Selection Day Part 1 The Worst Witch

-RADIO:

-'South Wales, the Channel Islands,

'central and southern England

'will have a mixture of sunshine and showers...'

-Mildred?

-Mum.

-Are you OK?

-Yes.

No.

I thought I saw...

What?

Nothing.

Sorry.

Were you making me breakfast in bed?

You've been on lates all week.

I thought it would be a nice surprise.

Come here.

That's a lovely thought.

But you don't have to worry about me, you know.

I'm fine.

Ooh, now that's good.

It's not really.

No. I like it.

You paint what you see.

That's what makes it interesting.

Right. I'd better get...

-No, no. I'll do it.

-Thanks.

Look out!

Sorry!

Sorry. I lost my glasses.

Couldn't see where I was going.

You were...

flying on a broomstick!

I know. I passed my broomstick proficiency test first time.

Are you a witch?

I hope so. As long as I can make it to the entrance exam in time.

Entrance exam?

For Miss Cackle's Academy.

Academy. Like, a school, for witches?

Well, of course. I'll never get there without my glasses.

You haven't seen them, have you?

No, but we can find them.

If they fell off just before you landed, they can't be far.

We just have to keep looking.

Hi, Jake!

Good boy!

What have you got there?

Oh, my glasses.

Sorry.

My parents paid for extra flying lessons to help me get in.

I've let everyone down.

No, you haven't. I'll help you.

-I promise.

-Mildred...

Are you all right, love?

Er...yeah, yes.

It's just her glasses are broken.

Whose?

Hers?

Eh...my mum's glasses got broken.

I'm just off to buy her some new ones.

See you later.

What's going on? Why couldn't she see you?

It's just the broomstick.

It's got protective spells to shield me from non-magical people.

-What?

-I'm not magical.

But you can see me?

I know.

Who are you?

I'm just...Mildred.

Mildred Hubble. Hi.

Maud Spellbody.

Well met, sister.

Is that a witch thing?

Yep, I've been practising.

Oh, well. I can try again next year.

Nope!

You're going to get in this year.

But I can't fly without my glasses.

You can if I help you.

You mean you'll come with me?

Of course. Just let me text my mum.

Then you can show me how to fly this thing.

Oh!

Go! Go!

Go!

Hop!

Go, go, go!

Yes, we did it!

Woohoo!

-Look!

-Wait, wait, wait!

-What?

-I can't see a thing, which way are we going?

Left!

Left, left, I said left!

-We are going left!

-Oh, OK, right, go right!

THEY SCREAM

We're going to die!

Here they come, the future of witchcraft.

The new term starts in six weeks,

and THESE are our potential first formers.

I've got a good feeling about this year.

You said that last year.

The craft is in decline.

Not while I'm headmistress.

What's up with you, HB?

You look like you lost a cream cake and found a carrot.

This school needs strong witches,

not little girls who want to play at magic.

We were all little girls once, Hecate.

-Even me.

-If you say so.

Um, excuse me, Miss Hardbroom.

Lucinda has problems with allergies and can't do potions.

Who do I speak to about that?

Somebody from another school, perhaps?

Health and safety is very important.

We can provide anti-allergy spells.

I truly despair for the future.

They'll learn.

We all did.

Well, maybe there is some hope.

Good stick control.

Perfect dismount.

That's my sister, Ethel.

Ethel Hallow.

-Ethie!

-Esme!

Well met, Ethel.

Ethel, this is...

I know.

Well met, Miss Cackle. Miss Hardbroom.

-Well met.

-Two Hallows in one school.

You have a lot to live up to.

-I'll do my best.

-Of course you will.

But there's no need to be intimidated.

No-one expects you to be as clever as Esmeralda.

-Miss Cackle...

-Don't be modest.

Esmeralda is the finest student this academy has ever had.

If you're even half as crafty as your sister...

Look out, incoming!

THEY SCREAM

Sorry!

-Maud!

-Where are you, Mildred?

I can't see a thing!

I'll save you!

I'm coming! Hold on! Hold on!

I'm getting tired!

Help! Help!

Some believe a true witch will always float in water.

Of course, a sensible witch would try to stand up first.

THEY LAUGH

Sorry to disturb you.

Girl...

stop bothering your intellectual superiors, and get out.

She just magicked us dry!

Well met.

Er...

I am Miss Hardbroom, deputy headmistress.

-And you are...?

-Maud Spellbody.

Oh, yes. I remember your mother.

Such a shame for her.

It was my fault.

And who...are YOU?

Mildred. Mildred Hubble.

You're not on my list.

She was down for Pentangles,

but Mum said this school was way better,

so she should try here first.

Well, I suppose we should give you a chance to redeem yourself,

Mildred Hubble.

-Why?

-Because you helped me.

You should get on with the tour.

Tour?

Mildred, Maud, this is Miss Cackle.

I'm over here.

So sorry. I broke my glasses.

Let me see.

Thank you, Miss Cackle!

Um...

-Well met.

-Well met, Maud.

Well met, Mildred.

Er...

Well met.

Are you all right, my dear?

SHE VOMITS

-Disgusting.

-Leave her alone.

She's travel sick.

Pathetic.

You've never been through a transference spell before,

have you, dear?

I'll tell you a secret. I did the same my first time.

Here.

Take this.

-Is it magic?

-Better.

It's sugar.

I never go anywhere without a bag of lemon drops.

Suck on that and you'll be fine next time.

I'm not doing that...

-again.

-It gets easier, doesn't it?

OK, so I'm Esmeralda, I'm head of year three.

I thought all the girls were on holiday?

I was, but I volunteered to help out Cackle and HB.

-What's HB?

-Miss Hardbroom, deputy head.

You'll soon get to know all about her.

Right, come on, this way.

Bit of a maze round here, but you'll soon get used to it.

The kitchen's in the basement,

that's why the porridge is always so cold.

Why don't they just make food by magic?

A witch cannot live by magic alone.

Witch's code, rule number 93, paragraph six, clause A.

All right, Ethel.

Magical food's got no nutritional value.

It's a shame it tastes a lot better than the slop they serve here.

I can't believe she doesn't know the basic rules.

Didn't your mother teach you anything?

Didn't your mother teach you not to be a bossy old toad?

Right, let's get on with the tour.

So, this is the potions lab.

Are all these magic spells?

What do they do?

Oh, loads of stuff.

The second years were making invisibility elixirs last term.

Oh, let's see what they brewed up.

Not enough slugs' eggs.

Right!

What's in there?

-Oh, kitten room.

-Kittens?

Cats are assigned in year one.

You work together with your cat all the way through the school.

We're not allowed pets in our flats.

A cat is not a pet.

It's a familiar. An ancient tool of the craft.

Can we see the kittens?

Maybe later, your exam starts in ten minutes in the great Hall.

This way.

-Come on, Mildred.

-I can't pass a witch exam, I'm not...

Shh!

Let's talk in here.

Kittens!

If you came here, you'd have a kitten of your own.

I wish I could. But just wanting it doesn't make me a witch.

You saw me on the broomstick, so you must have some magic in your family.

I really haven't.

I never knew magic existed until today.

You lived your whole life without magic?

Yes.

Everyone does. Well, I thought they did.

Well, you must have noticed something.

I mean, you're naturally crafty.

Didn't anything ever happen to you that you couldn't explain?

-Maybe.

-You see?

You should at least try the exam.

Was that cushion empty when we came in?

Did you shut the door?

We've lost a kitten.

OK, let's think about this.

You're a kitten. Where would you go?

-Where the food is.

-The kitchen.

-That way.

-That way.

Oi! No girls allowed in my kitchen.

I'm sorry. We were just...

Looking for a kitten.

There he is!

All right, you've got it. Now get out.

Come on. Come on!

Wow, Mildred. You're amazing with animals.

-Miss Cackle.

-What are you girls doing in here?

Well, you see...

Agatha!

Well met, sister.

Well met, Agatha.

To what do we owe this unexpected surprise?

I'm writing a piece about the school,

for the Which Witching Academy website.

What are YOU doing in here?

These two girls were missing.

Miss Hardbroom wanted to disqualify you.

I had to use a finding spell to track you down.

And is that one of the school kittens?

He escaped.

He's back where he belongs.

Now, get along to the exam room.

I'll see you in my office.

Finally.

You go there.

And you go there.

Begin.

Are you all right?

I always hated exams, too.

But here's a little tip.

Don't think about what's not in the old cauldron...

..think about what is.

You mean, focus on what I CAN do?

Take charge, Hecate.

I need to speak to my sister.

You want to write about my school for a website?

20 things you didn't know about Cackle's Academy,

number 9 will shock you, etc.

It's been five years.

And you suddenly turn up!

On selection day, of all days.

I know you do your best, but you can't do it alone.

If we worked together...

We tried that before, remember?

I know we made mistakes.

I made mistakes.

But I've learned from them.

I want to make it up to you.

-How?

-Let me tell the witching world

about the great work you're doing here.

They'll realise that the future of the craft is in safe hands.

-What do you need from me?

-Let me interview the girls.

The teachers?

You may speak to Miss Hardbroom.

Well met, sister.

BELL CHIMES

Time's up, girls.

Pens down.

Is this some variety of joke?

Miss Cackle said to focus on what I can do.

Art's my best subject.

I will give you 1%

and that is only because you spelled your own name...

correctly.

LAUGHTER

-Where are you going?

-Home.

But the selection isn't over yet.

There's still the practical test to come.

Before we begin, Miss Hardbroom has the results of your written papers.

Some of your papers were utterly abominable

and those were the better ones.

However, there was one chink of light in the howling void.

A perfect 100%.

Ethel Hallow, you have equalled the school record.

-Equalled?

-Your sister also scored 100% in her written entrance exam.

And went on to score 98% in the practical.

Only 98?

100%?

That's amazing.

Not for a Hallow. It's just normal.

Candidates, choose your spells.

Which do I do?

Just pick an easy spell.

Level one. You get more marks for the hard ones.

All we need to do is pass.

My hat! You're going for a level eight?

Only because level nine aren't allowed.

You will complete the entire transformation,

including scales and internal combustion.

Why become a dragon if you don't breathe fire?

Basic levitation.

If on flying you set your mind, then these ingredients you must find.

Flower of common cat trap.

Check.

Dried mandrake root.

Check. Sliver of bee's brain.

Ugh...

really?

I've never been interviewed for a website before.

It's nothing to worry about, Hecate.

I'm not worried.

Well, maybe you should be.

The craft is in a state of hurly-burly.

Fewer and fewer girls are inheriting magical abilities.

It must be tough trying to keep standards up.

You know it is.

My sister is very well-intentioned.

But perhaps if someone more forceful were in charge,

it might be easier to fight the tide of dumbing down.

Slowly add the unicorn's milk.

Stir it till it's soft as silk.

So, how's the brew going?

It's supposed to turn blue.

Did you add the pomfreys gathered at midnight?

Breath of fire, hide of armour.

Ethel, can I just...?

Not now.

Give me strength, give me glamour.

Teeth of diamond,

claw of steel,

force my enemies to kneel.

Let my bolts of flames be hurled and my power shall rule the world.

She's amazing!

Five minutes, girls.

Mildred, did my potion work?

I don't know. What was it supposed to do?

Make me taller...

Whoa!

I think it worked.

-Mine didn't.

-Mildred...

It... It worked!

-I'm flying.

-We did it.

-We did it.

All right, that's enough.

Not a bad effort.

-Good luck, Ethy.

-I won't need it.

It's happening.

I can feel it.

Dragon fire in my belly.

Dragon blood in my veins.

I... I want to...

I need to...

SHE ROARS