Spider The Revolting World of Stanley Brown

Welcome to the Revolting World of Stanley Brown.

Go science!

Achoo!

Sick.

Stanley is the world's greatest scientist.

Whoa!

It's just that he doesn't know that yet.

This is his next door neighbour Jess.

And his best friend Mike.

Oh, and here's Archie.

I'm your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great,

great, grandson, from the future.

I'm invisible.

And I'm invisible too.

I'm Olivia, Archie's incredible robot assistant.

We've come back in time to make sure that Stanley

keeps up his revolting experiments

and becomes the greatest scientist ever known.

Hello?

Stanley?

Your mum said you were out here.

DOG BARKS IN THE DISTANCE

HE GASPS

Aaargh!

STANLEY LAUGHS

Brilliant! It works!

MIKE BREATHES HEAVILY

-What do you think? Are you frightened?

-No. I'm fine.

-You looked frightened.

-I wasn't.

You screamed like you were frightened.

That wasn't a scream. It was a roar, like, "Aargh! Keep back!"

Why do you want to frighten me, anyway?

I don't want to frighten you. I want to scare the burglar.

There's a burglar? No way.

Yeah. Someone keeps stealing my best stuff.

They even took the decomposing fruit!

This is all that's left of my rotten...

The rotten pumpkin? Nooo!

I'm going to scare them so hard

they won't steal another pile of rotting slime as long as they live.

You in?

Yeah! But who'd steal your things?

Don't know. Some kind of criminal genius.

Euch, my brother's so disgusting!

I don't even want to know what that was.

Shall I not tell you it's pig's poo then?

-Pig poo?!

-Yeah, there's like a big collection

of animal droppings in there. Rabbit, tortoise, badger.

How do you even collect badger poo?!

-I don't know. Why? Do you want some?

-Of course not!

Well, I was going to say, there's some here if you do.

Well, don't close the door, give it to me.

-But you said you didn't want...

-I don't want to keep it!

I want to throw it away.

I've got Tasha Corbett coming round for a sleepover tonight

and nothing must ruin my chances of impressing her.

And by nothing I mean Stanley and his awful things.

-I like Tasha. She's funny.

-She's not funny, she's amazing.

She started up that whole New Age group.

-Do you think she'll let you join?

-Maybe.

But I don't think she'd be very happy about dipping her crisps

into any hedgehog poo! So, you sneak up to Stanley's room

and see if he's got any more slop we can throw out before she gets here.

Revolting brother, why would you even keep animal poo?!

Job done.

I really thought I'd frightened Mike.

Maybe he was frightened,

he's just pretending to be all like, "whatever."

If only there was some way to tell for definite.

Then I'd know if the trap works.

You only have to ask.

Well, did you know when something scares us,

it triggers a fight or flight response

where your body gets ready to either fight, or run away.

You start sweating, ready to cool you down if you need to run for it.

Your pupils widen, your hairs stand on end.

But not like that. Your body hair stands up,

making you more sensitive to movement around you.

Your heart beats faster, making sure your muscles

get all the oxygen they need. And the contents of your stomach

may be dumped, giving you less weight to carry around

-when you leg it.

-You can poo yourself when you're scared?

Or wee! Or have flatulence.

Flat-you-what?!

I'm so scared!

ARCHIE PASSES WIND

OLIVIA ROARS

A monster! STANLEY PASSES WIND

The stench of fear!

Did Mike trump when he was in the web?

I don't know. I wasn't smelling.

Bet he did. Spiders are brilliant at scaring people.

-I love them.

-Oh, yeah, you're well known for your love of spiders.

In the future you invent bion...

OLIVIA GETS ANGRY

Oh, sorry. Can't tell you that.

Might destroy the space-time continuum. See you, Stanley.

Guess what I got?

A tarantula!

I can't believe it! Your uncle really let you borrow it?

That depends what you mean by borrow.

-I mean the usual thing.

-In that case, no, he didn't.

But he did go away to a lizard convention

and leave me in charge of all his snakes and spiders.

Wow! Your uncle must get loads of visitors.

Weirdly, no.

This would really scare off that burglar.

Hey! Let's show it to my mum! She LOVES spiders.

-Aargh! Oh, oh!

-Mum?! What is it?!

-Spider!

-Brilliant!

Oh!

Don't drop it.

-Oh!

-It's all gone.

-Oh, thanks, love.

-No problem. Mum loves spiders.

It was her idea that I start collecting them.

-You're collecting spiders now?

-Yeah. You told me to.

With that spider in the bath the other day.

No, I told you to take it away.

And keep it in a box with lots of friends.

-I kind of assumed the last bit.

-You are NOT to keep spiders

-in this house.

-I'm not. I'm keeping them in a box.

OR in a box! I am picking up

my Face Cream Saleswoman of the Week award tomorrow.

And I have to look calm, relaxed and stress-free.

And I won't look like that if I'm kept awake all night

worrying about horrible spiders.

-They're not horrible.

-They stun flies,

and dissolve their insides and drink them like milkshakes.

I call that horrible.

I call it brilliant. Fly Milkshake.

Milkshakes! Get your milkshakes!

Hm. Em...the Flytastic Flyshake. What's that?

Well, let me tell you how we make it!

We take a lovely fat, juicy fly, inject it with a hint of venom,

and then dissolve its insides with digestive enzymes.

Right. So it's fly guts dissolved in spider sick.

Yep! It's quite the most disgusting thing you'll ever drink.

Full of deadly neurotoxin. What size cup would you like?

So in what way are these the finest milkshakes in the animal world?

They're so nutritious. Mm. Revolting. Needs more sick.

-Promise me you've got rid of the spiders.

-Of course. No spiders.

-Promise.

-Here it is.

-We don't need that right now!

-Well, I thought you wanted your mum to see it.

-See what?

This cloth! This lovely cloth. Isn't it nice?

Er, why would I want to see a cloth?

Well, it's so calming. Feel how calming it is.

It's not that calming.

What are these thick brown hairs sticking out of it?

-Thick brown hairs? Where?

-Mum, Tasha's going to be here soon

and Stanley's room's full of... What's in the tank?

Nothing! Just some air. Jess is collecting some air, aren't you Jess?

Er...yes. I am. Apparently.

So, there we are. Jess has some lovely air and there's no spiders.

Everyone's a winner.

Er, you've forgotten your box.

Aargh!

Out.

Sorry, Mrs Brown.

That's more of your horrible things thrown away.

Why is my face so itchy?

Stanley's definitely supposed to step on a tarantula

at a sleepover tonight. But how can Stanley tread on a tarantula

if Jess has taken it home? It doesn't make sense.

What?

Oh, listen, Archie, in 2038 Stanley will invent bionic legs

for injured spiders. Apparently he had the idea

when he accidentally stepped on a tarantula.

So Stanley Brown's bionic spider legs allow spiders to dance,

leap over buildings, and run at 300 miles per hour.

So thanks to him the Robot Spider Olympics

is THE most popular sporting event in human history, got that?

Oh, I love the Robot Spider Olympics,

everybody loves the Robot Spider Olympics.

I'm going to have to interfere.

I'm not going to blunder in and ruin everything,

I'm going to blunder in and make everything totally amazing.

-Oh, yeah.

-You watch.

Stanley, hey. How's things?

Someone's stolen my dandruff now!

How is a thief even getting in here?! I've got to stop them.

I thought you were going to scare them.

How? Mum's evicted all my spiders. Why is she so frightened of them?

-She's probably got a phobia. Of spiders?

-Oh, yeah!

People can have phobias of anything. They get totally terrified

even of things that aren't dangerous at all!

Olivia? Hit it! I said hit it!

# There's

# Astraphobia, that's fear of stars

# with motorphobia you're scared of cars

# Chiroptophobics don't like bats

# With ailurophobia you're freaked by cats

# Now climacophobia is fear of stairs

# While a chaetophobic is terrified of hairs

# Papalphobics are scared of the Pope

# With ablutophobia you'll never use soap

# Macrophobia is a fear of a wait

# The octophobic is scared of eight

# Dendrophobics scream at trees

# Genuphobia makes you petrified of knees

# Spermophobia, that's fear of germs

# Scoleciphobics run from worms

# While Pluviophobia is a terror of rain

# But ponophobics don't like pain. #

# Enetophobics get spooked by pins

# Geniophobics are terrified of chins

# Thalassophobia, the fear of the sea

# But urophobia makes you horrified of wee

# Linenophobics are scared of string

# And so are pantophobics because they're scared of everything

# Ornithophobics have a fear of birds

# And hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

# Is the fear of very, very long words

# Word. #

Wow! People can be scared of ANYTHING.

Oh! Maybe you could put everything in the world in your trap.

-How can I put everything into a trap?

-You're right. Bit unwieldy.

If only you still had the tarantula, everyone's scared of them.

Funny you should say that.

We switched it before Jess left.

Now all I need to do is get Mike and Jess over to help.

-How are you going to do that?

-By getting you to pretend to be my mum.

STANLEY'S MUM'S VOICE

So we'll see Mike tonight, it'd be such fun.

No, it's not like me to want to have fun.

I mean, I'm normally really boring and annoying

and go on and on about face cream.

And tell him to sneak in quietly through the back door

so I don't see him. Er...I mean... Goodbye.

There. That should do it.

A sleepover and a tarantula.

Everything's in place, just as it should be.

Your accidental death will usher in an age of robot spider athletics,

the likes of which the world has never seen.

Be strong.

-How do I look?

-Like a paper towel.

I'm supposed to look spiritual!

-This is to make me look pure and clean and...

-Absorbent?

-Just talk me up to Tasha.

-How do I talk you up?

-Tell her that I'm in touch with my chi.

-You what?

-Chi.

Tasha told me it's like this invisible energy flow,

-and it, like, surrounds every living thing.

-Like The Force?

No, not like The Force. Well, maybe a bit like The Force.

That'll be her. Come on.

Tasha. Welcome to my humble home.

She's a Jedi and she touches cheese.

-What?

-Sorry, ignore her. I'm not a Jedi, and I don't touch cheese.

-Why don't you touch cheese?

-Well, I do touch cheese.

I...I love cheese. Cheese is great.

But she means I'm in touch with my chi.

I don't touch cheese, I'm a vegan.

-As am I.

-But you just said you love cheese.

Yeah. I...I...I love cheese like I love all things in creation.

Like I love this.

A welly.

Won't you come through?

Stanley!

You've got to help me, look at my face!

It's right where you put that cloth on, was there something awful on it?

Just some thick brown hairs.

Well, do you think they could have given me this rash?

I've got to pick up a beauty award and I can't

-with this big itchy face.

-Maybe a good night's sleep will help.

Oh, yeah, maybe it's just stress. Hmm. Calm and relaxed.

Calm and relaxed. Calm and relaxed.

Calm and relaxed. Oh, Stanley?

Um, you have got rid of your spiders, haven't you?

-Yeah. Sure. No spiders on me.

-Great.

-Calm and relaxed. Calm and relaxed.

-Calm and relaxed

Wow, that was close. But I've got my friends, I've got a giant spider,

-we're going to scare this thief.

-Where's the tarantula?

You looking after it right?

Yeah, course. It's safe in a shoe box.

CARDBOARD CRUNCHES

In a shoe box? Like the shoe box you just sat on?

Hey, guys! Have there been any awful accidents with the..?

Yes, there have!

You killed it! Do you know what my uncle's going to do to me?

-He owns a tank of cockroaches!

-Jess! I'm sorry. I didn't...

I'm going to make you suffer, Stanley Brown.

I'm going to become Steph's best friend,

just so I can ruin your life.

-Er, guys.

-What?

-Permission to speak?

The spider's not in here.

-Oh, yes!

-Noooo!

I mean...hooray!

It must be running about the house somewhere, yeah?

In great danger?

Find...my...spider.

You two check the landing, I'll finish here and meet you downstairs.

I don't believe it! I've let the spider escape and ruined the future.

Oh, what's going to happen to my favourite robot spider athletes?

There's only one thing for it.

I need to get the future back on track.

Jess' spider must diiiiiiieeee!

And I have to make Stanley do it...by accident.

-I sense, erm...negative energy about this place.

-Oh, no do you?

It's bound to be Stanley's fault. You see, the thing is,

my brother's really into science. Yeah, I know, right?

It's like, everything has to be measured and proved

-before he'll believe in it.

-Yeah, things are so much better

when they're vague and confusing and don't really make any sense.

-Exactly.

-Well, not exactly.

-Yeah, Daisy, not exactly.

What are you talking about?! She's so annoying.

She's always dragging me down. And Stanley's always doing

horrible experiments. I really need some way to express

my spiritual side, you know? Like you have.

Like being in charge of the New Age Group.

You want to be in charge of the New Age Group?

No, you're in charge. But, maybe when you step down.

-Is that why you've invited me round?

-No, of course not!

-Yeah it is.

-You told me.

-I should go.

-No, no, don't go! I...there's a ghost!

We've got a ghost.

It moves things about...and it smells.

And it leaves, like, trails of slime everywhere.

I didn't know Stanley were a ghost.

It's not Stanley. It's a troubled spirit. Please stay, Tasha.

Maybe we can guide it towards the light?

Why do you want it on the light?

MIKE PASSES WIND

Pardon me!

Throughout the ages, ghost hunters have used the vibratory power

of stones to enhance their energies. This is one such stone.

-I feel a presence.

-That's us.

No. I feel another.

Spirit! You are welcome! What is your name?

Stanley. You seen my spider?

Stanley!

What?

MIKE PASSES WIND

Pardon me!

Oh, it's still there!

Come here! Come here, spider!

Ah, my little hairy friend, where have you been?

Back to Stanley and your accidental doom.

Stay out!

I've done everything I can to stop you ruining tonight

but you're still messing things up for me.

What do you mean, you've done everything you can?

Nothing.

You've been stealing my stuff!

It was Steph! Steph's the burglar!

If I had that tarantula now, I'd give her such a spidering!

Where's a giant arachnid when you need one?!

Where would it go? I need to know more about tarantulas.

Olivia!

You called, your highness?

OK. Tarantulas are the biggest spiders in the world

but when they grow they have to break out of their old casing

and grow a new one. Humans don't do this because it would look gross.

Despite looking so scary, tarantulas aren't really that dangerous.

They can be killed by just a short fall

and their bite is no worse than a bee sting.

But if they're annoyed they throw barbed hairs off their bellies

which can give you a pretty nasty rash.

Don't cross me, Buster, or I'll make you itch.

The worst they can do is give you a rash? That's rubbish!

Although that does explain Mum's rash.

There must have been tarantula hairs on that cloth.

Quick! Tread clumsily over here and look at this!

-What?

-Oh, I thought I saw a...dust.

-A dust?

-Yes. A very interesting piece of dust. Just there.

-Agh! Where is it?

-What?

-The spider! It's gone!

-I know. That's why we're looking for it.

-Yes, but it...

Just keeping us on our toes. Agh! It's still missing! See?

See you later.

Oi, spider! Come here

so I can deliberately get you accidentally killed.

Mike?

-Jess?

-Stanley? Is that you?

How does my face look?

Great. It's got a lovely...glow.

It's just so itchy, I can't sleep.

And there's a horrid smell around. I think I might get up.

-Hm, what's this?

-I... I'm just so frightened.

Of the spiders you made me throw away. Hold me.

-Oh, yeah, your heart's beating fast.

-Yeah. That's the fear.

-Awww.

Also I'm evacuating my bowels.

-STANLEY PASSES WIND

-'Scuse.

OK.

Spider! Where are you?

That should have gassed her out for a few minutes.

Steph won't let us in. We'll have to get them out first.

-So how are we going to do that?

-Let me think.

Fight or flight! Wait here.

Spider, where are you?

-Archie, I need your help

-Eh? What are you doing?

Nothing. What kind of help?

I don't know what's happened to this ghost.

-Maybe it's upset that you made it up.

-It's probably just too light.

-You're going to have to be the ghost.

-You're going to kill me?!

No. Wait till she's distracted, then move stuff about.

Knock something off a shelf, yeah?

Wandering spirit. Give us a sign.

I told you. Look, Steph, I'm not going to let you into the group

just because you pretend that...

DOOR RATTLES

That was just your brother again.

DAISY GASPS

It wasn't me!

STEPH GASPS

STEPH WHIMPERS

BOTH: Aaahh!

-Let me out of here!

-Let me join the New Age Group!

Take my stones! Just let me live!

TASHA SCREAMS

What is going on down here?

Was that right?

Stanley Brown, have you got something to do with this?

Mum, I can explain everything.

You squashed my tarantula!

Tarantula?!

Jess, I'm so sorry. Is it completely dead?

Maybe I could fix it? I could make it bionic legs!

Result! He's had the idea!

Stanley Brown, what is this about a tarantula in my house?

And what are your friends doing here at night?

I need a good night's sleep. I've got a big day tomorrow

and I've told you I'm petrified of spiders!

You've got a lot of explaining to do, young man.

What?

Of course! Spiders shed their skins to grow!

I must have just stepped on its old casing.

Result! History is saved and the spider's still alive!

Come here, Brian.

Everything's fine.

Oh...

Oh...

Maybe that should be fight, flight, or faint.

-Good one.

-At least she'll have a good night's sleep.

-Stanley, you've ruined my night.

-And you've stolen half of my stuff.

-Give it back.

-What makes you think I'll do that?

That spider.

-I'm not scared of that.

-Yes, you are.

STEPH BREATHES HEAVILY

DAISY PASSES WIND

All right! I'll give you your stupid stuff back!

The bin men won't want it anyway.

THAT's the stench of justice!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd