The Lost Hop The Zoo

THEY BEATBOX

THEY SCAT

THEY HARMONISE

Shut up.

-Morning, Duchess!

-Morning!

It's Monday morning at the zoo, and the keepers are preparing for

yet another day amongst the elegance and natural beauty of nature.

Dave! Stop scratching your bottom, it's disgusting.

HE BLOWS RASPBERRY

Yes. Thank you, David.

Getting around is an important daily part of daily life at the zoo,

and all the animals do it differently.

Uhh-oh-ooh!

Some use four legs...

Hoo-hoo-hoo!

Others use two. Orang-utans use their arms.

Fur seals use their tummies.

And baboons... Well, they use other baboons.

-Giddy up, horsey, giddy up!

-Don't talk to your mother like that!

Hmm. That looks quite fun, actually. Anyway, where was I?

Kangaroos, on the other hand, have a

completely unique way of getting from A to B.

-Is it now?

-Yeah, now. Go on. Come on, we're filming.

-Wahoo!

Kangaroos get around by hopping.

But all is not well with our Australian friends,

and vet Christa has come to take a closer look.

-Because Topaz, the kangaroo, has got a problem.

-She can't hop.

So she shuffles, rather than hops, which,

for a kangaroo, is not very good.

So what's the, er, plan, then?

-Oh.

-We keep an eye on her.

-Good. Excellent, er, vetting.

I don't know what all this fuss is about, I'm absolutely fine,

I'm tip-top, I'm fit as a flea.

-Barbara! Have you seen Topaz? She looks terrible.

-I know.

I had an uncle who lost his hop once.

It's a terrible disease, they called it Uncle Nigel's hoppity-stop-hop.

W-w-what happens?

He had to walk on his hands for the rest of his life.

Hashtag, devastating.

-Seriously?

-Seriously, Muriel.

It starts in your legs, then it ends up in your face.

Then all your hair falls out. Uncle Nigel, he was never the same again.

Totally ruined Christmas dot com.

That is total rubbish Barbara, I don't have the

hoppity-skoppity-bop-hop or whatever your weird uncle had.

-I can hop any time I like.

-Well, go on, then.

Fine, I will. Watch me.

THUMP

Oh. Oh, dear.

While Christa considers how best to mend our

malfunctioning marsupial, over on Gorilla Island,

silverback Jurgen is also starting to feel a bit unwell.

-There is absolutely nothing wrong with him.

-Yes, there is!

This happens every single time any of the other animals get any

attention from the vet.

I am ill. I have a sniffle.

HE SNIFFS

I think it's Uncle Nigel's hoppity-blobbity-hop-stop-blop.

Jurgen! You never had a hop. You're a gorilla. Gorilla's don't hop.

Yes, but look at my feet! The hair's fallen out.

You never had any hair on the bottom of your feet.

I want a second opinion.

Dave?

HE BLOWS RASPBERRY

Oh, shut up.

Back in the kangaroo enclosure, and vet Christa

has come up with a plan. And it involves a gun!

-That's a bit extreme, isn't it? Oh, that's not a real gun, is it?

-No.

-It's a tranquiliser gun, isn't it?

-Yep.

-So you're not going to?

-No.

-You're just going to, er...

-Yeah.

-Yeah, I knew that.

-Right, where is she?

Oh, yeah, yep, yeah, I've seen this all before.

This is exactly what happened with Uncle Nigel

and his hoppity-stop-hop. They shot him too, it was so tragic.

Hashtag put her out of her misery.

Nah, I think they're just sedating her

-so they can have a look at her legs.

-No, they're definitely shooting her.

They've got to get it before it spreads dot com.

-You mean, it's contagious?

-Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely.

I mean, have you checked your hop recently, Muriel, have you?

No, I have not!

With the gun loaded and Topaz safely inside the shed,

Christa moves into position.

-Here we go.

-Hi, Christa, I like your hair today.

What's that in your hand? Ooh, that's not a...

Ow, ow!

Oh, macaroni! Argh... fluffy rainbows.

THUD, SHE SNORES

-Nee-na nee-na nee-na...

-AS Topaz is taken off to hospital...

-Nee-na nee-na nee-na...

-Wait, can you stop doing that?

-OK! Ha-ha.

-Sorry!

-Thank you.

So, as Topaz is taken off to hospital,

Jurgen's case of Uncle John's gibbity-boppity-flibbity,

hoppity-boppity-thing seems to be getting worse.

-Oh! My eyes have gone all puffy!

-There's nothing wrong with you.

-Apart from maybe a case of attention-seekeritis.

-Jeffrey!

Wait... Is that a real illness?

Well, as real as hoppity-bop-stop, or whatever that is.

HE SNIFFS

Oh, and my breath smells awful!

-No change there, then.

-Ugh! I need you guys to take this seriously.

OK, OK, OK, so like, tell us your symptoms again.

Oh, OK, OK, so...

HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY

I hate you, Dave.

In the vet centre, using a combination of voodoo

and medical science, Christa and her team begin the operation.

But first, they need to shave her back.

The kangaroo, that is, not Christa.

She doesn't need it, that would be weird.

But back in the enclosure, Uncle Bonzo's

shibbity-stoppity-doo-wop-doo-bop seems to be spreading.

HE BELCHES

Look, Muriel, Shane's got it now. That is a classic symptom.

Hashtag panic, Muriel. Panic.

Seriously? I think he's just a bit of a pig.

All right, that's enough now, Shane.

You mark my words, Muriel, we'll all be hopless by tomorrow.

-You've got to get yourself checked.

-I am.

-What's my hop looking like, Doc?

-Well, I can't see anything.

Oh, great!

No, I mean, I can't actually see anything.

-It's totally pitch-black down here.

-Oh!

-You are definitely a real doctor, yeah?

-Er....

Yes...

After some voodoo chanting and some medical scanning,

Dr Christa has finally discovered

the cause of the lost hop.

So, a kangaroo kick can do quite a lot of damage,

and that's what we think happened to this kangaroo.

Barbs, Barbs, do you hear that?

It wasn't Uncle Nigel's hippity-hoppity-skoppity

-skip-skop-stop after all.

-Yeah, well, I'm still not convinced.

-I mean, what does that woman know anyway?

-You mean, the vet?

-Yeah.

-With her X-rays?

-Yeah.

-And the scans?

-Yeah.

-And her seven years of medical training?

-Yeah.

-And her 14 years of professional...

-That's enough now, Muriel!

-Barbara? Did you kick Topaz?

-No! Well... Maybe just a little bit.

Barbara!

Now that they know how it happened, it's a race against time to see

if the team can finally restore Topaz's lost hop.

All Christa can do now is wait.

She needs to be patient about her patient.

But over on the island,

our pretend patient is causing Jeffrey to lose patience.

-You are not sick!

-I AM sick!

I'm sick to death of your lack of respect, JEFFREY!

And you, Dave. And stop scratching your bottom hole.

It's a filthy habit.

But it's so itchy, man!

-Right. What colour is my back?

-BOTH: Silver.

-And what colour are your backs?

-BOTH: Not silver.

So who is the boss?

-BOTH: You.

-So, let's try not to forget that, huh?

A little bit of respect for the boss, hmm?

All right, look,

me and Dave have got you a bunch of flowers to say, "Get well soon."

Hmm, yes, that's more like it.

Dave, you are holding the flowers with the same hand you were

scratching your butt with.

-Oh, yeah! Sorry. Oh! It smells of poo now.

-Yes. Well, it would.

-Do you, like, still want it?

-No.

-No, I don't.

-Oh! I think I've got some poo in my hair, too.

-Oh, it's gone everywhere!

-And you wonder why I feel sick.

Oh, poo everywhere, it's totally gross!

Topaz has now woken up, and vet Christa has come to see

if the operation was a success.

Hashtag gross. Look! I told you her hair has totally fallen out,

-it is definitely Uncle Nigel's...

-Oh, zip it, Barbara!

Muriel, have I got a bald patch?

-Oh, it's only tiny, you can barely see it, to be honest.

-Hi, Topaz!

-Argh! What the hoo-ha's happened to your hair?

-Zip it, Bronwyn.

-And, Barbara, are you going to say sorry to Topaz?

-What for?

For kicking her! And for lying about it.

And for making up all of this rubbish about your Uncle's

hippity-hoppity-lollipoppity stoppity-hop!

Oh, that.

Yeah. Hashtag... I'm really sorry, Topaz.

Oh, Barbara, don't worry about it. I actually feel much better now.

It's the moment of truth.

Has the doc's op unlocked the stopped hop?

-There she is. Ooh-ooh, hopping!

-Woohoo! Look at me go! Woohoo!

-She's hopping. Yep.

-I can't believe it! Gosh, I feel so free!

-Oh, macaroni!

-Very short hops, but she's hopping.

-Ha-ha-ha!

With the hop safely returned,

and with Uncle Stevo's beep-bop-aloo-bop a-wham-bam-boo

shown to be a load of old rubbish, hopefully Jurgen has....

Oh, I've got this weird tingling in my ear lobes.

-Is he still pretending he's ill?

-Yep.

-Argh! I've gone blind!

Oh, no, it was just my fingers in my eyes. Oh! We have to call Christa.

Don't worry. Dave said she's on her way.

-Yeah, dude, she's on her way over now.

-Excellent.

-With her gun.

-What?

-And her hair-shavers.

-What?

It's cool, she'll probably just want to shoot you,

and then shave you to find out what's wrong.

Oh! Actually, I sort of, erm, I feel a lot better, actually.

Oh, look, there she is!

-What?!

-She's taking aim.

Argh! Get out of my way, I'm coming through, argh! ARGHH!

He totally fell for that!

Well, that...is embarrassing.

Shut up.