Lovebug The Revolting World of Stanley Brown

Welcome to the Revolting World of Stanley Brown.

Go science!

-Atchoo.

-Sick.

Stanley is going to be the world's greatest scientist.

-Whoa!

-It's just that HE doesn't know that yet.

This is his next door neighbour, Jess,

and his best friend, Mike.

Oh! And here's Archie.

I'm your great, great, great, great, great...grandson, from the future.

-I'm invisible.

-And I'm invisible too.

I'm Olivia, Archie's incredible robot assistant.

We've come back in time

to make sure that Stanley keeps up his revolting experiments

and becomes the greatest scientist ever known.

Wow, it's like magic or something.

Magic! If he thinks a mixture of alkaline, water,

food colouring and vegetable oil is magic, wait till I drop him

through a portal into dinosaur times. Olivia, do the honours!

No! No. It isn't magic.

It's just that oil's lighter than water, so it floats, yeah?

Right, yes, everyone knows that.

And when you put the alkaline in it, it gets heavier and sinks.

When it dissolves, it gets lighter and floats up again.

Making a magic volcano. Why are you making this?

Well, you remember GeekBoy2000?

I will destroy you!

-Yeah.

-He kind of challenged me.

We've got until this clock hits zero to come up with the best invention.

Only 98 minutes left. If I win, GeekBoy gives me 25 quid

and his most prized possession - the world's biggest human bogie.

So, you understand why I have to win.

Wow, yeah! Let's get to work.

MUSIC BLARING

Mum? MUM!

MUM! SWITCHES MUSIC OFF

Steph! Oh, hi, Daisy.

-Hi, Mrs B.

-Could you turn that back on, flower?

I'm doing groovy dancing to that.

OK, two things. You must NEVER say "groovy dancing" again,

and you can't be in the house right now. I need you OUT.

Of course, darling. After all I don't pay the mortgage or anything.

You want to be careful with that, Mrs B.

My dad didn't pay the mortgage for a bit and we had to move.

Shut up, Daisy. There's a new girl in Daniel's garden.

Oh! Well, maybe Daniel's got a new girlfriend.

Exactly! She seems nice.

Her name's Tina, and she's asked if she can come over today.

Well, that's lovely. You can have a girly chat?

Nah. We're going to find out her weakness so Steph can destroy her.

What? That's what you said!

Before you were like, "Daniel's MINE!" Remember?

OK. Well, that's very disturbing,

but I don't see why I should leave my own house.

I can't drive a wedge between her and Daniel

if some old dweeb is clattering round, listening to rubbish music.

I do not listen to rubbish music. And don't call me a dweeb!

Oh, please. You're so uncool. It's embarrassing.

Come on. I wear Crocs!

Last week, you asked me if Nicki Minaj was a disease.

-Isn't it?

-Life is not all about trying to be cool.

Yeah, yeah. Come on, move it. We've got work to do.

I'm going to teach you a lesson, young lady.

Yeah. Imagine all the experiments you'll be able to do on that.

What does he get off you if he wins,

must be pretty good if it's worth 25 quid and a bogie.

Well, maybe I said he'd get a fossil my Aunt Amy sent me.

-Your fossilised dinosaur poo!

-What! You love this ancient dung.

Yeah, but he's not going to win, is he? I am.

Be good if I had some help though, just in case.

Can't, I've got falling out of a tree practice.

-Sorry?

-What?

It's an important skill for a soldier. You keep falling out a tree

until you stop hurting yourself. I'm nearly there.

OK, don't come running to me when you want to stroke a giant bogie.

Sorry, Sarge.

-What about Jess?

-Already asked her, karate practice.

Laters!

Guess I'm going to have to win that giant snot rock myself.

Yeah. Oh, oh.

Not just yourself, to help with a... Yeah.

DOOR BELL

Coming, Tina.

I am so much hotter than her.

Yes, Steph.

Steph-alicious!

Tina-saurus!

I can just tell we're going to be SUCH good friends.

Just a minute, Tina.

Stupid Daniel and his stupid new girlfriend and her stupid drink.

I told you it was stupid.

Steph? Do we actually know she's Daniel's girlfriend?

Oh, come on, is Stanley a geek!

Well, yes, but what's that got to do with Tina?

Tina. What a stupid name.

What's her surname - Baked-Beans?

You can tell if they're an item. What drink did she ask for?

-Orange juice?

-And what's Daniel's favourite drink?

-Hot chocolate with marshmallows.

-See! They're not together.

You have the same drink as the person you fancy. It's the rules.

Trust me, orange juice and hot chocolate

and marshmallows does not mix.

Maybe she's just independent and that's why Daniel likes her?

No. All couples drink the same things.

It's foolproof or, as my daddy says, "Daisyproof."

-What's your dad's favourite drink?

-Coffee, one sugar.

-And your mum's?

-Pomegranate juice. Why?

Wait!

Tina Baked-Beans! I get it now!

Look, I know I said I was too busy to help and everything.

But there's been a bit of a disaster on the karate practice front.

Haiiiii ja!

Yes.

Oops! So, I need the cash.

I thought I could help you

and then you could share your winnings with me.

Just the money! Mum wants a new table, not a gigantic bogie.

Of course she's Daniel's girlfriend. She was in Daniel's garden.

You've been in his garden. And you're not his girlfriend.

-Soz.

-Well, why else would she be in Daniel's garden?

It looked like she was trying to see into Stanley's shed.

-I don't know what there is to see about her.

-The shed's a her?

No!

What there is to see in Tina.

If I were with Daniel, I wouldn't waste time

trying to see in Stanley's shed, I'd just...

stare...

at the future.

Yeah, just stare.

Do you need help with the drinks?

-Why?

-To make sure you don't put Tabasco sauce in her glass.

-Oh, please.

-No.

-Why?

-No.

-But it's such a good idea!

-No.

-Daisy, just a little bit.

-No.

-A tiny...

-No. The door.

Hiya, Tina.

Emergency!

I ripped my T-shirt during falling out of a tree practice.

If my mum finds out, she'll kill me.

I have to buy a new one. So, I want to help you win that competition.

Hey, I was here first!

Have you met my mum?

OK. You can both help. I get the bogie. You can split the money.

50/50! 40/60.

20/80!

99/1?

Come on, no time to lose.

We've got to get this volcano firing even higher.

So, Tina. Lovely to meet you just then in Daniel's garden.

Yes, lovely.

Lovely. Hmm.

So, do you spend a lot of time hanging out there - in gardens?

Not really. Do you spend a lot of time staring into them?

I wasn't staring into Daniel's garden.

Nope. We were staring into Daniel's room. With binoculars.

Oh, Daisy, you're so funny. Binoculars!

I don't know what you could have been looking at.

-Well...

-Tina.

Tina, Tina, Tina.

So, you're going out with Daniel then? Because if you are,

there's some off-putting things I should tell you,

once I've thought of them.

This is such a lovely chat. Do you think you could get me more juice?

Yes. Maybe I could.

Daisy, with me?

I'm inside, target acquired.

Proceeding with stage 2.

OK. One more go. And this time, no more distractions, Mike.

Dyed salty oil tastes more disgusting than it looks.

Er, excuse me?

Not now, Steph. I'm...

..busy.

Stanley?

-You're not Steph.

-No, I'm Tina. I was looking for the bathroom.

Sorry. Are you Stanley Brown?

Yeah. Yeah, I am, but how...?

You're the kid that did that internet clip, yeah?

-About a toothbrush made out of old men's...

-Nose hairs.

-Nose hairs.

I wanted to test how bristly they are.

I know. I've always wanted to know that as well. I'm such a fan.

Awrblllfggg rbbmmgff nrrshblng...

-Pardon?

-Sorry. I forgot how to speak for a moment.

Stanley, the volcano?

What? Oh, that. Excuse me for a moment.

I didn't mean be sick in it!

Just need to freshen up.

Don't drink this. It's worse than it looks.

Stanley! You're experimenting with the gag reflex. Brilliant!

I love gagging. It's when your body automatically tries to expel

anything that might be stuck in your throat. Oh! Er! Oh, cheeky!

It's like being sick but without the mess.

-But I have been sick.

-Even better!

-No, there's something wrong with me!

I was doing my volcano and a girl came in.

My stomach went sloshy, my skin went shivery, my hands went sweaty.

-And I puked in my volcano.

-Interesting.

-Did you eat something funny?

-No!

It all started the moment I met Tina.

It was like I'd been poisoned!

That's it! There's no other explanation.

-You're in love.

-She poisoned me!

Ah, spring is in the air,

and Mr Bunny Rabbit's thoughts turn to finding a wife.

When Mr Bunny Rabbit sees Mrs Bunny rabbit across the field,

his heart begins to beat faster.

He gets goosebumps, he experiences butterflies in his stomach,

and he feels sweaty under his bunny armpits.

His body starts producing some powerful chemicals,

including one called adrenaline.

Oh, no! He stinks!

Stanley's in love.

No, I'm not! Shut up!

I'm jumping in the bath. Hello, my name's Stanley. I'm in love.

-Adrenaline. That's why you feel sick!

-Of course! What's adrenaline?

Oh, wow! It's fantastic.

It's like this really amazing chemical your body makes

when you're under stress, or scared.

-But I'm not scared.

-Or very excited, or in love.

I'm NOT in love!

What iz ziz?

My human host has met someone they fancy the pants off?

Zen it is my job to tell the body to feel excited.

I must make his heart race faster.

I do that by forcing all ze blood to his heart and lungs, like this.

A side effect of taking ze blood away from parts of ze body

like ze stomach, is my human master will feel,

how you say, icky in his tummy?

And now he is full of energy,

his face will go red with blushing,

and I will fill his brain with dopamine,

a tranquiliser that will make you feel happy and dopey!

That's love! Aha!

So, basically, when you fall in l...

in l...

When you like someone a lot,

-you start to feel sick and act like a div?

-Yeah, that's right!

But that's stupid! Why doesn't anyone tell you that?!

Why don't valentine cards have pictures of doves puking on them?

This is a disaster. And I've puked in my volcano.

What am I going to do?

You could use that pent-up energy to clean the barf out of your volcano.

That's it! I'm not going to spare one moment's thought on her.

-I will

-not

-be conquered by love!

No, you're great.

No, you're great.

-No, you're great.

-No, you're great.

'Scuse me.

No way!

Just cleaned that!

What's that for, anyway?

Just a little something to be sick into. Forget about it. I have.

I'm just saying I know she's over there, Daniel.

Because she's certainly not here any more.

What do you mean, "Who?"

Tina. Who, I ought to tell you,

has actually got a really bad sweating problem.

And fat hands. And false teeth.

Steph, look!

Aaargh!

You like? I just thought you might want to hang out

and maybe watch a really cool vampire film, like Twiglet?

Twilight! Take that off. Take that off now!

-I'm just trying to be cool.

-That

-is not cool.

-This

-is cool.

Don't you know anything?!

-So are you saying I should try and dress more like you?

-What? No!

Thanks for the tip, dude. Laterz!

I'm going to hang up now.

I call this emergency meeting to order. Roll call. Mike?

Present. Oh, right. Jess?

-Present.

-I'll do me. Archie Albert...

-What about Stanley?

-The meeting's about Stanley.

-Oh, right.

..Hubble Copernicus Brown? Present!

So, Stanley's abandoned his volcano

-and his friends to go play kissy-kissy...

-And pukey-pukey.

..with Tina. Of course, the most important thing here is

our friend's happiness and I think what will make him happiest of all

is when we win and replace your T-shirt and my mum's coffee table.

You're right! She's getting in the way of our friendship.

And prize money. There's only one thing for it.

I'm going to talk to her.

Tell her to give him some space.

-Yes! Good idea!

-I don't know if that's a very good idea, Mike.

Come on. What could possibly go wrong?

She's just a girl. It's not like she's an enemy agent or something.

Phase two complete. I repeat, phase two complete.

Freeze!

-You've been caught red-handed.

-Doing what?

Making moves on Stanley Brown. I don't blame you.

He's a special guy. A leader.

A shining beacon of light in this cruel, imperfect world.

But you can't capture that flame, Tina. He will burn you.

You're half right, Mike. I am in love.

But not with Stanley.

-She did

-what

-do to you?

What didn't she do?

She tore my heart out. Made me whole.

Wiped my sick off her lovely shoes.

-What about the volcano?

-What volcano?

That's it!

She's up to something and I'm going to find out what it is.

I think someone's a little bit jealous.

Why...would I...be jealous?

You've never made me or Stanley sick.

That can be arranged.

Time to solve this mystery.

Still not made me sick.

Tied me up, but not made me sick. Definitely jealous.

-What's that?

-It's a coprolite.

What's a coprolite?

Well, you probably wouldn't be interested.

Yes, I would. Try me.

It's a fossilised dinosaur poo.

That is so disgusting.

I love it!

I didn't realise you could get fossilised dinosaur poo.

Yeah. It's actually pretty useful

cos scientists can tell what dinosaurs ate and stuff.

This one's really special because it's quite big

and it's got bits of bones in it so that probably comes from

a T Rex or something.

That's the most amazing poo anyone's ever shown me.

Hey, Stan! Cutting it a bit fine to finish your volcano, aren't you?

Stanley? Hey!

He can't see me! It's because he's fallen in love.

He's growing up and can no longer see his invisible friend.

ARCHIE COUGHS

I'm fading!

-I'm fading...

-OLIVIA BEEPS

Oh, yeah, that's Puff the Magic Dragon.

-Oi, Stanley!

-Ow!

Sorry, it's...

-The legendary...

-Nothing.

Oh, well... Maybe take a bit more time next time you want to kiss me?

Just give me one second.

What are you doing?

The volcano. The...

Archie, just leave it.

But you have to beat GeekBoy. That dinosaur poo's important.

-It's in the history books.

-Just go! All right?

No time to waste... Stanley...

CAMERA CLICKS

DIGITAL COUNTDOWN BEEPS

Come on, Daniel, where is she?

I know you've got her hiding in there somewhere.

-Steph?

-Not now, Daisy.

Well, Steph...

Hiya, Steph-erina.

-Mum!

-Oh.

Do you want to hang out? Let's crump.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

-What are you doing?

-I'm being cool.

Well, stop it, it's embarrassing! Stop looking at her, Daisy.

Is it more embarrassing than me being an old dweeb?

OK, right, fine, you win. Life's not all about trying to be cool.

Please go back to listening to rubbish music!

I do not listen to rubbish music.

Excuse me, ladies. Coming through.

Cool.

Oh, like Mike knows.

Mike knows.

15 minutes and he's still nowhere near ready!

If he loses the fossilised dung,

he'll never discover what dinosaurs eat.

Then he won't know what to feed that cloned T Rex

to stop it rampaging around Nantwich in 2054.

ARCHIE ROARS

We need to break them up, but how?

I mean, look at them.

And that is a pickled toe.

Wow! Did your auntie send you that as well?

No. That was Uncle Jim's.

You're so amazing.

How do you make someone fall out of love?

Think, Archie, think.

Well, this is a very dangerous bedroom.

Right, that's it!

Stanley, I know we're mates, but I'm afraid Tina and I

have a special connection, and now my tummy feels weird.

That's the adrenaline.

I don't know what it is but I feel very, very strongly about it!

And I'm challenging you to a duel!

-A what?

-Right, yeah. Let's go!

Mike? This is the adrenaline talking.

Ees true!

I, Monsieur Adrenaline, am made by the body

in fight or flight situations,

sending your body into overdrive and making

your heart beat faster so it can pump extra blood to your muscles.

You think it strange zat the chemical your body makes

when you are in love is ze same one it makes to fight someone

or run away from a big hairy monster?

Of course eet is strange! Eet almost makes no sense at all.

But zat is love!

Dear Daniel, I know that you pretended

that you didn't know who Tina was, and you asked me

to stop ringing you telling you horrible things about her,

so I hope you enjoy this text full of horrible things about her.

I don't want to fight you, Mike.

Then admit it, Tina is mine!

What?

Stanley!

Stanley, the countdown!

Who cares about some stupid competition?

-Come and show me more pickled digits.

-Competition? But...

You! How did you get up here? Why aren't you ensnaring Daniel?

I'm not going out with Daniel, Steph. I'm Stanley's girlfriend.

No!

Tina! How could you?

I'm sorry, Mike, that's just the way it is.

Me and Stanley don't care about anybody or anything but each other.

What's up with my volcano? The oil's mixing with the water.

I think I can explain that.

Look what I found in her bag, washing-up liquid.

Oh, Stanley, it's just a silly volcano.

Who cares about winning some stupid bogie anyway?

I've never told you about the competition or the prize!

OK, so maybe my washing-up liquid

might have ruined your volcano a little.

But why?

Simple. Oil and water don't mix.

Soap molecules have one end that loves water

and one end that hates it. The water-hating end goes into the oil,

while the water loving end stays in the water, breaking up the oil

so it mixes in with the water and can be washed away.

Who are you?

I think I can answer that, as well.

ALL: GeekBoy2000!

GeekGirl! GeekBoy's sister.

And you'll never win the competition now, Stanley Brown.

Hiaya!

Yes!

What shall I do with her, Stanley?

Do what you like, you've got less than ten minutes.

The dinosaur poo will be ours!

She's right. Unless... To the shed!

ALL: Yes!

DIGITAL COUNTDOWN BEEPS

Why can't you all be normal?

DIGITAL COUNTDOWN BEEPS

SIREN SOUNDS

Time's up, Stanley Brown. I just hope you've got your invention.

Yeah, well, my volcano got ruined. But luckily I've got this, instead.

Egletina! You got caught?

Tell you what. You give me the bogie ball, I give you back your sister.

That's cheating!

Sending Chunder Chick round here was totally within the rules(!)

You know what? Keep her. I never liked her much anyway.

You take that back, Gabriel Smith!

You'll give him that bogie ball or I'll...or I'll smash this!

But it's brand new!

It's got a five mile range, multi-user compatibility

and channel selection!

No!

Well, that's one bogie for me and money for both of you.

She really knew GeekBoy's weaknesses, huh?

Stanley, I just wanted to say,

I'm sorry about the whole duel thing.

The adrenaline made me a bit wacky.

Don't worry, Mike. From now on, it's mates before dates.

Actually, I've met someone else.

-No! Who?

-Steph's friend, the pretty one.

-She's been hanging around all day.

-Drink, anyone?

Hey there, pretty lady,

why don't you and me drink one with two straws?

No. No.

No, no, no, no, no!

No!

Dude, that's my mum.

What?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd