Hairy Fizzogs The Legend of Dick and Dom


Hairy Fizzogs

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Transcript


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Many, many years ago, a terrible plague was turning the people

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of Fyredor into horrible beasts.

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And a few nice cuddly ones.

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Their only hope of a cure rested with Princes Dick and Dom,

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their light-fingered servant, Lutin, and their trusty mage, Mannitol.

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Unfortunately...

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They were utterly useless!

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They dropped the first antidote,

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mucked up the replacement antidote...

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Get out!

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And now must collect the ingredients to re-remake the antidote

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before all of Fyredor is doomed forever.

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The Legend of Dick and Dom continues.

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Another exciting adventure begins

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in the mythical, magical, mystical merry-go-round of Bottom World.

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Our heroes are continuing their quest to seek out new lands,

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new civilisations, to boldly go where no man has gone bef...

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Oh, sorry, wrong show.

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Our heroes are continuing their quest to find the

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ingredients to re-remake the potion,

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a potion that will cure the poor, plague-infected citizens of Fyredor.

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But, unbeknownst to them,

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deep within the darkest forests of the land,

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their arch nemesis the Beastmaster

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was once again plotting their downfall with his evil henchman.

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You have failed me.

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Have you anything to say?

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RIBBIT!

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Ah. Then you leave me no choice.

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I am bringing in a special operative.

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The Jackal!

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QUACK!

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Jackal, find those princes and lead me to them. Hunt them like dogs!

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Oh, sorry, Martin.

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As for you two...

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You're toast!

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HE CACKLES

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HE COUGHS

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Sorry.

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Aaarrrgh!

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-The Hairy Fizzogs are in town!

-What?

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The Hairy Fizzogs! Look!

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Only my most favouritest band in Bottom World ever!

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Honestly, Lutin, I thought you were in danger.

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Oh, but I am in danger.

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In danger of getting so excited that I wet myself!

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Oh, but I love them!

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I know the words to all their songs.

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The Hairy Scary Skunk Rat, You've Got a Frog Face (But I Love You)...

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Oh! And I know all the actions Bop Bop Bah Bap!

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Oh, and, and, and, I've got, like, all their merchandise.

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I've got the tankard, the cloak, the pants, the snot rags...

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-The snot rags!?

-Yeah! I had to buy them second-hand,

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but they are authentic Hairy Fizzog ones!

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-This... Urgh, this is all tat!

-What?

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Bands and music.

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They're so overrated.

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Not like they were in my day.

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I'm surprised at you, Lutin.

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At least the Princes Dick and Dom, well, they're not so easily swayed.

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Mmm, so soft.

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Oh, don't tell me you like their music, too?

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Well, I like their music.

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He just likes the hair.

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They've got no talent, no soul, no pizzazz!

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-What?!

-Honestly, what is the Bottom World coming to?

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Oh, shut up, Mannitol.

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Yeah, shut up, Mannitol.

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You're, like, always so boring.

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Like yesterday, when I wanted to spend some time poking that bull

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and you wouldn't let me.

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Yes, well, I think the Hairy Fizzogs are rubbish.

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Yeah, well, you would.

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Because you're just a boring old fuddy-duddy!

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I am off to get concert tickets.

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-You can't!

-Huh?

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-Why not?

-What about the quest?

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-Oh!

-All over Bottom World, innocent, plague-ridden victims

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are being turned into chickens and badgers.

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The plague is spreading.

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People are relying on us to find a cure.

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We must put the suffering of others before our own desires.

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It is a race against time.

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The quest! The quest!

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And only the quest.

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You're right, Mannitol.

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We must continue the quest.

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And then go to the concert! Yay!

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As you wish.

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Let's have a look.

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-The sweat of a King.

-Oh, great.

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Where are we supposed to find a sweaty King?

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-We could ask our dad.

-No way! Return home with an incomplete potion?

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Mmm. Maybe a sweaty Prince would do?

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Don't Look at me. I don't sweat. I may perspire.

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We're faced with only one option...

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King Stenchwang the third.

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Stenchy? Who's he?

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He rules over Whiffy-Mamma Valley, beyond the steaming pits.

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It's a long way. We'll set off now.

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Oh! But what about the concert?

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We might not be back in time!

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Mannitol, a compromise...

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Maybe we could get the sweat tomorrow?

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Please? Please?

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Please? Please? Please?

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No! No concert!

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We are heading...upwind.

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So with their hopes of seeing the Hairy Fizzogs' concert

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dashed by Mannitol,

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our heroes reluctantly set off in search of the sweat of a king.

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Ah! The Hairy Fizzogs!

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I love you...

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Ha, ha, ha!

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Oi, oi! Hands off the fur. This is mammoth, I'll have you know

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and I ain't spending half of tomorrow night

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thrashing it out again, all right?

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Are you with...the band!?

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I am the roadie. I move their stuff.

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-Oh....

-Hey... Just remember, little lady, the band may bring the rock

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but the roadie brings the roll.

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All right? Anyway, I'm looking for Wemblebum Stadium,

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the band are playing there tonight.

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In front of royalty.

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So I've got to get a little bit of a wriggle on, if you catch my drift.

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Royalty? No, I'm afraid we won't be there...

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I haven't got a clue who you are, you cabbage.

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I am talking about King Stenchwang the third and his B-O-dy guards.

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King Stenchwang?

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That's right.

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-He likes doing that, doesn't he?

-The stadium's just down there.

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Oh, right. Nice one, man.

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Well, I'd best be off then.

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Oi! I thought I told you, darling, hands off the mammoth.

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Speed your hooves, man.

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So, if King Stenchwang's going to be at the Hairy Fizzogs' gig tonight,

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we've got a reason to go after all!

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But I don't think Mannitol's going to like it.

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-Have they gone then?

-Yep, and we've got great news...

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We know where to find King Stenchwang.

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-Ha, ha, ha!

-Oh!

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At the Hairy Fizzogs concert. Yay!

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-I'm not going.

-Huh? Oh, really?

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But think of the poor innocent plaguey people

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who are relying on us for the cure.

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Mmm, yes. We must put suffering before our own desires.

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It's a race against time.

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The quest, the quest... and only the quest.

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-Mmm....

-Oh, all right then! Let's go!

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QUACK!

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With their every move being watched by the Jackal,

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the Princes put their best foot forward

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and headed off down the road.

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Unfortunately Dick liked both of his feet equally

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so it took him slightly longer to get going.

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The road to Wemblebum was a long one,

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down the great north circular path,

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through the gardens of Kew Cumber,

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along the Hangman's Lane leading to the great plain of Acton.

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Oh, I remember when all this was just fields.

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But all this is fields...

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Eventually they arrived.

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Oh! We're here. Wemblebum Stadium.

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-Way!

-Fizzogs! Fizzogs! Fizzogs!

-Come on, Mannitol!

-Fizzogs!

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Stop this at once. We're not here to see the Hairy Fizzogs.

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We're here for one reason and one reason only.

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-Stenchwang.

-Don't you call me that.

-No, no, there!

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-Make way for King Stenchwang!

-Cover your noses.

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Pffft! Pfffft!

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-Can we go inside now?

-Right.

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We go in, take the sweat and we get out again, right?

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Yes. No sweat. No! I mean sweat. Sweat, sweat. Lots of it.

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QUACK!

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Coming through. Royalty here. Princes to the front.

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-Not you.

-Oi!

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Leave it!

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-Sorry, we're closed.

-I.....Oooh!

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-Four tickets to the Hairy Fizzogs, please.

-Sorry?

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-Four tickets to the Hairy Fizzogs, please.

-Who?

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Hairy Fizzogs.

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How many?

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-Four!

-Four what?

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-Four tickets.

-What for?

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I'll give you "what for" in a minute!

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Could we have four tickets to the Hairy Fizzogs, please?

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Why didn't you just say so?

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-When for?

-Oh, I don't know. A week on Thursday?

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For today, you idiot!

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There's no need to be personal, I'm just doing my job.

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But I thought your job was to sell people tickets.

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-It is.

-Well, go on then.

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-What?

-Four tickets to the Hairy Fizzogs, please!

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All right, all right, let's have a look, shall we?

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-Standing or squatting?

-Squatting!

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Pffft!

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Ouch!

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What do you lot want? Oh, yes, of course, tickets, tickets, yes.

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Um, right...

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Sold out.

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-We want some tickets...

-Please don't cry.

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I can't stand it when you cry.

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I thought they would have!

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I just wanted to see the...

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I admit we should get in there to see the concert,

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King Stenchwang is in there after all.

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And if we are going to get our hands on his sweat,

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maybe there is something I could do.

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What can you do, Mannitol?

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You're probably pleased

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because you didn't want us to go to the concert anyway!

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No! I'm going to find my own way in.

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-Yes, me too.

-Yes, me three.

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But...

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Isn't that...?

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Have you got a spare ticket?

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Spare ticket? Have you got a spare ticket?

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Excuse me, have you got a spare ticket? Spare ticket?

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Excuse me, have you got a spare ticket?

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Don't even think about it, Dick!

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How did he know my name?

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Ah!

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Patience, Jackal. Patience!

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Nice weather we're having?

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12 Thrumpets?

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No?

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12 Thrumpets, piece of string and this.

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-What is that, man?

-Don't know.

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Look, girly, if your name's not Dan, then you're not coming in, all right?

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-Don't you mean "down"?

-Eh?

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If your name's not "down"

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-you're not coming in?

-No, Dan.

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But...oh, fine!

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That's fine.

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I do not believe it, man.

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Come on in, man. Let me make you a brew.

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-Dom! Dom!

-Eh?

-I've got an idea.

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It's not the one about your shoes made of jelly again, is it?

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No, but that was a brilliant idea.

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-I've thought of a way to get in to the concert.

-Right!

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All we need are these posters,

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something sticky and our Hairy Fizzogs teeth.

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All right? My name's "Dan".

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Well then you had better come in, man.

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Yes!

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We use the hair and the honey to disguise ourselves as Hairy Fizzogs,

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-then we sneak in through the stage door. Brilliant.

-Messy.

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Oh, come on! Since when when have you been scared of muck muck?

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You're right. Let's do it.

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Oh!

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-Yes.

-On here. And the hair.

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And the hair. Aha ha!

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All right, girls? Nice one. Tickets, lovely.

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Might see you later, yeah? Ooh, lucky. Oi, oi, oi!

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I thought I'd already told you, sunshine, if your name's not "Dan"

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you ain't coming in, all right? Now hop it! Hop it!

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All right, fellas?

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(INAUDIBLE)

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Listen, shouldn't you be backstage? We'll be starting soon.

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(INAUDIBLE)

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Yeah, nice one. You crack me up, boys.

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You really do. All right, in you go. Come on.

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QUACK!

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-Was that you?

-What?

-Then?

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No, it was you.

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The potion!

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Ah...good idea.

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Ha, ha, ha!

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(COUGHS) Sorry.

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Oi! If your name's not "Dan", you're not coming in.

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What's that?

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Ah, melting, man.

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Whoops! Now you're a goose.

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Ha, ha, ha!

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NEIGH!

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It's no good, Kevin, I can't sing a top A above a middle C.

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Curse this plague.

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How am I supposed to perform tonight if I got the voice of a goat?

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I told you we should never have played Fyredor.

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But oh, no, "Plague victims need music too, you know," you said.

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And that audience! Did you see them?

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What a sight! Half covered in pustules and boils

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and the other half with snouts and trotters.

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Oh, it was hideous.

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At least by the time the animal symptoms appear

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you're no longer contagious.

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So you boys should be all right.

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But, I mean, if I had to catch a plague

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that turns you into an animal,

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why couldn't I turn into a songbird or a pigeon?

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Something with a voice? But, no.

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I'm turning into a goat and I'm hungry all the time.

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And I got a splinter, look at that.

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Look! I tell you, I'm being punished.

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Pass us that shoe,

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will you? Lovely laces...

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I've been baaaad... I wronged people, I know that.

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I've been selfish and cruel. I mean, I know it was years ago

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but I should never have sacked our lead singer.

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It wasn't his fault.

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We can't have a bald Hairy Fizzog, it doesn't make any sense.

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You're out the band!

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I'm paying for it now, I tell you.

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If he was here, he could have done the gig.

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Pass us them curtains, will you, Kev?

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And tonight, of all nights, King Stenchwang will be stinking mad.

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Go and tell the audience...the gig's off!

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Yo.

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Here we are. The royal box.

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Let's get the sweat from King Stenchwang

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and get back to the concert.

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Oh, hold your nose. It's going to be stinky.

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-Eh?

-Eh? King Stenchwang III?

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-Yes?

-We've come to get your sweat.

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Oh, not this again. This is the third time this week.

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Look, if I've said it once,

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I've said it 1,000 times - I am very misunderstood.

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Just because my king is my name is King Stenchwang, and I rule over

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Whiffy-Mamma Valley does not mean that I'm a stinky, sweaty chubster.

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Well, I am a chubster but the fact remains, I do not sweat!

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What? Not at all?

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Not even if you're really, really worried?

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Or you're really, really hot?

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Or you've eaten lots and lots of curry?

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No, no, no. You see, I keep roses under my armpits.

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See? I must admit, the thorns were an issue

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but otherwise, it works a treat.

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Mmm, fragrant.

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Oh, no, no. No, thank you.

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I'm sorry I can't help.

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But please spread the word, Stenchwang doesn't stink.

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Dom, why is your face all covered in hair?

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-Dick.

-All right.

-It's a long and mucky story.

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Destroy them.

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What is that?

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Stenchwang doesn't stink.

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And the concert's off.

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Right, so... I suppose we should just leave.

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Hey, where's Mannitol?

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'Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together.

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'Then take them apart, then put them back together again,

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'and keep doing that quite quickly.

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'For the Hairy Fizzogs!

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'And their lead singer,

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'Mannitol, the Wizard Of Rock!'

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One, two, three, four.

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# You got a gross moustache and your hair is weird

0:22:270:22:30

# Whiskers up your nose and a grisly beard

0:22:300:22:33

# You haven't had a shave for 15 years

0:22:330:22:35

# You got bushy eyebrows and bristly ears

0:22:350:22:38

# You've got a hairy face but I love you

0:22:380:22:44

# You give me an itchy rash when I hug you

0:22:440:22:49

# I get a mouthful of rotting food when I kiss you

0:22:490:22:55

# Yeah, you got a hairy face but I love...

0:22:550:23:01

# You got a gross moustache and your hair is weird

0:23:010:23:04

# Whiskers up your nose and a grisly beard

0:23:040:23:06

# You haven't had a shave for 15 years

0:23:060:23:09

# You got bushy eyebrows and bristly ears

0:23:090:23:12

# You got a hairy face but I love you

0:23:120:23:18

# You give me an itchy rash when I hug you

0:23:180:23:23

# I get a mouthful of rotting food when I kiss you

0:23:230:23:29

# Yeah, you've got a hairy face but I love...

0:23:290:23:35

# You've got a hairy face but I love you. #

0:23:350:23:42

King of Rock! King of Rock!

0:23:510:23:53

-King of Rock! King of Rock!

-Mannitol!

0:23:530:23:56

That was amazing!

0:23:590:24:01

Mannitol, you are the King of Rock!

0:24:010:24:05

A big, sweaty, baldy king... Hang on a minute, what did I just say?

0:24:050:24:09

-You just said he's the king of rock.

-No, after that.

0:24:090:24:13

-You said he's bald.

-No, between that and that.

0:24:130:24:16

-I can't recall.

-No...sweaty!

0:24:160:24:19

-Huh?

-Huh? Sweaty King of Rock!

0:24:190:24:21

A sweaty king!

0:24:210:24:22

Yes, a sweaty king!

0:24:220:24:24

A big sweaty...Mannitol, the vial!

0:24:240:24:26

Sweaty king.

0:24:260:24:29

Right, um...

0:24:290:24:31

Yuk!

0:24:310:24:32

Salty.

0:24:340:24:35

Hey!

0:24:350:24:37

Just write, "To Lutin, with all my love, your best friend, Mannitol."

0:24:440:24:51

Oh!

0:24:550:24:57

Mannitol...

0:24:570:24:59

I can't believe you used to be a Hairy Fizzog!

0:25:010:25:04

Until I went bald

0:25:040:25:05

and the band decided they didn't want a Hairy Fizzog without any hair.

0:25:050:25:10

"It's not very good for our image."

0:25:100:25:13

So I joined the Slaphead Monkeys for a while. But that didn't work out.

0:25:130:25:19

Well, listen, we're sending him back to Fyredor on an emergency mule...

0:25:190:25:23

Which means we need a new lead singer. What do you say?

0:25:230:25:27

I say...no. Sorry.

0:25:300:25:34

-Princes Dick and Dom need me.

-Do we?

0:25:340:25:37

And we have to complete the quest

0:25:370:25:41

before the plague takes more victims like poor hairy Jim.

0:25:410:25:45

-Baaa!

-All right, mate.

0:25:450:25:50

Goodbye, Hairy Fizzogs.

0:25:500:25:54

-Ooh!

-Ay!

0:25:540:25:57

-Thank you, mate.

-Ooh!

0:25:570:25:59

Oh!

0:26:040:26:05

Manny!

0:26:100:26:12

-Manny! It is OK if I call you Manny, isn't it?

-No.

0:26:120:26:15

And, Manny, now, we've always been the best friends,

0:26:150:26:18

so I was wondering...

0:26:180:26:19

And so, Princes Dick and Dom, along with the King of Rock, Mannitol,

0:26:190:26:24

headed off to face new perils and dangers

0:26:240:26:26

on their quest to re-remake the potion.

0:26:260:26:29

As for Lutin, she'd clearly fallen in love with Manny.

0:26:290:26:32

-No.

-Ooh, you're so annoying!

-Ow!

0:26:320:26:36

Oh. Well, that didn't last long.

0:26:360:26:38

You disappoint me, Jackal.

0:26:410:26:43

You have failed to deliver, despite the huge bill,

0:26:430:26:46

and you cost quite a lot, too.

0:26:460:26:48

I'm sorry to have to punish you but, believe me, it is for your own good.

0:26:480:26:54

Next time, princes, next time...

0:26:540:26:58

Mm, lovely!

0:27:000:27:02

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:100:27:13

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0:27:130:27:16

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