Mists of Time The Legend of Dick and Dom

Many years ago, a terrible plague consumed

the mighty Kingdom of Fyredor.

The only hope of a cure rested with one young wizard, sent out to scour

the Earth for precious ingredients.

After many years, he returned with an antidote.

The King's sons, Princes Dick and Dom, were the first to be cured.

And the last to be cured.

They were banished from the kingdom, along with trusty mage, Mannitol,

and light-fingered servant, Lutin.

All never to return

until they had collected the ingredients to remake the antidote.

And so, the legend of Dick and Dom

had begun.

Deep in the heart of the Bottom World countryside, on a cold unforgiving

Thursday morning, the next ingredient appeared on the scroll.

Actually, it doesn't really matter that it was a Thursday,

though I do like to be precise.

And the next ingredient on the list is...

Oh, can't we have a little holiday?

An hour off? A tea break?

Break? Do you see the people of Fyredor having a break?

Do you see our poor sick family having a break?

Do you see Mannitol and Lutin having a...

We rest when the quest is over! Guys, you never know,

it might be a really easy one to find this time.

The next item is...

the mists of time.

-What were you saying?

-Ah, the legendary mists of time.

Great clouds, swirling clouds

of nothingness, buried at the ends of the Earth itself.

And where exactly is that?

That information is sadly lost in the mists of time.

There was a book written about their whereabouts,

but that, too, was lost in the mists of time. But, there

was a traveller who claimed to have seen the mists of time. But he...

-BOTH: Is lost in the mists of time.

-Yeah, we get it.

No! He was a dwarf called Keith.

-Ah!

-Yes, he knew my father.

He's dead now.

So how do we find them? Isn't it written on the scroll?

No, no, nothing.

Oh, wait! At the bottom, look.

"Hand wash at 30 degrees."

Great. So we're looking for a stupid cloud of nothingness

that could be anywhere.

Wait, wait, wait! This calls for an ancient hunting trick.

Brilliant trick. Can I have a go?

What are we doing?

No mists. Not even a slight fog. The air is totally clear.

Don't speak too soon. That last beef pie was pretty spicy.

Ooh... Ooh...

Not that spicy!

The mists of time. Legend says they are the breath

of a giant sea monster.

Legend says they have great powers.

Legend did not say they were pink.

This must be it. Come on, let's get some.

-What's happening?

-Hmm. Looks like we've got competition.

We'll handle this. Turn on the charm.

Hello, sweet, sweet fairy.

We are Princes Dick and Dom

-of Fyredor.

-Good day, fair princes.

See, easy.

We have travelled for many weeks, over many peaks,

-and taken many leaks.

-What do I say?

-Ooh!

-Aah!

I say, I'm Fairy Frampton and you're too late, suckers!

BOTH: Aargh!

Well, here's some news for you, turkey heads - I got the mists.

And now, I'm going to be...famous!

BOTH: Aagh!

I'll be the fairy who found the mists of time.

I'll be on the front of every news scroll in Bottom World.

-We don't want to hit a girl!

-Why not?

I enjoyed hitting you two.

See you around.

Oi! Pick on someone your own size.

Hey, troll face! Give that back!

Dick! Where are we?

Looks like some kind of time portal.

-How do you know that?

-They always look like this.

Look! It looks like we're travelling through time and space.

-Help!

-Oi! Fairy!

Come back and fight like a...girl!

It's her! Oi! Stop!

See you when I'm famous! So long, suckers.

I could cast a spell to stop her.

No!

Maybe she'll come back for this necklace.

If she does, she's not going to find it.

On your feet, princes! I can hear a beast.

I've never heard that in Bottom World.

THEY ALL SCREAM

I was afraid of this.

Travelling through the mists can transport you through space and time.

We appear to be in some sort of hell called...

Sluff.

We've got to get after Fairy Frampton.

What happens if she's gone back to Bottom World?

What happens if we're stuck here?

I don't want to get stuck in Sluff!

I just want to go home!

The only way to return

is in exactly the same way you jumped through the mists.

As long as Lutin still has the necklace,

-Fairy Frampton must remain here.

-How convenient for us.

We must go after her, before she gets too far away.

Good morning to you from Radio Slough. Some traffic news now.

Reports of vehicles moving very slowly along the A31.

People in fancy dress are wandering along the hard shoulder.

Not sensible, folks. Don't do it.

Latest news after this.

# I ain't freakin' I ain't fakin' this

# I ain't freakin' I ain't fakin' this

# I ain't freakin' I ain't fakin' this

# Shut up and let me go, hey! #

This place is weird.

It is indeed a place of great wizardry and sorcery.

MUSIC PLAYS FROM CAR

Look! The creature plays music, but yet carries no instruments.

Ah, these moving square boxes! Magic.

And the people, they look normal.

Yeah, well you look normal.

I wonder if they speak Bottom World-ish too?

-Do you speak Bottom World-ish?

-No.

-You know, the language from the World of Bottom?

-No.

Is your garden near the mountains of Heldarno?

-No. My garden's just round the corner.

-Ah!

-Where's the fairy?

-Have you seen the fairy, Fairy Frampton?

-From the wedge of Margadom?

-Never heard of him.

Do you want to buy a necklace?

They searched and they searched,

but our heroes could not find the mist thief, Fairy Frampton.

I found this.

I think it's dead. I've talked to everyone. No-one has seen the fairy.

We need to find her. We need to get those mists.

I need to speak to the person in charge of this kingdom.

-Go straight to the top.

-Look, there!

The Cod King. There he is!

Hail! You must be he! King of Cod.

We are Princes Dick and Dom of the Kingdom of Fyredor in Bottom World.

These are our loyal companions.

What is your name?

-What?!

-What's your name?

-Luke.

All hail King Luke of Cod.

Yeah...anyway...bye, freaks.

No, no, no, no.

Look, please, King Luke.

We're desperate!

I'll call the police.

No, no, no! He is a sorcerer, too.

-I have seen them use these magic communicators.

-Are you magicians?

Magicians are boring.

-Only I am a magician.

-Yeah, and he is boring.

Then you must be Goths.

-Goths are well boring.

-No, no, no.

We are from another world.

I will prove it to you.

I will do a spell to make silver stars magically appear.

ASDA, Bupa, Jamelia, Vimto!

Wow!

-Please, King Luke.

-I'm not a king.

Look, there's a reward in it for ya.

I might be a king.

OK, I am a king.

And it's the holidays.

And I'm really, really bored.

But if you...

aliens get too weird, that's it.

Thank you, thank you!

-What do you want?

-We need to find a fairy

who has fallen through a time hole

and stolen some magical mist that we need to continue our quest.

-Right.

-And we need some food.

-Follow me.

Hello. Can I take your order?

Four all-day breakfasts.

How would you like your eggs?

Oh, er, tortoise please. Or chaffinch. But either is fine.

Normal eggs are fine.

Can I have troll's feet instead of mushrooms?

-He means extra beans.

-And a flagon of root water.

Four colas.

You guys really have no idea.

Are you from France?

No.

HE LAUGHS

Excuse me. I'm going to have to ask you to pay now, if that's OK.

And how would you like us to pay?

They are excellent pot washers or they can muck out your stable?

You'll have to pay with money.

You don't take Bottom World thrumpets, do you?

You guys don't have any money?

Oh, that's just great.

We only have...this.

I don't know what your Earth name is for it, but we call it gold.

It's fine! Keep the whole place!

Wooohoo! Yes!

How many of those have you got?

Wow.

So we've got enough money for at least a few days?

For at least a few lifetimes! You're rich. You can do anything!

What, like, find Fairy Frampton?

-Continue on our quest!

-Hang on. Did you say rich?

Yeah, what kind of stuff can we buy then?

I dunno. Diamonds, sports cars, houses, fancy food...

-Diamonds!

-Fancy food!

-Come on, Dom, we've just got to have a little shopping trip.

-Ah, yeah.

The fairy's not going anywhere. What's the harm?

-Just a little break. Come on.

-No.

-Come on.

-No.

-Come on.

-No.

-Come on.

-No.

-Come on.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No!

All right! Just an hour.

# I've got £90,000 in my pyjamas

# I've got 40,000 French francs in my fridge

# I've got lots of lovely lire now the Deutsch mark's getting dearer

# And my dollar bills would buy the Brooklyn Bridge

# There is nothing quite as wonderful as money

# There is nothing quite as beautiful as cash

# Some people say it's folly but I'd rather have the lolly

# With money, you can make a splash

# There is nothing quite as wonderful as money

# There is nothing like a newly-minted pound

# Everyone must hanker for the butchness of a banker

# It's accountancy that makes the world go round

# You can keep your Marxist ways

# For it's only just a phase

# For it's money, money, money makes the world go round

# Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money. #

Wow! How do they get them in that box?

Hello? Can you hear me?

That flushing drinking fountain is great!

We don't have a flushing drinking...

-Ah.

-Ah, brilliant. I've never had so much fun in...

-You haven't had fun.

-Ssh!

She doesn't know that he's her dad,

because he didn't tell her she was adopted when he got back from Cuba!

Anyone for another go on Body-Popping Stars?

Princes, we are forgetting something.

You're right. We're forgetting...

the silly string first!

No! We're forgetting something else.

Something important.

-The dance mat?

-The doughnuts!

The long lost brother!

The quest!

Come on, we're not in any hurry.

I mean, Fairy Frampton isn't going anywhere.

Besides, I've seen something really cool in town

and I just really want to get it. Come on.

Look, just one more day...

I promise.

Mmm?

More vintage dandelion and burdock, love?

Don't mind if I do, darling.

Mannitol, can't we interest you in some? How about some caviar?

-No, thanks.

-Oh, go on.

It cost a fortune!

What's wrong?

You've been in a right old mood since we bought this flat.

Don't like it?

We can buy you another one! We can buy you another ten!

Luke, you like this flat, right?

It's all right, I suppose.

All right?! It's got 26 rooms and seven widescreen TVs!

And just what do you propose to do with 27 bedrooms?

I've filled mine with doughnuts.

I wish Lutin was here to see that.

Oh, Phil! How could you do that to her?

We tried to move her but she bit Dick's face.

Who's for more shopping?

No, no! I mean, what more could you possibly need to buy?

You don't need any of this stuff.

You just want it.

What's happened to you? You've become so greedy.

No, we haven't. Give me my doughnuts back!

You promised you'd return to your quest.

Oh, I see. You're jealous.

-What?!

-Yeah, you're jealous because we're so rich.

I knew this was gonna happen. My therapist told me all about it.

You've got a therapist?

-They're really expensive.

-Oh, I want one. What colours do they come in?

Listen to yourselves.

What's happened to you? I am so ashamed of you. What have you become?

Look, you may be our mage, but we're in charge. You must do what we say.

-Now, who's going shopping? Luke?

-I'm a bit bored of shopping.

It's not so much fun when you can buy the whole shop.

All right, all right, all right. What about a challenge

to see who can...

-smash the most Ming vases in a minute?

-We've done that.

Oh, OK, OK. What about

a challenge to see who can shave a picture of a hamster into this rug?

Look, maybe we should actually do this quest thing.

It sounds all right. The mists of time, the fairy...

Oh, pur-lease! Not you as well!

I'm through with this quest.

If you two are so bothered about it,

why don't you go and do it yourselves? Right?

Good. We're going to do...

water wars!

Right, yours.

Come on.

Was that bad?

What's the worst thing you can imagine?

Baked beans.

No, no. Worse than that.

The quest is very important to so many, many people.

The princes have lost their way.

-We must make them see sense.

-But how?

If only I knew.

Do you have a way of looking through history?

Can we get information from ancient people?

Er, we could talk to my mum and dad.

No, more ancient than that.

We need books.

And lots of them.

-Identity cards.

-We don't have one.

But I do have...

this is a family stone from the fires of Ovendor.

Will that do?

Yes, yeah. That's fine. Thank you.

Jeremy, yeah. Got another nutter.

All the great knowledge

of the universe in one place, so much to learn.

Penicillin! The Second World War!

Car parks!

Alan Titchmarsh!

-Woah! A giraffe can clean its ears with its tongue.

-Wait!

Bottom World...

Fyredor.

At last, I can find out what happened to the kingdom.

Oi! Nutters!

EASTENDERS ENDS

CORONATION STREET THEME TUNE PLAYS

Here they are.

The rare Stradivarius violins.

# She call me Mr Boombastic

# Say me fantastic

# Touch me on my back she says I'm Mr ro...mantic

# Call me fantastic

# Touch me on my back she says I'm Mr ro... #

DOORBELL

-Ah, come grovelling back, have you?

-The quest too boring for you?

-We've discovered something.

-Well, we've discovered something -

gold-plated pogo sticks!

All the cool people in the night club have got 'em.

Did we tell you that we bought a night club?

Well, we bought this book.

Actually, we didn't really buy it.

Ssh! We've discovered what happened to the Kingdom of Fyredor.

With you on this Earth, refusing to complete your quest, there was no-one

to cure the kingdom of the curse.

-The colds, coughs, spots just got worse.

-It can't have been that bad.

The people suffered, your family suffered.

Everyone was utterly, utterly miserable.

Fyredor was done for, in a big spotty, zitty mess.

There's pictures and everything.

Our parents. What have we done?

-We've been greedy, thoughtless, selfish.

-I agree.

Unkind, reckless, irresponsible...

-Steady on.

-Listen. Whatever you've done, it's not too late.

-You can still do the right thing.

-Right.

We must go after Fairy Frampton.

-Count me in!

-At last, you've seen the error of your ways.

Yes. And we've run out of gold.

Right. Well, come on. We have a fairy to catch and the mists to recover.

King Luke, Princes Dick and Dom

give you all these earthly possessions.

What?!

-Oh, all right.

-Use them wisely. Come!

Not the frying pans.

EASTENDERS THEME TUNE PLAYS

Lutin! Have you even moved?

-Back from the post office already?

-We've been gone a week!

Really? Ssh, Doctors is starting.

Lutin, you have to listen.

Something terrible has happened.

Not the Robinsons!

-Has their dog died?

-No, no, no, no.

Myself and Prince Dick, we've stupidly ignored the quest.

We need to get people together and find Fairy Frampton.

-But it could take days!

-She was just on the other side.

Well, turn off the television and...

-What?

-Fairy Frampton. On the TV.

Oi!

Max was about to propose.

You can watch it on +1

And I'm here at Pinewood Studios on the set of one of this summer's

hottest music videos.

Yes, that's right. It's the new dance sensation... Fairy Frampton!

But before all that, Coldplay tell Zane Lowe how you can help

save the environment by eating concrete.

Mists!

We'll never make it. We're in Sluff. She's in Pinewood.

And we haven't even got the bus fare.

Erm, I do have something to tell you.

A little confession to make.

I did allow myself one little luxury.

Right, let's see what this baby can do.

Come on!

Safety harness!

-Yes?

-We are Princes Dick and Dom of the Kingdom of Fyredor.

This is King Luke of Cod and we are here to see Lady Edmondson of Kate.

Kate Edmondson. Have you got an appointment?

We do not need an appointment.

You do not need an appointment.

You think you are show girls.

We think we are show girls.

One, two, three, four...

Oh! Wizard.

Go, go!

So, Fairy Frampton, you're here to record your new music video

for Mists Of Time.

Now, is it true that these mists are actually real

and from another place called Bottom World?

That's right! Oh, but it's so boring over there, not like Earth!

Earth is amazing, like me!

Which is why I'm so famous and talented.

Not so fast, Fairy Frampton!

Well, well.

Here are some real one-hit blunders.

It's the princes and their useless helpers.

And, oh, they have a new useless friend. How sweet.

Is this part of the video?

Hi, everybody.

This fairy is a thief!

She's stolen the mists and made herself famous.

Hi, sorry. That's the wrong camera.

If you just want to look down that one..

-Oh. This one here?

-Yeah, straight down there.

Oh, thank you. Stolen the mists to make herself famous!

She's nothing but a fraud!

She's nothing but a fraud!

But luckily, we've got this necklace.

Oh! Sorry, I flogged it.

So what? Who cares? Since I left you to rot, I've become famous and rich.

And now what are you losers going to do about it, huh?

Since you left us to rot, we've discovered... pans!

And now you're fried.

Give it to her!

SHE SCREAMS

Er, let's see what happened when Zane Lowe drove to Scotland

with Jay-Z and three tons of fudge.

Yeah! Yeah!

Love my job.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday, King Luke. Hope you don't get too bored.

I wish you could all stay.

Remember, if you ever want to learn anything,

then just visit your local library.

We've got the Internet.

It's much better.

We should go.

Goodbye, King Luke. And...thanks.

Bye.

Bye. Bye, Luke. Bye.

Can anyone drive?

I can!

So long, suckers.

-It's good to be back, isn't it?

-No!

Now I'll never now what happened to Max and Charlene.

And I'll never get to level five on Body-Popping Star.

But one day we can save all of Fyredor, and maybe finish our quest.

In that case, we'd better get some of these mists

in the potion otherwise we may get captured by a fairy again.

And so, another step on their journey was complete,

shrouded in the mists of time.

And Princes Dick and Dom left behind planet Earth

and all its wicked temptations.

Well, nearly all of them.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd - 2009

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