Hiccupalypse The Revolting World of Stanley Brown

Welcome to The Revolting World of Stanley Brown.

Go, science!

Achoo!

Sick.

Stanley is going to be the world's greatest scientist.

Whoa!

It's just that he doesn't know that yet.

This is his next door neighbour, Jess.

And his best friend, Mike.

And here's Archie.

I'm your great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandson.

From the future. I'm invisible.

And I'm invisible, too. I'm Olivia, Archie's incredible robot assistant.

We've come back in time to make sure that Stanley keeps up his

revolting experiments and becomes the greatest scientist ever known.

Juicinator test number 27 ready to go.

Prepare to witness greatness, Jess.

I've heard that before. 26 times.

All right, so there's been one or two teething problems.

But this time it's going to work. I've cracked it.

Oh, no! I've cracked it.

You could just pay up now.

I'm not paying up, I'm going to win the bet.

Stanley, you will never burp louder than me.

Yes, I will.

Buuuuuurp!

Not bad, but I can beat it, with this.

And, the world's burpiest drink.

Just watch.

# Oh, yeah, oh, yeah Who the man? I the man. #

I'm going to be on TV.

You've Been Framed are showing the video of you falling off your bike?

-What video?

-The one with your head stuck in a bucket.

Have you been filming me in case I have accidents?

No.

So, how will you be on telly if it's not by hilariously hurting yourself?

Well, the local news are doing a feature on local heroes,

-and they picked me.

-Why?

Cos of Operation Fluffy, when I rescued Mrs Wilson's cat from that

enemy tree. They're coming to interview me about it tomorrow.

I am going to be famous.

-Have you practised your interview technique?

-My what now?

These guys don't mess around, Mike, they play hardball.

Couple of nice questions to soften you up and...bang!

-They've got you.

-It's only about rescuing a cat.

So, tell me about this cat.

Well, he's black and he's called Fluffy.

Lovely. And were you just walking along when you heard him

crying for help?

-Well, no.

-No? Then where were you?

-Well, I was already up the...

-You were already up the tree?

-Why? Was it your tree?

-Well, not exactly.

So you were trespassing? You were tree-passing.

-My ball was up there, I...

-Did you even rescue the cat at all?

He jumped on my face and I sort of fell.

You were fighting a cat? You monster!

-He was just frightened.

-Well, of course he was.

You're a liar, a trespasser and an animal-napper.

You're everything that's wrong with the youth of this country.

Aren't you? Aren't you?

Aaaaggh!

Needs to work on his technique.

Stanley, you've got to help me practise. They'll eat me alive.

I'll help you.

-Stanley, please!

-I don't know, Mike, I really haven't got the time,

there's something wrong with the juicinator and...

I'll help you, I'll even test the juice. Go on, Stanley, you're

a genius, if anyone can make me look good on TV, you can.

Classic!

So, I drink that and then...?

You do a massive burp. And then we'll prepare for your interview.

All the greats burp pre-interview. Beckham, J-Lo...

Biggins.

Are you sure it's safe?

No, that's why I'm testing it on you.

Of course it's safe.

Ish.

Uh...

-How would you describe the taste?

-Runny compost heap.

OK, forget the taste, give me a burp.

SILENCE

Sorry. If it helps, I think it made my left kidney fart.

Maybe I should drink some more. HE HICCUPS

Hiccups! That's totally wrong. What's up with this machine?

So? Can we practise for the telly now?

In a while.

I need to think. I'm never going to beat Jess at this rate.

Time's running out. Oh, wait. What was that?

That's right, it was your loudest burp.

Ah, so, I just had a call from a TV crew saying they're coming to

interview Mike in an hour. Couple of questions, who, why, what?

-What, Mum?

-Today? They're coming today?

HE HICCUPS Why?

More to the point, why are they coming here?

You do still live somewhere else don't you, Mike?

Yeah, but Mum doesn't like strangers in the house,

she thinks they're dirty.

MACHINE BUZZES

-And what is that?

-Just a lovely sculpture...

Oh!

..that sprays stinking liquid

Stanley!

Mum, chill, you don't have to worry about me, you have to worry

about the TV crew that's arriving in an hour. Is the house tidy?

We're going to need flowers. Lots of flowers.

I will out-burp you!

Take your time.

Hiccup! But the TV crew, my interview technique.

Come on, guys. Hiccup!

Am I the only one freaking out here?

Aaaaah!

A TV crew? Here?

Yep.

Aaaaahh!

MACHINE WHIRRS

Oh, hi, Archie.

-Is this it? Has it started?

-What?

The great cataclysm! I wasn't allowed to warn you about it,

but now the screaming's begun, we must find shelter. Come on!

-But it's just Steph screaming about the TV people.

-Oh, right.

What's this about a cataclysm?

Ah, nothing, forget I said anything. What's this?

Oh. I'm supposed to make a really burpy drink but...

The juicinator? This is the first juicinator?

-You've heard of it?

-Heard of it?

It revolutionises belching. You wait for the juicinator 5,000.

The juicinator with multi-burpose use, great product.

Brilliant, I want to make a really massive burp,

for scientific reasons, obviously.

But there's something missing.

Oh, let me help, I love burps. Cabbagey ones, eggy ones,

cheesy ones, they're all amazing. Look at this. Olivia?

Yes, that's my name, don't wear it out.

Burps! Everywhere you go, the world is full of big, stinky belches.

Did you know, when we eat and drink we also swallow air?

The more we swallow the more our stomach fills up.

It has to go somewhere and your body certainly doesn't want it,

so up it goes, back where it came from,

up your throat and into someone's face.

Burps aren't all fun, oh, no. Normally, your food

stays at the bottom of your stomach and the air at the top.

But if you're in space, it would all float around mixed up together,

which means that when astronauts burp...

Ah, Houston we have a problem. I've just barfed in my helmet.

Cool.

So, the more gas I get into my stomach,

the bigger the burp when it comes out?

Fizziness!

Fiz is just gas bubbles in a drink.

I'm going to make the fizziest drink ever.

Are we opening a florist?

Ha-ha, are you auditioning for My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding?

This is extremely fashionable

and it was just something I was going to wear anyway.

You realise they're not going to interview you, don't you?

You never know. After all, for years

I've been a friend and close mentor to...

Don't tell me, don't tell me.

-Mike?

-That's him.

DOORBELL RINGS

They're here.

Ooh! It's the local news team with Sarah Stripe!

Wow. I used to go to school with her.

Come off it, she's way younger than you.

I mean...

Well, we were friends. Well...friendly-ish.

Well, she flushed my head down the toilet now and again,

stole my boyfriend, yeah, and my best friend. And, actually,

most of my friends, yeah. But you know that was in the past,

totally over it now.

Unclench, Mum.

DOORBELL RINGS

I'll get it.

Hi, Sarah. Hello, Sarah.

No.

Oh, hi, Sarah I didn't see you there, oh, this magazine, yeah,

I borrowed it from a friend, only one of many, I've got loads.

Oh, no.

Oh, what's this?

It's my swimming certificate. You didn't get one of these, did you?

of course... I did spend a lot of time underwater thanks to you, oh.

Oh, your home is really, well,

I can see you're trying your best.

It'll look good for the story, it's earthy, dingy...

Local boy from impoverished world saves cat despite wallpaper.

Ah, Sarah, hi, long time.

It's me Amanda, Amanda Billings. 43 The Cuttings.

We went to school together for six years.

You borrowed my homework every morning by force.

You "borrowed" my dinner money, all of it,

so that I didn't have anything to eat.

I was friends with Jane Heskith for a little while.

Oh, yes, of course! Amanda, how nice to see you again.

This one thinks we went to school together, stalker alert.

They're here already. Man, they move fast, like a...like a...

Cat off a tree?

I've got the hiccups and no interview technique. What am I going to do?

Look stupid on TV?

I need Stanley.

Stanley doesn't care about you, Mike, he only cares about burps,

you have to accept that.

This is going to be the fizziest drink ever, colier than cola,

lemonadier than lemonade,

milkier than... I'm forgetting fizzy milk hasn't caught on yet.

Don't worry, Jess is here. Jess with a book. It's a good thing,

you'll like it.

Look, between hair-moulting and horrendous nasal seepage, hiccups.

It says here there's a muscle under your lungs called the diaphragm,

that's what pulls in all the air when you breathe.

A hiccup is when it starts twitching,

usually cos other organs irritate it.

Day 4,006 and tensions are high.

Hey, stomach! Shift over! Some of us

are trying to suck air into the lungs, here.

Don't blame me, it's Brian's fault for drinking too much

too quickly, I'm all swollen up.

Yeah, leave him alone. You're always giving it, "Oh, look at me,

"I'm the diaphragm, I'm a thin sheet of muscle at the bottom

"of the rib cage." Well, blah, blah, blah.

Oi! Lay off the diaphragm, kidneys.

You want some, eh, lungs? You want some?

There's two of us and...all right, two of you.

Will both of you shut up? I'm trying to digest here.

You shut up and give me some room,

I'm starting to get really irritated!

Irritated, is it, now? I'll make you irritated!

Urgh!

So, all we need to do is stop your stomach

from irritating your diaphragm.

How do we do that?

A Karate chop!

Aaaaaah!

She hasn't changed, she's still as horrible as she always was.

Lucky some of us are grown up so we can just let it go.

Roger that! If you could step to one side, please.

We need this area for storage.

But... What?

Sarah's letting me do work experience for the day,

this could be my big break into telly.

-What about my flowers?

-Yeah, no-one needs them, I'm afraid,

-we're worried they'll clash with Miss Stripe's outfit.

-I see.

And Miss Stripe has asked if you could stay out of the front room

as, no disrespect, you've kind of got some weird obsession with her.

I better go get Mike.

Pump it, pump up the fizz, come on, more!

Nearly there! Oh, this is going to be the fizziest drink ever.

Stanley, help! Stop her!

Mike, if you don't want to be chopped in the stomach,

you can just say.

-Don't chop me in the stomach!

-OK. A kick, then?

Arrggh!

That's it, maximum fizz. Quick, load up the juice,

she's not going to hold for ever.

Please, Stanley, you cure me, not her.

But I'm so close, there's no time, and I can't let Jess beat me.

Come on, Stanley, hurry up!

Told you he didn't care about you, Mike.

OK. Well, I guess... Hiccup! ..burps are pretty important.

She's not going to hold much longer!

Just one minute.

Right, which one of you is Mike?

The one that isn't your brother or a girl.

Right, we're going to need you in

the living room ASAP we're going live in 20. Come on.

But...hiccup.

Stanley, I think you need to go with what's most important here.

Don't worry, Stanley, you made the right decision.

Of course you want to beat me more than help your friend Mike.

I meant the juicinator, the juicinator's most important!

I know loads of Mikes.

BANG

Oh, yes, and the bet's in the bag. Time is running out, Stanley Brown.

HE HICCUPS

Not sure about the hiccups, they won't play well

-with our demographic.

-Just borrow this, won't be a second.

That is so unprofessional!

So, Sarah Stripe. What's going on there, eh?

I mean, you know, she looks happy and successful

but I bet it's just a mask, isn't it?

I bet she's not as happy as me, is she?

I bet she's all twisted up and miserable inside, isn't she?

Bet she feels guilty, as well, for everything she ever did to me.

Why aren't you answering? Are you afraid of her?

Yeah? Did she flush your head down the toilet, as well?

We could form a group.

You! Stop that. Out!

Out!

Can't we lock her up or something? And where's this Mike boy?

KNOCK AT DOOR

Stanley! Stanley, give him back!

Please don't let her take me. The hiccups... The demographic!

It's OK. There's bound to be a cure for hiccups.

We just need a bit of time to find it.

But there is no time! She's coming for me.

Stanley, open the door immediately.

# Hickory, dickory, dock

# Have you taken a look at the clock? #

OK, so, Sarah wants to meet you.

I've got an idea that'll buy us a few minutes.

Stanley, I want Mike, now!

OK.

What is that?

It's Mike. Better take him to meet Sarah, hurry up.

If you thought that was going to fool me

for one second, you're dumber than I thought.

I don't think we'll fool you, Steph. I think we'll fool Sarah,

she's never seen Mike.

Yes, but I'm certain she's seen a boy before.

I'm not taking her in.

Really, Steph? You sure? I mean,

Sarah sent you over here with the simplest task

of getting Mike. How is it going to look if you can't even do that?

-Pretty rubbish, I'd say.

-Yeah.

She'll probably fire you from your unpaid job

and you'll never get to do work experience in local TV again.

That'd be such a shame.

She's just a stand-in until I can cure Mike's hiccups,

then we'll swap them back.

I'm going to get you for this, Stanley Brown.

Come on then, "Mike".

Just off to find a cure for hiccups...out here.

You stay here.

So there's no one proven way to make hiccups go away.

In fact, in some cases they never go away.

For example, there was this man called Charles Osborne

from the USA. He hiccupped non-stop from 1922 to 1990.

His whole life was spent either hiccupping

or enjoying the short moments between hiccups

when he would hope that he wasn't going to hiccup again.

He was always disappointed.

Treatments which might work involve

trying to settle the twitchy diaphragm by holding your breath,

or breathing into a paper bag,

or stimulating the nerve which causes hiccups by swallowing

dry bread or crushed ice. But they probably won't work, good luck!

Any luck?

Yeah, BAD luck. You can have dry bread,

crushed ice or be Charles Osborne.

Charles Osborne sounds nice, I think I'll be - hiccup - him.

This is going to be harder than I thought.

I hope Jess is keeping the film crew busy.

-Are you sure this is him?

-Yep.

Why is Jess wearing Mike's clothes?

-Stanley.

-Ah, of course.

You look like a girl.

Well, you look like a donkey in a wig but I don't judge you.

Look, if you want to complain about my behaviour,

ask Amanda for Mike's mother's address.

Listen, sonny, this is local television,

so you're going to shut up and do exactly as I tell you

or you're going to look very stupid in front of hundreds of people.

You'd be the expert in that.

You're not going to tell her

I brought down the wrong person, are you?

Oh, no. Having far too much fun for that.

-Has it worked?

-I think, maybe...hiccup!

No.

Hey, what about giving me a shock?

What?

My mum says that works. Or say pineapple over and over again,

or think about a dog eating broccoli.

Try eating the dry bread whilst breathing into the bag.

How do people come up with all these crazy cures?

Have any of them worked?

Hey, little terrier, you enjoying that broccoli?

Hiccup.

Pineapple, pineapple - hiccup - pineapple.

Most hiccups go away after a while, anyway. Because people are always

doing things to get rid of them, they think whatever they were doing

when the hiccup stops is what must have cured them, whether it's

juggling bananas or repeating.

Pineapple, pineapple, pineapple - hiccup!

So there's lots of stupid remedies?

Oh, she says they're not all stupid, some of them

stand a small chance of working.

The nerves that can cause your diaphragm to twitch

go to lots of different places in your body,

so working out exactly what's bugging them can be tricky.

One guy hiccupped for four days

until his doctor spotted a hair tickling his eardrum. Urgh.

As soon as it was removed his hiccups stopped.

Some doctors try to cure hiccups

with an anaesthetic that sends you to sleep. The question is,

would you rather sleep all day or have the hiccups?

We could try to knock him out.

Pineapple - hiccup - pineapple? Hiccup - pineapple - hiccup!

Yes, I'm sorry, Mrs Wilson, it's just,

Miss Stripe feels that you're not going to work with our audience.

We're after something a bit more trendy and funkier.

-I'll look after Fluffy.

-Right.

Yeah? OK, thanks for being so understanding.

See you later, have a nice day, bye now.

This is ridiculous.

Bye! she'll have a lovely time on telly, come back in an hour. Bye!

Honestly, that Mike is the most disgusting child I've ever met.

Is that the cat?

Yes, but Mrs Wilson felt that she wasn't right for the show,

so she's asked me to look after Fluffy for the cameras.

You can't fool me, you did over that sweet Mrs Wilson,

just to fuel your own naked local television ambitions, didn't you?

You'll go a long way. Now, come on! We go live in two minutes.

-Fluffy, we're going to be on TV!

-Miaow!

-Oh.

-You can't knock Mike out.

-Why?

-It's dangerous.

Go on, just a quick karate chop, I've been watching Jess,

-he won't feel a thing.

-No, he'll be unconscious.

And the hiccupping will stop, I'll do it gently.

Go on. Please. I always wanted to knock him out.

-Why?

-I don't know, just something about him.

No. No! No! Archie, look out!

Argh!

What? HE HICCUPS

Oh, argh!

Argh, argh! Get it off, oh!

It's alive!

HE HICCUPS

At least that proves shocks don't cure hiccups.

Uh! get it off me! Oh.

Mike! Mike!

First juicinator juice, I can't let it slip away.

Ah...

Are you seriously going to go through with this?

-Well, why not? Mike's meant to be in by now.

-Ssh.

-TV:

-'Now live over to Sarah Stripe.'

Yes, indeed, Judith. I'm here at the house of a woman,

and we'll be talking to a very brave and special local hero

and a grateful cat, as well.

And here's the lad himself, Mike J.

The skeleton's alive! Hiccup.

-Who's this?

-I'm Mike.

-But that's Mike.

-Why would a girl be called Mike?

Why are you dressed in girl's clothes?

Argh, uh!

Um, so, Mike, did you rescue the cat or not?

Of course I rescued the cat. What are you trying to suggest?

-You won't trip me up, it was my ball.

-What?

(Sarah, we're live!)

Well, why don't we meet the cat? Hm? Fluffy?

I don't think that's a good idea.

Just get the cat out.

CAT MIAOWS

Oh, oh, Fluffy.

Hello.

CAT MIAOWS

Argghh!

Ouch, ouch!

Ouch, get it off me, oh!

Um, are you all right, Sarah? Can I give you a hand?

I remember you now.

Bean-head Billington.

I always hated you,

and your family are even bigger losers than you were.

Ah, don't talk to my mum like that.

I'll talk to her however I like.

I'm Sarah Stripe, I am the local news...

Wait a minute, my hiccups have gone. That's it!

This must be the cure for hiccups.

What, assaulting a TV woman with an angry cat whilst dressed as a girl?

Yes! We'll have to do this next time I get hiccups.

Time's up, and she drank your belch juice.

Looks like I have the loudest burp.

OK, OK, you win the mummified frog.

That drink was so fizzy, I think I'm going to...

Buuuuuuuuurp!

Oh, pardon me.

And on that note, back to the studio.

Congratulations! You win the mummified frog.

SHE SCREAMS

THEY LAUGH

Please, can we watch it one more time?

Right, I've finally got the juicinator working again,

who wants a glass?

Ah!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd