Meet the Parent The Story of Tracy Beaker

# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see me through

# Doesn't matter what may come my way

# Believe me now I will win some day. #

What do you call this?!

My special recipe. Lentil burgers.

There's vegetables in this.

Cam, hello?!

Where is the ketchup? How do you expect me to eat it without mayo?

And where is the meat?

Burgers...

Proper burgers should not under any circumstances contain green stuff.

It's just not real food! And there is no way that I am eating it.

When I was your age, I had to eat everything on my plate.

Oh, that sounds like something my mother would say! I sound so old.

Real meat for a real man.

I'm a real man.

That's the worst thing about this place - no men.

What about me and Duke?

-I said men, not boys!

-I'm a man! I'll fight anyone who argues!

Marco, sit down.

I mean REAL men.

We're men, aren't we, Duke?

Ye-eah.

Um... Well...

I must say, Tracy seems to be settling in very well...

for Tracy.

Yeah, we're both determined it's going to work this time.

So...no problems then?

Because we're always here for you if there are any problems.

Any little thing at all?

Well...

Go on.

Well, Tracy still spends a lot of time at the Dump...er, Cliffside.

Maybe she needs more company.

We both know that she enjoys the stimulation of being with...

more than just the one person all the time.

-What, you think I'm not enough?

-Oh, don't be embarrassed.

-Maybe your family can help. How about your mum?

-My mum?!

You've done what?! What do you want your mum for?

-I thought we were OK, just the two of us.

-Of course we are.

I've only invited her for a short visit. I think you'll like her.

You told me she was an evil witch.

SHE CACKLES

SHE CACKLES

-Well, yeah, we had our differences.

-Well, she's not staying in my room!

She can sleep on the floor! Or why not send her to the Dumping Ground?

I'll go and see if they've got a spare bed now! Aargh!

This baby's one fine speedy machine.

-Should have twice the power now I've souped-up the motor.

-What motor?

The one on the mixer. Now our fairy cakes will be fluffier than ever.

Huh, fairy cakes! Ple-ease!

Duke, can't we bake something more manly?

-Such as?

-I don't know. Soldier cakes?

Her burgers are minging and her TV should be on Antiques Roadshow,

but I was just getting used to that.

Now she wants to land us with her manky old mum.

-Ooh!

-Wrinklies are bad news, man. My nan was so mean...

she made us go to bed as soon as it was dark, to save on electric.

-Old people have the TV on so loud, the furniture jumps.

-That's OK.

Yeah, but they only watch Songs Of Praise.

-They always run to kiss you.

-Then they take their false teeth out

and give you gummy kisses.

ALL: Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

Don't. Go away! That's not funny.

-Well, she's not going to kiss me.

-You'll have to do what she wants.

She's Cam's family and you are just a foster kid.

STARTER MOTOR WHEEZES

Oh, come on! Come on!

Having trouble?

Oh, no, no(!) I love sitting in a minibus that won't start(!)

A real man would know how to fix it.

-Um...would you like me and Duke to take a look?

-No, no, no, no!

I'm going to ring a mechanic, so just don't touch anything.

Not scared of Sid, are you?

Great big men like you?

Well, we could take a look.

-Mum.

-Camilla, darling. Shame you never let your hair grow.

I always think you need a really interesting face

to get away with short hair.

-Do I look all right?

-Fine...for a granny.

I suppose I am Tracy's granny. Hope I can manage. I've had no practice.

Oh, it's easy. Just try not to be yourself.

Where is Tracy?

-Sulking in her room.

-Now that sounds familiar!

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-What?

-Tracy Beaker?

-Who wants to know?

-Oh, your poor old granny.

-Are you Cam's mum?

-Call me Penelope.

I like what you've done to this room. Very lively!

I suppose you'll want to kiss me.

Certainly not. I can't stand all that mushy stuff.

I've got a present for you downstairs.

Huh? Oh, it's so shiny!

-Oh, Mum, you shouldn't have.

-You've put on weight,

but it should still fit.

A games console! Cool!

Ah. Don't normally wear make-up, but I'll give it a try.

-You should, dear, at your age.

-I can't plug it in. There's no SCART.

Well, I'm not surprised. How old is that thing?

We'll go out this afternoon and buy a proper wide-screen set

-and then go for a 24-carat shopping spree.

-Wicked! Can we go now?

-Well, I've made lunch.

-Cam, we can get something on the way out.

Come along, Tracy. Camilla's always watching the pennies.

-Does she still buy her clothes from Poundthrift?

-Not any more, Mum.

-I think the tubey part goes here.

-BOTH: The tubey part?!

-BOTH: Girls!

-Well, what is it then?

BOTH: Um... We're too busy to take questions.

-Doing what?

-Well, I'm trying to reconnect the...um...

-to the...um...

-Recalibrating the...engine.

-You don't know.

-BOTH: No.

-What are you doing?

-BOTH: Oh!

Took three baths to get all that oil off! I think I've got concussion.

You're stressed. You know what chills me out?

BOTH: Duke's triple-chocolate cupcakes.

-But...

-What?

-Well, it's not very manly, is it?

Ah, gentlemen...this is the call-out bill for the minibus.

He charged me twice as much cos someone had mucked about with it.

-We'll take care of it.

-Yeah, we're both working men.

-Yeah.

-I'll pay for it with my bakery money. ..How much was it?

£2,000.

BOTH: £2,000?!

-We're ruined! We'll be skint forever!

-Calm down.

Calm down?! How am I supposed to calm down?

We have to have cupcakes NOW!

How do you turn this on?

Turn it off! Turn it off! Duke! Duke!

Duke! Let go, Duke!

Sorry. Did I just say £2,000?

I meant...£200.

I hope I didn't panic anyone.

Sick. Huh!

-Tracy, did you unplug my computer?

-Needed the socket for the TV.

-There was unsaved work on that!

-Then you should have saved it, Camilla.

Cheer up. I'll take us all to that Italian restaurant.

-They make the biggest pizzas in town.

-Cool.

I can't. I've got my writers' group.

-Tracy should be more important than silly scribbling.

-That's right.

Spend time with her. Before you know it, she'll be grown up,

you'll never see her

and you'll wonder where all those lost years went.

All right. I'll cancel my group.

Perfect. Tracy's looking forward to seeing you in your new dress.

-Are you?

-Um... Well...

Um...

All right, I'll do it. You might need to wear sunglasses, though.

Ta-da!

Cam, you look so...

Shiny?

-Shiny.

-Just run a comb through your hair and then we can go out.

-I've done my hair.

-I know, dear. Just let me smooth it down a bit.

Oh, no, Mum. Mum, please don't.

-Mum! Aow! Aow!

-Don't make such a fuss!

I don't believe this. OK, so Cam's got the fashion sense

of a Latvian Eurovision contestant. But that's how she chooses to look,

-so it's up to her.

-I was only trying to help.

We don't need your help! Me and Cam do things our own way.

That's the way we like it. Presents aren't going to change that.

But everyone likes presents.

Sorry, I'm just not used to all this family stuff.

If it makes you feel better, we'll keep the TV. But, like Elaine said,

you've got to remember the most important thing in this - me.

-Right.

-I want to order in a pizza and play Monster Killer Bees, OK?

-OK.

-..OK.

Ooh, fairy cakes!

-Aah-ah-ah!

-No, no, no.

Oh, fairy cakes - very manly(!)

Well, you won't want these then, considering we're...bad role models.

I think a real man is true to himself

and he doesn't conform to stereotypes.

You can have one, Roxy.

OK, OK, you're real men. Now, can I have one?

Behind you! Rrrrr-eee! Crrrsh!

-Yes!

-Pow! No, that was me! Pow!

-Zzzzz!

-No, no!

-Splat! Splat!

-No, no! Rrrr-eee!

-Yes!

-No, no, no, no! Pow!

-# Go, Cam! Go, Cam! Go, Cam! #

-That was a fluke.

-OK, it's my turn.

-She's all yours.

-No way! I want a rematch! Come on!

-Bring it on!

-What happened to "Tracy comes first"?

-You do,

just as soon as I've beaten Camilla!

Ooh! Yes!

Yes! YES!

# I can make my world come true All my dreams will see me through

# I won't get down Dreams will turn things all around

# With a smile upon my face I can see a better place

# Doesn't matter what may come my way

# Believe me now I will win some day. #