Wax The Revolting World of Stanley Brown

Welcome to the Revolting World of Stanley Brown.

Go, science!

-Achoo!

-Sic.

Stanley is going to be the world's greatest scientist.

-Whoa!

-It's just that HE doesn't know that yet.

This is his next door neighbour, Jess. And his best friend Mike.

Oh, and here's Archie.

I'm your great-great-great- great-great-great grandson.

From the future. I'm invisible.

And I'm invisible, too.

I'm Olivia - Archie's incredible robot assistant.

We've come back in time to make sure that Stanley keeps up his revolting

experiments and becomes the greatest scientist ever known.

Congratulations! Hoo-hoo!

Ohh-hoo-hoo hoo, hey-hey!

How did it go? Did they love it,

or did they just go totally wild about it?

-Not exactly.

-I bet they made you King Of The School.

They made me stay back after class!

My teacher said it was the worst homework she'd ever seen!

Turns out you were wrong.

Belly button fluff isn't the most sought after natural substance.

This is such a primitive time!

In the future, we fight wars over who controls the belly button fluff.

-Tell your teacher that!

-No! She already thinks I'm messing about.

The only reason I'm not in detention is she wants me to work on my science competition entry.

Oh, I have that right here!

A few finishing touches and we'll walk it tomorrow!

Which is lucky because I've a strong suspicion

it plays an important part in your timeline?

Archie - no! Miss Peebles said any more fluff-based work

-and I'll be in detention for a month!

-No problem!

We just need to think up another brilliant experiment by tomorrow!

-What's with the...

-My ears are still clogged up from our whipped cream experiment.

Yeah, but think what we've achieved!

Finally, we have proof there are no taste buds in the human ear!

-Maybe we could enter that for your science competition.

-No!

-What are we going to enter?

We're not going to enter anything.

OLIVIA BEEPS

Oh!

You have to enter the competition!

Whoever wins gets...

..two free tickets to the aquarium. You have to go because it's there

you see the incredibly weird, headache-inducing Indonesian frog fish.

I know I shouldn't be telling you this but I just can't hold back. Look at that!

You think nothing more about this strange,

yet majestic creature, for some 50-odd years, until the much older,

but no less great, Stanley Brown, is puzzling over a conundrum

that's been bothering him for months.

And the frog fish pops into your mind.

That's how you invent a cure for the cold, change the world

and have a strange fish named after you.

I'll have a dozen mackerel and three of the Stanley Brown!

So, we have to enter and win,

or the future will be full of misery and snot.

I didn't say I wasn't going to enter.

Er, yes, you did. AND I can prove it!

What are we going to enter?

We're not going to enter anything.

You record our conversations!

Er, it's for training purposes.

Yes, well, as I said, WE'RE not going to enter anything, I am!

We're not going to enter, I am!

We're not going... I am! You're dumping me! You're kidding.

-You're kidding!

-You're not having a party. I'm having a make-up night tonight.

So, I'm having a make-up night and a clothes night and a music night.

-It's called a party!

-Well, I've put it on the calendar. And I told you anyway!

I thought you were having it somewhere else.

That's why I told everyone to come for a party.

Well, I'm not. I'm giving a presentation

on this new facial feng shui. You know what feng shui is, don't you?

It's putting things in the best possible place,

like blusher on cheeks and parties in bedrooms.

Parties need to be multi-rooms!

I need dance room, a chill out zone, a chat space, a refreshment centre.

Well, you can have a dance corner,

and a chill out wardrobe, and a chat bed, and a refreshment drawer...

I've got some of the coolest girls in my year coming round.

I can't sit them on my bed and give them a plate of biscuits!

Laura Griffin's coming!

Well, I remember Laura Griffin from primary school

and she likes jammy dodgers.

She liked jammy dodgers.

Now she likes parties of more than nine square metres.

-Ah! Is this about her not inviting you to her party last week?

-As if!

Like I'd do anything so stupid. Laura Griffin

and her lopsided face that no-one but me seems to notice.

Is that the face? You're doing the face now?

Oh, well! I don't know what to suggest.

Unless...

Unless what?

Tighter - tighter!

Out of my shed!

Your shed?

But you can't dump me. You need me!

No, I don't. In fact, before you showed up, I was never once threatened

with detention for doing silly homework.

-Well, maybe once.

-So, what are you saying?

I just come in and ruin things for you?

You could say that!

Sorry. I've ruined this.

So, who are you going to get to help you then - your mum?

You know what? Maybe I will.

What do you think you're doing?

Making the world's largest sling shot for the school science competition.

-What are YOU doing?

-Being fabulous. Smelling amazing.

The usual. Now, get out!

Daisy!

So, we'll put the nail bar over here,

the Cheryl Cole shrine over there.

This is Stanley's shed!

Correction. This WAS Stanley's shed. Now it's Party HQ.

It's going to be like paradise but in an outbuilding.

-But I need this place to work on my slingshot!

-Crazy idea. Use your house!

Well, there's no space in my house!

And I've always wanted to go to the aquarium,

and the best project wins a free ticket!

-That was me not caring. Now leave.

-You can't make me!

Hey, Mum? I know you don't know much about science but...

Give us a kiss.

Aunt Amy! I thought you were in the Amazon studying gorillas?

I was. But then I discovered that there aren't any gorillas

in the Amazon, so I decided to chart radioactivity in food.

-Is that fun?

-It's OK.

Once you've spent three years studying things that aren't there,

anything that actually is there is quite a step up.

Aha!

Just as I projected.

-Is it radioactive?

-No.

But it will be when I put this peanut butter on it.

There's radiation in most nuts.

Wow!

Stanley Brown was just an ordinary school boy

until he was bitten by a radioactive peanut and become Nuts-Man!

With the power of a million nuts!

Stronger than the mightiest hazelnut!

Quicker than the fastest almond!

More radioactive than a Brazil nut! Nuts-man!

He's nuts about fighting crime!

With nuts! Warning: may contain nuts.

There's radiation in most foods that are rich in potassium -

like bananas, or potatoes or kidney beans.

It's not dangerous though.

So... Mum not interested in helping with your project?

Shame. Time to come crawling back to... Who's this?

Aunt Amy, could you help me out?

I need to come up with a brilliant non-fluff related experiment

for school, or I'll have to do detention.

Someone sabotaged my homework.

-Stanley, it would be a pleasure!

-Thanks.

It's great to have someone around who knows about things.

I can't believe it. After everything I've done to him. For him.

And now this "Amy" just waltzes in

with her stupid clothes and "visibility"

and thinks she can take over as Stanley Brown's weirdo sidekick.

You're right. I'm not going to take this lying down.

I'm going to take it standing up, or even crouching!

-Oh, hi, Daisy!

-Hi, Mrs B. Just forgot my bag.

OK.

Wow, that's a lot of make-up for someone that looks like YOU, Mrs B!

Well, it's my job - I sell it and teach people how to use it.

Actually, you could really help me out. Have you got a couple of minutes?

I would ask my sister, Amy, but I can't find her.

For you, Mrs B? No. Steph said, "Straight back."

And I don't think she was talking about the way I walk.

Well, she might be talking about the way I walk?

This won't take long...

I just want to try out my new facial feng shui technique on you.

Well, Lauran Griffin's coming round and...

SIT!

It's nice to see where Steph gets her being unbearably scary from.

So... Thank you very much for choosing facial feng shui.

Didn't.

"Facial feng shui brings the appearance of facial landmarks

"into harmonious alignment."

That's just like the position of your lips, and nose, yeah.

So, I think we'll...

I think we'll start with your eyes.

Er! Um, no we can do something about that.

You're going to move my eyes!

No, silly, I mean, madam!

Right, chapter 12. Troubleshooting.

-You're going to shoot me?

-Daisy! I think perhaps you're not the best person for this

because your eyes are fine.

No, I'm interested now.

So, what happens if I wear massive hoop earrings?

OK. Let's get you back to Steph because you know what she's like.

What if I shave my eyebrows off?

Just forgot my bag!

-Bye!

-Bye, Daisy!

So... Ever compared different types of monkey poo?

Who hasn't?

You're right. What about warts?

Sounds brilliant! Is it true you can catch them off frogs?

Are you OK?

Just something in my ears.

Let's have a look!

What is that?

It's an earscope. I took it to the Amazon to look up gorillas' bottoms.

-Good job for me there weren't any gorillas!

-Yeah, I only got to use it on the howler monkeys.

Don't worry, I washed it. Well, wiped it!

Hm. You've got a very heavy build up of wax...

And... Is that whipped cream in there?

Nah. You wouldn't be so silly.

Silly! That's it. I'll show them.

No!

He just smiled!

Wow! It's amazing you just happened to have a frog on you, Aunt Amy.

My motto is "Always be prepared". And "Keep a frog in your luggage".

-Brilliant!

-But you can't catch warts off frogs, that's just a myth.

Warts are caused by a viral infection.

You can only catch one by touching another wart,

or something that has recently touched one.

I could prove that for the science competition!

Just what I was thinking! So what we need to do is...

Rub a frog on some skin and a wart on some other skin

-and see which one grows the wart!

-Genius!

If only we had a wart...

Ha ha! Fortunately, I've got loads!

So, what we need to do is

rub the frog on your left cheek and my warty hand on your right cheek

and then we'll wait about a year and see what happens! Ready?

-Whoa!

-Stanley!

-You'd better keep still!

There's evil in our shed.

She's been in there all morning.

I've been keeping an eye on her from a safe distance.

Ooh, just what GI Joe would do.

-How could you let this happen?

-I tried to stop her!

This isn't about you or me.

There is a principle at stake here.

There is? Wow!

We worked hard to make that shed as disgusting as it is today.

She's betraying everything it stands for.

This is not a place of nail polish and upbeat music!

This is a place to compare the smell of farts

and leave bogies drying in the sun.

Like this one!

This place means something.

We will not stand idly by.

We WILL return the shed to its former disgusting glory!

That was awesome.

Man up!

He's called Lee, he's called Rupert, he's called JJ.

He's called Tom, he's called Sam.

Can't we do something a bit less contagious to win the competition?

Hmm... Oh! Like leprosy.

That's actually really hard to catch. I should know,

I've been trying for years. I've got it in my box of germs!

No, I just meant something not like a disease at all.

Mm. Great idea! What about carotenemia?

Carotenemia? Still sounds a bit diseasey.

Nah. It's just when your skin turns orange through eating too many carrots!

It can turn orange by eating carrots?

Not just carrots - squash, pumpkins, sweet potatoes, citrus fruit.

Loads of things.

They have this thing called carotene, and that's what does it.

-That's amazing!

-I know - you have to eat loads and loads of it though.

Right!

And possible side effects include runny poo, weird bruising,

-joint pain.

-Right.

-So, go on then.

-What?

-Eat loads and loads of it.

I'll just eat them in here in case there's runny poo.

Oh. It's you!

How's your "experiment" going?

Oh. Really, really well. We're trying to turn me orange.

-What are you doing?

-Oh, just a little experiment of my own

on whether being cold makes you want to have a wee.

Yes, it does.

Are you going to be in here long?

Georgie? Steph.

You are a def for the party, yeah?

Totes! OK, so what does it mean then?

You got the worms?

Let's do this.

We're gonna need more worms.

Ah, Mike and Jess. I've been expecting you.

We've come to liberate the shed.

I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Mike.

Keep back! We have worms!

But I've got perfume.

-Jess - help me!

-My eyes are bleeding. All this pink.

Abort! Abort!

Rabbits!

Yeah. I think they were waiting for me. Like Ninjas.

Ninja rabbits? In the bathroom?

Yeah. They just bounced up and stole the carrots right out of my hands.

So, you know, I can't be orange. What a pain!

That's incredible. We could do the experiment on them.

Show me where they came from.

Or, or, we could do something else.

Something a bit quieter? I'm starting to get a bit of a headache.

A headache? Whereabouts?

Just here? Up the back of my neck.

Oh! That sounds like a tension headache. Here!

Is this any better?

Yeah. It is a bit.

What about... This?

Aaaagh! Worse!

Or this?

Let's see what happens when I pelt things at you. Wait there!

Stanley, Stanley, Stanley!

Ahh, I'm so cold, and I've got no more wee to give!

-Do something!

-BEEPING

I don't know.

-Dry them?

-BEEPING

Yes, with a laser!

Archie! I'm sorry, I...

-Are you firing lasers at your pants?

-No?

Can I help you?

Yes. I just wanted to say...

..Amy's even worse than you.

There's no way I can win with her helping me!

And I really want to win those Aquarium tickets.

Sorry I sent you away, Archie.

I really do need your help.

Say, "Archie Brown, you're the best friend/assistant/muse

-"a future genius could ever want."

-Archie Brown, you're the best...

Good enough! What are we going to experiment on?

I thought maybe your cold wee thing?

Seriously. You don't want to go there.

-Any other ideas?

-I don't know. I can't think with this stupid ear wax.

Ear wax!

We've got work to do. Olivia!

Hello and welcome to Ear Tours.

Please remain seated and enjoy the majestic views.

As we move into the ear canal,

you may notice an increasing amount of wax.

The proper name for earwax is cerumen.

This exciting substance is mostly made out of skin, hair,

sweat and fat secretions.

But what's the point in it? What's earwax even for?

We regret to inform germs and dirt headed for the ear canal

that this service has been halted due to earwax blocking the line.

Every single day!

So earwax, like, protects your ear from even filthier stuff getting in.

It's like stopping dirt getting on your carpet

by covering it in a thick layer of oily gloop.

We should totally do that!

But first we have to come up with something good enough

-to keep me out of detention.

-And win the contest!

OLIVIA BEEPS

We could see if earwax floats.

Maybe animals have earwax.

Maybe animals have earwax that floats.

-Earwax?

-Uh-oh.

-I've got a brilliant idea for an earwax experiment!

It's probably a bit painful but you won't mind, will you, Stanley?

No.

Or...

Stanley. Stanley!

Well, first we do a drawing of your features and then we make

an energy map of your face

so we can obtain a harmonious balance of foundation and lipstick.

Hello? Hello?

-Make-up party going well?

-Great, yes.

Everyone's so enthusiastic. It's going to be packed.

I could do you some extra cupcakes. How many do you think you'll need?

Oh, gosh. 30, maybe.

Stanley! Stanley!

-Hi, Amy.

-Stanley! Are you in here?

-Come out!

Grr! I only want to poke your face. Oh, hi, Amanda.

-Amy, have you ever thought of having a makeover?

-Huh?

Hey, guys, what are you doing here?

Well, I was working on an entry for the Science Competition,

but have a look at this.

LOUD POP MUSIC

Who was I kidding? I really want those tickets to the Aquarium.

Who could defeat such pop mayhem?

Mike, I might have the answer to all your problems.

Soz about not inviting you to my party last weekend, Steph.

I just didn't think you'd be able to make it all the way to my house.

You live on the next street?

Well, I know you don't get out much.

Don't tell me you want to have a party in that?

OK, so it might look a bit old and ugly on the outside,

but wait until you see how amazing it is on the inside.

Stephanie, nobody cares about the inner beauty,

it's all about the exterior.

SCREAMING

Worst...party...ever.

OK, just... Maybe we can have the party in here.

What? With him?

I'm making a candle out of earwax, for the competition.

Or, or maybe she'll let us have it in the lounge.

Please, just stay here, give me a second.

No, 'course I'm not saying you've got a wonky face. Hello?

Hello?

Mum! Please can I have my party in here?

Steph, all my guests have cancelled,

I've got enough to worry about without hosting a, a group of teenage

girls, with, with their perfect skin and their love for cosmetics.

-Of course you can have the party here.

-Really?

On one tiny condition.

As we can see, the west side of her cheeks are heavily

influenced by the element of fire.

Is this makeover hypo-allergenic? And organic?

-And wheat-free?

-Uh, yeah.

Because I got to the last 50 in a skin-advert this spring

so if I blemish, I can totally sue you for millions.

The director said I would have got it

if I wasn't too pretty for normal people to relate to.

Yes, right.

Right.

-Oh.

-Oh, you spoon!

Stanley!

Sorry.

That's it. I've had enough!

-You started it. You know that's my shed.

-Not that.

I've had enough of lopsided Laura in there.

Have you got any spare earwax left?

Cake?

Oh, what are those little orange sprinkles?

-It's not a very big candle.

-No.

It looked like more wax when it was in my ear.

Are you sure we can win with this?

Hey, Olivia says you go to the Aquarium with

a ticket from this competition.

How can you not win?

Just wish I hadn't let Steph use some of it.

Does this taste a bit...waxy?

-STEPH:

-Lovely, isn't it?!

How'd it go? Did you win? You did win, yeah?

No. I came fifth. But my teacher's off my back - no detention.

What? But you have to have won.

You go to see the Indonesian frogfish.

It's in the history books.

-Oh, where did we go wrong?

-Oh, I'm still going to see the frogfish.

Stanley!

Winner and two Aquarium tickets.

I couldn't have done it without you.

No problem. It was a real pleasure

giving you a carrot-based skin condition.

Yeah, thanks Auntie Amy. Bathroom's that way.

No need. I ditched the dodgy veg.

Borrowed some of your mum's fake tan.

Well, I'm off.

Heading to Antarctica in the morning to study tigers.

-But tigers don't live in...

-What?

-Nothing.

I'm sure you'll have a brilliant time.

I got you a little going away present.

Your bacteria collection! Oh, wow!

It's perfectly harmless.

Unless any of the bottles get broken.

Then you need to call the government and implement evacuation procedure.

Keep experimenting, Stanley. You could be a real star in the future.

-So I've heard.

-You see, Stanley, what did I say?

This is a gorgeous, gorgeous woman.

Did someone just...?

Must have been the wind.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd