Journey to the Centre of Bottom World The Legend of Dick and Dom

Many, many years ago, a terrible plague was turning

the people of Fyredor into horrible beasts.

And a few nice cuddly ones.

Their only hope of a cure rested with Princes Dick and Dom,

their light-fingered servant, Lutin,

and their trusty mage, Mannitol.

Unfortunately, they were utterly useless.

They dropped the first antidote...

mucked up the replacement antidote...

Get out!

..and now must collect the ingredients to re-re-make it

before all of Fyredor is doomed forever.

The Legend of Dick and Dom

continues!

Brother, nothing like the great outdoors. The sun is shining...

The birds are singing...

The tent's running away!

-The tent is running aw...

-BOTH: What?!

Oh, my gosh! What's going on?

-He-e-e-lp!

-We're coming!

Which of you hammered those tent pegs in?

-Pegs?!

-Do tents have pegs?

Oh, thank goodness for that, I thought I was a goner!

Don't mention it, kid. Ladies?

Next time, get your mommy to pitch your wendy house for you, huh?

Your ponytail...it's a whip.

-Can I...

-Don't ever touch the tail.

-Sorry.

-Who are you?

Name's Josh. Brogan Josh.

Full-time man, professional tough guy...

and renowned treasure hunter. Danger is in my blood.

I eat danger for breakfast.

You eat your own blood?

Look, you may be able to help us, we too are adventurers.

Have you ever escaped from a fire-breathing badger

using only a toffee yoghurt?

Or been swallowed by a giant snake and cut your way out with a spoon?

No. Then you're not really adventurers.

We're trying to find this "thing" for our quest.

Kid, I've done every quest there is.

I've stolen the golden horns from the Antelope of Skull Creek,

I've prised the priceless ruby from the lips of the Qtonga Queen.

I've punched an angry hedgehog.

Whatever it is, I've done it.

We're after "The Eye of the Beholder".

No-one's ever managed that. You don't stand a rat's chance in your pants.

You wouldn't last a second.

We would. If...you came along with us.

You could be our guide.

Princes, you already have an experienced guide.

Is he coming along later(?)

Come on, Brogan, think about it.

Back on the road. The smell of danger.

HE SNIFFS

Yeah.

-The taste of fear.

-Yeah!

Unless you're scared, of course.

He's scared.

Danger's too much for him, I reckon.

I don't think he can manage it.

PRINCE DOM QUIVERS HIS LIP

All right! When do we start?

Works every time.

OK, we need to tool up.

Equipment shop. If I'm gonna lead this quest, I expect no less than

complete focus and dedication from my whole team, right?

Oh, look - a sale.

I'm going to go browse.

One all-weather altimeter.

One double-barrel squid-squelcher.

Two tropical tarantula traps.

-Oh, and a packet of mints.

-And a curly chew.

One grappling hook with flame-proof mounts.

No, no, look, Brogan, buddy...

we're all for being prepared,

but don't you think this is a little over the top?

Normally we just go into the forest, find a weirdo,

-and get the ingredient off them.

-The Forest?

The Eye is not in a forest!

No, no - as I was trying to tell you Princes,

The Eye is most difficult to acquire.

It is located in the tomb of MwaffaFaffa, which is...

Which is in the very centre of Bottom World.

What?!

And to find that, you have to go down through the...

The Six Levels of Sin.

I knew that!

I am their guide, you know.

Oh, so you're an expert now?

Yes, yes.

- So tell us what the six levels are. - I will. Yes!

Huh?

Er...I haven't fully finished researching that.

The Six Levels of Sin.

Pride, sloth, wrath, gluttony, impurity and greed.

Each is a test designed to protect The Eye from those of weak character.

Blimey, we're stuffed.

I can only imagine what deadly challenges await us.

Let the adventure begin.

Take this, and follow me.

You know, that man should really learn some manners.

I can hear you, jack ears!

So - this must be it, the tunnel to the centre of Bottom World.

So, our team started their descent to the centre of Bottom World.

Down they went, for many, many hours,

through tunnel after tunnel...

Which would be very boring to show you,

but, hey, trust me, they did it.

It's some kind of a large, damp cavern.

I knew this "large damp cavern hat" would come in handy!

2,000 miles down. This must be the first of The Six Levels of Sin.

That must be the trapdoor down to the next level.

And that must be the fire exit.

That's the ladder leading up to the key.

We need it to get to the next level.

-Yes, that's what I meant.

-I'll go get it.

-Give me a tropical tarantula trap.

-Mmm?

You did bring the equipment?

We thought you were...joking.

Oh, useless idiots!

No, no, no, we don't need weapons.

We are adventurers.

Well, I know I am. I can do it.

You, please be careful, Prince Dom.

We do not know what traps lay ahead of us.

Each level is a test for each of the six sins.

Chill, Mannitol, just leave it to us heroes. Eh, Brogan?

This is your chance, kid. Don't screw up.

Ow! Get off, oh, ow...

Don't poke me or I'll poke you back.

No poking! Get off! Ow!

Get off, will you!

Argh!

How annoying!

Of course - a test of wrath. Prince Dom, do not succumb

to the sin of anger. Remain...

Remain calm. Do not get angry.

I was going to say that.

I made it! See, I can do it.

I can do it.

-Eh?

-Eh?

-Who's that?

-Who's that?

-Stop copying me!

-Stop copying me!

Why, you little...

No...

I can do this! Yes, yes, yes.

-Remain calm.

-Remain calm.

-Shh!

-Shh!

I did it!

I've got it!

-Blasted thing.

-Don't get angry!

Stop moving away!

Prince Dom!

Aaaaaaargh...

I'm sorry, Brogan.

I know you must be pretty angry with me.

Angry? Of course not.

You tried, that's all that's important.

I'm cool with that. I'm not angry.

See?

Avoid the sin of wrath - complete the level.

Piece of cake.

What about the sin of smugness?

You weren't really angry with me, right?

-Wrong.

-Oi!

Wow, a world of wool.

It's so this season.

Here's the hatch. We just need to find...

the key.

LUTIN: Oh, great.

Do you know what, guys? I think I'm going to have

a little lay down over here.

-And you can wake me up when you've found it.

-Lutin!

Oh, leave her. She'll only slow me down.

I think this is quite simple.

We've just got to find the key that opens the hatch.

I've learned to expect surprises. I eat surprises for breakfast.

Oh, yes. No doubt with some semi-skimmed treachery.

You ever had a naked alligator jump in your bath?

-No. Not recently.

-Exactly.

Oh, come on, let's just get started.

Hang on... I don't know which keys we've checked now.

That's it. Stop. Stop searching.

It takes one man two minutes to check one key, right?

-Is this a test?

-How long will it take four men

to check a billion keys?

Er...seven litres?

237 years.

What! Including breaks?

You get one long break at the end, kid.

Hang on. So that means...

We're never going to find the key in time.

Because...we're not supposed to.

Wake up! Wake up now! Come on, come on.

Eh? What are you doing?

He's lost it.

Level two is Sloth.

So, Lutin was just being...

Being lazy. So unless she got up,

we were never going to find the real key.

All of those are red herrings.

Hang on! I thought they were keys.

-What is this place?

-Wait!

Don't touch anything... DICK GAGS

-Poison?

-No, just sweaty. It stinks!

When will you dillweeds ever learn?

One mistake and we could all be stuck down here for good!

We wouldn't want that, would we... it's pants here! Get it? Pants.

MANNITOL: Look. Over there - the key!

Stay close, and follow me.

-Yes, Brogan.

-Yes, Brogy.

Three sick bags full, Brogan(!)

I have heard tell of this underground place before.

They call it the Cavern of the Sweaty Knick-Knicks.

Oh, come on! That sounds ridiculous.

The key! It's...moved.

Of course, Impurity.

Any time you think an impure thought - something rude or naughty -

this level will punish us.

Oh, great.

Well, that's us done for, then.

Quiet. No talking.

-PRINCE DOM GIGGLES Shhhhh.

-What?

Look, the rock...

-What? Is it a threat?

-No, the shape of it. It's like a...

Yeah! Brilliant!

THEY BOTH LAUGH HYSTERICALLY

Silence! Not a sound or a thought.

Sorry. Couldn't help it.

SQUELCHING, PRINCES LAUGH

Shh!

BELCHING

Control it!

FARTING NOISE

PRINCES LAUGH

Stop! Your complete stupidity meant we almost failed.

Cave of the Hairy Bum Whackers.

SNIGGERING Don't!

MORE RUDE NOISES

That's it. We're stuck here now.

Can you do nothing right? Idiots!

Idiots! Idiots!

-We're really sorry, Brogan.

-We didn't mean it.

-It's too late.

I know it's too late, Brogan, but...you were right.

There is nothing funny about the Cave of the Hairy Bum Whackers.

Located in the Cavern of the Sweaty Knick-Knicks.

And...the rock shaped like a bare bottom - it's just a rock.

Nothing funny about that.

The farty noises were gas escaping through the mud.

The skiddy pants back there - nothing funny about them either.

The key.

Good work, guys. You learned a valuable lesson.

-That was hard.

-Yeah... Skiddy pants!

Like tiny children.

We're at minus 4,000.

At this depth, we must be the only biological life there is.

How do, folks? Fancy a cuppa?

You were saying...?

Teas, coffees, macaroons?

Ooh, yeah! I love macaroons!

My goodness!

Is this your cafe?

Now, granted, it is an unusual location for a cafe.

That's what the wife said.

But, as I always say, it's all about the food.

Get the food right, and the customers will find you.

-And...did they?

-No. That's probably why she left me.

Let me get youse lot a round of bacon butties, on the house.

Bacon?

I eat bacon for breakfast.

I'll do a perimeter check.

Grub's up, folks.

There's always room for bacon.

Tuck in.

Anyone for carrot cake?

-Oh, yes, I love cake!

-Good man.

There's always room for cake.

Seconds?

Oh - yes, please.

Thirds?

Fourths?

Fifths...? Sixths...? Sevenths...?

Eighths...?

Ninths...?

Tenths...?

Elevenths...?

Twelfths...?

There's always room for cake.

Stop! I've got a bad feeling about this.

Could be some kind of trap.

-Hey - hamster boy, stop eating.

-I can't!

Your friend had a little too much, has he?

There's always room for cake.

Hey, guys, look!

It's a hatch!

Yes. We didn't even need a key.

Dick, this could be...

PRINCE DICK GROANS

I knew it. This cafe is one of the tests.

-Gluttony.

-Did we pass?

No.

So, er, as I was saying - sorry, sorry,

and sorry.

Normally we're very good at this questy thingy.

-Sorry!

-You guys couldn't go on a quest for a pint of milk.

Actually, now you say that...

Anger, laziness, impurity - you've failed every test. And now we're

sitting round like lemons because his eyes are bigger than his belly.

-Technically, that's never been less true.

-Sorry.

Crackerjack, snack a jack, spice rack...Persil!

Oh, no.

My spell to make Prince Dick smaller doesn't work.

All I do is keep creating more cakes.

Great. The last thing we need is more cake!

Or is it?

-What are you doing?

-Cakey, cakey.

Cakey, cakey!

Come on. Lutin, grab as many as you can.

We're going to blow this hatch!

-It'll never work.

-Hmph!

BOOM!

Well, I'll be darned... Beginner's luck.

I'm through! But I feel a bit sick...

PRINCE DICK VOMITS

OK. I'm back to normal size again.

I don't ever want to eat another cake.

We've passed the level.

I can almost smell victory.

Are you sure that's not the smell of sick?

We're nearly there, look! I can see the entrance of the tomb!

-Right, time for a swim...

-No!

I mean, no...problem at all.

If it weren't for the man-eating...

-tadpoles.

-Really?

Yeah, a very common hazard in this kind of lake.

I've never heard of them.

Yeah, we're out of luck. Sorry, folks, the quest is over.

What?

Hang on a minute! Brogan...

You're not...scared?

Don't be ridiculous! I eat fear for breakfast.

I could eat everybody's fear here, I'd be pooping fear for weeks!

Scared? Me? Have you ever fallen through an abyss

while scraping out a lion's bowels with just a pastry knife?

Or had a midget come at you with a flaming eggnog?

He's scared.

Come on, come and get in the water!

I'm NOT scared.

-Scaredy cat! Scaredy cat!

-Leave me alone!

You know, Brogan... it's OK to be afraid, you know.

I mean, you might not believe it but sometimes we're all scared, too.

I'm scared of goats.

I don't like custard.

Me?

I'm scared of heights.

And I don't like...wedgies.

See?

I'm scared of water.

There. Happy now? I...can't swim.

That's OK. You should never be too proud...to admit your fears.

RUMBLING

Of course! Pride! One of the six sins!

That was a test. And you...

passed.

Thanks, guys.

I never admitted I was scared before.

Aaah. Brogan don't like water...

Yeah, but don't push it, though!

-All right, sorry.

-Sssh!

Whoa...!

This must be him. The long-dead leader of the MwaffaFaffa.

Mr Josh...

No, Mannitol.

You've earned it.

Well...here I go.

CREAKING

Oh, thank goodness for that!

I'm sweating like a bull in a sauna.

I only popped in for a quick beauty balm, and that was 300 years ago.

I said to Alice, I said - "I want the full peppermint body wrap."

Well, she put the bandages on, went off to do a perm

and forgot all about me. Honestly, some people.

'Ere, sweetheart - how are my crow's feet?

-Un-crowy.

-Oooh! Marvelloso!

Worth the wait! Now, what have you brought as an offering?

-Offering?

-Of course. Those who meet the Mwaffa are required to bring

an offering. Something of great value - gold, or gemstones...

(We haven't brought him anything!)

Actually, what do you say to a nice hat?

Fandabi-do, dahling, and so very now! Mush-mush!

Right, I expect you're here for The Eye of the Beholder.

Well...I suppose I could let you have ONE of his eyes.

All right, hang on.

Coo-ee! Beholder! Beholder!

Aaah, there he is. Bless him.

Right, you help yourself to one of his eyes.

I'm going to go and get a bit more beauty sleep.

Couple more centuries should tighten up these cheeks lovely. Ta-ra.

-Bye...

-Bye.

Right...

Well...we're one step closer.

-Let's get out of here.

-Er, guys...

what about the other eye?

Spoken like a true adventurer.

When Lady Luck shines down on you, don't close your eyes.

That's a nest egg for all of us.

He said we could only have one.

Yeah, but he'll never know. Think about the money.

You're right. Go on - grab it.

No, stop!

Please. Think about it.

We're only meant to take one.

It would be an abuse of the Mwaffa's trust to take both.

-He's right.

-Fair point.

You're right again, Mannitol - it would be greedy.

Yes, it would!

A-one, two, three, four...

UPBEAT EGYPTIAN MUSIC

Well done!

You've all passed the sixth test.

Of course. We've only finished five levels.

This was sin number six...greed.

Yes - and lucky for you, you weren't greedy.

It would have been heartbreaking

to crush you all with the big spiky ice pick.

Well, congratulations.

You've passed the six levels of sin.

Go forth from my tomb as humble, honest citizens of Bottom World.

But please...

spruce up your wardrobes, honeys!

You look practically prehistoric.

All right, girls, back to bed, let's go. Ta-ra again.

Wardrobe indeed(!)

Well then, Brogan.

I guess this is it.

I should go. I...

See ya.

Brogan, wait...

We'll miss you.

I shall miss you too, guys.

All of you.

You taught me so much.

Ahhh...

THEY ALL SOB

So, our team had overcome the, er, six deadly sins, proving themselves

to be indeed great heroes.

They had shown Brogan that even the toughest heroes

can sometimes allow themselves to be a great big softie.

Whoever that is touching my ponytail had better stop it now!

So long as you don't touch their ponytail.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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