Testing Times/Best of Enemies The Story of Tracy Beaker

# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see me through

-# It doesn't matter What may come my way...

-No! No!

# Believe me now I will win some day. #

-Is that your impression of a door-stop, Rio?

-Tracy Beaker...

you can't come in unless you say...

"Please, Lord Rio,

"may I enter your residence?"

OK. I'll say it if you can spell it.

Wow - you've got your trousers on the right way round! Special day(?)

Ah, Tracy, I'm afraid you can't stay. We're expecting an inspector.

-Ah, so that's why you look so worried.

-Mmm.

The annual review by the National Care Standards Commission

can identify areas of concern in a care home.

OK, I'm going.

You see, when you get fostered,

you don't have to worry about inspections.

I've got it made, living with Cam.

So how come you're always round here then, eh?

Because I feel sorry for everyone else

having to live with you little maggots. See you later.

Roar! Eeh!

Right...

now all we have to do is make sure ELAINE doesn't talk to him.

ARABIC MUSIC PLAYS

Oh, hi, Tracy!

Anything wrong at the Dumping Ground?

-MUSIC STOPS

-I had to come back,

cos they're having an inspection. Residents only, Sid said.

Oh, shame. But look what I got down the charity shop - two quid it cost!

Ugh, Cam!

Don't ever, ever wear that top -

not even to scare people. How did I end up with you as a foster mum?

If I was an inspector, I'd close you down.

Oh, no point asking me to help with your maths homework.

Actually, this chart is to measure your progress.

-My progress?

-Yeah. I'm putting you on review.

I used to get reviewed every year at the Dumping Ground

-to see how I was getting on.

-Oh...

Oh, Cam, you're squishing my chart.

OK, so you haven't been a total disaster as a foster parent, but...

I have identified areas of concern.

So I will be awarding points for quality of meals,

personal style and, most important, QTT -

Quality Tracy Time.

Right.

And you'll see I've started you off at minus ten for that top.

No, no, Mr Rooney. I'll find my own way.

I prefer to look around without the staff.

Of course. Have you seen the kitchen?

Ah, Elaine! You're early. I've got something to show you in my office.

-Ah...

-Yeah, in my office, quick.

So who wants to try and get this care home closed down as well?

This form goes on and on!

Does Mr Pincher really need all this information

-before he can talk to me?

-Yep.

-Me and Duke filled one out.

-It'll take me ages.

-Mmm!

An hour and 47 minutes...

..I'm guessing.

Does that look mouldy to you?

You're an artist, you are.

Can you tell me how you look after the children's emotional welfare?

Mr Rooney was a bit vague.

Is...your social worker here today?

Mini muffin?

Well, er, we do have a social worker,

but that's only one way that we...

Personally, I find a nice tea usually fixes everything!

You use food as a substitute for counselling?

Oh, no, no, goodness...! No, no.

I just meant... Well, everybody likes a tasty treat...

(..except you, apparently.)

Hello, Mr Pincher.

Would you like to look round the home with me and my sister?

Yes, I think I will.

This isn't exactly what I was expecting.

-You don't all share this room, I hope?

-No.

(Remember what Sid said - we're not to say.)

Hmm...

What the...?!

This bedding isn't very thick.

We're very grateful for it, Mr Pincher.

We stick it out as best we can. Good thing we got one another.

Not like that poor kid - "Ribbit, ribbit!"

He was all right before he came here.

Carrot and pumpkin-seed salad? Do I look like a hamster(?)

Hey! I can't be doing THAT badly.

But I made you that mango and pineapple smoothie! You love them!

And what does that say? "Ham"?

Why do I loose points for ham?

We don't even have ham - I'm a vegetarian!

It's not "ham" - it's "hair".

And I should knock off points for you being a veggie.

Hold it right there, Tracy Beaker.

If you get to review my progress, I'm going to review yours!

Review me? But there's nothing wrong with me.

I'm the world's perfect foster daughter!

Well, we'll see, won't we? Game on!

Well...

I hope Mr Pincher appreciates this!

Oh, Elaine. Ah, would you give me a hand?

I've got to plant some herbs in the vegetable patch,

and your advice would be priceless.

I'm waiting for the inspector, Duke.

Oh, he'll be ages yet. I'll give you a shout when he's done.

And what you don't know about parsley isn't worth knowing.

Oh!

All right.

I want you to feel that you can be completely honest with me.

Now, is...is there anything you're not happy about, here in Cliffside?

Well, it'd be nice not to have to wash in cold water.

You mean hot water is rationed?

No. It's just a dodgy boiler.

And it'd be nice not to have to share a room with this spanner.

-Who you calling a spanner?

-You.

Yes, um, overcrowding does seem to be an issue here.

Not really.

Ribbit, Ribbit!

Hello, little boy!

I'm not a little boy - I'm a frog.

Ribbit, ribbit!

It's a voucher... for the IMAX cinema!

I know what it is, Cam - I CAN read.

-Well, if you don't want it...

-No, no. I want it! Bye!

Yay! Points to me!

What have you done to your room?

Do you like it?

We're trying to show that inspector what a rubbish care home this is.

But he can close us down if it fails the inspection.

It's what we do when we don't like somewhere.

-We don't like a lot of places.

-If they close it, they'll move us,

and we'll have to fit in somewhere else with kids like you!

So? We don't care.

We've got each other.

Well, I care. Another place might be ten times worse!

You could be messing up all our lives again,

just for a laugh.

I'm always really pleased to help,

but I'm a social worker, not a gardener,

-and I really wasn't appropriately dressed...

-Thank you, Elaine.

If you'd just put these away in the pantry, that'd be lovely.

There he is! Um, Mr Pincher!

-It's really nice here!

-Yeah!

We're all really happy,

we've got loads to eat and can watch telly and everything.

That wasn't what some of you said before.

Has someone been talking to you?

Yeah.

Oh, I mean, no... Um, Sid and Duke haven't been talking to us,

and they definitely haven't been telling us what to say or anything.

What? What?

And I just wish that sometimes it wasn't so curly.

At least it's not like yours, though.

Well, I think your hair's lovely, Tracy.

I hope you feel a bit better after that little chat.

What do you mean?

Well, I've helped you get something off your chest. That's therapy...

which has got to be worth...hmm, at least 20 points!

Oh, yeah? Well, get this, Miss Sneaky - I hate therapy,

so that's minus 20 points!

Help!

Thank you, Roxy. I don't know what happened to Duke.

Elaine, one of your therapy sessions would be really good

with that inspector.

What a good idea!

I suppose you'd better let her out.

Just keep her out of you-know-who's way.

< I'll gather everyone together after lunch, Mr Pincher.

My therapy sessions always help the children express themselves.

-(She must have escaped!)

-Ah...

OK. Who's got something they'd like to say?

-SNORING

-Anyone?

Anyone at all?

Don't be shy.

Elaine...?

Yes, Roxy, what is it?

You know Catty, my pet caterpillar?

Um...

um...

Duke took him away.

Oh, dear, um...

Were you close?

Catty was my very, very, very best friend, and I loved him.

SCREAMING

Stop lying! Duke would never do anything like that.

You never had a caterpillar anyway!

He's got so mean since Duke took away his weasel.

Oh, never mind about homework for now.

Let's have some Quality Tracy Time.

-What do you want to do?

-What do YOU want to do?

-I mean it. What do you want to do?

-No, what do YOU want to do?

Oh, you're freaking me out! Can we just forget about earning points?

I knew it! You only want to stop, because you're losing!

Don't take it so seriously!

And that's minus 50 points for getting a cob on.

SLAM!

And minus 30 for slamming the door!

Tracy Beaker! Just in time! Come on.

What about the children's bedrooms?

And that poor boy who thinks he's a frog?

Now, the changes I am going to recommend are...

GONG CLANGS

And you are...?

Tracy Beaker - gorgeous, super-cool,

used to live here, now in a foster home.

I understand - you're scared to admit

what it's really like here in front of Mr Rooney.

Why would I be scared of Sid? I don't live here any more.

You've been scammed by these amateurs.

-WELLARDS:

-Dunno what you mean.

Mr Pincher. Let me tell you about the Wellards.

Face it - reviews are a complete waste of time!

Well, thank you, Mr Pincher.

And I must say you were a hit with the Wellards -

they only tease people that they really, really like.

Yes. A very good joke!

A-hem.

The children's...high-spiritedness clearly shows

they must be comfortable here.

Yes. Well...goodbye, Mr Rooney.

Goodbye, Mr Pincher.

Having a little bit of fun at the inspector's expense, were we?

It's like you said, Sid - we must have really, really liked him.

Well, let's see how you really like re-painting your room, shall we?

Why did you do that? You were winning.

Reviews are for losers.

-I don't know why you did it.

-I thought it mattered to you.

It's rubbish. There's no point in trying to change you -

I am lumbered with you the way you are.

But if you go shopping at charity shops,

at least take me with you.

Well, thanks, Tracy.

And of course you do have your faults, too.

Yeah, I said that.

No, you didn't.

Yeah, I did.

-No, I don't think you did.

-I think you'll find I did, Cam.

-No, you didn't.

-Yes, I did.

-Didn't.

-Did.

Not.

Did you know that the dictionary definition of Beaker

was "clever, funny and gorgeous"?

It's not?

Well, it should be!

Are you sure this is supposed to be fun?

Tracy, this is what families do. It's not about fun.

Why can't we phone for a pizza like normal people?

Because normal people are boring.

You did that on purpose!

If only I could be so accurate!

Let's get that scraped off.

DOORBELL RINGS Ooh! Visitors!

Cam!

-Hi, Cam!

-Hello.

Don't worry, I'm not checking up on you or...

It's tomato sauce, Elaine.

Oh...of course. I knew that.

DOOR OPENS

-Was that in the letter your mum sent?

-It's her engagement ring.

She doesn't want it any more.

It reminds her of my dad.

Um, it's...a nice big stone.

Diamond?

Glass. Cheap, nasty and tasteless -

my dad all over.

Let me get this straight -

you want me to spend the whole afternoon

with a load of scuzzy social workers and weirdo care kids?

It's a party -

a special reception, organised by Kidz-In-Kare magazine

at the Saracen Hotel!

It's very posh, and they do most delightful cakes.

-And all you have to do is...

-What?

You mean on top of everything else, there's a catch?!

All you have to do is mention how pleased you are

I've managed to get you both in a successful fostering situation.

# So so so scandalous... #

But I...

Sorry, Elaine, but today is Saturday.

Thanks to your successful handling of my fostering,

-I don't need to listen to people like you on a Saturday.

-But I...

-I thought you might like these.

-Oh!

This reception's being sponsored by a firm who makes training shoes.

Bribery, Elaine?

It's not bribery, it's a free gift!

You don't have to come, Tracy. It's just that...

I always thought of you as...special.

-Oh, it's working, then.

-What?

Elaine's bribe. Sorry, "gift".

I'd rather eat a dog bogey sandwich than go to Elaine's stupid...

Is something burning?

Oh, the pizza!

Oh!

What are we going to do for lunch?

What do you mean "we"?

-Where are you going?

-Well, I'm having my lunch at a posh hotel.

Apparently, they do the most delightful cakes.

Far be it from me to state the obvious,

but won't all that tugging make your finger swell up?

What are you up to?

Chantal's got this stupid ring stuck on her finger.

-But...that's Crash's Mum's ring!

-No, it isn't! It's mine!

-Liar, it's mine!

-Oi! If my sister says it's hers, it's hers...

-even though I haven't seen it before.

-Whoa!

People, people, people...

I'm sure we can sort this out in a calm and rational manner.

'Welcome to the Lawrence Plakova Show! Protector of the peace!

'Fighter of fights! Soother of sorrows!

'Now please welcome your host, Laurence Plakova!'

RAPTUROUS APPLAUSE

AUDIENCE: Go, Lawrence! Go, Lawrence!

AMERICAN ACCENT: He accuses her of trespassing and theft.

She says that's crazy talk.

Who's right? You decide!

-ALL:

-Go, Lawrence! Go, Lawrence!

Go, go, go, Lawrence!

This is stupid.

Chantal... So, you say this ring is yours.

Yeah, I found it. Finder's keepers.

Not when you find things in other people's rooms!

Honestly - details, details, details.

Boo!

Boo!

Guys, guys, you must try to understand one another.

This meaningless aggression is not healthy.

Isn't that shop a little too...stylish for you, Beaker?

Well, well, well - Justine Littlewood.

Is that make-up you're wearing

or are you on your way to a clowns' convention?

I hear the Dumping Ground finally managed to get rid of you.

-I wish I'd been at the party afterwards.

-You were!

Haven't you heard of the Justine Littlewood dartboard?

They only bring it out on special occasions -

-it scares the younger kids.

-Well, it's been wonderful catching up,

-but some of us have more important things to do.

-Yeah, some of us do.

Look, Crash's door was open.

I might have seen the ring out of the corner of my eye.

I might have wandered in and...accidentally tried it on.

Boo!

Boo!

I don't have very many nice things.

Aww!

Duke?!

Tracy!

Elaine's suckered you into this as well, has she?

No-one suckers the Beaker into anything.

Whatever you say. Nice trainers!

Duke?! Beaker?!

Justine! This is like a school reunion. I may cry!

But...Elaine personally invited me to this official reception.

This official reception where Kidz-In-Kare magazine

are doing a big photo-spread on "your favourite social worker"?

But I don't have a...

-BOTH:

-Elaine the Pain!

In a magazine? With pictures?

But what happened to all those laws about taste and decency?

There are half a dozen of Elaine's other kids in there.

-I don't know how she does it!

-Half a dozen?

But Elaine said I was special...

And you believed her? You must be even dumber than I...

Dumber than you? Now, that's a frightening thought!

Mmm, delightful!

It's Elaine with an I...obviously. And the surname's spelt...

Oh, of course you know that - how silly of me.

It's just that...I just feel so honoured to be here...

-Elaine! You said that

-I

-was the only one here!

Justine! Tracy! How lovely to see you! So glad you could make it.

My other success stories are over there.

-But Elaine, you said that...

-Tracy, dear, can't you see we're talking(?)

(He's writing an article - it's all about me!

(So leave us in peace, will you?) There's a good girl.

Of course, it's all about the children.

Their welfare is central to every single decision I make.

I can't stress that strongly enough. It's a question of experience...

It wasn't me!

I'm sorry. I thought I saw you talking to Elaine Boyack.

Is she your social worker?

Well, I...

I'm a journalist with Kidz-In-Kare magazine, you see,

and I wonder if you could talk to me about your relationship with her.

You can't mess with other people's property! Those are the rules!

-You'll have your ring back when I get it off.

-I don't want it!

I mean...I do - it just...

it just brings back bad memories.

-You can throw it in the bin for all I care!

-Crash?

Does this mean I can keep it?

Boo! Boo!

..and then there were those stupid activity days she made us do.

..of course, one of my strengths has been organising activity days...

Do you remember the time she drove us 20 miles

so we could sit in a field and think about nothingness?

..and teaching meditation,

encouraging the children to be as one with nature...

We had to go to the toilet in a hedge...with nettles!

..first aid. Oh, and a wide range of alternative therapies...

No, no, the worst one was when she brought in those big spongy hammers,

so the kids could work out their aggressions on one another.

And then she wondered why they went after HER!

..not to mention conflict resolution...

We're a team and all good teams work well together,

so let's show everyone what a great team we are!

Oh.

In fact, I've got some letters here from some children

who've appreciated the way I've helped them change, develop and...

I'm sure they'd have given you a doggy bag, if you'd asked.

Well, you...you could say that, um, I'm the cream of the crop!

You can quote me on that.

Quote you?!

Yes, you know, in your article.

I don't know anything about any article.

I just heard there were some delightful free cakes going in here.

I had been hoping to enjoy them in peace and quiet!

I have nothing else worth stealing.

We got it off.

Soap.

It hurt, actually.

Good.

Listen, I didn't mean to upset you.

I mean, we've all got bad memories, haven't we?

But of course...

on the whole,

Elaine's a highly effective and professional social worker.

Wouldn't you say so, ladies?

Anyway,

-best be off home. Bye, girls.

-See you, Duke.

-Bye.

He's got so many great stories, hasn't he?

And so much experience as well.

Yes, he's much more interesting than Elaine.

I, er, wonder if anyone's ever written an article about him.

I wonder!

-Bye, girls!

-Bye!

-Bye!

I see leaving the Dumping Ground hasn't made you any less evil.

I'm not evil, Justine - I'm misunderstood.

Mind you, the thing about the DG is...

well, there was always something happening.

I mean, I love living with Dad and Carrie and the baby,

but sometimes...well, it can just get the teeniest bit...

-Boring?

-Mmm.

That was the journalist from Kidz-In-Kare magazine, wasn't it?

I don't know. We didn't ask.

I know what you've been doing - saying mean things about me.

She'll be back, because I'm a professional.

-The story is... right here!

-Sure is!

Delightful!

# I can make my world come true

# All my dreams will see me through

# And this life won't get me down

# My dreams will turn things all around

# With a smile upon my face

# I can see a better place

# Doesn't matter what may come my way

# Believe me now

# I will win some day. #