Part 1 The Sarah Jane Adventures

'My name's Maria Jackson, and this is Bannerman Road.

'I've just moved in with my dad after he and my mum got divorced.'

Oh, right, on the brush.

You've got some on your face. There, just there.

Then, in this big old house over the road,

I met Sarah Jane Smith.

She's a journalist...

who investigates aliens.

That's Luke. Born yesterday, near enough.

Sarah Jane's adopted him, and together, we saved the world.

I discovered that life was so much bigger and stranger and better

than I ever thought possible.

Oi! Thank you. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

But when school began, I thought things might go back to normal.

I was wrong.

They just got weirder...

..and weirder...

..and weirder.

Wahhhh!

Now, you take care. OK?

-Goodbye, Mum.

-Oh, I don't think so.

No, Sarah Jane's just fine.

Oh, hi Maria.

CHILDREN LAUGH

Why were they laughing?

-First day, and your mum's kissing you goodbye?

-Is that bad?

Bit embarrassing. Plus, she so wants you to call her Mum.

-She said she didn't.

-It's not what she said.

-That's a bit flashy.

-It's a brand new building.

-There was an article about it in the paper.

-Wonder what's inside it?

Not them. Scan along.

Where is he?

There! Him.

He's not that big. How will I fit?

He'll do. Get yourself ready.

I'll go fetch.

-What can I do for you?

-Stand right there, Tim.

Any particular reason?

Very particular. HE BREAKS WIND Oops!

Happens to us all.

-And I'll need those.

-Sorry?

Waaaaahhhhh!

-I'm feeling anxious.

-So am I.

But you've been to school before.

-Not this one.

-Budge up.

-You new today?

-Yeah. Maria.

Clyde. New too. Probably hang around with you

-till I meet some cooler people.

-How do you do? I'm Luke Smith.

OK, that was a joke. Now I mean it.

-Good morning everybody.

-ALL: Good morning, Mr Blakeman.

HE BREAKS WIND, EVERYONE LAUGHS

What's funny? The wife gave me cabbage and bean tartlets last night.

Yet another reason to despise Jamie Oliver.

Right, assembly, yada-ya.

Welcome back everybody, it's a new year, hope you all do well.

Don't run in the courtyard, don't even think of wearing make-up, and study hard,

because I guarantee none of you are gonna be pop stars.

What's his problem?

So.... What else? HE BREAKS WIND

Oh, yeah.

What a bright future you've all got, children of the world!

Etcetera. Right...

as you've seen, we have a new technology block.

I'll be taking you over in groups to look at our amazing new facilities,

starting with...Form 10B.

There are 16 classrooms with broadband connections,

but anything dubious your adolescent minds may be drawn to,

I've locked out.

I've signed us up for this. First meeting's tomorrow.

Lunchtime science club? And now I'm backing away.

HE BREAKS WIND Shut up!

Why is farting funny?

-It just is.

-But it's a normal process of the human bowel.

Are you for real?

-Smells weird in here.

-Farts?

Dunno...metal, electric.

Like batteries.

-Can I sit here?

-Only if I'm not gonna shame you.

Well, I either sit here with you or sit there with that.

-What, there's someone worse than me?

-Just.

-So where are you from?

-Hounslow. My parents split up,

-so I moved here with Mum.

-Like me. Only I moved with my dad.

-Yeah, how's that?

-Better than them rowing all the time.

-Yeah.

Ow!

What's wrong with that? It's mouldy!

What kind of slop are they serving here?

Is it leftovers from last term or something?

-Sir? Sir?

-What?

How am I meant to eat that?

Just pick the bad bits off.

Great. That leaves me with a pea.

-Mine's off too! That is disgusting!

-What's wrong with this place?

It stinks, the food's rotten. Something weird's going on here.

Goodbye, repellent pubescents.

-Until tomorrow.

-This skin... it's killing me round the legs.

Right. Time for a test run.

Now? What about the caretaker?

I've taken care of the caretaker.

Everything's ready. Come on!

Oh, I see, you've cadged a lift, have you?

-I offered.

-I dunno, Lady Muck, getting the neighbours

-to chauffeur her around.

-Shut up, Dad.

-How was the first day, then?

OK. A bit weird, though. The headmaster keeps farting.

-Really? What, noisy smelly ones or silent but deadlies?

-Eugh!

-What?

Place stinks like batteries. And the food was off.

I'll make you a proper tea.

-You go and get changed.

-Bye. See you, Maria.

I want a proper tea too!

Make it yourself! I'm not your cook.

-Whatever.

-No, forget it, it's all right. We'll phone out for a curry.

Can't have you straining yourself after your long voyage home, can we?

-You think you're so funny!

-Yeah.

How do you get like that, you and Maria?

Always been like that, don't really think about it.

Anyway, the school can't be that bad, they've just built this.

Someone donated the money and this technology block was put up.

-Looks incredible.

-Hold on. I did an IT job in a school, in a new block

-that looks like that.

-Was it built by Coldfire Construction?

-Yeah.

-Where?

-On the other side of town. St Sheldon's, in Upminster.

That place smelt odd. Sort of metallic.

Anyway, better go.

Stop her ordering the entire menu. Bye!

Systems online.

-That's it. Now, synchronise the mega-wattage.

-Synchronizing mega...

watty...er...

That one!

-Kept making social mistakes today.

-I think I made one too.

Driving to school when it's round the corner, kissing you goodbye.

Oh, we're both new hands at this.

I don't know anyone except Maria and Clyde.

Maria's in different classes to me most of the time.

-And Clyde thinks I'm uncool.

-Clyde's not the only kid in the school.

-What if I make more mistakes?

-Never make the same ones again.

Listen, anyone is nervous starting a new school, a new job.

-I've never been a mum before.

-Do I have to go?

I could take you out, teach you here. I considered it.

But you, Luke Smith, you're going to live a normal life,

as normal a life as I can give you.

What if I get it wrong again? It makes me feel...stupid.

Remember, you saved the world the day you were born.

Not many people can say that.

No-one else can say that. That's the problem. Nobody else is like me.

-What are you doing?

-Checking up on the firm who built your new block.

Coldfire Construction.

They started expanding 18 months ago, contracts all round the world.

Some odd things cropping up.

Now they're putting up school buildings all round London.

Makes a change for me.

Not aliens, is it?

Stabilising...

There!

Aaah!

Only me, come for a gawp.

Alan, this is really kind of all right!

-Thanks, Chrissie, I really value your opinion.

-Don't be sarky.

-Is Maria upstairs?

-I think it went OK for her today.

-What went OK for her today?

-Her first day at the new school.

-Today?

My mind's just been all over the place,

stress like you would not believe.

-So why did you come round?

-To see my daughter. Do I need another reason?

Oh, while I think about it,

you were gonna give me that 13.5 tog double duvet?

Only you don't need it, you've got the single.

Maria, love, it's your mum!

Lights out, London!

School can't be that bad.

I mean, like I said, it's a much better catchment area.

Ooh, got to go, love. Ivan's taking me to the pub, it's opera night.

The waiters sing while you're eating.

Oh, great(!)

There's a torch.

With a flat battery. I'm not saying anything

I'll get the candles.

-Power cut?

-Yes, Mr Smith's not responding.

The computer just went pffft, and guess who forgot to save her work?

I'll just see how long it'll be, I can check the local power grid.

That's impossible. It never loses power. Can't lose power.

-There we go.

-Goes as far as I can see.

Happened all the time when I was a kid.

It once went off right in the middle of Manimal, I was distraught.

Weird. Why's that happening?

-Give them to me!

-I can do it.

-No, I'll do it.

-What was that?

-It's destabilising hell!

-Turn it off, turn it off!

-Turn it off!

What?

-Weird.

-Must be faulty.

Or the same thing that cut the electric off cut this off.

Fantastic(!) Every station in the loop is working,

but the stabiliser cuts out!

-I'll fix it.

-You bought those plans off that Wallarian,

-you took his word it worked!

-I'll sort out the storage problem,

-then it'll stabilise, OK?

-Until then I'm stuck here, in this.

Teaching science on the planet Thick

where they still haven't worked out string theory! Ooh, it chafes!

Oh, shut up! Don't you get it?

We're nearly there! One more step...

and we destroy this planet!

Science is my first class today.

Lab 2A, with Mr Jeffrey.

You'll be fine!

See you, then.

Oh, hi.

-Oh, not interrupting?

-No, no, no.

Just making a start. Had a bigger garden in the old house.

-Do you miss it?

-Yeah, well, needs must and all that.

Shame, I had a lot of plans for that old garden.

Just didn't plan on my wife running off with a judo instructor.

-You ever been married?

-No. Never found time.

-Wise move. Anyway...sorry?

-Oh, I was just wondering,

that school you mentioned in Upminster. St Sheldon's?

I'm sure I've still got the plans here somewhere.

Yeah, there we go.

Cost a fortune. They had broadband installed, the works.

-Where did the money come from?

-I dunno, private funding.

-What sort of journalist are you?

-Oh, local stories, nothing exciting.

-Maria was saying you'd travelled a fair bit?

-Could say that, yeah.

What's that bit? It's blank.

Never went in. Coldfire kept that to themselves, it was sealed off.

-There's no door.

-You reckon they're hiding something, do you?

Ooh, something mysterious inside a school.

-That would be ridiculous!

-A bit.

-Do you mind if I keep this?

-No.

A transformer is an electrical device

that changes the voltage of the AC supply.

Such as your...

our mains electrical supply.

Anybody know who invented the first transformer? ..You.

-Faraday.

-Correct.

-Though he didn't know what to use it for.

-What?

I've thought about it too. You could get rid of the transformers,

get a better system and induct power instead.

-Just pointing out, I'm nothing to do with him.

-Quiet!

-Name.

-Clyde Langer.

Troublemaker. Noted.

OK.

You're cool because you make trouble. Should I make trouble?

I hear talking!

-What are you doing?

-My pen's run out, I'm getting a new one.

Let me see that.

-Oh! What is it?

-Cold chip sandwich.

Made it this morning. Not chancing my life in that canteen again.

Oi, you can't do that!

You can wait until lunchtime and use the canteen like everybody else.

-I'll report you for that!

-Go on, try it.

HE BREAKS WIND

PUPILS LAUGH, BELL RINGS

-Right. For tomorrow, 1,000 words on transformers!

-Oh!

2,000!

Hopeless, Miss Smith! Even worse this term.

I believe you had the wiring in your new block re-installed.

Didn't do any good. The computers keep crashing. And look.

Look at this.

Fresh this morning. Everything goes off.

And there's that smell. Like batteries.

And it started when you got your new technology block?

Hasn't anyone tried to work out what's wrong?

-a parent governor raised it at our meeting.

-And?

Fell off his bike the next morning, three months in traction.

Can't you feel it, Miss Smith?

Like...a thunderstorm's coming.

Hello, Miss Smith. SHE LAUGHS

Incredible knowledge!

-This child, Luke Smith, is a freak.

-You really think he can help us?

Yes! We'll use him to solve the storage problem.

-A 14-year-old human?

-Something's strange about him. These kids stink.

Acne and grease and coats and crisps. But he smells...fresh.

-When can you get to him?

-Very soon.

We have a rendezvous.

Welcome to lunchtime science club.

I had hoped for a slightly higher turnout, but never mind.

There's only me.

And me. Carl.

Luke. Pleased to meet you.

-Hi.

-Carl's the science star of the school, supposedly.

Though I imagine he's probably pretty rubbish compared to you.

Take a look at this. Now, over the summer I've been having tons of fun

working on a new project.

What do you make of this?

-Um...

-It's a model for a giant capacitor system.

Purely theoretical.

Nobody could possibly build this for real.

-You designed this?

-Yes, I'm wasted here.

-Do you like it?

-It's amazing. Let me see.

Now, I have a problem.

My purely theoretical problem is...

-anyone?

-Don't tell me.

Oh, yeah. With this, you could store huge amounts of electrical energy.

But there's a loophole.

Here in the storage, it wouldn't stabilise.

That's my problem, well done. Gold star.

-No star.

-You went wrong here.

You need to add an equation into the computer control.

Yeah?

I'll take your word for it.

-The power stabilises, your problems are over.

-Yes. All my problems are...

I don't know about yours, though.

And that school has exactly the same problem as yours.

So I'm off to Coldfire Construction.

-Do you want me to do anything?

-Yeah,

have a look round, see if you can find where that smell's coming from.

OK, see you later. Good luck!

-Who was that, then?

-Nobody.

Result!

Yes! That's it!

And he just handed it over!

Hilarious! Humans...

even the clever ones are stupid!

At last! We will be avenged!

We'll finish this planet tonight!

Someone looks happy! I had double maths this afternoon.

Science club was brilliant. Mr Jeffrey's really nice.

-I think we'll be friends.

-You don't make friends with a teacher.

-Why not?

-You just don't. Anyway, Sarah Jane phoned,

she wants us to look inside the new block.

-What are you doing?

-Investigating the new block.

-I left something in the new block.

-What is it with you and her?

I've seen weird people, I know weird people.

-But you two, you're beyond weird.

-Go find some normal people then.

Can I help you?

That's not right.

I want answers. Where are you from?

London. The layout of this building doesn't make any sense.

But where've you been all your life? You don't know farting's funny,

you let your mum kiss you in public. Where was your last school?

-I've never been to school.

-Your mum taught you at home?

-No.

-And she isn't my mum. There are 16 classrooms in this building.

-Hold on.

-What's Sarah Jane to you?

-She adopted me.

-Why don't you call her Mum?

-She doesn't want me to.

-What about your real mum and dad?

-I haven't got a mum or dad.

Everybody's got a mum and dad. I have a dad...somewhere.

This block measures about 1,539 metres squared,

so double that for both floors...

The area of each room doesn't add up to that.

So there's an empty space... through there!

I think you should go home.

-So what are you saying about our company then?

-Miss...?

Oh, you can call me Janine.

Janine.

I've been reading up. It's not just these school projects in London.

You've moved from country to country, hiring cheap local labour.

-Yes?

-At your building in Santiago, workers refuse to go in.

Food goes off. Endless technical problems.

Valencia, Paris, the same story. And another thing.

The plans for each building have a large empty area behind a wall.

Why is that?

There's another room, a secret room. Behind there!

-I'll tell you this...

-But how do you get inside?

-I'm not getting through.

Stop...being...strange.

Who's that?

Hello?

I know you're in here...

I can smell you.

HE SNIFFS

Ah, a little girl.

Fresh as a daisy.

Sugar and spice and all things nice.

She really shouldn't be hanging around school after home time.

Not when I've got no reason to hide in this stupid skin any longer.

SQUEAKING

because these projects are so far apart, nobody connects them.

I strongly advise you to leave right now.

If you know what's good for you.

-Is that a threat?

-Yes.

What?

After all...

why should I hide?

That was your last chance, Miss Smith. Be fair.

I did give you fair warning...

I am Slitheen!

Oh, I love it when they run!

Your Luke Smith's too clever by half.

-He's right outside!

-There's another one. I'm after her now.

Oh, it feels good, after so long.

Rejoice in your hunt, brother!

I know you're in here, I can smell you.

Mmm, what lovely perfume you're wearing, Miss Smith!

You're positively fragrant!

We're out of here, now, come on!

-What?

-Where's Luke?

-I know you're out there, girl...

-That's only Mr Jeffrey.

-And another one! A boy!

-You are sad.

-Hiding from a teacher. What can he do? Give you a detention?

-Come on!

Oh, no!

Run! It's no fun if you don't run!

The smell of human fear...

love it!

Kiddies!

Kiddywinks!

Run as fast as you can, I'm coming to find you.

Raarghh!!

It's a door. And every door must have a door handle.

About here?

Children, children, come to me.

-We've gotta get out of here!

-We can't. We need to fight them.

Quick, in here!

So, Luke, how d'you like our little science project?

So where's Jeffrey? I heard him.

-That's Jeffrey, that thing chasing us.

-Oh, I'll believe it, why not?

Thanks. Is there a way out through here?

-No. There's no way out.

-HE BREAKS WIND

Oh, no.

Ha-ha-ha!

I am a child of the Slitheen and this is my hunt!

-Get it open!

-It's locked, that thing's real, isn't it?

I was wrong, it is aliens.

-Aaarghh!!

-The outcasts of the Slitheen family are scavengers

who infiltrate low-tech planets

by hiding in the skins of the native species.

-Mr Smith, I need you.

-Is that a computer?

Turn out the sun.

-They've switched off the sun!

-We're going to stop them.

What, the four of us? With vinegar in plastic squeezies?

Daddy, you promised I could do it.

I think an adult better deal with them this time.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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