The Big Move The Zoo

BEATBOXING

THEY SCAT

-JURGEN:

-Shut up.

It's Monday morning at the zoo,

where all the animals are preparing for the day.

-And...?

-And what?

Well, normally at this point in the show something funny happens.

Right, yes, yes, it does.

Can you think of anything?

Oh! Well, you've kind of put me on the spot there.

Er... No, I can't really think of anything.

Right, well, I'll probably just carry on.

-Yup.

-And hope no-one notices.

-Yup.

-Right, well...

-Hello.

-Everyone at the zoo has their own home.

-All right?

-Hi. There's Gorilla Island where the gorillas live.

Guten Morgen.

Morgen. The baboons live on Baboon Rock.

You bet your caboose we do.

And the flamingos live on Flamingo Lagoon.

I live here too, you know.

Why is it not called Duck Lagoon?

-Or Pelican?

-Yup, fair point, Barry, or Pelican.

He lives here, too. I mean, Duck Lagoon sounds better, though, yeah?

I'm not sure I want to get involved.

-My dear little duck...

-My name is Angela, actually.

-Well, Andrea...

-Angela.

Some birds have a certain star quality and some simply don't.

If they call it Duck Lagoon, no-one would come to visit...

Oh, is that a camera? Yoo-hoo!

-Hi.

-Hello, sweetie.

-Yes, hello.

-I used to be in nature films, you know.

Oh, get lost, you bunch of show-offs.

-Well, Andrea...

-It's Angela.

Sorry. Well, Angela, you may be in for some good news,

because over in the office Senior Head Keeper...

Ouch! ..because Senior Head Keeper of birds Mr Pete Smallbones

is getting ready for a big day. Morning.

-Morning.

-You all right?

-Yeah, good, thanks.

-So, what is going on today, then?

Well, we are moving our 52 flamingos from the lagoon to an aviary just

-near the office.

-Wow, Andrea will be pleased.

-Yup.

-It's Angela.

Yeah, sorry. Sounds like a big job, then, Pete?

We've got to literally physically carry one at a time

-from almost one end of the zoo to the other.

-Did you hear that?

You may well be naming this place Duck Lagoon after all.

The flamingos are moving.

Finally!

We are getting rid of those pink prima donnas.

It's got a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Duck Lagoon.

What about Goose Lagoon?

Yes, yes, Deirdre, that is also an option,

but the most important thing is they are moving!

Did someone say "moving"?

I think they were talking about your performance, darling.

Well, yes, that does sound like me.

Oh, look, a camera. Yoo-hoo!

Yes, hello.

The zoo opens in one-hour's time

and Pete Smallbones' band of bad boy bird bearers

have to round up, then move each and every flamingo one by one

to their new home, all before the public arrive.

Geoffrey, what is all that hullabaloo over by Flamingo Lagoon?

It's called Duck Lagoon now.

They're moving the flamingos.

Well, where are they moving them to?

I don't know, probably somewhere bigger and better.

What? You mean someone has a bigger and better house than me?

Well, maybe, but so what?

We've got everything we need here.

A lovely climbing frame, a great big house, beautiful garden,

food whenever we want it.

What do you mean, food whenever we want?

Oh.

-See?

-Yes, Geoffrey.

Now shut up. If there is a bigger and better house in the zoo,

I am going to find it and I am going to live in it.

Matthew, food, now!

HE GRUNTS

Stage one of the great flamingo move involves heralding the birds towards

a tiny wooden shed.

Do you know who I am?

I'm calling my agent.

While the team nonchalantly paddle towards the flamingos,

a giant sheet is erected.

Keepers Pete and Ian then corral the flamingos

into the shed with their special arm holdy-outy technique.

We are stars, being herded like mere sheep!

Oh, what a performance!

Thank you, darling, thank you.

Finally, as the zoo's opening time creeps ever closer,

all 52 flamingos are in the shed, ready and waiting for stage two...

..the move, but the flamingos aren't the only ones leaving home.

I've been walking for ages.

I haven't seen any other bigger and better homes.

Oh! Stupid, massive Gorilla Island.

Hold on. What's that?

That looks nice.

Hello.

-Hello.

-Hello, hello?

Hi, I'm looking for a bigger and better place to live,

and to be honest, your place looks pretty nice.

Oh, well, thank you very much.

Can you tell me what facilities are on offer?

-Sorry, what?

-Facilities.

You know, like a bouncy castle, Jacuzzi,

195-inch widescreen TV.

No, we don't have any of that stuff.

We've got lots of space, though.

Lots of nice shade, platforms to sit on.

And I mean, the food is just lovely.

Oh! It all sounds very positive.

Any negatives?

Um... Well, I mean, obviously there's lions in here.

-Oh? And?

-Well, we do sort of have a tendency to eat anything that moves.

Oh.

Including gorillas.

OK.

Thank you for your time anyway.

OK, bye.

The flamingos are now being moved one by one across the zoo.

Bye-bye, thanks for visiting Duck Lagoon.

We haven't decided that yet, Angela.

All right, Barry, stop making a fuss.

This is totally undignified!

Being transported in a human's armpit!

Oh, look, a camera. Hello, darlings!

-Hello.

-I've been in nature films, you know.

I'm available.

How's it going, then, Pete?

Not bad. Although this one is biting.

He's nibbling my...bum.

-Hello again.

-Hello.

-Are you the director?

-No.

-OK, lovely, let's do lunch.

Right. Well...

with 20 minutes until the zoo opens,

Pete and his team have now moved half

the flamingos to their new home.

Oh, hello, darling!

But over on the enormous expanse that is Gorilla Island,

Jurgen is still looking for somewhere bigger and better to live.

Wow, that place looks enormous!

They even have their own mountain.

Yoo-hoo!

Excuse me!

-Horse monkey.

-Who are you calling "horse monkey", huh?

Sorry. Sorry.

It's just you have got quite a long snout, like a horse.

You ain't no oil painting yourself, buddy,

in fact you are so ugly I can't tell if that's your head I'm looking at

or your neck just threw up.

That's really funny, that's really funny.

Yes, whatever.

Listen, I would like to know what sort of facilities are on offer

-on your mountain.

-Yes, of course, sir.

We got an infinity pool, free bananas all day every day,

water slides, Jacuzzi... I mean, you name it, we've got it.

-Really!

-No!

It's basically a big rock full of monkeys throwing poop at each other

and shouting a lot. How do you like them facilities? Huh?

It's not really what I'm looking for, to be honest.

OK, thanks.

"Horse monkey!" Really!

The bird team now only have a few more flamingos left to move,

but as the zoo is about to open, time is of the essence.

So they've brought in help from the zoo's rapid delivery system,

a very slow miniature car.

Oh. Careful!

-THUD!

-Exciting!

I think we're filming a chase scene.

Mind the...bins.

Let me direct you. Keep going back, back, back, yeah,

you are absolutely fine, that's it.

Yeah. THUD!

Apart from that...thing.

Sorry.

Ow! You just drove over my toe.

Anyway, with all the flamingos now safely on the way to their new home,

and the zoo now open for business,

the rest of the birds on Duck or Pelican or

even Goose Lagoon...

We've settled on Goose, Duck, Pelican...

And Seagull...

Yes, Goose, Duck, Pelican, Seagull Lagoon.

That rolls off the tongue. Well, whatever it's called,

with the flamingos gone you can all sit back and enjoy

the peace and quiet.

-JURGEN:

-Yoo-hoo! Hello!

-Oh, no!

-Hi.

-Hello.

I've been looking for somewhere bigger and better to live,

and to be honest, I really like the look of your lagoon.

It has a nice island, lots of trees.

Is the pelican included?

I'm not an ornament.

I mean, it's not a deal-breaker.

Yes, I'll take it.

Oh, no! Oh, hold on.

Actually, it looks like you've arrived just in time for dinner.

Excellent. What are we having?

I hope you like seeds chucked into dirty pond water for dinner.

What? No juicy tomatoes?

-No.

-Or crunchy carrots?

-No.

-Or crispy...?

No, just seeds chucked into dirty pond water.

That's all we eat, ever.

Are you still moving in?

No, it sounds awful.

-Bye.

-Finally I've got the whole place to myself.

-Ourselves.

-Yes, yes, Barry, ourselves, that's what I meant.

Ah! It's like the flamingos were never here.

And cut!

-FLAMINGOS: Hurrah!

-I think it's going to be a box-office smash.

So you're back, then?

-Yeah.

-Realised that maybe it ain't so bad here after all?

-Yeah.

-Fancy some dinner?

-Yeah.

-Here, Matthew, do the honours.

-Matthew, you throw like a baboon.

-MATTHEW:

-I heard that!

Well, I think you've learned some valuable lessons today.

-Hm.

-But catching really ain't one of them.

-Geoffrey.

-Yes, boss?

Shut up.