Heist The Legend of Dick and Dom

Many many years ago, a terrible plague was turning

the people of Fyredor into horrible beasts and a few nice cuddly ones.

Their only hope of a cure rested with Princes Dick and Dom,

their light-fingered servant Lutin and their trusty mage Mannitol.

Unfortunately... they were utterly useless.

They dropped the first antidote...

..mucked up the replacement antidote...

Get out!

..and must collect the ingredients to re-remake the antidote

before all of Fyredor is doomed forever.

It was all going so well.

Just a few more ingredients and the antidote would be complete!

The penguin egg is nearly defrosted and ready to add to the vial.

Are those boots new?

The shopkeeper assured me they were the very height of fashion.

Yeah, they were. In the Ice Age!

So, what have we got here, then?

-Are they...pants?

-They're not pants, all right.

They're masks so you lot won't recognise us

after we've robbed you blind.

-Told you we should have got proper masks.

-Shut it!

Look, we are... We are princes of the realm

-and we demand you get us down immediately!

-Yeah!

Cos he's got really bad breath!

Princes, eh? We've hit the jackpot, boys.

-Karen! Sharon! Pat 'em down!

-Princes? Not likely!

This one's only got an old scroll.

-His pockets are full of cheese.

-I was saving that!

Oh, no... Please!

Not the vial!

You can take anything, but don't take that!

Ugly thing. But must be worth a few bob if they like it so much.

Oi! Oi!

What's going on?!

Clear out!

-I was only gone five seconds! What happened?

-What does it look like?!

We're having a tea party(!) We've been robbed!

They took the antidote!

Oh! Wait here!

If you reach inside my pocket, I think they've left a bit of cheese.

Unbeknown to the young thieves, Lutin followed them all the way back

to the nearby town of Matador.

Those kids just took all our stuff!

-Let me through!

-More than my job's worth.

Although my job's only worth 2.70 an hour.

The manager says next year... Oh, all right, see ya later.

Now, then, what have you brought me, my cunning little foxes?

Oh, gold plates, yes!

And that's particularly pretty.

Well done, my little geese.

Now, a treat.

Enjoy.

..Four is 24. Have an average day.

Having discovered where the vial, and Dick's cheese, had been taken,

Lutin returned to tell the others. Prince Dom was outraged!

Hello, I am outraged!

Back of the queue, please, sir.

Yeah, but I'm outraged!

You'll have to go to the back of the queue

with the non-outraged customers, sir.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

Cashier number two, please!

-Yes, I am outraged and I demand to see the manager!

-Bill Payment?

Hmm? No! The manager.

Yeah, Bill Payment, he's there.

I am Mr William Payment, the manager of this bank, and you are not.

What seems to be the problem?

Well, you see, I am outraged!

Myself and my friends have been robbed

and you are hiding the bandits! I demand my property!

What a very good story from a man with such bad breath.

Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Would you please leave?

Well, you see, I'm not going anywhere.

I know you're hiding those children. We've seen them through the window!

How do you explain that?

You are, of course, referring to my orphanage.

Yes, it's true, we do accommodate several young children

here in our spare room.

Poor children, street children.

It's my way of giving back to the community.

More like taking from the community.

I want my vial back and if you don't,

I'm going to tell the Sheriff.

Across the street. First door on the left.

Do give him my regards, we're good friends.

Cashier number two, please!

-Look, the Sheriff must be here.

-Splendid!

Let's get the law on our side.

Yes, we'd like to...

Now listen to me, that bank manager is innocent

so no more of your complaints.

Eh? We haven't even told you what we want.

Oh... Ah! So, what seems to be the problem?

We'd like to make a complaint.

You listen to me, that bank manager is innocent, so... Oh, shoot!

Go ahead, please.

Right, well, erm, it's the bank manager.

We've been robbed and we think he's behind it.

You listen to me, that bank manager is innocent, so no more complaints.

Mr William Payment...

Mr William Payment is a decent citizen of this town.

He is a good, honest, uptight man.

Upright, you fool!

Upright man... Yes, yes.

So, in conclusion, these are groundless accusations.

-Who's in the cupboard?

-There's nobody in the cupboard, OK?

And if there was, he'd be an innocent bank manager.

So get out of this office, and get out of this town!

Shoo, don't bother me.

Come on guys, I've got a better idea.

"Come on, guys, I've got a better idea."

Yeah, shoo, shoo, shoo, get out of town!

I think I fooled them.

I sometimes wonder why I bother to pay you,

even if it is just in cake.

Well, it's very nice cake.

-Shut up!

-All right.

With the vial locked away deep in the bank's vault,

it was lost forever.

All their efforts, all the dangers they had faced,

all for diddly squit.

They had failed. Fyredor was doomed,

and there was only one thing left they could do, and they did.

THEY SOB

Stop! Just listen to yourselves.

One setback,

one brush with the criminal underworld, and you fall to pieces.

Well, I'm not going to let that happen, OK? It's pathetic.

She just called us pathetic!

Shut up! Now, listen.

Those scumbags, they've taken what's ours,

and if anybody round here's going to be taking stuff, it should be me!

Those are mine!

Now, do you want that vial back, or what?

But the bank is so heavily secured, we can't just...

Oh, I'll find a way, Mannitol.

I promise. Now, are you with me?

I'm with you.

-I'm with you too.

-I'm with you, pending a more lengthy explanation.

Good.

We've got a heist to plan.

All right. This is what we've got. The vial is in a bank vault.

The vault is combination locked.

The bank's guarded night and day.

A loads of orphans live in the back room.

The bank manager's a total twit.

This ain't going to be easy.

OK, do we all know what we've got to do?

THEY SNORE

Right, they're open.

You know what you've got to do.

We're going in.

Look, we can easily blag a job here.

It's probably just like making tea or something.

So, you young gentlemen are here to apply for the job?

Yes, we are.

Good, well, I hope you're serious.

If there's one thing I don't like, it's time-wasters...

and flip-flops. So you are Mr...?

Chip. Chip, yes, Mr Chip.

Mr Chip. And Mr...?

Erm... Mr Pin.

Mr Pin. Mr Chip and Mr...Pin.

Have we not met before, gentlemen?

Erm, yes, probably.

Probably got the same... hairdresser.

I doubt it.

So, do either of you have any relevant experience

or qualifications?

Ah yes, I got 97.6 in my maths exam.

Well, I got 96.7.

You do know that's a smaller number?

Ah, well, it depends where you put the decimal point.

Right, well, I'd like you both to work here today on trial.

Whoever performs the best will get the job.

Unless, as I suspect, you're both complete morons.

THEY SNIGGER

Right, let me show you the ropes.

Next, the vault.

You should've seen the shoes on that old wizard! "Disco"!

SHE KNOCKS ON DOOR

Wait!

Please, madam, spare any change for a hot drink?

-Drop the act, it's pathetic.

-But we haven't eaten in days.

-You've got chicken round your mouth.

-What do you want?

-Listen.

My name's Tilly.

I'm an orphan, just like you lot.

No family, no food, no hair-straighteners.

Ah, my heart bleeds. Why should we care?

Well, I heard about this operation you've got going on down here

and I want a piece of the action.

Forget it. We're full.

Yeah, push off.

You know they're creepy, right?

This conversation is over.

It's time you were leaving.

OK, OK. Fair enough.

I guess I'll have to get somebody else to help me steal

-all that gold from the convoy of wagons tonight.

-What?

Ah, well, it doesn't concern you now, does it,

given that I'm not part of your "little operation".

Stop! What gold?

And this is our pride and joy.

Five-inch thick steel, triple combination lock,

airtight interior, drinks cabinet.

-It's a dream.

-Ah, so where's the real one?

No, I mean it's a very good vault.

-Nobody can get in.

-How do you get the money in?

Well, obviously we can get the money...

It doesn't matter.

Right.

-96...

-Quick! Write it down!

-I haven't got any paper.

I'll use your back!

66 and 99.

Aaaaagh!

-What was that?

-Oh, nothing, he's very excited.

He's a big fan of vaults!

Gentlemen, I present the Matador town bank vault!

This vault contains valuables from all over Bottom World,

all of them priceless.

And none of them yours.

Let me show you some of the real gems.

This is where we keep the latest additions to our collection.

That's it!

Ah, yes, this vial.

It was left to me by a rich aunt in...Spanglydor.

It contains a strange clear liquid,

which we believe to be some sort of aftershave.

So, erm, what would happen if someone just stole it?

Well, they wouldn't get very far, would they?

Not with our armed guards and sabre-toothed gruntle orcs.

-No, that would be a stupid thing to do!

-Very.

Hello, good evening.

Can you tell me the way to Smelly End?

Ooh, now wait a minute. Let me think.

Flapjack, Laminate, Wellington!

Choo-choo, Overflow, Waistline!

-Are you trying to knock me out?

-No.

You want to get in that bank, steal everything from the vault?

It looks to me, sunshine, like your daring little plan is over.

Oh, dear.

Unless, you want to give me them shoes, then I'll do a runner.

-All right, then.

-Nice one.

Nice one. I've had my eye on a pair like this for a while.

Cheers.

So, we're agreed?

It's a one-off job tonight.

We meet in the forest at five, we split the money,

-and you don't tell the manager. Deal?

-Deal.

Don't they scare you?

You get used to it.

Eugh...

So, erm, who got the job?

Well, let's just recap, shall we?

This morning, you stocked the cash machine full of toilet paper.

So instead of stocking the toilet with paper, we stocked it with...

Cash, yes. Fortunately, the chief cashier noticed on the third wipe.

We're having the rest steam-cleaned.

Your work this afternoon wasn't much better.

You introduced a "buy one get one free" offer on money.

Completely unauthorized, and costing the bank nearly 16,000 kankels.

So, who got the job?

Get out! Get out and never come back!

SHE WHISTLES

Arrrrrrrghh!

-Why didn't you tell me you had the key!

-Sorry.

Right, get it off, we need the combination. Quick, quick.

-And remember if we get it wrong once, we're locked out for good.

-OK.

99...

No, wait!

It's a six! I'm upside down.

Let's swap.

No! Not shirts, positions.

96...66...99.

Thanks for lending me this handkerchief!

That's not a handkerchief.

What? Eugh!

SHE COUGHS

Any sign of them yet?

Nothing. I thought you said 5.15.

Just a couple more minutes.

I was sure the vial was in this one!

He must have moved it! Keep looking!

OK.

Aaagh!

Hello? Excuse me, in there?

Are you going to be long?

-Only I'm busting!

-Oh, heavens!

Erm, could you come back later?

No, no, you're all right. I'll wait.

Still nothing. They're ten minutes late.

You'd better not be lying to us.

Course not! Is this not the face of honesty?

-Anything?

-Diddly squit.

-What, it's empty?

-No, it's a diddly squit. I love these!

That's the last drawer.

So if the vial's not in there, where's he hidden it?

Keep waiting. Just a few more minutes.

What's that?

"Grand Plan to Steal the Vial."

Oh, fancy that!

Wonder who left that there?

"Property of Lutin."

Oh, Lutin, eh? Oh, wonder who that is?

Ah...

Grab her! Back to the bank, quick!

-There's something in there.

-I knew it!

Come on, let's get out of here before...

-Before you get caught?

-Exactly, before we... Oh.

-We're just going to the loo!

-Yeah, ran out of paper again!

Put her in with them!

I must say, I'm very impressed with your little act.

I was nearly taken in by it.

Pretending to be so naive and incompetent.

But something just didn't add up.

Oh, that was me. I can't do subtraction either.

So you were the ones my little band of workers

met in the woods yesterday?

So that must be your vial?

But now it's mine again. Odd, isn't it? All this fuss over an aftershave.

-Eh?!

-Long story.

Here's an idea.

How about we look after it for you and the whole thing is dropped?

Hmmm, unfortunately you've all seen too much.

I'd love to stay and chat, but it's getting late and I'm sure

the three of you must have lots to catch up on.

Karen, the door!

-Well, help her, then!

-What are you doing?

You may recall this vault is completely airtight.

I hardly think I need to explain what that means.

Good for storing biscuits?

Complete lack of oxygen. Goodbye, princes...

Lutin.

Well done for spotting that Lutin was double-crossing you.

You've all grown up to be fine, cunning young adults!

Now, away to your beds.

And don't forget to brush your teeth.

Ah! Sheriff. As usual, you turn up late,

smelling of cake.

I'm taking care of this little pest problem,

and I want you to look the other way.

It's what I pay you for, isn't it?

Sure.

They were trying to steal this.

It must be valuable.

D'you want me to lock it up?

Yes, yes, that's a good idea. Lock it in the station for the night.

We don't want it getting lost, do we?

Sure.

Oh, what a day.

-Yes? What is it?

-Sorry I'm late.

Did I miss anything?

Well, not in the last five seconds, you dimwit!

You want me to go arrest them?

I just told you, when you were here just now!

-Mister, I haven't been here all day.

-But...

..if you haven't...

No!

And so thanks to Lutin's brilliantly fiendish plan,

our heroes stole back the antidote and escaped.

What do you mean, "How"?

Oh, all right.

While Dick and Dom were stealing the key to the bank,

Mannitol was inside his toilet tent digging a tunnel.

Meanwhile, Lutin had to make sure the urchins would capture her

by letting them discover the plan.

Once the gang were trapped inside the vault,

all they had to do was steal the loot and then wait for Mannitol

to break through, just in time.

Now they could escape up through the tunnel and Dick could use

Lutin's moustache of disguise to pretend to be the Sheriff

and then persuade the bank manager to hand over the vial

to the very enemies he thought he'd locked away.

Obvious!

You see, I told you, Pam!

He's been in there for ages!

-Sheriff!

-What, where? Oh, yeah.

Me!

HE WHISTLES

-Right, it's all yours.

-Oh, thank goodness!

I'd give it ten minutes if I was you.

WATER GUSHES

Oh, I don't believe it.

So our heroes made off into the night.

The bank manager's ill-gotten gains

were given to a genuine orphans' charity.

And the next ingredient, a by now thoroughly defrosted penguin's egg

was finally added to the vial!

All right. Oh, yeah, very funny, leave it, leave it, what's so funny?

Oh, yeah? Well, hilarious!

Take them off, still laugh at me, ha-ha-ha-ha.

Lucky!

-Oh, no!

-Whoo-hoo!

HE GROANS

GROWLING

Master, please, I did everything!

I secured the vial, I kept them in the town.

But they're crazy! Crazy!

-Worse than children!

-You have failed me.

I think it's time, Mr Bank Manager, that you made a withdrawal.

No, master, please no!

Yes, I like the tickling

but it hardly makes up for what you've just done to me.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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