The Extraordinary Esper Vespertilio The Worst Witch

My nose is a lethal weapon.

I think we might be in seriously deep trouble.

Your cats will be confiscated, effective immediately.

Oh, hello, Miss Cackle, just admiring the stone.

I'm going to return it to the foundations

before any more damage is done.

Thank you, girls.

Now...

..that is an excellent magical staff.

Thanks, Miss Mould. What's it for again?

Well, wizards use them to focus their magic.

I thought it might help make your spells a little more...

..precise.

I wonder why no-one suggested it before?

Well, there are some who'll tell you...

Staffs are for wizards only!

They are considered unwitchlike.

..that, basically.

But Miss Hardbroom, if it helps with my magic, then...

The Great Wizard does not allow it.

Do you wish to discuss it with him?

No. Thank you.

As I'm sure Miss Mould is aware, we have our own things.

Things which wizards are not allowed.

Like what?

# Feathers of duck, tears of mole

# Far down in a rabbit hole

# Dig them up, dance about

# Squashing flat a Brussels sprout. #

Those are not the correct words, and well you know it.

Will you please take your chanting more seriously?

It's so unfair.

Wizards get all the cool stuff.

Staffs, wands, wizball.

And what do we get?

Boring old chanting.

And girls, don't forget our event this evening.

A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see

the extraordinary Esper Vespertilio.

The who, Miss Bat?

Esper Vespertilio.

The most famous chantsmith of her day.

Thank you, Ethel Hallow.

At least somebody's been paying attention.

I'll be seeing you at the performance.

Oh, I have to wash my broomstick, Miss Bat.

Madam Vespertilio has been persuaded

to come out of retirement for one night only

to show you the beauty and power of chanting.

Now, who is going to attend?

It's just...

Um, I think it would be nice to do some more modern witching.

Oh, well, if that's how you feel, Mildred Hubble,

you and your friends can miss the rest of my lesson

and put these up, instead.

I am sorry you have had to manage without your cats.

But perhaps now, you'll think again before misusing a wildfire spell.

Or any spell for that matter.

Thank you, Miss Cackle.

Yours, I believe?

Thank you, Miss Cackle.

And yours, Beatrice.

-Miss Cackle...

-Now, I must get on.

I need to check arrangements for tonight's chanting performance.

And I'm sure you're all itching to get reacquainted.

I thought she had that under control.

The wizards just want to keep all the good stuff for themselves,

to stop the witches getting too powerful.

If you feel that strongly, why don't you tell the great wizard?

Yeah, you can change witching for ever, Millie.

I'm the worst witch here.

He's not going to listen to me.

Hey, careful!

Is that my hat?

Hey, come back here!

Oh!

Uh...

Ugh!

There!

Got you.

That's a boy.

Thank you, Detective Maud.

-Who are you?

-Oliver.

Ollie.

I'm a wizard.

We're taking you to Miss Cackle,

before you can steal anything else.

Oh, no, please.

We can do it the easy way,

or we can turn you into a mouse and carry you by the tail.

You got a kangaroo last time you tried.

-Yes, I know that, Maud.

-Oh, you can't tell the teachers.

If I get caught here, I'll be finished as a wizard for ever.

Sting of bee, egg of grouse, turn this wizard into a...

I'm the Great Wizard's grandson!

Beatrice!

Beatrice, where are you?

Achoo!

There!

Achoo!

Now where?

Achoo!

Beatrice, this cannot go on.

You have to tell someone about your asthma.

I'm sure there are many simple treatments.

It's not asthma.

I'm allergic to cats.

CAT MEOWS

You don't know how hard it is having him for a grandfather.

So much pressure to become a Great Wizard myself one day.

That still doesn't explain why you're sneaking around as a witch.

Because it's my only chance.

The type of magic I really love, they don't teach at Wizard School.

And what type of magic is that?

Chanting.

Chanting?

And I think I'm actually quite good.

Or I could be. If I could take chanting lessons.

I've asked my grandfather again and again,

but he says wizards don't chant and that's just the way it is.

That sounds just like HB.

So, you came here to chant.

I came to see her.

-Esper Vespertilio.

-Uh-huh.

I don't think we've got anything to play that on.

# Cast with worm and spider hair... #

VESPERTILIO CHANT KEEPS PLAYING

OK, that was pretty crafty.

And a good soloist can take any chant and make it their own.

A great one like Madam Vespertilio

can make even the oldest chant sound new again.

You are such a fanboy.

And so was my grandfather.

I thought if she could somehow hear me chant,

maybe she could talk to him.

And then maybe he'd let wizards take chanting lessons.

We've heard of worse plans.

Other academies have different familiars.

Why don't you go to one of those?

Because I've always dreamed of coming to Cackle's,

and I'm not giving up at it because of a silly allergy.

What is that?

I bought a vanishing potion.

Do you have any idea how many rules you breaking?

Even holding that.

What are you going to make vanish?

My allergy, of course.

You are aware how precise you have to be when using a vanishing potion?

Potion, potion, now I spray,

make my sneezes go away.

Not even a tickle.

I'm cured! I can stay, I'm cured!

Where's Solstice?

Oh, great. You made your cat vanish instead of the allergy.

Are you sure this is going to work?

I said I'd get you backstage to see Madam Vesper-thingy.

And I will.

Just try to look witchy.

I've seen witchier bananas.

We could all get in terrible trouble for this, Millie.

I know, but Ollie deserves a chance.

And if everyone stuck to the rules,

I'd never have become a pupil here.

And anyway,

if Ollie can change the Great Wizard's thinking on chanting,

it could mean the end of wizards-only and

witches-only everything.

Hey, Mildred. Who's your friend?

Olive.

Exchange student from Pentangles.

You're from Pentangles?

Yeah, I'm sure we told you.

Just hold on a minute.

You're going nowhere

until you tell me how you get that amazing look for my new blog.

Um, I...

Designer.

You know? Pentangle girls.

Has anybody seen Nightstar?

She was here a moment ago.

Who is this person?

Exchange student, she says.

Exchange? What exchange?

You remind me of someone.

Well, must run.

Can't be late for lessons on her first day.

But it's the end of school.

No girls in classrooms after hours.

-Yes, Miss Hardbroom.

-Yes, Miss Hardbroom.

Yes, Miss Hardbroom.

Yes, Miss Hardbroom.

There she is.

That is not a designer cloak.

Go.

OK, OK, it's simple.

We can totally explain who that is.

Maud?

We made it.

Esper should be right through...

..here.

Miss Bat?

Um, we really need to speak to Madam Vespertilio.

I'm afraid she won't be coming, Mildred.

What?

I've cancelled the show, due to lack of interest.

-Sparkle's gone.

-And Hazel.

I think they're all gone.

Passed a few girls calling for their cats.

Bea...

..what have you done?

You could chant for Miss Bat.

Maybe she could speak to the Wizard.

Oh, she's just a teacher.

Why would my grandfather listen to her?

My last chance -

gone.

All because people don't understand how amazing chanting can be.

Where's that record?

Why do you...

Where do things go when they vanish?

They have to go somewhere, don't they?

They go to vanishment, of course.

Where?

I do so wonder how you ever passed the entrance exam.

Everything that gets magically vanished goes to vanishment.

It's simple.

So, if it's possible to put something into vanishment

it's possible to get it out again.

Well, yes.

All you need is a pair of enchanted scissors, but...

But it's dangerous!

So, how many reports of students losing their cats?

-Don't you think that's a little...

-Want to hear something amazing?

Ugh, please.

I'd rather listen to my sister clanging a cauldron all...

# Cast with worm and spider hair... #

VESPERTILIO CHANT KEEPS PLAYING

Not only that, but she was cool, too.

She broke all the rules.

Chanting is awesome.

Mildred Hubble.

Where is Mildred Hubble and her new friend?

You'll soon have your cats back.

Solstice!

Uh, uh.

Beatrice!

Beatrice, don't.

Relax.

I fixed it, look.

Sparkle!

Hazel.

I don't think you fully understand.

Give me some cre...

Achoo!

Give me some credit.

You're not the only one who can do magic around here.

Ugh, what?

-What's happening?

-I told you!

Everything that gets disappeared goes into vanishment.

And you've just pulled out the stopper.

Hocus!

Nightstar, there you are.

Marvellous turnout, how exciting.

Just shows that young witches still enjoy the old traditions.

Well, even the most traditional traditions were new once,

Miss Hardbroom, no?

Ah! I think that might be

from an Esper Vespertilio chant, actually.

I wouldn't know.

Oh, she's wonderful.

Huge fan.

She taught me so much about

not blindly following those in charge.

Millie, how did you?

You solved the chanting performance!

Looks like it's going to be a wonderful show, dear.

Yes, it does.

Miss Bat, everybody wants to see Madam Vespertilio.

Please send a broomstick.

Do a transportation spell.

Whatever it takes.

I can't.

But why?

Because she's already here.

Thank you all for coming.

BELLS TINKLE

# Tail of ox and beard of goat

# Tooth of wolf and claw of stoat

# Put them in a bubbling stew

# And then the bats shall dance for you. #

ALL: Wow.

I don't...

Vespertilio, Mildred Hubble,

Latin -

for bat.

ALL: Wow.

That was her stage name.

Don't tell me you didn't know?

There must be a way to close the hole.

Yes, there is.

But I don't know it.

Push, you two!

Push!

# Spat of petals from one black rose

# Bring our dance now to a close. #

BATS SQUEAK

That was cool.

Now's your chance.

-What?

-You're on!

For my next chant...

Miss Vespertilio, excuse me, but...

As promised, front row.

Nothing's too good for the Great Wizard.

I hope we haven't missed too much.

If you don't come out, I'm giving this to the school jumble sale.

My grandfather's on the front row.

He's sure to recognise me.

So, you just give up?

Nothing is ever going to change

unless you stand up and do something about it.

Isn't that what Esper did?

Yes, Mildred, it was.

And I wonder if it's what you're going to do too,

or are you just going to accept things as they are?

After all,

wizards get so much cool stuff, don't they?

Staffs, wands, wizball.

What do we get?

Madam Vespertilio.

I've come a long way to...

..to perform for you.

-So...

-Your audience is out there, young man.

You know?

Are we going to hear you, or not?

Push!

We are pushing!

Oh, it's going to blow, it's going to blow!

Yes, I was a great admirer of Vespertilio.

I have all her albums, every one.

Oh, you'll be familiar with the rare Live At Pendle Hill album, then.

Yes, of course, yes. Yes, one of my favourites.

Funny, just made that one up.

Hmm.

Oh, good, it's starting again.

STUDENTS WHISPER

# Acorn husk and coal... #

STUDENTS LAUGH

BRIEF ORGAN NOTE

Mmm...

# Acorn husk and dust of coal

# Sky turns grey, storm clouds roll

# Day become as dark as night

# Thunder or a lightning strike! #

You'll make a very good chantsmith one day.

I hope she's having extra lessons, Ada.

I'm, um...

I'm afraid I don't know who that is, Your Greatness.

Nor I. But she has something to do with Mildred Hubble.

Mildred Hubble?

Excuse me...

..who are you?

Is this a joke?

No, grandfather.

I just want to chant.

I thought maybe Esper could make you see.

What I see is a wizard shaming the family name!

How dare a grandson of mine challenge my authority?

Wizards do not chant!

Please.

That is the way it has always been, the way it always will be.

Now get out of that ridiculous costume.

Um... Excuse me, Your Greatness,

but I do think that, if...

..if you don't mind me saying,

that is the most old-fashioned and unfair rule I ever heard.

No-one should be stopped from doing what they love

purely because they are a wizard or a witch.

Why shouldn't a wizard be great at chanting?

Why shouldn't a witch be great at wizard ball?

It makes no sense, Your Greatness.

No sense at all.

Surely it's time that it changed.

STUDENTS WHISPER

Nothing is going to change.

A wizard chanting?

It would be like...

..a witch with a staff.

STUDENTS GASP

Oh!

ALL: Woo!

Pity.

You know, young man, it's funny.

The times we've met,

and you never seemed to realise who I was.

I've always remembered you.

I signed it for you,

don't you remember?

I remember.

I remember telling you,

you made me want...

You made me want to change the world with magic.

Well, Oliver, it seems that magic

has to be dragged into the modern world.

If Esper - Miss Bat - agrees, then...

you can come here for night classes.

-Yes!

-Oh!

As for you...

..Mildred Hubble...

Miss Cackle, it's all my fault.

I opened a vanishment hole, and I can't close it.

THE GREAT WIZARD SIGHS

Ah!

It is a good staff.

Use it wisely.

You were brilliant, Ollie.

And so were you, Millie.

Esper Vespertilio, thank you.

Thank you, Mildred Hubble.

You're welcome.

Oliver, home.

Thought he'd never leave.

How exactly did this vanishment hole open, girls?

Well, it's a long story, and...

She's allergic to cats.

Well, there's only one solution to that.

Miss Hardbroom,

would you escort Beatrice to my office?

You know what cannot be put into vanishment?

Detention.

And you can join them, Mildred Hubble.

What I can't understand is why you didn't tell me sooner.

MISS CACKLE SIGHS

We could have done something about it

before you caused all this trouble.

I'm sorry, I just really wanted to stay here.

Mmm.

Well...

..if you can't have a cat, how is that possible?

-I don't know, Miss Cackle.

-Mmm.

I think there are a few drops left here.

You have to be very precise when using a vanishing potion.

Now.

CAT MEOWS

But, Miss Cackle, I...

I...

No sneezes.

Not even a tickle.

Am I really cured?

Of course you're cured.

In future, if you have a problem that you can't solve,

the only way to make it vanish is to ask for help.

DOOR OPENS

Miss Hardbroom?

RAVENS CAW

I'm here for detention.

Fine.

Is something the matter?

Nothing, Miss Hardbroom.

Nothing at all.

Picture your family, and see them come to life.

You'll be thrilled to learn

-that our sports day will be held tomorrow.

-Oh, no.

Ahhh!

How come your dad's not on your tree?

It's quite tricky to manifest someone

-when you don't know what they look like.

-Ah!

I look like a massive bruise!

I've decided I'm going to look for my dad.