Episode 1 The Slammer
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Transcript
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# You've been found guilty of a howling showbiz crime | 0:00:03 | 0:00:08 | |
# So welcome to The Slammer where you're gonna serve your time | 0:00:08 | 0:00:13 | |
# With every type of minstrel, entertainer and artiste | 0:00:13 | 0:00:17 | |
# Performing to the limit to try and get released | 0:00:17 | 0:00:21 | |
# So go and fetch the audience, bring them to The Slammer | 0:00:21 | 0:00:26 | |
# And polish up your act, with a bit of glitz and glamour | 0:00:26 | 0:00:30 | |
# Your fate is in their hands, so make them cheer and clamour | 0:00:30 | 0:00:34 | |
# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer | 0:00:34 | 0:00:39 | |
# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! # | 0:00:39 | 0:00:44 | |
I've called you into my office this morning | 0:00:44 | 0:00:47 | |
to show you all the shape of things to come. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:50 | |
Ooh! That stings. | 0:00:50 | 0:00:52 | |
Prepare to witness the next generation of prison warder. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:57 | |
Gimbert? Cue the music. | 0:00:57 | 0:00:58 | |
MUSIC: "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" | 0:00:58 | 0:01:02 | |
No, track two! | 0:01:02 | 0:01:03 | |
MUSIC: Theme from "2001: A Space Odyssey" | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
I give you...the future! | 0:01:05 | 0:01:08 | |
Well, what do you think? | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
What is it, Sir? | 0:01:22 | 0:01:23 | |
-Isn't it obvious? -No. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
This is Warder Robot 2000. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
Ahem...or Wardrobe for short. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:30 | |
A completely computerised prison warder. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
Here we go again. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:34 | |
Wardrobe is an Intelligent Karate Enforcement Android! | 0:01:34 | 0:01:38 | |
So it's an Ikea wardrobe? | 0:01:39 | 0:01:42 | |
Oh yes. Wardrobe knows karate... | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
jujitsu... | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
Isn't that the same as karate? | 0:01:46 | 0:01:48 | |
Oh no. This is karate! | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
This is jujitsu! | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
So, as I was saying, the Wardrobe 2000 knows karate... | 0:01:53 | 0:01:57 | |
jujitsu... | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
and the Macarena! | 0:01:59 | 0:02:00 | |
MUSIC: "Macarena" by Los Del Rio | 0:02:00 | 0:02:03 | |
Ha-ha-ha. If it's half as good as his website says, | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
-you lot are gonna be out of a job in three years. -ALL: What? | 0:02:07 | 0:02:11 | |
Time for your first patrol, my beauty. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:14 | |
Ooh! | 0:02:24 | 0:02:25 | |
Hello, you two! | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
-PETE AS PUPPET: -Three! -Er, yes, hello. Ooh! | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
Just looking at the acts for today's Freedom Show. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:32 | |
We've got Double Dutch... | 0:02:32 | 0:02:34 | |
..Neon Man... | 0:02:36 | 0:02:37 | |
..Half Human Video... Could be related to you! | 0:02:38 | 0:02:42 | |
..And TJ Wheels. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
Very good. Well, I think that's everything, | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
I'll leave you to get on with it, shall I? | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
WARDROBE 2000: Beep beep! Order acknowledged! | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
Mum? | 0:02:58 | 0:02:59 | |
No! It's me, Robert! | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
Robert! How are you doing? You've changed, ain't ya? | 0:03:01 | 0:03:05 | |
No, it's just a costume. I'm pretending to be a robot. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:09 | |
Oh, right! Yeah! Good one! | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
I like pretending. Look at this, I'm a peacock. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
-Waaaaaaaaa! Waaaaaaaaa! -No, no. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:18 | |
I'm pretending to be a robot so I can break you out, | 0:03:18 | 0:03:21 | |
cos Spanner and Ratchet, greatest double act on Earth, | 0:03:21 | 0:03:24 | |
must be together again! | 0:03:24 | 0:03:26 | |
-Hey, righty-tighty! -Lefty-loosey! | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
BOTH: Aah, the good times! | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
Anyway, mate, I'm useless without ya. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
Ever since you got locked in 'ere, the work has dried up. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:38 | |
No-one wants to see a one-man double act. Believe me, I've tried! | 0:03:38 | 0:03:42 | |
I dunno, what is brown and taps at the window? | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
And that's usually when Simon comes on dressed as a chocolate bar. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:53 | |
It really is very funny! | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
-CROWD: -Boo! Rubbish! | 0:03:55 | 0:03:56 | |
Lefty-loosey? | 0:03:56 | 0:03:57 | |
LOUD HECKLING FROM CROWD | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
So, I've gotta get you out of here! | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
-Great! Let's go! -No, not yet! | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
First I've got to convince the Governor | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
-I'm the best prison warden in here. -OK, that shouldn't be too difficult. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:15 | |
When I've got the keys and they're all busy at the Freedom Show, | 0:04:15 | 0:04:19 | |
-we can just walk straight out! -That is brilliant! | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
-Just one thing. -What's that? | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
-Can I do my peacock impression again? Waaaaaaaaa! -No! | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
Be quiet! All right? See you later. I've got work to do. Shut me flap. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:32 | |
-Did you hear that? -Yes, I did! "Righty-tighty! Lefty-loosey!"? | 0:04:41 | 0:04:45 | |
That's a rubbish catchphrase! | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
No, the escape plan! | 0:04:48 | 0:04:49 | |
You know what it's like after an escape! We're locked in our cells, | 0:04:49 | 0:04:54 | |
-they cancel curry night and we can't use the jacuzzi! -We've got a jacuzzi? | 0:04:54 | 0:04:58 | |
Only on curry night! | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
MUSIC: "When The Going Gets Tough" by Boyzone | 0:05:01 | 0:05:05 | |
Look at that, Robo-mop! | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
Robo-pop! | 0:05:12 | 0:05:13 | |
ALARM RINGS | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
Ooh! He didn't need to use his karate! | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
-Ooh! -Oh, what do you know! Robo-chop! | 0:05:26 | 0:05:30 | |
When I said that in three years' time, | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
I could see The Slammer being run by a fleet of hi-tech wardrobes, | 0:05:33 | 0:05:37 | |
they all looked at me as if I was mad. | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
After this morning, I think they were right! | 0:05:39 | 0:05:43 | |
Anyway. Well done, Wardrobe 2000. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:45 | |
It gives me great pleasure to present you | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
with the keys to The Slammer! | 0:05:47 | 0:05:50 | |
-I've got something to tell ya. -What is it, Nokio? | 0:05:53 | 0:05:56 | |
-It's about the Wardrobe 2000. -It's brilliant. -No... | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
-Brillianty-brillianty-brilliant! -Brilliant! | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
Anyway, I'd like to announce that the winner of the title | 0:06:02 | 0:06:06 | |
Warder of the Month, is... | 0:06:06 | 0:06:08 | |
Wardrobe 2000! | 0:06:11 | 0:06:12 | |
He's only been here since this morning, | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
and he's Warden of the Month already! | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
He'll be Warden of the Year by teatime! | 0:06:18 | 0:06:20 | |
Somebody's gotta do something about this. You two, back to your cell... | 0:06:20 | 0:06:25 | |
And I will have a quiet word with the Governor. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
No, Mr Burgess, I won't hear another word against him. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:33 | |
-I've made my mind up! -But Sir... -Aa-aa-aah! -Choo! | 0:06:33 | 0:06:36 | |
I didn't know robots could sneeze. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:40 | |
According to the manual, Wardrobe 2000 is like us in every way, | 0:06:40 | 0:06:44 | |
-but he's made of metal and he runs by batteries. -I don't believe it! | 0:06:44 | 0:06:48 | |
It says so here. It's almost showtime, | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
and I need to re-programme his duties. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
It's not a robot. It's got a face! | 0:06:54 | 0:06:56 | |
Lovely, isn't it? Such attention to detail! | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
I just need to wind him up... | 0:06:59 | 0:07:01 | |
It's him that's winding me up! Time to take action! | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
Help! Daddy! Save me from the nasty man! | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
Mr Burgess! Have you gone mad? This is a valuable piece of equipment! | 0:07:06 | 0:07:11 | |
-Undo those bolts! Open the flaps and take a look! -I'll lose my warranty! | 0:07:11 | 0:07:16 | |
-Can't you see? He's up to no good! -You're just jealous! -But... | 0:07:16 | 0:07:20 | |
-No buts! My decision is final. -But... | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
Hey! What did I just say about buts? Eh? Eh? Now... | 0:07:23 | 0:07:26 | |
-SIREN -How do I look? | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
-(Divine.) -Divine, Sir. -What was that? | 0:07:28 | 0:07:31 | |
-Divine, Sir. -That's better. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
Thank you very much. In that case, it's showtime! | 0:07:33 | 0:07:38 | |
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! | 0:07:38 | 0:07:40 | |
'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HM Slammer, | 0:07:42 | 0:07:46 | |
'where you decide which prisoner is to be released! | 0:07:46 | 0:07:50 | |
'Now, please welcome your host, | 0:07:50 | 0:07:52 | |
'he's robot mad, and look! There's his dad! | 0:07:52 | 0:07:56 | |
'it's the Governor!' | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
Who's the Governor? | 0:08:14 | 0:08:15 | |
ALL: You're the Governor! | 0:08:15 | 0:08:18 | |
Hello, jailers and jailbirds. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
We've got some fantastic performing prisoners. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
And here, on The Slammer, is where you decide who goes free. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:27 | |
Who's it going to be? Well, we have got a sensational act, very unusual. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:32 | |
He gets all lit up! He's called the Neon Man. Let's have an "ooh"! | 0:08:32 | 0:08:36 | |
Oooooooh! | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
We've got an even more unusual act. Half-human, half-video. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:43 | |
-He's called Half Human Video! -Oooooooh! | 0:08:43 | 0:08:46 | |
And we've got a fabulous roller-skating act called TJ Wheels! | 0:08:46 | 0:08:50 | |
Oooooooh! | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
But right now, who's got a skipping rope? Yeah? | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
Well, you ain't seen skipping like this. | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
They're serving six months in the Bruce Forsyth section of The Slammer | 0:08:58 | 0:09:02 | |
for, er, skipping bail! Please give a big welcome to DDF! | 0:09:02 | 0:09:07 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:07 | 0:09:09 | |
UPTEMPO DANCE MUSIC | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:27 | 0:09:28 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:34 | 0:09:35 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:55 | 0:09:56 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:10:17 | 0:10:18 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:10:51 | 0:10:52 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
LOUD CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:11:30 | 0:11:32 | |
Hey, brilliant, brilliant! | 0:11:35 | 0:11:37 | |
Give a big hand to DDF! | 0:11:37 | 0:11:41 | |
But what did you think, with Mr Burgess? Let's skip over to him! | 0:11:42 | 0:11:46 | |
Right. DDF there. Making it look easy with ropes, Miss, was it? | 0:11:46 | 0:11:50 | |
I thought it was very good, and fantastic! | 0:11:50 | 0:11:54 | |
What did you particularly enjoy? | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
Well, I enjoyed it when they done the somersaults | 0:11:57 | 0:12:03 | |
and the back...black...backflips. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
The back...flap...flips. You've got me doing it now! | 0:12:05 | 0:12:09 | |
-Tell us all about it. -I thought it was spectacular | 0:12:09 | 0:12:12 | |
and I loved the unique style. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:14 | |
Unique style? What beautiful prose you have! | 0:12:14 | 0:12:18 | |
What sort of things do you think they get up to in training? | 0:12:18 | 0:12:21 | |
Running, jumping, timing. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:23 | |
-Eating Pot Noodles, Sir? Do you think that comes into it? -No! | 0:12:23 | 0:12:27 | |
And for one final word, to sum that act up... Miss. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:32 | |
-Stunning. -Stunning, Sir! | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
We got off to a skipping good start there. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:37 | |
Now, on to a very unusual act. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:39 | |
This is the Neon Man. > | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
He's serving 7½ months here in the Slammer, > | 0:12:50 | 0:12:54 | |
for being light-fingered(!) | 0:12:54 | 0:12:56 | |
Please show your appreciation for the Neon Man! | 0:12:56 | 0:13:00 | |
JET ENGINE 'LANDING' | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
DISCO MUSIC | 0:13:45 | 0:13:46 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:49 | 0:13:50 | |
CHILDREN CLAP IN TIME TO MUSIC | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
CHEERING | 0:14:21 | 0:14:22 | |
JET ENGINE 'APPROACHING' | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
TYRES SCREECH | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
CRASH | 0:14:31 | 0:14:32 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:14:44 | 0:14:46 | |
Give some applause for the Neon Man! | 0:14:46 | 0:14:49 | |
Let's have some illuminating thoughts | 0:14:51 | 0:14:54 | |
-with Mr Burgess and his gang. -Neon Man...your thoughts, Miss? | 0:14:54 | 0:14:59 | |
It was cool cos you couldn't tell there was a man behind it, | 0:14:59 | 0:15:03 | |
-and he did all these cool tricks. -What cool tricks would these be? | 0:15:03 | 0:15:07 | |
-He got hit by a plane. -He got hit by a plane? That's quite an act. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:12 | |
What were the good things about the Neon Man? | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
I thought it was absolutely fab, no doubt he will get my vote, | 0:15:15 | 0:15:19 | |
It was spectacular! | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
-You think he did all that by himself, Sir? -No. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:25 | |
-You think he had accomplices? -Yes. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:28 | |
-Should we be looking for another criminal within this prison? -Yes. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:32 | |
-What should we do if we catch them? -Er, lock 'em up! | 0:15:32 | 0:15:35 | |
For how long? | 0:15:35 | 0:15:36 | |
A year! | 0:15:37 | 0:15:38 | |
-Going a bit easy on him, isn't it, Sir? -His whole life! | 0:15:38 | 0:15:42 | |
That's better, Sir. That's what I like to hear. | 0:15:42 | 0:15:46 | |
-Sum that up in one word...Sir. -Illuminating. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:49 | |
Illuminating, Sir! | 0:15:49 | 0:15:50 | |
Well, who's gonna go free? You'll be deciding soon. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:54 | |
Another unusual performing prisoner now. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
This is called Half Human Video. | 0:15:57 | 0:15:59 | |
-Hey, righty-tighty! -Lefty-loosey! -Come on! | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
Oh no, they're escaping, Melv! | 0:16:02 | 0:16:04 | |
Leave it to me... | 0:16:05 | 0:16:07 | |
Please welcome Half Human Video! | 0:16:09 | 0:16:12 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:16:12 | 0:16:13 | |
# Boom-bah-boom-bah-boom-bah boom-ba-doom-ba | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
# Boom-bah-boom-bah-boom-bah-boom | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
BOTH: # Boom-bah-boom-bah-boom-bah boom-ba-doom-ba | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
# Boom-bah-boom-bah-boom-bah-boom | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
# Boom-bah-boom-bah-boom-bah boom-ba-doom-ba | 0:16:30 | 0:16:32 | |
# Boom-bah-boom-bah-boom-bah-boom | 0:16:32 | 0:16:34 | |
# Bah-ba-doo-ba-bah-ba-doo-ba. # | 0:16:34 | 0:16:36 | |
Ooh! | 0:16:36 | 0:16:37 | |
-# Bah-ba-doo-bah-bu-do-bum-bom... # -Ow! Stop! | 0:16:37 | 0:16:40 | |
-What's the matter? -You hit me on my nose! | 0:16:40 | 0:16:42 | |
-I didn't, did I? -Yes, you did! -You shouldn't be standing so close! | 0:16:42 | 0:16:47 | |
-Shall we do it again? -All right. | 0:16:47 | 0:16:49 | |
No, hang on a minute, how come you have a mic and I don't? | 0:16:49 | 0:16:53 | |
-You don't need one. -You have a microphone. I want a microphone. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:57 | |
You always do this to me, you know. | 0:16:57 | 0:17:00 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:00 | 0:17:02 | |
FEEDBACK | 0:17:02 | 0:17:03 | |
That all right? 1-2... Yeah, is that OK? All right then. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
-Happy now? -Actually, no. -What, then? -I want a cup of tea first. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:11 | |
-A cup of tea? -A couple of sips, just to wet my whistle. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
For goodness sake. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
Actually, that's not a bad idea. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
Mouth's a bit dry, be with you in a minute! | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
Can I have it back now, please? | 0:17:21 | 0:17:23 | |
I don't know. Marvellous, eh(?) | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
Bleugh! | 0:17:26 | 0:17:27 | |
-I can't believe you just did that! -I'm sorry, I tripped on the towel! | 0:17:27 | 0:17:32 | |
-How can you be so clumsy? -It wasn't my fault, it's... | 0:17:32 | 0:17:36 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
-Shall we do it one more time? -All right. We don't have much time. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:45 | |
-OK, d'you wanna count it in? -No, you count it in. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
-All right, then. -All right, then. -One, two, a-one, two... | 0:17:48 | 0:17:52 | |
ELECTRICAL BUZZ Now what's happened? | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
-I don't know. -There's a buzz. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
-Unless it's this. -Unless it's what? | 0:17:57 | 0:17:59 | |
-This box of wires that I just kicked. -You kicked a box of wires? | 0:17:59 | 0:18:03 | |
-Look. -He just kicked a box of wires! | 0:18:03 | 0:18:06 | |
There's something...a wire coming out. Come and have a look! | 0:18:06 | 0:18:10 | |
-It's that one there, look. -Oh, I see what you've done. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:14 | |
-You know about this sort of thing. -Yeah... -You're cleverer than I am. | 0:18:14 | 0:18:18 | |
All you have to do is put that in here. There you go. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:22 | |
-Hi kids. -Fixed it. -GASPS | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
-Oi, what are you doing out there? -Saying hello to everybody. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:28 | |
You having a good time? | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
-KIDS: -Yeah! | 0:18:31 | 0:18:33 | |
-What have you done? -Are you enjoying my show? | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
-It's not your show, it's my show! -It's my show! -Don't listen to him! | 0:18:36 | 0:18:40 | |
-Pay no attention to him. -He's dangerous! | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
-I'm not dangerous! I'm the Half Human Video! -Just let me out! | 0:18:43 | 0:18:47 | |
-For goodness sake. -Let me out! -He's over-reacting. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:51 | |
Thanks for watching. See you later on. Bye! | 0:18:51 | 0:18:55 | |
Some cheers for Half Human Video, please! | 0:19:00 | 0:19:04 | |
Mr Burgess, what did your lot make of that? | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
-Half Human Video. Worth it? -It was hilarious when they switched places, | 0:19:07 | 0:19:12 | |
-and it was unusual - a lot of thought must have gone into it. -How much? | 0:19:12 | 0:19:16 | |
-Quite a lot. -In days, how would you equate that thought process? | 0:19:16 | 0:19:21 | |
2,006? | 0:19:23 | 0:19:24 | |
What did you think of the Half Human Video? | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
I think it was very good, | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
I don't know how they managed to get both bits in, | 0:19:29 | 0:19:32 | |
but I think that will be a ten out of ten. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:35 | |
-And, Sir? -I thought it was ingenious. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
-What was ingenious about it? -The fact they were talking to each other, | 0:19:39 | 0:19:43 | |
yet one was on TV and one was here in real life. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:47 | |
-Is that your lot, Sir? -That's my lot. -That's it? -Yes. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:50 | |
-Nothing else to add? -No. -I can't press you on that? -No. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:54 | |
-That's absolutely the lot? -That's the lot! -Nothing else? -Nothing else. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:59 | |
-You sure? -I'm sure. -I can't twist your arm? -You can't twist my arm! | 0:19:59 | 0:20:03 | |
-Final chance, Sir? -I just think... | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
Oh, you said you didn't want to say anything else! | 0:20:06 | 0:20:10 | |
Right, madam, one word to sum that act up, if you very please! | 0:20:10 | 0:20:16 | |
-Unusual. -Unusual, Sir! | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
Three performing acts you've seen, | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
one more then you'll decide who goes free. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:23 | |
Urrrgh! | 0:20:24 | 0:20:26 | |
PUNCHES ARE THROWN | 0:20:26 | 0:20:29 | |
Huh? | 0:20:30 | 0:20:31 | |
Ow, me screws! Ow, me nuts and bolts! | 0:20:32 | 0:20:36 | |
It's you! Robert Ratchet! | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
Tin foiled again! | 0:20:42 | 0:20:44 | |
Please give a huge ovation to TJ Wheels! | 0:20:44 | 0:20:50 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:20:51 | 0:20:53 | |
DANCE MUSIC | 0:20:57 | 0:20:58 | |
GASPS | 0:21:06 | 0:21:07 | |
Hello. | 0:21:09 | 0:21:10 | |
ALL: Hello. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:11 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:21:13 | 0:21:14 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:21:23 | 0:21:24 | |
KIDS CLAP ALONG IN TIME | 0:21:30 | 0:21:31 | |
MUSIC: "Super Fly (Upper MC)" by Music Instructor | 0:21:50 | 0:21:54 | |
LOUD CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:23:02 | 0:23:03 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
Well, there he is. Give him a big hand, jailers and jailbirds! | 0:23:32 | 0:23:36 | |
What did you think of TJ Wheels? | 0:23:38 | 0:23:43 | |
TJ Wheels there. Was he wheel-y good, Miss? | 0:23:43 | 0:23:47 | |
I think he was excellent. The best bit was when he did a handstand, | 0:23:47 | 0:23:52 | |
when he was skating and then he did a handstand. | 0:23:52 | 0:23:56 | |
-Good roller-skating? -It's a 9.9 out of 10. -9.9 out of 10? | 0:23:56 | 0:24:00 | |
-Cos he dropped the pins down there. -Everyone's a critic! | 0:24:00 | 0:24:04 | |
-Were you frightened when he jumped at you? -I stepped right back! | 0:24:04 | 0:24:08 | |
-Best thing to do, eh? -I thought he was gonna hit me! | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
-He wouldn't hit you! He's a nice fella! -Not punch me! | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
I know he wouldn't do that! | 0:24:15 | 0:24:17 | |
If he did that, he'd be here for another six months! | 0:24:17 | 0:24:21 | |
-Sir? -It was really unseen... -It was really what? Unseen? | 0:24:21 | 0:24:25 | |
-Because it was... -Is this a newfangled word from the street? | 0:24:25 | 0:24:29 | |
What is that, Sir? | 0:24:29 | 0:24:31 | |
It's really brilliant and fabulous how he juggled when he was skating | 0:24:31 | 0:24:36 | |
that was... Nobody can do that. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
I think you summed it up rather well there. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
-Have you got anything for me, Sir? -Amazing. -Amazing, Sir! | 0:24:41 | 0:24:45 | |
A final word without even asking for it. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:48 | |
Well, that was TJ Wheels, and your views, but who's gonna go free? | 0:24:48 | 0:24:52 | |
It's make-your-mind-up time. Welcome them all back! | 0:24:52 | 0:24:56 | |
DDF! The Neon Man! Half Human Video! And TJ Wheels! | 0:24:56 | 0:25:02 | |
Here they come... there's lots of them... | 0:25:02 | 0:25:05 | |
But only one act can go free. It's up to you, convict connoisseurs, | 0:25:05 | 0:25:09 | |
to decide who will go through, with this, the Clap-o-meter. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:13 | |
Yes, the more noise you make, the higher the score. | 0:25:13 | 0:25:17 | |
It's as simple as that. | 0:25:17 | 0:25:18 | |
Jailers and jailbirds, you loved them, let's see what score they get. | 0:25:18 | 0:25:23 | |
They were marvellous skippers, will they be skipping out? It's DDF! | 0:25:23 | 0:25:28 | |
A fabulous score. 87.4! Yeah! | 0:25:36 | 0:25:40 | |
Will they be going free? Who knows. Next, an unusual performer, | 0:25:40 | 0:25:45 | |
he glowed in the dark. Will he be glowing with success? The Neon Man! | 0:25:45 | 0:25:51 | |
Going up there, good score! 74.6! In the lead still is DDF. | 0:25:57 | 0:26:02 | |
But now, the strangest act I've ever seen. It's Half Human Video! | 0:26:02 | 0:26:07 | |
A good score, there. But no, you're back for more porridge, I'm afraid. | 0:26:12 | 0:26:17 | |
It's 83.3. Still in the lead and set to go free at the moment is DDF. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:23 | |
Just one more performing prisoner act to see. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:27 | |
He was on his wheels, is he going free? | 0:26:27 | 0:26:30 | |
Jailers and jailbirds, your applause please for TJ Wheels! | 0:26:30 | 0:26:34 | |
It's good... Oh, it's a great score but I don't think it's enough. 82.1. | 0:26:40 | 0:26:45 | |
That means going free, the winners, it's DDF! | 0:26:45 | 0:26:49 | |
You're free to go. Take them away. Off you go. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
Well, it'll cut down on the porridge bill. | 0:26:52 | 0:26:55 | |
Incidentally, Mr Burgess, what's for tea for everybody else? | 0:26:55 | 0:26:59 | |
-Sloppy-poppy porridge, but with a twist. -What's the twist? -Extra plop. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:04 | |
Off you go, back to the cellars. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:06 | |
They were great, but they're staying with us. | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
Remember, if you can't sing, dance or rhyme... | 0:27:09 | 0:27:13 | |
KIDS: Don't do the crime! | 0:27:13 | 0:27:16 | |
See you again soon for more fun in the Slammer! Yeah! | 0:27:16 | 0:27:20 | |
Bye, everybody! | 0:27:20 | 0:27:22 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:27:38 | 0:27:40 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:27:40 | 0:27:42 | |
Righty-tighty! | 0:27:42 | 0:27:44 | |
Lefty-loosey! | 0:27:44 | 0:27:45 | |
-Together again... -BOTH: ..at last! | 0:27:45 | 0:27:48 | |
You can take that cardboard box off now. | 0:27:49 | 0:27:52 | |
Yep. | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 |