Dick's Brain The Legend of Dick and Dom


Dick's Brain

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Many, many years ago,

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a terrible plague was turning the people of Fyredor

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into horrible beasts

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and a few nice cuddly ones.

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BOTH: Wa-wa-wa...

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The only hope of a cure rested with princes Dick and Dom,

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their light-fingered servant Lutin and their trusty mage Mannitol.

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Unfortunately, they were utterly useless.

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They dropped the first antidote,

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mucked up the replacement antidote...

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Get out!

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And now must collect the ingredients to re-remake the antidote

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before all of Fyredor is doomed for ever.

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The Legend Of Dick And Dom continues.

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It's another beautiful day in Bottom World.

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And Mannitol is making a spot of lunch.

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Mannitol, what's actually in this soup?

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Ah, well, some hot water.

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A few dandelion leaves.

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No, I can taste something else.

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Is that cowpat?

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Ah! Ha ha ha!

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Just a crumble.

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You mean I've just downed half a bowl of cowpat soup?

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Yes, well, we're completely out of real food.

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Why don't we stop off at a village and get some?

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It's not too bad when you get used to it.

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Well, maybe we could stop off en route

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and find the next item on the scroll.

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Ooh!

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Oh...

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The brain of a prince called Dick.

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Ha ha! Brilliant! Easy one!

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Oh, yeah! Right! How are you going to get my brain out?

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Let me see!

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We'll just have to...

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Yank your hair like this.

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Agh! Careful!

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Open up the top of your bonce like an orange.

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Oh!

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Chisel through the skull!

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Oh, my goodness!

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Yank it open!

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Pull out the brain!

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And pop it in the potion!

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Not on the scroll, Mannitol!

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The magic parchment's difficult to clean!

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I'm not very good with this kind of thing.

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-Sorry!

-Should be me that's blowing chunks, I need my brain!

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And um, when exactly was the last time you used it?

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Yes, remember little brother...

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It's all about the quest!

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Give it here!

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Give it here! Get him!

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Come here! Come here!

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Meanwhile, deep within the forest a shadowy figure stood menacingly

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over four cute, fluffy defenceless animals.

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Wa ha ha ha!

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With a brew of his own creation, he transformed them into evil copies

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of our heroes.

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The swine!

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ALL: Ha ha ha!

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Oh, come on, Dick! Hand over your brain, you big greedy pig!

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Big greedy... Hello? This is my brain!

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Listen, I won't even have to open up your bonce, right?

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I can use this. I'll shove it over your ear,

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give it a right good pumping,

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your brain will just get sucked out your earhole!

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Let me spell it out, N-O-W. No!

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Prince Dick does have a point.

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We all know the importance of the quest,

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but would any of us sacrifice our own brain?

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-Come to think of it, no.

-I suppose so. All right, love!

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If you come down, we promise to leave your brain in your bonce!

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Ah, heavy!

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So, what are we going to do then?

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-We still have to find the brain of a prince called Dick!

-Ai!

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Mind his brain!

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Oh, wait a moment!

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-The brain of

-a

-prince called Dick.

-Yes, and?

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The scroll doesn't specify this prince Dick.

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Oh, he's right.

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What, so we've got to hunt around for another royal Dick

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and get his brain?

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This is Bottom World. There's princes all over the shop!

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I suppose you're right. Let's go!

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Hm!

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And so, as our heroes set off to find another Prince Dick,

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their new evil twins prepare to carry out

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their wicked, twisted purpose.

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Fair plan, this is!

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Master says we do lots of evil stuff!

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Evil stuff! Good this sounds!

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And other Dick, Dom, Mannitol and Lutin will get blame, yeah?

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Yeah, yeah, blame! To dungeons they will go! For ever!

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Oh! Maybe help I can by conjuring up evil spells!

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Hm!?

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Coming someone is!

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Hide, we should.

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Hurry up! I haven't got all day, you know.

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-Nn-nn!

-I heard that!

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Halt!

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Out of my way!

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I'm a princess, don't you know? What you doing, sneaking around...?

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Hold on, don't I know you?

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Don't think, no!

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Oh, well, if this is a hold-up,

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I beg you not to harm me, a weak and feeble lady.

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Just take the family jewels.

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No, no, no! We want more than jewels.

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We want this!

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Help! No! Not the fish slapping!

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Oh! No!

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Oh! Oh!

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Oh, thank goodness they've gone!

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Oh!

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Oh! Oh...

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Ha ha ha...

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Oh! Gregory, take me to the nearest police station!

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This horrendous crime must be reported immediately.

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Ha ha ha!

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What are you laughing at?

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You dippy, duncey dolphin of dopey doom!

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Hurry up!

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What if this Prince Dick of Dobblethwaite

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doesn't want to give us his brain?

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Ha! Just hold him still!

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Oh...

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Yes?

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Hello. We'd like to have a word with Prince Dick, please?

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-Ah...

-SHE SOBS

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What's wrong? Where's Prince Dick?

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My son, Prince Dick, is gone!

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Gone, I tell you! Gone!

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When's he coming back? We're happy to wait!

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He isn't coming back! He's never coming back!

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Oh. Where is he?

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He went on a mission to fight the notorious dragon

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of Sloppy Poppington, and was eaten!

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He's been eaten by a dragon?

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Oh, great(!)

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I mean, terrible... Isn't that terrible?

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Yes, terrible.

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Woe is me! Woe... Woe is me!

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-Woe...

-We are very sorry, Your Highness.

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You can say that again.

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Now, this dragon...

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He didn't happen to spit out any of Prince Dick, did he?

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Specifically, his brain?

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Yeah, and if he did, maybe we could buy it off you?

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ALL: Oh...

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You people are sick!

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As our heroes bid their farewells to Queen Marsha,

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all over Bottom World,

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their evil doubles were committing despicable, criminal acts!

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Kicking up the bum of Baron Colin The Stiff!

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The painting orange of Castle Whoopsy!

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And the mega wedgying of poor, innocent peasants.

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Totally outrageous!

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SHE SOBS

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The last one, he was older. Right baldy!

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-IN GEORDIE ACCENT:

-You say they all had gerties?

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Gerties?

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Aye! Y'kna, gertie beards like.

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Oh, goatees, yes!

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Yes, that's them!

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Well, dunnae you worry yourself, pet.

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I'll catch these criminals.

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Or my name isn't Sheriff Harold Batts.

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Hey. Looks like a village up ahead!

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Maybe we could get some food.

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Finally! I'm starvin'!

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Wait a sec.

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What's this?

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It's us!

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"Wanted, for crimes against Bottom World"?

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Crimes, but we haven't committed any crimes.

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How come we've got all these funny goatee beards?

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Someone's drawn over the poster! That is vandalism!

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Whatever! Can we just go and get some food?

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No, wait! The villagers will surely think these wanted criminals are us.

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He's got a point. They might nick us and throw us in a smelly dungeon!

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I think I may have an idea!

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Yeah, and I'll have the pan-fried badger's loin, too.

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OK, so that's two badgers, one squirrel tureen

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and one hedgehog surprise.

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What's the surprise?

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Boo!

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-Oh, jeez!

-I'll be back with your drinks!

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We're still no closer to finding the brain of a prince called Dick.

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Relax! We'll have a nice meal, get some supplies and be out of here...

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SCREAMING

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Right! Nairbody move!

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You got a licence for that bunny, son?

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Yeah! Y-Yeah...

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Yes! Yes... No...no...

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-ALL:

-ACHOO!

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Shut it!

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Well, well, well...

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What have us got here then, eh?

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You're nicked, my old beauties!

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It wasn't me... It actually...

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You don't understand!

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Do you know who we are?

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This is outrageous!

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We're on an important quest!

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-To save the good people of Fyredor.

-Shut it! Get in there!

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Right, then!

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As a police officer,

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I like to deal in facts.

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And the facts are these...

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Yous four fit the description of these four,

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who've been gan round committing acts of a criminal nature.

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That wasn't us!

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I'm a law-abiding wizard!

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-It's obviously a fit-up job!

-It's a fit-up job, is it?

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Yeah.

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Oh. Sorry about that.

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Maybe I should let you all go then, eh?

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-That'd be great! Thanks very much.

-Don't be so stupid, son!

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Now I know you're guilty.

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And by the time I've finished with yous lot,

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you'll all be squealing like a...

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goblin...

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who's just been told he can't have another egg sandwich by his...mum.

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Constable Carrot!

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Sir!

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Prepare the dimly lit and sparsely furnished room!

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It's time for a bit of interrogation!

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ALL: No, no, no...

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-Mummy, mummy!

-It's not us!

-Mummy, mummy! Mummy, mummy!

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So, when Baron Colin the Stiff was getting his backside kicked,

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where were you?

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I was asleep in the forest with my brother Dom, Mannitol and Lutin!

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So, the other three suspects are your alibi, are they?

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I don't know.

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What, you don't know if they're your alibi or not?

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I don't know what alibi means.

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Sheriff Harold...

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Shut it, baldy!

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Now, look!

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Why dain't you just save us booth some time, eh?

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And you admit to giving a couple of innocent peasants

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mega wedgies?

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HE MOUTHS

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I would never give a peasant a wedgy.

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That's what they all say!

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This yours?

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Yeah! So?

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I've got a Princess Gloria

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what can put you at the scene of her family jewels gettin' nicked.

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Oh. And what have we got here then, eh?

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Oh! I nicked those jewels weeks ago!

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Oh, really?

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Let the record show

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the suspect has admitted to the theft of a bag of jewels.

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Oh!

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Howay!

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But look, look, it wasn't me!

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I'm a law-abiding prince of the realm.

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Listen, son!

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Why dain't you stop wasting valuable police time

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and just cough, eh?

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Mm?

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Oh.

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Nice.

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Wh...?

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Playin' it like that, are we?

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-The force who like to take drastic measures, sunshine.

-What?

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Oh, no! No, no!

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No, no!

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HE CRIES

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I can't believe you squealed!

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Yeah, for stuff we never even did!

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I-I didn't know what was going on.

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He was talking to me about stretching me on a rack.

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Then he took out his large feather!

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And I don't know what happened, it was all just too much.

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I just... I can't...

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I'm formally finding you lot guilty of all the charges.

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Sheriff Batt! Can I just have a word...

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I've got a signed confession,

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so I can take you down to the dungeon where you'll stay.

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Sheriff Batt! I really need...

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Rotting for the rest of your days in a tiny cell with terrible food

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-and a little gadgy called Alan what absolutely stinks.

-Sheriff Batt!

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-What is it?

-This bloke had his hovel broken into and his hamster shaved!

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Poor Hettie.

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Without her fur, she caught a cold and...

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Y'all right. Y'all right.

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Calm down! Calm down!

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Now did you happen to get a good look at these hamster shavers?

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I did. There were four of them.

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Four of 'em, you say?

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That was quick.

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You've caught them already.

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What is yous talking aboot?

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They've lost the goatee beards but that's definitely the four,

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who shaved my Hettie!

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I see! So, whilst we've been locked in this cage,

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we've also been out shaving this buffoon's hamster!

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Hm! I'd say that was pretty much impossible.

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Sir, maybe somebody's magically cloned these prisoners

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-and their doubles have been committing the crimes?

-Carrot...

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In all wor years of nicking villains,

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I've never heard such a farfetched, idiotic and stupid...

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Hold on a minute!

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I've got it!

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What if somebody's magically cloned these four prisoners

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and it's their doubles what have been deein' the naughties.

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Yes! That's it!

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I know a cloning spell myself.

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Any skilled wizard can perform it!

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Hm! That's you off the hook!

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Hm! Er, scuse me!

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But seeing as we're obviously innocent...

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Any chance of letting us go?

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Hm, aye, all right.

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Easy mistake to make though.

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I mean, you are identical doubles of the villains, like.

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Wait a sec! Identical doubles!

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What are you saying?

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Well, don't you see?

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-We need the brain of a prince called Dick, yeah?

-Right.

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If there's an identical double of Dick running around,

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we just need to catch him and suck out his brain instead.

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Sheriff Harold Batt, we'd like to join forces with you

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in your search for these heinous criminals.

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Yes! On condition that if we catch them, we suck out my brain.

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Well, the other Dick's brain, that is.

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Listen, son. If we catch these wrong 'uns,

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you can suck out as many brains as you like.

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Oh!

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Get a cloth!

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Unaware that Harold Batt and our heroes were hot on their trail,

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the evil doubles continued their crime spree.

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Today we muck-muck two lords.

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ALL: Ha ha ha ha!

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Pump in face of three damsels!

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ALL: Ha ha ha ha!

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Bury seven wenches up to neck in pooh!

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Oh, and forget not, paint an entire field of cows pink!

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ALL: Ha ha ha ha!

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Ah! Police after us, they are!

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Evil plan working!

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ALL: Ha ha ha ha!

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Soon Dick, Dom, Mannitol and Lutin in dungeon!

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ALL: Ha ha ha ha!

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Bingae!

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It's amazing!

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Just like looking in a mirror!

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How about this for evil cackle?

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Ho! Ho! Ho-o-o!

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What we need to do now is find out where that lot's gan to strike next.

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And how do we do that?

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Simple. Infiltrate the camp, get the information.

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No, that's a rubbish plan. They'll know you're an impostor!

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Not me, you duck egg! I mean one of yous lot.

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ALL: Oh.

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ALL: Ha ha ha ha!

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Just going to go pee-pee!

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Don't forget, shaky-shaky!

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ALL: Ha ha ha ha!

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All right, son.

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Put it away nice and slowly.

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Hm!

0:18:570:18:58

Can't we just suck his brain out right now?

0:19:020:19:04

Hm! Hm! Hm! Hm!

0:19:040:19:05

Man!

0:19:080:19:09

What, and leave the other three criminals on the loose?

0:19:090:19:12

I don't think so, pet!

0:19:120:19:14

Hn!

0:19:160:19:17

Bbb! Bbb! Bbb!

0:19:170:19:19

What's up, Dicky? Don't you like that?

0:19:210:19:23

I bet you're ticklish too, aren't you?

0:19:230:19:25

HE GIGGLES

0:19:250:19:27

-Oh, yes! Under the armpit. That's the worst spot!

-All right!

0:19:280:19:32

He's had enough of that.

0:19:320:19:33

Now, you know what to dae.

0:19:330:19:36

Get in there and find out where they're gan to strike. All right?

0:19:360:19:40

-OK.

-Remember, be evil!

0:19:400:19:43

Evil, right!

0:19:430:19:45

Well, off you gae then!

0:19:450:19:46

That way!

0:19:480:19:50

Now!

0:19:500:19:51

ALL: Ha ha ha ha!

0:19:520:19:54

Evil Dick, back you is.

0:19:590:20:01

Where you been, eh? Why so long pee-pee?

0:20:010:20:04

I've just been over there, having a little...

0:20:040:20:07

Uh...

0:20:070:20:09

Oh...

0:20:090:20:10

I've been in the trees, having a oooh!

0:20:100:20:13

ALL: Ha ha ha ha!

0:20:130:20:15

Well done, son!

0:20:170:20:18

Well done!

0:20:180:20:20

ALL: Ha ha ha ha!

0:20:200:20:21

Snotty snotty!

0:20:250:20:26

Snotty snot snot snot!

0:20:280:20:30

Snotty snotty!

0:20:340:20:35

Guys, where are you?

0:20:390:20:40

Doh! Blimey!

0:20:400:20:41

OK, this is the big one!

0:20:410:20:43

-They've got hold of all this minotaur snot.

-Minotaur snot?

0:20:430:20:47

Carries a stiff sentence if you're caught packing that stuff.

0:20:470:20:50

What are they planning to do with it?

0:20:500:20:52

They keep mentioning the fairiest fairy fayre?

0:20:520:20:55

That's one of the most prestigious events in the Bottom World calendar!

0:20:550:20:58

Aye. And it's happening later on today.

0:20:580:21:02

Those sickos are gan to attack the fair.

0:21:020:21:04

But everyone loves the fairest fairy fayre!

0:21:040:21:08

Imagine what would happen if the fairies got snotted.

0:21:080:21:11

Civil unrest, son. All over Bottom World.

0:21:110:21:15

That's why we're gan to be there, watchin' and waitin'.

0:21:150:21:19

Right, back you gae.

0:21:190:21:20

-What? I've got to go back.

-Aye! You're undercover now!

0:21:200:21:23

We cannae send this gadgy back, can we? He'll give the game away!

0:21:230:21:26

-And remember, act evil!

-Evil, I know!

0:21:280:21:31

Ha ha ha! Bla-bla-blaaa!

0:21:310:21:33

He he he!

0:21:350:21:36

APPLAUSE

0:21:360:21:37

And the award for the most fragrant fairy breath goes to...

0:21:370:21:41

Fairy Francesca!

0:21:430:21:45

Right, keep 'em peeled, everyone.

0:21:460:21:49

And now...

0:21:550:21:57

I spy with wor little eye...

0:21:570:21:59

Right, I want yous two to take those two.

0:21:590:22:02

The minute they try and use the minotaur snot, jump 'em!

0:22:020:22:06

Right!

0:22:060:22:07

And the award for the prettiest fairy nose goes to...

0:22:100:22:15

Fairy Fritzi!

0:22:150:22:17

Oh! Quite a surprise! I didn't think she'd do it this year.

0:22:170:22:20

APPLAUSE

0:22:200:22:22

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the big one,

0:22:240:22:28

this year's award for the fairest fairy of them all!

0:22:280:22:31

Ooh!!!

0:22:310:22:34

What you standing here for?

0:22:350:22:36

Dain't worry. Everything's under control!

0:22:360:22:38

We've spotted an evil Mannitol and an evil Lutin,

0:22:380:22:42

so just relax!

0:22:420:22:44

It's evil Dom you should be worrying about! Look! Over there!

0:22:440:22:48

Dear me! He's gan to snot the fairest fairy.

0:22:520:22:55

So, here we go!

0:22:550:22:58

The award for the fairest fairy of them all goes to...

0:22:580:23:03

Fairy Fenella!

0:23:040:23:05

Ah! Ha ha ha!

0:23:050:23:07

Evil! Evil!

0:23:230:23:24

BOTH: Evil! Evil! Evil!

0:23:240:23:27

Evil! Evil!

0:23:320:23:33

No-o-o!

0:23:330:23:36

No-o-o!

0:23:390:23:41

No-o-o!

0:23:430:23:45

Ha ha ha!

0:23:560:23:57

SCREAMING

0:23:570:23:58

Right! You're nicked, shorty!

0:23:580:24:02

Ha ha ha ha!

0:24:020:24:04

Snotty snot snot!

0:24:050:24:07

Ahhh!

0:24:080:24:10

Ooh!! Ahh!!

0:24:130:24:14

Ahhhh!

0:24:180:24:20

Right, you're all nicked!

0:24:250:24:26

Well, yous lot as opposed to yous lot, obviously.

0:24:270:24:31

Brilliant! So can I suck evil Dick's brain out for the potion now?

0:24:310:24:35

Aye. Fill your boots, pet.

0:24:350:24:37

Ahhhh!

0:24:380:24:40

Uh? What?!

0:24:420:24:44

You mean...

0:24:460:24:48

You idiot, Carrot!

0:24:500:24:52

You've let the prisoners escape, man!

0:24:520:24:54

-What happened to our evil doubles?

-These cloning spells don't last.

0:24:540:24:59

-As you can see.

-I'm off! These lot are still on the wanted list.

0:24:590:25:02

Carrot! Yous two, try and head 'em off at the pass.

0:25:020:25:06

So... Is this farewell?

0:25:060:25:07

Aye, son. Crime won't crack itself, y'know.

0:25:070:25:11

Mind how you gae.

0:25:110:25:13

Stop that bunny!

0:25:140:25:15

Sheriff Harold Batt.

0:25:160:25:18

What a guy!

0:25:180:25:20

FART!

0:25:200:25:22

Mr Pongy want a bathy?

0:25:230:25:25

Course, now we are back where we started.

0:25:300:25:33

What do you mean?

0:25:340:25:35

Er, the brain of a prince called Dick, remember?

0:25:350:25:37

Except we no longer have a spare Prince Dick!

0:25:370:25:40

You know what, I've been thinking about this.

0:25:400:25:43

And I've come to a decision.

0:25:430:25:45

The quest is the most important thing.

0:25:450:25:47

More important than any one individual.

0:25:470:25:51

More important than me, Prince Dick.

0:25:510:25:55

So, I will therefore give up my beloved brain

0:25:550:25:59

for the potion,

0:25:590:26:01

for the people of Fyredor,

0:26:010:26:04

for the quest!

0:26:040:26:05

Oh! That was actually quite moving.

0:26:050:26:07

So, you're really OK with me sucking out your brain!

0:26:080:26:13

Yeah, go right ahead.

0:26:130:26:15

All right then. Hold still!

0:26:150:26:17

Ha ha ha!

0:26:270:26:29

Oh! Here! Catch!

0:26:330:26:36

Uh... uh...

0:26:360:26:38

Bleugh!

0:26:400:26:41

Ah! Ugh! Ugh!

0:26:440:26:46

Ugh! Ugh!

0:26:460:26:47

Oh, wow!

0:26:470:26:49

Is that really my brain?

0:26:490:26:51

Dick, you're all right!

0:26:510:26:53

Did you just speak?

0:26:530:26:55

-Yeah. I feel exactly the same as I did before.

-It's amazing!

0:26:550:26:58

Removing his brain seems to have had no discernible effect whatsoever.

0:26:580:27:02

Well, you lot always said I thought with my stomach,

0:27:020:27:05

so I think you were right all along!

0:27:050:27:07

Oh!

0:27:070:27:09

Wahey!

0:27:140:27:15

Let's go!

0:27:190:27:21

So the brain of a prince called Dick was added to the potion,

0:27:210:27:24

and our heroes' epic journey continues.

0:27:240:27:28

As for this shadowy figure,

0:27:280:27:30

he was none too pleased his plan to get the gang locked up was thwarted.

0:27:300:27:34

Still, at least his pets managed to escape from Harry Batt.

0:27:360:27:40

And they never failed him again.

0:27:400:27:43

CRUNCH!

0:27:430:27:45

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:510:27:55

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0:27:550:28:00

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