Naughty Nephew The Slammer
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
-DISCO MUSIC PLAYS -Woo! | 0:00:02 | 0:00:04 | |
CHEERING | 0:00:04 | 0:00:06 | |
# Singing "disco..." # | 0:00:06 | 0:00:08 | |
# Big fish, little fish Cardboard box... # | 0:00:08 | 0:00:09 | |
# D-I-S-C-O... # | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
Ta-dah! | 0:00:12 | 0:00:13 | |
# D-I-S-C-O... # | 0:00:13 | 0:00:17 | |
Oh, no - Guv's got disco fever! | 0:00:17 | 0:00:19 | |
Oh, not again! | 0:00:19 | 0:00:21 | |
# D-I-S-C-O... # | 0:00:21 | 0:00:24 | |
# You've been found guilty of a howling showbiz crime | 0:00:27 | 0:00:32 | |
# So welcome to The Slammer where you're going to serve your time | 0:00:32 | 0:00:36 | |
# With every type of minstrel, entertainer and artiste | 0:00:36 | 0:00:41 | |
# Performing to the limit to try and get released | 0:00:41 | 0:00:45 | |
# So go and fetch the audience | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
# Bring them to The Slammer | 0:00:47 | 0:00:49 | |
# And polish up your act with a bit of glitz and glamour | 0:00:49 | 0:00:54 | |
# Your fate is in their hands so make them cheer and clamour | 0:00:54 | 0:00:59 | |
# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer | 0:00:59 | 0:01:03 | |
# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! # | 0:01:03 | 0:01:07 | |
You wanted to see us, sir? | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
-Yes, Frank - lock the prison down! -Eh? -Is someone trying to escape? | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
No, someone's trying to break in! | 0:01:16 | 0:01:17 | |
I'm not sure that's how prison works, sir. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:19 | |
My sister's sending my nephew here for work experience. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:22 | |
He's the naughtiest kid I've ever met - | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
he piddled through the neighbour's letter box | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
then knocked the door to ask how far it had gone. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
Well, I think it's excellent when a young man shows an interest | 0:01:28 | 0:01:31 | |
in the noble life of the prison officer, sir. | 0:01:31 | 0:01:34 | |
Hello, Uncle Governor! | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
ARRRRGH! | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
KLAXON BLARES | 0:01:38 | 0:01:40 | |
A little bit over the top, isn't it, sir? | 0:01:41 | 0:01:43 | |
Yes - this, of course, is solitary confinement, | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
where we keep our most awful prisoners | 0:01:51 | 0:01:53 | |
safely under lock and key. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
You're so brave, Mr Burgess. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
No, not brave, son. | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
Just...heroic. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
Now, there's no prouder moment in a prison officer's life | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
than when he first gets to...jangle his keys. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
Have a go yourself. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
-Wow! -I know. It's like a symphony, isn't it? | 0:02:08 | 0:02:11 | |
Go on, son, open the door. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
-In you go, then. -No, no - heroes first. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:21 | |
Oh! Do you know what, Nicky? You're a very good lad. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
Come this way... | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
NICKY LAUGHS | 0:02:25 | 0:02:26 | |
DOOR LOCK CLICKS | 0:02:26 | 0:02:27 | |
Oi! | 0:02:27 | 0:02:28 | |
THUNDER CLAPS, BURGESS KNOCKS | 0:02:28 | 0:02:31 | |
Meadows? Governor? | 0:02:31 | 0:02:34 | |
Em..anyone?! | 0:02:34 | 0:02:36 | |
How dare he! HOW DARE HE! | 0:02:36 | 0:02:40 | |
Disrespecting a senior prison officer like that. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:43 | |
Governor could at least have warned me! | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
I tell you what, why don't you let me have a go with him? | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
He can't be that bad. | 0:02:48 | 0:02:49 | |
EEK! | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
So, when it's bedtime, | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
I have to come down here and check all the acts are in bed. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
-On your own? -Normally, yes. | 0:02:57 | 0:02:59 | |
-You're so brave. -Oh, no, no. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
Come on - I bet "Brave" is your middle name! | 0:03:01 | 0:03:02 | |
No - it's Hedgehog. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:04 | |
And I'm actually quite frightened of hedgehogs. | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
What's this for? | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
No! Don't touch that - that's for lights out. | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
I never do lights out. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
I'm scared of the dark. | 0:03:12 | 0:03:13 | |
Well, I think you're the best prison officer ever. | 0:03:13 | 0:03:17 | |
When I grow up, I want to be just like you. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
Oh, thank you! | 0:03:19 | 0:03:21 | |
THUNDER CLAPS | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
-Ooh...! Oh! -Meadows, what's the matter? | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
You look like you've got ants in your pants. | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
More like prisoners' boots, sir - they keep kicking me up the bum! | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
But you're the most popular prison officer | 0:03:34 | 0:03:37 | |
since Popular Pete purchased popcorn | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
and permitted the prisoners to participate! | 0:03:39 | 0:03:41 | |
Why would they kick you? | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
Your nephew, sir. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:47 | |
Why would Nicky do that?! | 0:03:47 | 0:03:49 | |
Because he fell out of the naughty tree | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
and hit every branch on the way down. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:55 | |
Showtime starts in just a few minutes - | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
we mustn't let him anywhere near it! | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
I've got it, sir! | 0:03:59 | 0:04:00 | |
Why don't we give him a real taste of prison life | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
and stick him in a cell with Dangerous Dan, sir? | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
-Remember, the...? -Oooh! -Yes... | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
THE GOVERNOR CHUCKLES | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
Right, in. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:17 | |
No, no, after you. | 0:04:17 | 0:04:18 | |
Nice try, sonny! In you go! | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
Hello... | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
Just get in there. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:27 | |
Lock it. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:28 | |
SCREAMING | 0:04:30 | 0:04:31 | |
Just keep walking, Meadows. Just keep walking. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
ELECTRICITY BUZZES | 0:04:34 | 0:04:37 | |
NICKY LAUGHS EVILLY | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
Thanks, Mr Burgess. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
Well, that's Nicky safely locked away | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
just in time for the Freedom Show. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
-How do I look? -BOTH: Divine, sir. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:54 | |
Thank you very much - in that case, it's Showtime! | 0:04:54 | 0:04:57 | |
Oh, yes! | 0:04:57 | 0:04:58 | |
-NARRATOR: -Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HMP Slammer, | 0:04:58 | 0:05:02 | |
where you decide which prisoner is to be released. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
Now, please welcome your host. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
All he wants is peace and quiet, but his nephew's running riot. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:12 | |
It's the Governor! | 0:05:12 | 0:05:14 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
Who's the Governor? | 0:05:30 | 0:05:31 | |
AUDIENCE: You're the Governor! | 0:05:31 | 0:05:34 | |
Fantastic, Jailors and Jailbirds! | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
Welcome to another Freedom Show here at The Slammer | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
and have we got a show for you! | 0:05:39 | 0:05:41 | |
-# D-I-S-C-O... # -Come on! Woo! | 0:05:41 | 0:05:45 | |
# D-I-S-C-O... # | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
NICKY SNIGGERS AS MUSIC PLAYS | 0:05:49 | 0:05:53 | |
# D-I-S-C-O... # | 0:05:53 | 0:05:55 | |
Ah! I thought as much! Right, come here, you! | 0:05:56 | 0:06:00 | |
Oh, yes - give yourselves a big hand there, ladies and gentlemen. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:09 | |
I've got disco fever. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:10 | |
Oh...I've got disco fever, but it doesn't matter, | 0:06:10 | 0:06:14 | |
because we've got the Freedom Show as well. | 0:06:14 | 0:06:16 | |
And what brilliant acts we've got. Let's hear it for them. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
We've got a tremendously funny and strange act called Strange Comedy. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:22 | |
-Ooooh! -AUDIENCE: Ooooh! | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
And we've got the even stranger Creatures of the Blackpool Lagoon. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
-Ooooh! -AUDIENCE: Ooooh! | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
And the brilliant Harper Brothers are here! | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
CHEERING | 0:06:32 | 0:06:34 | |
But right now, an act of tumblers and acrobats - | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
they use a springboard, | 0:06:37 | 0:06:38 | |
they're serving ten years in The Slammer | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
for trying to spring their friends from prison. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
Will they get out today? | 0:06:42 | 0:06:43 | |
Let's find out as we see...Julio Troupe! | 0:06:43 | 0:06:47 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
FAST CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYS | 0:06:56 | 0:06:59 | |
AUDIENCE CHEERS | 0:07:06 | 0:07:08 | |
ACROBATS: Ho! | 0:07:08 | 0:07:09 | |
Hip, hip, hip! | 0:07:14 | 0:07:15 | |
AUDIENCE CHEERS | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
AUDIENCE: Oooh! | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
Ho! | 0:07:43 | 0:07:44 | |
AUDIENCE CHEERS | 0:07:54 | 0:07:55 | |
Ho! | 0:08:01 | 0:08:02 | |
AUDIENCE CHEERS | 0:08:06 | 0:08:08 | |
Ho! | 0:08:16 | 0:08:17 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:08:32 | 0:08:34 | |
Oh! There we are - Julio Troupe! | 0:08:39 | 0:08:40 | |
Give them a big cheer, Jailors and Jailbirds! Fantastic! | 0:08:40 | 0:08:44 | |
# Hey! La-la-la-la... # | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
I liked the skipping at the front, that was good. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:48 | |
What did you think with Mr Burgess? | 0:08:48 | 0:08:50 | |
Well, Julio Troupe, there - | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
not to be confused with the King's Troupe Royal Horse Artillery. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
They were really bad. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
They did all those backflips, jumping off and off the see-saw | 0:08:56 | 0:08:59 | |
and skipping and... | 0:08:59 | 0:09:01 | |
-They were good. -Now you've just changed your mind, sir. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:04 | |
Were you using the "yoot" phrase "bad" as in "good", sir? | 0:09:04 | 0:09:08 | |
-Is that what you meant? -Yeah. -Right, good. We got there in the end. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:11 | |
-Or, rather, bad. -Tell us all about Julio Troupe. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
It was amazing and really cool. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:16 | |
I thought that he was going to drop the girl on her head. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:19 | |
One final word, sir. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:20 | |
BOY SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
"Pffff!", sir. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
Will Julio Troupe go free? | 0:09:25 | 0:09:27 | |
You'll decide at the end of the Freedom Show. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:29 | |
The next act - they're called Strange Comedy. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
They're doing five years in The Slammer | 0:09:31 | 0:09:33 | |
for laughing at strangers - yes, it's...Strange Comedy! | 0:09:33 | 0:09:36 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:36 | 0:09:39 | |
LATIN MUSIC PLAYS | 0:09:46 | 0:09:48 | |
WOMAN MOUTHS | 0:10:00 | 0:10:02 | |
AUDIENCE CHEERS | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
BANG! | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
BANG! | 0:10:18 | 0:10:20 | |
CRASH! | 0:10:20 | 0:10:21 | |
Arrrggghhh! | 0:10:21 | 0:10:23 | |
A little juggle... | 0:10:32 | 0:10:34 | |
DRUMROLL | 0:10:34 | 0:10:35 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:39 | 0:10:40 | |
Ha! | 0:10:48 | 0:10:49 | |
Whoa! | 0:10:49 | 0:10:50 | |
-ANGELICALLY: -# Ah...! # | 0:10:57 | 0:10:58 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:11:04 | 0:11:05 | |
MUSIC SLOWS DOWN | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
MUSIC: "The Blue Danube Waltz" by Johann Strauss | 0:11:28 | 0:11:31 | |
Oh...! | 0:11:31 | 0:11:32 | |
BANG! | 0:11:46 | 0:11:47 | |
CRASH! | 0:11:47 | 0:11:48 | |
AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND GROANS | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
Ta-dah! | 0:11:54 | 0:11:56 | |
CHEERING | 0:11:56 | 0:11:57 | |
RIPPING SOUND | 0:12:01 | 0:12:03 | |
LATIN MUSIC RESUMES | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
Ta-dah! | 0:12:13 | 0:12:14 | |
AUDIENCE CHEERS | 0:12:14 | 0:12:16 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
Well, Strange Comedy, there - did they make you laugh? | 0:12:29 | 0:12:32 | |
Or were they just strange? | 0:12:32 | 0:12:33 | |
Let's find out with Mr Burgess. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:35 | |
Well, what did you think of that? Do you like strange, sir? | 0:12:35 | 0:12:39 | |
Hey...! | 0:12:39 | 0:12:40 | |
SCREAMING | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
Huh! | 0:12:42 | 0:12:43 | |
Oh, I'll have you. I'll have you, lad! | 0:12:44 | 0:12:48 | |
What did you think of that? | 0:12:48 | 0:12:50 | |
I thought it was good. I thought it was strange-tastic, | 0:12:50 | 0:12:53 | |
because it wasn't normal, but funny. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:54 | |
-Did you like that act? -I thought it was amazeballs. | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
Amazeballs? | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
Sum that act for me, miss. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
Epic. | 0:13:01 | 0:13:02 | |
Epic, sir. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
Well, that was what you thought of Strange Comedy, | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
but what will you think of something even stranger? | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
It's Solitary Confinement! | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
AUDIENCE BOOS | 0:13:10 | 0:13:12 | |
Yes, the acts that are so terrible, | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
we can't let them out of The Slammer, | 0:13:15 | 0:13:17 | |
but we give them a chance to perform - | 0:13:17 | 0:13:18 | |
if they do well, they get a little treat. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:20 | |
If they don't do well, they get a cruel and unusual punishment. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:24 | |
Today's treat will be marvellous - | 0:13:24 | 0:13:25 | |
they get a little pet frog to keep in the cell, | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
just for a week, then we let them go again. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
But if they don't do well, they get that cruel and unusual punishment - | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
-Mr Burgess! -SIR! -What is the cruel and unusual punishment? | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
Today, sir, it's the old sack and porridge routine, sir. | 0:13:36 | 0:13:40 | |
The old sack and porridge - nobody wants that. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
As ever, we need a judge. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:44 | |
-Absolutely... -Someone with discernment, wisdom... | 0:13:44 | 0:13:47 | |
This gentleman here - up you come. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
-Give him a round of applause - well done, sir. -Hop on the stage. | 0:13:49 | 0:13:53 | |
-Marvellous - what's your name? -Volsa. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
Volsa? Marvellous. | 0:13:55 | 0:13:57 | |
-The wig of justice. -Volsa, the wig of justice on you. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
Remember, you'll be deciding with your thumb after you've watched | 0:14:00 | 0:14:03 | |
the act that we call...Blindfold Ben The Mind-Reader! | 0:14:03 | 0:14:08 | |
AUDIENCE BOOS | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
My name is Ben, The Blindfolded Mind-Reader. | 0:14:17 | 0:14:21 | |
Welcome to my world. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:23 | |
Would you please fetch me a volunteer, Mr Burgess? | 0:14:23 | 0:14:27 | |
Right, come on, up the step. Up you go. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:31 | |
Stand there, like that. OK? Right, we're in position. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
Now, my mind-reading skills are telling me that you are... | 0:14:36 | 0:14:40 | |
..42 years old. | 0:14:41 | 0:14:43 | |
No, sir. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:45 | |
Sh! That your name is... | 0:14:45 | 0:14:48 | |
Ethel, and you are a butcher - am I right, Ethel? | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
-No. -Shush, Ethel. | 0:14:51 | 0:14:52 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:52 | 0:14:54 | |
You once got into a fight. You got into a fight... | 0:14:54 | 0:14:57 | |
..because you live in an igloo. | 0:14:58 | 0:14:59 | |
-No. -And the person you fought with was an octopus, | 0:14:59 | 0:15:02 | |
but you won the fight because the octopus LEGGED it. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
Do you get it? | 0:15:05 | 0:15:06 | |
AUDIENCE BOOS | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
Oh, well, Blindfold Ben - call that an act? | 0:15:11 | 0:15:15 | |
AUDIENCE BOOS | 0:15:15 | 0:15:17 | |
It's time for you to decide with the thumb of fate - | 0:15:17 | 0:15:20 | |
hold it up there. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:21 | |
Remember, thumbs up, it's something wild, wet and hoppy. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:25 | |
Thumbs down, it's wild, wet and ploppy. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:28 | |
Your five seconds starts...now! | 0:15:28 | 0:15:31 | |
Oh! Straight down! | 0:15:31 | 0:15:32 | |
Your act was weak and sloppy, | 0:15:32 | 0:15:35 | |
so for you, it's... | 0:15:35 | 0:15:36 | |
AUDIENCE: Plop, plop, plop, plop, ploppy! | 0:15:36 | 0:15:39 | |
-Yes! Let him have it! -Pour away, boys. | 0:15:39 | 0:15:42 | |
AUDIENCE CHEERS | 0:15:42 | 0:15:44 | |
Sloppy! Ploppy...! | 0:15:44 | 0:15:46 | |
AUDIENCE CHANTS: Sloppy! Ploppy! Sloppy! Ploppy! | 0:15:46 | 0:15:50 | |
Sloppy! Ploppy! Sloppy! Ploppy! | 0:15:50 | 0:15:54 | |
-Sloppy! Ploppy...! -Sir? Sir? SIR! | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
Oh, oh, oh! | 0:15:57 | 0:15:58 | |
-Pull yourself together, sir! -Oh! Sorry, Mr Burgess. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
Oh...oh, yes. Take him back to his cell. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:02 | |
AUDIENCE BOOS | 0:16:02 | 0:16:04 | |
Yes - thank you for being a marvellous Justice. | 0:16:07 | 0:16:10 | |
-Give him a round of applause. -Off you go, sir. | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:16:12 | 0:16:14 | |
Continue, please, number two, with the rest of the show. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:17 | |
-SIR! -Thank you very much. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:19 | |
Jailors and Jailbirds, you thought that was strange? | 0:16:19 | 0:16:21 | |
Wait till you see this next act. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
Yes, they are creatures from a lagoon. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
Not just any lagoon - | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
serving seven years for actually being a bit shark-like, | 0:16:27 | 0:16:30 | |
will you please welcome | 0:16:30 | 0:16:32 | |
the Creatures of the Blackpool Lagoon! | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:16:35 | 0:16:37 | |
FAST-PACED DRUMBEAT | 0:16:41 | 0:16:44 | |
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:16:45 | 0:16:46 | |
CREATURE YELLS | 0:16:46 | 0:16:48 | |
All right! Hiya! | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
Hiya! | 0:16:50 | 0:16:51 | |
HIYA! | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
AUDIENCE: Hello! | 0:16:53 | 0:16:54 | |
Ha-ha! Eh? | 0:16:54 | 0:16:56 | |
Oh! Ho! Whoa! Ho! | 0:16:56 | 0:17:00 | |
Ho... | 0:17:00 | 0:17:01 | |
Hiya! | 0:17:01 | 0:17:03 | |
Ow! | 0:17:03 | 0:17:04 | |
CAT SCREECHES | 0:17:04 | 0:17:06 | |
MUSIC: "Mack The Knife" | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
# Oh, the shark has pretty teeth, dear | 0:17:14 | 0:17:19 | |
# And he shows them... # | 0:17:21 | 0:17:22 | |
-Shark? -Shark! -Shark? -Shark! | 0:17:22 | 0:17:26 | |
-Shark! -Shark! -SHARK! -Shark! | 0:17:26 | 0:17:30 | |
Shark... | 0:17:30 | 0:17:31 | |
ARGH! | 0:17:31 | 0:17:32 | |
FISH LAUGHS | 0:17:32 | 0:17:35 | |
THEME FROM "JAWS" PLAYS | 0:17:35 | 0:17:36 | |
-SHARK! -Huh? | 0:17:40 | 0:17:41 | |
-Go! -# One, two, three, four... | 0:17:41 | 0:17:44 | |
-# Big fish, little fish... # -Oh, yeah! | 0:17:44 | 0:17:45 | |
-# Big fish, little fish... # -Oh! | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
-# Big fish, little fish... # -Hey! | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
-# Cardboard box... # -Hey! | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
# Big fish, little fish Cardboard box | 0:17:51 | 0:17:52 | |
# Big fish, little fish Cardboard box | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
# Big fish, little fish Cardboard box | 0:17:54 | 0:17:56 | |
# We're all having fun! # | 0:17:56 | 0:17:57 | |
Stop that! Stop that at once! | 0:17:57 | 0:18:00 | |
It's very silly. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:01 | |
Let's have something a little bit more...dignified. | 0:18:01 | 0:18:05 | |
BOING! | 0:18:05 | 0:18:06 | |
# Come on, ladies Come on, ladies... | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
AUDIENCE: # One pound fish | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
# Come on, ladies Come on, ladies | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
# One pound fish | 0:18:13 | 0:18:14 | |
# One pound fish | 0:18:14 | 0:18:17 | |
# One pound fish | 0:18:17 | 0:18:18 | |
# Come on, ladies Come on, ladies | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS | 0:18:26 | 0:18:28 | |
# Come on, ladies Come on, ladies... | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
# One pound fish. # | 0:18:32 | 0:18:33 | |
ROCK MUSIC PLAYS | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
# So long, farewell | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
# Auf wiedersehen, good night | 0:18:41 | 0:18:42 | |
# I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye | 0:18:42 | 0:18:45 | |
-# Goodbye... # -Argh! | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
-# Goodbye... # -Bye! Bye! | 0:18:50 | 0:18:54 | |
# Goodbye... | 0:18:54 | 0:18:58 | |
# Goodbye! # | 0:18:58 | 0:19:06 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
Yes. Ah, there they go - | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
the Creatures from the Blackpool Lagoon. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
But did they sink or swim? | 0:19:22 | 0:19:23 | |
Let's go under the sea with Mr Blob-Blob-Burgess. | 0:19:23 | 0:19:27 | |
Right, miss - fish going to swim? | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
I loved the One Pound Fish and the bit with the mermaid. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:32 | |
Just awesome. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:33 | |
What did you think of the Creatures from the Blackpool Lagoon? | 0:19:33 | 0:19:36 | |
I think it was amaze-a-tastic and I think they should win. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:38 | |
One final word, tiny word, miss. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:41 | |
Sea-sational! | 0:19:41 | 0:19:43 | |
Sea-sational, sir. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:45 | |
Right - just one more performing prisoner act to see | 0:19:45 | 0:19:48 | |
and then you'll decide who goes free with the old Clap-o-meter. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:51 | |
What an act this is - a double act. They've been here before. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:54 | |
Will they get out this time? | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
Let's see, as we welcome the brilliant Harper Brothers! | 0:19:56 | 0:20:00 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:20:00 | 0:20:02 | |
-Come on! -Look where we are! -I know. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:12 | |
-We're in The Slammer. -We're In The Slammer. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:13 | |
Again! What are we singing? | 0:20:13 | 0:20:15 | |
Listen to this - I've got a special guest. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:17 | |
I want to sing a song with...The Governor! | 0:20:17 | 0:20:20 | |
-Me?! -Yes, the Governor - come up here. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:24 | |
-Yeah! Thank you! -Give him a round of applause! | 0:20:24 | 0:20:26 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:20:26 | 0:20:27 | |
-I've never sung a duet before - marvellous! -Hang on a minute! | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
-Yeah? -Duet? There's three of us. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:33 | |
That's it - duet is two, so we don't need you. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 | |
So you can get gone - goodbye. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:37 | |
AUDIENCE: Aw! | 0:20:37 | 0:20:39 | |
-Whacka-whacka...? -No, not doing whackie-whackie. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:43 | |
-Not doing any of that. -No twerking? -We're not twerking, no. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:46 | |
I'm just...I'm just twerking, just twerking. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:49 | |
Would you like to join me in a duet? | 0:20:49 | 0:20:50 | |
Well, I'd love to - I've never sung a duet before. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:53 | |
-Let's do it. -Shall we sit on this wall? -Come on, then. | 0:20:53 | 0:20:55 | |
SONG: "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" | 0:20:55 | 0:20:58 | |
-# The road is long... # -Oh, that's beautiful. | 0:20:58 | 0:21:02 | |
# With many a winding turn... # | 0:21:05 | 0:21:09 | |
-You like it? -Fabulous. | 0:21:09 | 0:21:11 | |
# That leads us to who knows where | 0:21:11 | 0:21:19 | |
# Who knows where... # | 0:21:19 | 0:21:22 | |
-Go on, Governor. -Me? -Yeah. | 0:21:22 | 0:21:24 | |
# But I'm strong... | 0:21:26 | 0:21:28 | |
Argh! | 0:21:28 | 0:21:30 | |
# Yeah - strong...strong enough to carry on... # | 0:21:31 | 0:21:38 | |
Where did he go? | 0:21:38 | 0:21:39 | |
# He ain't heavy... # | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
-You having a go? -What? | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
# He's my brother... # | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
I'm not your brother, I'm the Governor. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:50 | |
I know you're the Governor, I'm just saying - here we go. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:53 | |
# If I'm laden... # | 0:21:53 | 0:21:55 | |
Argh! | 0:21:55 | 0:21:57 | |
# It has no...oh, yeah! | 0:21:57 | 0:22:00 | |
# I'm laden... # | 0:22:00 | 0:22:02 | |
CRASH! | 0:22:02 | 0:22:03 | |
# I'm laden with sadness | 0:22:03 | 0:22:07 | |
# That everyone's... # | 0:22:07 | 0:22:10 | |
Argh! | 0:22:10 | 0:22:11 | |
-# Isn't filled... # -Oh, yeah... | 0:22:13 | 0:22:16 | |
# Oh, with the gladness | 0:22:16 | 0:22:21 | |
# Of love... # | 0:22:21 | 0:22:23 | |
Yeah, love it! | 0:22:23 | 0:22:24 | |
Governor? | 0:22:24 | 0:22:26 | |
# For one another... # | 0:22:26 | 0:22:31 | |
Yeah! | 0:22:31 | 0:22:32 | |
-Argh! -# It's a long, long road... | 0:22:32 | 0:22:38 | |
# From which there is... # | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
-Argh! -# ..no return... # | 0:22:41 | 0:22:44 | |
CRASH! | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
# While we're on the way... # | 0:22:46 | 0:22:49 | |
Get off me! | 0:22:49 | 0:22:50 | |
-Get off! -Ah! | 0:22:53 | 0:22:54 | |
-# But I'm strong... # -Oh... | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
-No! -Get off! | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
Argh! | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
# ..carry on... | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
# He ain't heavy... # | 0:23:16 | 0:23:18 | |
I am heavy. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:19 | |
# He's my brother. # | 0:23:21 | 0:23:24 | |
-Hey, I'm the Governor. -THEY YELL | 0:23:24 | 0:23:26 | |
CRASH! | 0:23:26 | 0:23:28 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:23:28 | 0:23:31 | |
You don't get rid of me! It's The Harper Brothers. | 0:23:33 | 0:23:36 | |
Give them a big cheer. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:37 | |
I am heavy and I am the Governor. | 0:23:40 | 0:23:42 | |
What did you think of that, Mr Burgess? | 0:23:42 | 0:23:45 | |
The Harper Brothers - any chance of it? | 0:23:45 | 0:23:47 | |
They were sha-mazing, especially... | 0:23:47 | 0:23:49 | |
Sorry, miss - explain that word to us. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
What is the definition of "sha-mazingness"? | 0:23:51 | 0:23:53 | |
Amazing. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:54 | |
-With a "sham" in it? -Yup! | 0:23:54 | 0:23:56 | |
What do you think of the Harper Brothers with your Governor? | 0:23:56 | 0:23:58 | |
I found it very funny and I love them. | 0:23:58 | 0:24:02 | |
I score them a nine out of ten, including you. | 0:24:02 | 0:24:05 | |
-Nine out of ten? Including me? -One final word - | 0:24:05 | 0:24:07 | |
sum that act up for me, sir. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:09 | |
Phenomenal. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:10 | |
Phenomenal, sir. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:12 | |
Well, four fabulous performing prisoner acts. | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
Only one can go free. | 0:24:14 | 0:24:15 | |
That's their dream - to get out of The Slammer. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:18 | |
Who will it be? Let's welcome them back on stage, please - | 0:24:18 | 0:24:20 | |
Julio Troupe, Strange Comedy, | 0:24:20 | 0:24:24 | |
Creatures of the Blackpool Lagoon | 0:24:24 | 0:24:26 | |
and those Harper Brothers. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:28 | |
Here they all come. That's it. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
Lots of performing prisoners this week. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:33 | |
Now, remember, one act will go free with this, the Clap-on-meter - | 0:24:33 | 0:24:37 | |
the more noise you make, the higher the score, | 0:24:37 | 0:24:40 | |
it's as simple as that. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:41 | |
Let's start off with the first act, it was the fabulous Julio Troupe. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:46 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:24:46 | 0:24:48 | |
Oh...brilliant! | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
Straight into the nineties - 90.8, there, for Julio Troupe. | 0:24:55 | 0:24:59 | |
That's a really good score. | 0:24:59 | 0:25:00 | |
Next, a very strange act, a very funny act. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:03 | |
What did you think of Strange Comedy? | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
Oh! I thought it worth a little bit more than that, but... | 0:25:12 | 0:25:15 | |
I thought you were brilliant, Strange Comedy. | 0:25:15 | 0:25:17 | |
Never mind - let's see, next, | 0:25:17 | 0:25:19 | |
what you thought of those fabulous fishy creatures | 0:25:19 | 0:25:23 | |
from the Blackpool Lagoon! | 0:25:23 | 0:25:25 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:25:25 | 0:25:27 | |
Wow! Oh! | 0:25:29 | 0:25:32 | |
Oh! Almost... | 0:25:32 | 0:25:34 | |
Wow! Almost off the range, there, with 97.1. | 0:25:35 | 0:25:41 | |
Right, only one performing prisoner act left that can possibly | 0:25:41 | 0:25:45 | |
knock them off the top. | 0:25:45 | 0:25:46 | |
Will they be going free, with the help of the Governor? | 0:25:46 | 0:25:49 | |
It was...The Harper Brothers! | 0:25:49 | 0:25:51 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:25:51 | 0:25:52 | |
Close! Aw! | 0:25:58 | 0:25:59 | |
A great score - 90.4. But not quite. | 0:25:59 | 0:26:03 | |
Going free, with a brilliant score of 97.1, | 0:26:03 | 0:26:06 | |
one of the highest ever in the Freedom Show, | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
it's the Creatures From The Blackpool Lagoon! | 0:26:08 | 0:26:12 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:12 | 0:26:13 | |
You're free to go. Harpers, you're not going anywhere. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:18 | |
Jailors and Jailbirds..oh, pandemonium, here, | 0:26:18 | 0:26:22 | |
here in the Freedom Show. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:23 | |
The Creatures from the Blackpool Lagoon are going free. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:26 | |
But the bad news is you're in time for tea. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
And what do we have for tea? | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
As usual, it's sloppy, ploppy porridge. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:31 | |
-They've no choice, Mr Burgess. -That's where you're wrong. | 0:26:31 | 0:26:34 | |
There might be a choice tonight. | 0:26:34 | 0:26:35 | |
-We've done a survey amongst the prisoners. -Really? | 0:26:35 | 0:26:38 | |
Yeah - 15% voted Italian, 35%, Asian fusion, | 0:26:38 | 0:26:42 | |
and 50% for Chinese. | 0:26:42 | 0:26:43 | |
So what are we having? | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
-Sloppy, ploppy porridge, sir. -Oh! | 0:26:45 | 0:26:47 | |
Take them all away - | 0:26:47 | 0:26:48 | |
The Harper Brothers and Strange Comedy | 0:26:48 | 0:26:50 | |
and Julio Troupe. | 0:26:50 | 0:26:52 | |
Well, another brilliant Freedom Show, | 0:26:55 | 0:26:57 | |
Jailors and Jailbirds. | 0:26:57 | 0:26:58 | |
Join us again soon in The Slammer for more fun. | 0:26:58 | 0:27:01 | |
Remember, if you can't sing, dance or rhyme... | 0:27:01 | 0:27:04 | |
AUDIENCE:..don't do the crime! | 0:27:04 | 0:27:06 | |
You take care - see you soon! Bye, everybody. | 0:27:06 | 0:27:09 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:27:09 | 0:27:12 | |
# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! | 0:27:31 | 0:27:34 | |
Thanks for letting me visit, Uncle Governor. It was kicking. | 0:27:38 | 0:27:41 | |
Well, as long as you've learned something, Nicky. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:43 | |
Oh, yes - it's all locked up. | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
HE CHORTLES | 0:27:45 | 0:27:46 | |
-Bye, then. -Bye, Nicky. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:49 | |
ELECTRICITY BUZZES | 0:27:49 | 0:27:50 | |
Rrrrrrrrr...! | 0:27:50 | 0:27:53 | |
-POP! -Huh? | 0:27:53 | 0:27:54 | |
-Uh...? -Oh, sir! -Nicky! What have you done?! | 0:27:54 | 0:27:58 | |
Argh! ARRGGHH! | 0:27:58 | 0:28:01 | |
THE GOVERNOR SIGHS | 0:28:01 | 0:28:04 | |
Oldest trick in the book - ah-ha-ha! | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 |