Quiz The Story of Tracy Beaker

# I can make my world come true

# All my dreams will see me through

# It doesn't matter what may come my way

# Believe me now I will win some day... #

Hey, Tracy.

-Look at me!

-Are you trying to put me off my breakfast?

-What do you see?

A duck.

-But now?

-A prize duck. I didn't realise they had duck contests.

No, it's for a quiz and I answered the winning question.

-What was it on?

-How to oversleep!

Oh, what?!

It came to the final round. The atmosphere was electric.

Then came my moment of ultimate glory and the question was...

< Nathan, are you completely brainless?

What do you get when you mix colours with whites?

Don't tell me! Can I have a hint?

You owe me! This season's colours are not sludge and puke green!

OK, but I've got a great idea.

We could all enter the National Youth Quiz and I'll be your coach.

-How cool is that?

-Not cool.

- Come on. Why not? - Quizzes are for swots.

-With sad, empty lives.

-No offence.

Come on. We need a little team spirit round here.

This lot were sick the day they hand out brains.

-Except me, of course.

-ALL TALK AT ONCE

All right, all right, all right!

Never mind. It's just that the finals are held in London.

You stay in a luxury hotel...

..see a West End show and tour a TV studio.

ALL TALK AT ONCE

Well, yeah, I'm impressed. I thought I'd start coaching now.

Our first match is tomorrow. Tomorrow?

-Are you joking?

-We'll never be ready in time!

-What?!

I signed 'em up already, you see.

At least we can get on with professional coaching now

-because the brains have arrived.

-Eh?

I think I'll coach them in small groups. What do you reckon?

Yeah.

You can't know everything, so you have to be selective.

Pick a subject you already know a bit about like...

-American football.

-Finance.

How about...

geography?

< History?

Religious studies?

OK, US state capitals.

US states?

If we were computers, we wouldn't have a problem.

-We're not.

-And we have. You can get a whole encyclopedia on one chip!

All working together - that's what I call team spirit.

Who's gonna be on the team? All of us.

-There's only three on each side.

-Three?!

-You're useless!

You're witless! You're brain-dead!

-You'll be just plain dead!

-Enough! Only one way to sort this out.

Everyone votes for the person they want to be on the team.

You'll get at least one vote. You can't vote for yourself.

Five sweets if you vote for me.

Six sweets if you vote for me.

This is just a present, a sort of thank you in advance.

Yum!

Right, everyone's voted. Apart from Dolly who's feeling sick.

And our captain with the most votes is...Louise.

We should be fine if we get any questions about flowers.

And, second, we've got Bouncer.

So we'll be fine if we've got any questions about...

American football!

-And third is...Tracy.

-Yes, yes!

'And the winner is Tracy Beaker!'

Oi! Tracy!

The future Brains of Britain are here.

BONES CRACK

Look at their pasty skins! They've been in the library for months.

I bet they're rubbish at sports questions.

'GUNSHOT'

We're stuffed.

They're gonna hammer us.

We're gonna look like a bunch of dumb kids in care!

Unless... Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

It wouldn't be cheating exactly.

So for the 92nd time, Louise, when I cough, it's the right answer.

But I don't understand. How do you get the messages from Lol?

-A mobile phone.

-Oh, I get it!

Hooray(!)

-So when do

-I

-cough?

-We're starting! >

-Just answer the questions.

You've got a one in three chance of getting it right.

-What's SHE doing here?

-Elaine's the quizmaster. We needed someone

-to guarantee fair play.

-She hasn't got a fair bone in her body!

WHOOPING AND CHEERING

ALL CHANT: Stowey, Stowey!

-Can I have your attention, please?

-CHANTING

Quiet! Quiet, quiet!

Thank you. I want everybody to just relax and have fun and, remember,

-it's not winning that counts, it's taking part.

-We'll thrash you!

Yeah, whatever!

-Right, we'll start with Bradley.

-(Bouncer.)

-The first question is...

Better not be, "What's your name?"

-Very funny(!)

-Shut up!

What were the very first words spoken down a telephone line?

A, "Sorry, wrong number,"

B, "Who is this?" or C, "Come here, I need you."

(Yes!) OK, yeah, it's C.

COUGHS THREE TIMES

C. "Ring me back on my mobile."

-Just kidding! "Come here, I need you."

-Correct.

Eamonn, your first question. Is the land

connecting North and South America, divided by the Panama Canal,

A, a peninsula, B, a causeway, or C, an i-i-i...

-an isthmus?

-Yeah! Go, Jim, go!

-The answer is C, isthmus.

-Correct.

Yes!

-It's incredible.

-Inexplicable.

Almost unbelievable.

Give them credit. They've been trying really hard.

-They got every single question right.

-Both teams?

So they're a clever set of kids.

-They're sneaks!

-Cheats!

-Just like us.

Your point is? Better to lose fair and square.

-Where does she get this rubbish?

-Search me!

So I've confiscated their phones.

-Dolly!

-You're a genius!

And I've confiscated Amber's phones too.

< Round Two!

Well?

Was it A, B or C?

Um...

-C, giant whale?

-No, Mary did not ride into Bethlehem,

sitting on the back of a giant whale.

-A?

-Or an ostrich!

-LAUGHTER

And the results of the second round are three-all.

-Plan B, then.

-What's that?

-We act like a bunch of dumb kids in care.

Lucky I've come up with something!

That's two out of three questions answered correctly

in this, the final round.

And the first question

-to Stowey House is for Bradley again.

-Huh? Oh, yeah.

The war between the Greek city states and the Persian Empire

was like a game of American football.

How many yards do you need for a first down?

-A, one yard, B, ten yards, or C, 100 yards?

-Easy, ten! Um, B.

Correct.

Thank you, Bouncer...Bradley. Now, Louise.

Geography. In the foothills of the Himalayan Mountains,

what flower would you be most likely to find? A, orchid,

B, rhododendron, or C, self-raising?

B, because they come from there. They need a sandy soil.

-Except for the dwarf ones. They like it a bit...

-Yes, B is correct.

CHEERING

Now, this would be the winning question if you got it right.

What Christian name has the meanings of "warrior",

"eloquent" and "brave"?

Is it A, Charlotte...

..B, Catherine

-or C...?

-That would be C, Tracy.

Correct.

CHEERING

Let me congratulate you

on being, if not better than the opposition, at least more cunning.

-When's the next match?

-Not for a while. I called the organisers

and asked them to disqualify both teams. Anybody have a problem?

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

I'll ask you this. Who in the Bible was the father of King Solomon?

And what was this doing behind the goldfish tank?

Um, B, it's a very clever goldfish?

I'm afraid this quiz is over.

When you're as gorgeous as me,

it's best not to let on about being clever as well!

Subtitles by Subtext for BBC Broadcast 2003