New Girl The Worst Witch


New Girl

Drama series. Everyone's excited at the arrival of Enid, a young witch from the famous Nightshade family. Enid immediately latches onto Mildred.


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Transcript


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FIREWORKS EXPLODE

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Look!

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Looks just like her. Send it to me.

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How do I do that?

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Just write my name on it and tap it three times.

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MAUD TAPS THREE TIMES

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MILDRED TAPS THREE TIMES

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MESSAGE ALERT

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-See? It even says who it's from.

-I love magic!

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-She's here!

-Who?

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The new girl, Enid Nightshade.

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Come on!

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I don't get it. Why's this new girl such a big deal?

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-EXPLOSION

-That's why.

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I knew we should have approached in stealth mode.

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They want a show, let's give them a show. Let's go.

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FIREWORKS AND EXPLOSIONS

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That's her. That's Enid.

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"Look at me! My parents are famous!"

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What a show-off!

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-Wow!

-APPLAUSE

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Double chanting in five minutes. Don't be late.

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-I do hope you'll be happy here, Enid.

-She's here to learn.

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-Make sure you do.

-Well met, Mistress Nightshade.

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Well met, Mr Nightshade.

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Welcome to Cackle's Academy.

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And this must be Enid.

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Well met.

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-If you'd like to follow me.

-Come on, Millie, we're going to be late.

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And I heard they use solid gold cauldrons.

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Don't be stupid, Drusilla. Gold cauldrons would melt.

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I'm sorry, Ethel. I can be really thick sometimes.

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It's not your fault.

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It's just everyone's making such a fuss about Enid Nightshade

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and her stupid parents.

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T...totally. You're so right.

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-Well met. I'm Ethel Hallow.

-Hey, Ethel.

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Hi. Welcome to Cackle's.

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If there's anything you need to know,

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-I'm the best witch in year one.

-Are you?

-Yes. I should be head of year.

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Miss Hardbroom said so. Come with me. I'll get you your chanting book.

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MESSAGE ALERT

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MILDRED LAUGHS

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Mildred. Would you like to share the joke?

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Um...no.

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No!

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Maud Spellbody, Miss Cackle's office now.

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You mean you want ME to go and see her?

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Build this girl a gingerbread house. Out!

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Leave that thing here.

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Maglets are to be used for work not silly jokes.

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As head of year one, you need to set a better example.

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Yes, Miss Cackle.

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Unless you want me to appoint Ethel Hallow instead.

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Ethel? No! You can't do that to us.

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I notice you said, "Us", not "Me". That's a good start.

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Being a leader isn't about being the best.

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It's about looking after your team, bringing them closer together.

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I notice you year one girls tend to congregate under the main staircase.

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Well...we don't have a proper common room, so it's sort of our place.

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Sort of?

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It IS our place.

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I suppose if I made it better,

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that would bring us together, wouldn't it?

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Now that sounds like the sort of thing a leader would do.

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TOGETHER: # Eye of toad, ear of bat

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# Tooth of wolf, tail of cat... #

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-Louder, girls, I can't hear you!

-ENID SINGS LOUDLY:

-# Fur of dog

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# Skin of worm, leg of frog

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# Drop them in, stir it up

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# Pour it in the silver cup. #

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MILDRED LAUGHS

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Mildred Hubble, you are making a mockery of the witching culture.

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-No, no, it's just Enid.

-You were making fun of the new girl?

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-No, um...

-Miss Bat. Miss Bat.

-Yes?

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Perhaps Enid needs someone to look after her,

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to show her around, to help her settle in.

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An excellent idea!

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OK, thank you.

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I choose Mildred.

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-Her?!

-Me?

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Mil... No, I don't think that's a good idea at all.

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I don't understand. Miss Cackle told Mummy

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that every single girl here is a hardworking, talented witch.

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Did she say that?

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Oh, well, well, in that case, Mildred, from now on,

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Enid is your responsibility.

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BELL RINGS

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I'll show you the potions lab and...

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There's something I have to do first.

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Mildred Hubble is so fake, sucking up to Enid just cos she's a witch.

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-Yeah. Maud won't be happy when she finds out.

-Maud...

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Maud, who took my place as head of year?

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What are you doing?

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"Hope it went OK with Cackle. Sorry I can't meet this lunchtime.

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"Have to show Enid around. See you later."

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Why are you reading Maud's messages?

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They're not Maud's now. They're mine.

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We can send messages to Mildred and she'll think they're from Maud.

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They can't have gone! Dad always stays for one last goodbye.

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Not this time.

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You should be in class.

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MESSAGE ALERT

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It's from Ethel. "Meet me by the stairs ASAP. I need your help."

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Unbelievable! "Sorry, I'm busy."

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MESSAGE ALERT

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"Sorry, I'm busy"?

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"Busy with what?

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"I really need your help."

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MESSAGE ALERT

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KNOCK ON DOOR Come in.

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MONKEY SQUEAKS

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CAT MIAOWS

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-Where did YOU come from?

-Hey, Mildred. Meet Muddles.

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-Muddles, this is Mildred.

-Hi, Muddles.

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MUDDLES SQUEAKS

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He's gorgeous. But we're only allowed cats as pets.

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-It's the rules.

-I like breaking rules.

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-This could get you expelled.

-What, again?

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What do you mean "again"? How many schools have you been to?

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17.

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Hi, Maud, what are you doing?

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Just wondering how can we make this place...better?

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What do you mean?

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Nothing.

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Have you seen Mildred?

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Yeah. She's been hanging out with Enid all morning.

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-What?

-You can't blame Mildred. She's never met anyone famous before.

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You are not getting expelled from here.

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You're my responsibility and I'm still on trial myself,

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so just tell your parents to come and collect Muddles.

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Oh, no! No!

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Muddles! Muddles!

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Less than a day! My fastest expulsion yet.

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You are not taking me down with you. You're going to get him back now!

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-Mildred.

-Er...

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I can't believe you're too busy to help me.

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I'm about to get dumped as head of year.

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I will help you, it's just I can't right now.

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-Why?

-Um...

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-ETHEL:

-Knock, knock.

-Go away, Ethel.

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Just wanted to see how Enid's settling in.

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She's fine, but we're busy.

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We've just, um, got to do something.

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Oh, no, you're coming with me.

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-It looks like someone's got a new best friend.

-If you need to talk...

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Sorry, important head of year stuff to do.

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MUDDLES SQUEAKS

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Muddles! Muddles!

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There he is!

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MUDDLES SQUEAKS

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I'll get my broomstick.

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-Too late.

-Where does that window lead?

-Miss Cackle's office.

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It's good manners to share, you know.

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We can't just stand here waiting. We need to get to lessons.

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All right, I'll break in after class.

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Break in?!

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I do apologise,

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but I really can't have random animals running around my school.

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I don't know where you came from,

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but they should have looked after you better.

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You'll be safe here for now and we'll bring you food and water.

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Sorry it's a little cramped in here

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but it's just until we find out who you belong to.

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MESSAGE ALERT

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What's wrong?

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Maud. She says she's going to be cauldron partners with Ethel today.

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-So?

-We're always cauldron partners.

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Why would she do this?

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Don't worry about Maud. You've got me now. Come on, cauldron partner.

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Don't worry about them. They aren't worth it, you know.

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-You can be MY cauldron partner today.

-But, but, we...

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-MISS HARDBROOM:

-Girls!

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To work.

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Today, we will be making a laughter potion.

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Timing is crucial in comedy,

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so be sure to stir it for exactly the right amount of time.

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POTION FIZZES

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POTION FIZZES

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SQUELCHING

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-Your turn.

-No, no, I reckon we stirred it enough.

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POTIONS BUBBLE

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POTION FIZZES

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GIRLS LAUGH LOUDLY

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-LAUGHTER STOPS ABRUPTLY

-Excellent.

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A textbook laughter potion.

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GIRLS LAUGH LOUDLY

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Well?

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MILDRED AND ENID LAUGH HALF-HEARTEDLY

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This is no laughter potion. What have you made?

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I see.

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Or rather...I don't.

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-I'm sorry, Miss Hardbroom.

-Nought out of ten.

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At least we learnt how to make an invisibility potion.

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So we'll use that to break in. I can't leave Stormy there all night.

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-Who's Stormy?

-My cat! I changed him into Muddles for a laugh.

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For a laugh?!

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It's only a one-day spell. He'll change back at dawn.

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-You have to help me.

-I can't believe you did that to your own cat.

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-He doesn't mind.

-The spell's wearing off.

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All right, I'll help you.

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Maud.

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What do you want?

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I just want to talk.

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-All right.

-Really? You're going to forgive her just like that?

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Of course, if you're happy to settle for second best.

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Actually, I'm busy right now. Sorry.

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-Esmerelda.

-MAUD CLEARS HER THROAT

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I need to talk to you, you know, as one head of year to another.

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Sure. Anything I can do to help.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Maud?

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-Oh, it's you.

-We'll get Muddles back. Cheer up.

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-It's a good plan, it will work.

-It's not that. It's Maud.

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Can't you just talk to her?

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One last try.

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What are you saying to her?

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Everything.

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I'm telling her everything.

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MESSAGE ALERT

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Mildred's going to break into Miss Cackle's study tonight.

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If she gets caught, she's bound to be expelled.

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Is Maud your best friend now?

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No.

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She could be. Ow!

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Mildred's played right into my hands.

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She'll get expelled and I'll steal her friend.

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Just need to make sure she gets caught.

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-There's not a lot left.

-That's OK. I'll lick the cauldron.

-Really?

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All right!

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-Hello, kitty.

-CAT MIAOWS

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Shh! Just because we're invisible doesn't mean we can't be heard.

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CAT MIAOWS

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-CAT MIAOWS

-What's the time?

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Extra creamy milk for you.

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Good girl.

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FOOTSTEPS Ssh.

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Grab the lamp.

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MISS CACKLE SNORES

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I can't believe she didn't wake up.

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-I know, with the way you were thumping about.

-I was NOT thumping!

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-Ssh, you'll wake the whole school.

-Sorry.

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We're in!

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Muddles! Where is he?

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-She probably put him in the confiscation cupboard.

-Where's that?

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-All I know is it has a secret door.

-Fun! I'll find it.

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Here we go.

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It's much bigger on the inside.

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Muddles, there you are! I've missed you!

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MUDDLES SQUEAKS

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-OK, you've got him. Let's go.

-Wait a minute. Look at all this stuff.

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Magical fireworks - writes rude slogans across the sky.

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We haven't got time for this!

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Fart potions! A timeless classic!

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DOOR SLAMS

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Fake collapsing teachers' chairs.

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-Enid, was that you?

-No.

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-Ah, it won't open!

-Let me try.

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DOOR RATTLES

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-You're right. Somebody shut us in.

-They can't have!

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There has to be some way to get out.

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-We can always burn the door down.

-No, it's too dangerous.

-Suppose so.

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Well, it's been nice knowing you, Mildred Hubble.

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Oh, something's happening.

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-I think the invisibility potion's wearing off.

-Yes, it must be time.

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Anyway, where do you think they'll send you next?

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I suppose I'll just have to go back to normal school.

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What do you mean, normal school?

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I mean normal, where they don't teach magic.

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-Why would they send you there?

-No-one in my family's magical.

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You mean you got into this school all on your own?

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-On a trial basis, remember.

-Oh, yeah.

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-Sorry, I didn't mean to get you thrown out.

-I know.

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-You had a bicycle? A real one?

-It really isn't that exciting.

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Not when you're used to it. Um, I'd much rather be here.

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I've learned magic, I've made good friends.

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-Didn't you have friends before?

-Well, yes, but nobody like Maud.

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-Or, or you.

-You don't have to say that.

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Didn't say it was a GOOD thing!

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-The spell's worn off.

-CAT MIAOWS

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-It must be morning.

-Our last day.

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I heard a noise in the night, you see,

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and I found Mildred and Enid in the confiscation cupboard. I...

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I thought it was safest to shut them in.

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Ready? FOOTSTEPS

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-Er...Maud, Drusilla, how...?

-Drusilla told me what Ethel did.

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-Just don't tell Ethel, OK?

-OK.

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Thank you.

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DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

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Next time you have a bad dream, I suggest you keep it to yourself.

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It wasn't a dream.

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You have already interrupted my sleep.

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Now you are trying my patience. 1,000 lines.

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-So, the messages I got...

-They were all from Ethel.

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-And all of your messages went to her.

-I should have known.

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-I am sorry I wasn't there when you needed me.

-That's OK.

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Actually, I've had an idea, but I need you to make it work.

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-Can you help me?

-Course I will.

-Look what I've got!

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-Where did you get all that lot?

-Dad always gives me a load of tuck.

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Now, who's up for a dawn feast?

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Where did you get all this stuff?

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Esmerelda got it from the prefects' room.

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They've got loads of spare stuff in there.

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But that's not the most important bit.

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Look.

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-You drew that?

-No, Mildred did.

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Miss Cackle will never let you deface the school with THAT thing!

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Actually, she thinks it's brilliant

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and I'll have my maglet back now, thanks.

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Where's mine?

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-I'm confiscating it.

-You can't!

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I'm head of year so, yes, I can.

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LAUGHTER

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You put ME in the picture.

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Don't worry, if you get expelled, I'll just paint you out.

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I was thinking... Maybe I won't.

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Won't what?

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Won't get expelled. Now I've got a reason not to.

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I've got a friend.

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Two friends.

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Everyone's excited at the arrival of Enid, a young witch from the famous Nightshade family. Enid sees that Mildred is the local unwitting troublemaker and immediately latches onto her - it's the last thing Mildred needs.

As Head of Year, Maud is expected to do great things for the school. But recently, getting into scrapes with Mildred has meant she's been doing the opposite of that. Miss Cackle gives her a friendly warning that she needs to step up. Maud wants Mildred's help to decorate a common area for the first years, but Mildred's busy with Enid.