Pond Life The Worst Witch

LAUGHTER

This is amazing.

-I know.

-Playing fields are not supposed to be bouncy.

When are you going to get it, Mill?

We're witches. We decide what things are supposed to be.

Mildred, what are you doing?

You know we're supposed to be studying for Spell Science.

It's only Miss Gullet.

You know we're not allowed to use unofficial potions.

No-one's going to find out, Maud.

You can't afford to fail any more classes.

I know you're right, but...

Whoo!

THEY GIGGLE

Maud?

Never mind. Ready to attempt the triple backflip?

-Triple backflip?

-You can do it.

OK, here goes.

BOING

Aargh!

THUD

GROANING

Use the shower spell, Mildred.

SHE COUGHS

I think I swallowed a fly.

Hey, you've got mail.

It's from my mum.

"Dear Mildred, as you're a growing witch now,

"I've had a clear out of your old toys to charity.

"Didn't think you'd want to lose this one."

Puss!

You named your teddy Puss?

I've just always wanted a cat.

BEEP

-PUSS:

-# One and one make two One and one make two

# I love you, I do... #

Oh, cute.

# One and one make two One and one make two... #

Cute but a little annoying.

# One and one make two... #

OK, VERY annoying.

It was my first toy. My first present from my mum.

When I was little, I was only ever allowed an actual bear.

An actual...

With claws and stuff?

Yeah, I know, just like everybody else.

Boring, eh? Come on.

We're late.

# One and one make two One and one make two... #

I do not need to remind you that health and safety procedures must be

adhered to at all times.

-Maud, look what my mum sent.

-If you open my laboratory rule book

on page 1,259, you can read

these regulations in full.

I would like you to peruse these.

Why did Maud do that?

You're a bit stinky.

Do you think she's OK?

Mildred Hubble.

Yes, Ms Gillett?

I said I would like you to demonstrate

a simple animal transformation

by turning this mouse into a frog.

A frog?

Ask Maud.

Maud...

Maybe you should ask someone else, Miss Gullet.

No, I've got it.

I've got it.

One and all will be agog when you see before you a...

-SHE COUGHS

-..a hog.

I said mouse into frog, not girl into hog.

Stop that pig! Stop that pig!

SHRIEKING

Stop that pig!

SCREAMING

Silence!

What girl is that?

It's Ethel Hallow, Miss Hardbroom.

And whom, as if I did not already know, is responsible for this?

Mildred Hubble.

Reverse the spell.

But, Ms Hardbroom...

Now.

One and all will be agog when you see before you...

..Ethel Hallow.

Miss Hardbroom,

surely this proves that girls from non-magical backgrounds

should not be allowed to...

SHE SNORTS

What have you done to me?

This is a disgrace.

You will go to your room and you will study.

If you cannot perform a simple frog transformation by...

..two o'clock,

you will be handing in your hat and cloak.

But my nose! What about my nose?

KNOCKING

Mum...

MUSIC IN HEADPHONES

Mum...

That's my only magic mirror credit.

And you only get them for doing things right,

so I'm never going to get any.

This is impossible, Tabby.

I don't even have Maud to help me.

I can't face one more humiliation.

# One and one make two

# I love you

# One and one make two One and one make two

# I love you whatever you do... #

Tabby, I want to go home.

I'm going to help Millie, can you stay out of it, please?

Don't blame me for showing her how to have fun.

Don't blame me for showing her how to learn magic.

Which she is now going to have to do in super record time otherwise

she's...out of here.

Mildred!

It's Maud and Enid, they're having a fight.

-What?

-I think it's about you.

You'd better come quick.

Right, you two, this is...

..silly.

I'm stuck with this, Mildred Hubble,

because no-one can undo it till they work out exactly how you botched up

such a simple... SHE SNORTS

You know, it isn't that noticeable.

I mean, your nose was pretty big before, so...

Wait, that came out wrong.

I...

This academy is for real witches.

Witches that can do a simple transformation spell.

Witches like me.

In pond or lake or swampy bog, from this day you live as a...

frog!

FROG CROAKS

Goodbye, Mildred Hubble.

FROG GROANS

Another gold star for me.

What?

Ow.

Ah! What?

ECHOING: You're a transformation, aren't you?

I can smell the magic.

Well...

Also, you don't know how to hop.

I have to change back.

Oh, find whoever put the spell on you and have it reversed.

Yes, to the Academy.

The ravens will get you on the way.

Or the owls.

Or the badgers. Hmm.

There's not much that doesn't eat us, thinking about it.

I am not taking advice from a frog.

Excuse me, I used to be human too, you know.

-What?

-I'm off to the pond.

You can come or you can be hedgehog food.

She could be halfway home by now.

That's if she hasn't fallen down the mountain

and injured herself horribly.

That's what I like about you, so positive.

Mildred's had enough and left.

What is there to be positive about?

Well, Ethel Hallow has a snout now, so it's not all bad.

Do you take anything seriously?

Do you ever loosen up?

I'm about to leave the Academy during a school day

without a permission slip.

Girls.

No leaving the premises, you know that.

What are you up to, anyway?

Miss Bat. We think Mildred might...

We think Mildred opened the door to the flying postman.

Postman?

Anything for me?

Um... I don't think so.

Were you expecting anything?

I have been for a long, long time, young Maud Spellbody.

Maybe one day.

Maybe.

Now, run along to lessons.

Why wouldn't you let me tell her?

Because she'll tell HB,

and HB will know that Mil isn't studying for her test

and then, bye, Mildred.

CAT MEOWS

Tabby.

It's Mildred's.

She hasn't left?

But why would she pack her bag and then just abandon it?

Unless something was wrong.

I've got all sorts of pirated potions stashed in my wardrobe.

Let's go and see what we can use.

Maybe I have some find and seek sugars left.

Thank you, but I don't need your help to find my friend.

You don't understand, I need to get back to reverse the spell.

You cannot get into the Academy.

Take it from a former wizard.

You, a wizard?

What was it? Albert?

Albatross...

Algernon. That's it.

Algernon Rowan Webb.

First wizard ever to teach in that school.

For a brief period, at least.

Then you must help me get back.

Young lady, even if you made it that far, you'd never

get past the familiars.

-The cats?

-When you're a witch, you're their beloved mistress.

When you're a frog...

..you're their lunch.

Wait for me.

I've seen you before, haven't I?

You're the frog who helped me get inside the Academy on my first day.

Oh, that was you.

If you can help me get back in as a human,

you can help me get back in as a frog.

Give it up.

Relax.

You're safe here. SHE CROAKS

What in the world are you doing with that broomstick?

It's a little-known function.

It's called sweeping.

But what is it for?

Dusting. For prints.

The scene of the crime, Midnight.

I'm getting a faint odour of potion.

Transformation potion, if I'm not very much mistaken.

And... Wait...

One moment.

Who gives theirself gold stars?

Ethel Hallow, that's who.

This is all the proof we need.

Maud!

-Oops.

-I had the evidence in my hand, nincompoop.

Nincompoop, really?

Now I've lost it.

I could've made Ethel confess.

Ethel, big surprise.

If all you need is a confession,

I've got a truth telling serum we could use on her.

No, you breaking the rules is what got Mildred into this mess.

You following the rules is what got her into this mess.

I'll get her out of it better by myself.

Why will you not let me help?

See, you don't like being left on the sidelines, either.

No-one's trying to do that to you.

You'll always be Mildred's best friend.

But it doesn't mean that she can't have fun with me once in a while.

Come on, Midnight.

I'll prove Ethel was here by myself.

I believe Ethel Hallow was in the west tower classroom this morning.

-What?

-And I suspect you were with her.

I...don't know what you're talking about.

Then I'm afraid I must sincerely apologise from what I'm about to do.

SCREAMING

-Stop, please!

-Admit it, Ethel was there.

OK, OK, just let me down!

You're a wizard, for goodness' sake, how did you even end up here?

Human memories fade after a while.

I don't remember the details.

How you became a frog is not a detail.

If you didn't miss being a human,

why would you have kept all this human stuff?

What is it anyway?

Oh! Oh, no, look.

Oh, no.

-My stuff.

-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Oh, hang on,

-I'll get it for you.

-The locket!

Get that locket, please!

-Who's that?

-I don't remember.

I think she was important to me before I...

I just don't remember her name.

Great, someone cared about you enough to give you this

and you've just forgotten her.

Well, I have someone who cares about me.

My mum. Are you going to stand by while I forget her?

HE SIGHS

I suppose I could get you there.

Yes!

I really think it was one of the best staff nights out we ever had.

When Miss Cackle made Miss Hardbroom's cat disappear.

Nobody invited me.

Oh, there must have been an oversight, Miss Gullet.

-Mmm.

-Oversight, definitely.

I'll need witnesses in five minutes

for what I'm sure will be a pitiful display.

Actually, I have a very important potion to prepare for my next class,

Miss Hardbroom.

I'm sure you can cope very well without me.

What display is this, Hegarty?

Two words, Miss Cackle, and the second is Hubble.

Oh, dear, what's she done now?

It's what she hasn't done.

Competence in basic magical tasks is a standard entry requirement.

And if the girl is not ready and willing,

we will of course be forced to fail her.

Automatically.

How did I let you talk me into this?

It's the only way, sir.

The corridor should clear soon, sir.

-That's the bell for fourth period.

-And what about the cats?

They have lessons now, do they?

Look, frogs hop faster than cats run, sir.

Right? Right.

-Oh...

-Now!

-Yes, Mildred Hubble.

Unicorns are real, too. Move!

INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

CAT GROWLS

-TEACHER:

-OK, little witches. Settle.

Help! Cat!

Oh, no.

Come get me, furball!

This seemed like such a good idea.

INDISTINCT VOICE APPROACHES

-Ethel!

-I will not be mocked for something which is no fault of mine.

Anyone looks at my nose, they're straight for the pond.

No-one's looking. And no-one suspects what you've done.

I mean, how could they?

It's not like I'd ever say anything.

SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

CROAKING

Ethel!

I need a word, please.

By which she means you are busted, snout face.

LOW GROWLING

CAT MEOWS

You can never have a big enough stock of fresh frogs' eyeballs.

This worked out well(!)

I'm sorry, sir.

I should have stayed safe and warm in the pond.

As I expected...

-HB!

-She's not here.

I am here, I'm over here!

I was very clear about time.

Hegarty, I think we...

Stop! Mildred can't be here and she knows why.

You have to let them know

that you're you.

Miss Cackle, I've no idea what this is about.

She changed Mildred into something and now we don't know where she is.

What?

# One and one make two

# One and one make two... #

Either way, Mildred Hubble

is clearly incapable of completing the most straightforward spells.

-ETHEL:

-But Miss Hardbroom...

MILDRED CROAKS PUSS' SONG

ENID HUMS PUSS' SONG

I would never...

Oi! What do you think you're doing?

This is Mildred.

Don't be ridiculous.

Maud, it's her. It really is.

Ethel transformed you, didn't she?

Change her back, please.

In pond, lake or swampy bog, bring this girl back from a frog.

-Millie!

-Mil.

-Millie!

Millie! You're back.

To my office, then.

There will be a serious price to pay for this breach of the code.

Miss Cackle, I went to the pond.

Another frog helped me get back. He was a human, too.

A wizard - Algernon Rowan Webb.

That's him!

-Stop!

-It's just another frog.

Miss Cackle, please, listen.

Actually she is telling the truth.

I've waited for him for a very long time.

I'd know Algie anywhere.

Then have him!

No running, health and safety.

Start talking, Miss Gullet.

It's not my fault.

I needed the job.

I wasn't going to lose out to a wizard.

Change him back.

Tale of rat and leg of lizard, turn this frog back into a wizard.

The girl from the photo was Miss Bat.

Ah, I remember.

I remember everything.

Especially what she did.

It gives me no pleasure to say you are dismissed, Miss Gullet.

You really are the worst teacher.

This is all very well, but there is still the matter of a test to...

..Mildred Hubble.

How did you get there?

I'm a wizard.

What are they teaching you girls these days?

Well, I'm leaving now, Mr Rowan Webb, so...

You don't strike me as someone who'd settle for the safety of the pond,

-Mildred Hubble.

-I'm no witch either.

I know that excuse.

I was the first wizard in a witches' academy.

And it's tough, isn't it?

A non-witch might not make the grade.

I haven't made the grade.

Go home, then.

But at the back of your mind,

there will always be a little voice wondering if you could have made it.

I know,

because I've been hearing that little voice myself

for a long, long time.

Millie. The test.

You can't walk away now.

You want to be a witch more than anything.

How about this, you give it a try and so will I, hm?

I felt sure that she would at least try.

I say, you haven't lost your touch, Mr Rowan Webb.

I'm ready for the test.

Very well.

Frog.

One and all will be agog

when you see before you a tiny frog.

Tiny frog!

Tiny frog!

Tiny frog! Frog!

Frog!

-Frog!

-Stop.

I think we've seen all we need to see.

It's obvious that Mildred Hubble...

Mildred Hubble is quite the magician.

I haven't seen a multi-transformation like that

in some time, have you, Miss Cackle?

Quite right, Miss Bat.

A very impressive display, Mildred Hubble.

Now, back to lessons.

Thank you, Miss Cackle.

Oh...

What will happen to Ethel?

And her nose.

I'll work out how to fix her nose,

but the punishment will fit the crime.

Tell the girls they won't see Ethel Hallow for a day or two.

I'm not a frog. I'm not a frog.

I'll get you for this, Mildred Hubble.

You know the worst thing, this place is a health and safety minefield.

Let it go, Miss Gullet.

-There's no need to apologise.

-Yes, there is.

You're the one who saved Millie. Not me.

If you hadn't recognised that song,

I dread to think what would have happened.

You did pretty well yourself.

I suppose everybody can use more than one friend.

Now, be honest, did you really take Drusilla one-mile straight up?

I really did.

You two, I didn't get a proper chance to say thanks

for rescuing me.

It's only what you would have done.

Although you'd have made a bigger mess of it.

Yeah. In other words, we make a pretty crafty team, right?

Right.

Come on, girls. Find your seats.

-Mr Rowan Webb.

-Come on.

Your new spell science teacher.

And I hope things are going to get a bit more interest...

BUZZING

..ing around here.