a surprise ambush from the trunk of the big tree. All this, of course,

is shrouded in secrecy, but I can tell you, cos you're one of us.

Of course, my Lord.

Um, maybe I should go and check out the secret ambush tree?

Oh, good idea, yes.

Yes.

A fine warrior.

-Chips.

-Chips.

I noticed that, too - yes, very nice.

-So we're decided, right?

-Yes, absolutely.

-To achieve success

and find the fruit and ultimately complete the quest...

-is...hopeless.

-I agree with you 100%. We're doomed.

THEY WEEP

Stupid...

The quest is stupid...

-What's this? Is this a new fun game?

-Boo-hoo...!

This isn't fun at all. This just makes me feel sad.

You're both fired.

THEY SOB

Stop! I was in the forest, and there's an army of grown-ups there.

In two hours, they plan to destroy the whole Neehi tribe.

We've got to do something!

Nonsense. They will be captured by my guards.

We have the pointiest sticks in all the kingdom. What do THEY have?

Er, toughened breastplates, suits of armour, very pointy daggers,

gunpowder, a particularly good archer called Keith.

Spears, catapults, dark magic, razor-sharp arrows...

Oh...and a bomb.

That's not fair! We're only small. We don't stand a chance!

Fear not - we have experience in these dangers.

-Just follow our example.

-Ahem.

-Leg it.

-Leg it.

Wait!

If we let them destroy the Neehi tribe,

there'll be no fruit OF the Neehi tribe?

Of course, then the quest will be over.

What quest?

Well, many years ago, in the kingdom of Fyredor,

two handsome princes were born, and they...

I don't really think we've got time for this now.

Chief! Chief! Chief! Our scout has spotted an advancing army

that will be upon us in just two hours.

Chief! Our scout has spotted an advancing army

that will be upon us in just two hours.

I've just told her.

-Anyway, it doesn't matter - we're all doomed!

-We'll be destroyed!

It's the end of everything.

Wait!

Sorry, just something in my eye. Go on.

Everything's ruined!

The whole tribe will perish!

-Nothing will survive!

-Wait.

Still got something in my eye, I'm sorry.

But I think I have a way that we could fight the grown-ups.

Of course, the trained hamsters.

No, not that.

Chief, you have to promise you'll listen to us. If you put your guards

and your tribe under our command, I swear we'll save the Neehi tribe.

OK, I'll do it. But how?

I think we've got a secret weapon that they won't be expecting.

Hmm?

ALL: Mmm!

Heave!

Pull! Harder!

Yep. Absolutely.

Soldiers of mash...

In a few moments, we will fight the grown-ups.

And in the meantime, I've prepared a short speech for the occasion...

THEY GROAN

Ahem.

To beat the grown-ups, we must be strong.

We must stand firm and not let anything stop us...

BUZZING

Ow! Get off! Argh!

THEY LAUGH

Ahem. "Be brave..." Blah-blah-blah...

"Never take our freedom..." Blah-blah-blah...

"Two lemons, milk and some loo rolls..." Blah...

"Zero chance of success - don't read that bit out..." Blah-blah-blah...

"Good luck." Let's go!

THEY CHEER

Hold... Hold...

Hold!

Salami!

HO-O-O-O-OLD!

CHA-A-A-A-ARGE!

FIRE!

THEY ROAR

Retreat! Go back! Desert!

Hold fire! Reload!

Charge!

CHA-A-A-A-ARGE!

Aha!

Ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha!

Why-y-y-y?!

You may have defeated my men,

but now I shall fight you all single-handed.

THEY CHEER

Aa-aargh...

Stop! Stop that plu-u-um!

THEY LAUGH

THEY START CHEERING AGAIN

I think that's the last you'll see of those adults for quite a while.

We knew you could do it. Goodbye, Barry.

Goodbye and thanks.

Goodbye, Owen.

-Terri.

-Goodbye.

Hey, wait a minute! I was supposed to say goodbye first.

Goodbye, Owen.

Goodbye. Will there still be mash when you've gone?

There'll always be mash, Owen.

And Chief, it's been an honour.

I've never met grown-ups like you.

You're truly worthy members of the Neehi tribe. Goodbye, Prince Dom.

Prince Dick. Lutin.

Mannitol?

What's the matter? The village is saved!

I'm afraid my plum is destroyed.

Oh...

We have failed - if we cannot get a piece of fruit from the Neehi tribe,

we cannot complete our quest.

Quest?

In the kingdom of Fyredor,

many years ago, two handsome young princes were born. They...

-I don't think we've got time right now.

-Ah.

Well, as you know, fruit and veg are banned in the Neehi tribe.

But I've got a secret to tell.

-I wouldn't be the Chief without my five a day.

-Oh!

Oh, marvellous!

Kumquat - that'll do nicely!

And from now on, I think you'll be seeing a few changes around here.

'And so our brave adventurers had their next ingredient,

'and the Neehi tribe had learned some lessons. From now on,

'they would act a bit less like kids and eat their five a day.

'Or maybe just chips.'

Ha-ha!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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