The Humany Penguin The Zoo

THEY BEATBOX

THEY SCAT

THEY HARMONISE

Shut up.

It's Monday morning at the zoo.

The sun is out, the sky is blue

and there's something wonderful in the area.

PAAARP!

Oh, that smells like pepperoni.

-No, no, that's not what I meant.

-Oh.

It's love! Love is in the air.

Love, friendship and togetherness are an important daily part

-of daily life at the zoo.

-Ow!

All the animals live happily alongside one another

in perfect peace and harmony.

-Oh. Boo!

-Oh!

-Ha-ha!

You must stop doing that, it's really not funny.

Hmm, ignore them. Where was I?

Oh, yes, all the animals know their place

and live together in perfect harmony.

All the animals, that is, except one.

This is Yoyo, the macaroni penguin.

That concrete's a nice colour.

And he lives alongside 90 other penguins.

-Morning!

-Morning!

-Morning!

-Oh, hi, how are you?

-How are you doing?

-Hi!

So, Yoyo should have lots of friends.

Oh, no, here comes Yoyo.

But Yoyo isn't like other penguins.

You see, Yoyo the penguin thinks he's Yoyo the human.

Tell us more, Christa.

So, Yoyo's parents weren't looking after him,

so he was handreared by the keepers...

-Hi, Christa.

-..three years ago.

-How are you?

So that's why he thinks he's a person rather than a penguin.

And because he was raised by humans...

Hi, that's a great case.

-..Yoyo wants to hang out with them...

-Look at me jumping!

-..all the time...

-That's a great brolly.

..which the humans find a bit, well, annoying.

Yoyo, you're a pest.

Hi, everyone!

-No, Yoyo.

-OK, I'll see you later.

And unfortunately for Yoyo, so do the penguins.

Oh, my goodness, what is that?

He's not even a proper penguin.

He doesn't even smell of fish.

Hey, leave him alone, Fran, he's just a bit...

-Gross.

-..confused.

Good morning, Derek, mind if I join you?

Just got to get my snorkel, that OK? Hello, Derek?

OK, I'm here if you need me.

Hmph! What a silly penguin! He actually thinks he's a human.

He's not even got, you know, thingies.

Er, you mean hands?

Ja, well, whatever they are, he doesn't have any and I have.

I am the most humany human in this zoo.

Er, boss, no, you're not.

Nonsense! I can be the most humany human

in the world of humany humanness.

Really? What about the actual humans?

They're loads more humany than you.

Oh, yes. Hold on, what about Craig?

Fair point, maybe not Craig.

But listen, you're nothing like a human.

They're much more, well, evolved.

For starters, they walk on their hind legs...and they can read.

What was that, Geoffrey?

-Look at me.

-Oh...

Just off to the library like a normal human.

On my hind legs, walking to the human library to read.

Here we go again.

While Jurgen gets all humany human,

Yoyo's humany humanness is becoming even more annoying

for the actually human vets.

Can I help you? I'm really good at this.

Have you thought about amputation? I'm really clever.

I think it's probably bird flu or worse.

You might need an amputation or two amputations.

No, Yoyo.

Oh, well, just let me know if you need a second opinion!

You see what I mean, Violet?

Even the humans think he's weird, and that's saying something,

because there is nothing weirder than humans.

HE HONKS

Oh, do you see what I mean?

I don't think Yoyo's weird, he's just different.

Hmm...

And maybe a little lonely.

Yoyo, look, I know it's not really my place,

but I don't really see what the confusion is here.

You are quite clearly a penguin.

Really? What makes you say that?

Well, you've got flippers, a pointy beak,

and what's going on with those eyebrows?

-You're definitely a penguin.

-No, I'm not a penguin.

Penguins are weird. Look at them.

-Catch it, catch it, catch it!

-I've totally got it!

Catch the butterfly!

They are chasing butterflies. Hello!

Admittedly, that is a bit weird, but that's penguins for you.

But the penguins don't like me, so I can't be a penguin.

-Neither do the humans.

-Oh, thanks a lot.

Anyway, Christa does.

And she's a human.

-Hello.

-Lovely Christa.

Oi! What are you doing?

Tell you what, why don't I ask her what she thinks?

Christa, what do you honestly think about Yoyo?

-To be honest, he can be a bit annoying.

-Oh, dear.

-What?

-Because he's naughty and he likes to eat people.

-What...?

Chew on their wellies, be in the way.

You always have to be careful not to step on him.

Christa! I thought you were my friend.

I'm just as much a human as you are.

-Aren't I?

-No, you're definitely a penguin.

We've been through this, Yoyo.

Anyway, over on Gorilla Island, and unfortunately,

Yoyo isn't the only one with an identity crisis.

Oh-ho-ho, poor Yoyo, you're very amusing.

Oh, how I love human book-reading.

-Erm, that is not a book.

-Oh, shut up, Geoffrey.

What would you know about these things? You silly gorilla.

I'll tell you what I know, that that is a bit of cardboard.

You can't read and you are definitely not human.

Shut up, Geoffrey! You've made me lose my page.

Oh, dear.

Back with Yoyo, and without a friend in the world,

at least things can't get any worse.

Oh, my word! Yoyo, what's happened to you?

Things have gotten worse.

My feathers are falling out and I look like I'm going to burst.

I mean, what's happening to me? This is catastrophic.

I'm sure it's fine.

Let's ask Jane, the penguin lady.

I'm certain it's not at all catastrophic.

-Hello, there.

-Hi. What's happening to Yoyo?

Well, penguins do something called a catastrophic moult.

Oh, it is catastrophic, then.

They put on quite a lot of weight, they'll eat loads and loads of fish

and put on about half of their body weight,

and then they will moult all of their feathers at once.

So it's actually good news, Yoyo.

Humans don't moult catastrophically -

this is proof you're definitely a penguin.

A slightly dumpy, bald, stinky penguin,

but a penguin nonetheless.

Yoyo. Yoyo? Where's he gone?

Amy, have you seen Yoyo?

He's taken himself up into the bush there, bless him.

Leave me alone.

All right, so I may be a penguin,

but I'm never going to be accepted by anyone looking like this.

-Oh, poor Yoyo.

-Yeah, poor Yoyo.

Ha, look at him!

He looks like an exploding pillow! Ha-ha-ha!

Leave him alone!

Look, he can't help the way he looks - which is fine,

by the way, if you don't mind bald patches and manky feathers,

which I don't, thank you very much.

Just leave him alone!

You're totally in love with him, aren't you?

Who, Yoyo?

No...

While Yoyo comes to terms with not being a human,

over on Gorilla Island, our hairy, halfwit human wannabe

is still convinced that he's the most humany human in the zoo.

Jurgen has, like, totally lost it this time.

He won't even speak to us any more. He's only talking to actual humans.

Hello, hello, Craig?

Craig, your friends are going to see the game later, you know,

the game with the, uh...

-The ball?

-Ja, ja, the human ball game.

Ja, so great. So catch you then, Craig, ja?

-GEOFFREY GROANS

-Pick you up at 11.94, hmm?

Anyway, nice talking human to you.

Ta-ta.

Is it just me or is this, like, totally embarrassing?

Yes, it is, rather.

Back on Penguin Beach and Yoyo is still in hiding.

I can't see him anywhere.

I know, I can't find him either.

Not that I'm worried or anything.

Hold on, who's this slinky-looking fellow?

Is that Yoyo?

-Hello, handsome!

-Hey, there. How's everybody going, huh?

The name's Yoyo, Yoyo the penguin.

Oh, yes, he's just finished moulting.

He's got a whole new set of feathers. He looks really handsome.

Oh, my goodness, look at Yoyo!

He's all sleek and shiny!

Oh, listen to that voice! What happened to him?

He is gorgeous!

Uh, haven't really noticed.

Oh, he's never going to like me now.

Right then, you guys, anyone fancy chasing some butterflies?

Hold on...

Hello there, beautiful. Where have you been all my life?

Uh, Yoyo, I've been here the whole time.

-Not you.

-Who, me?

Yes, you.

-Would you like a pebble?

-Oh, I love pebbles.

-Really? So do I!

-VIOLET GIGGLES

This one here in the ground.

Ah, I hate to break this to you, Christa,

but it looks like Yoyo has found himself a girlfriend.

Yeah, he's starting to behave a little bit more like a penguin.

I don't think he loves me as much any more now.

Aww, isn't that nice?

Our human penguin is finally back to being, well, a penguin penguin.

But unfortunately, things haven't ended so well for Jurgen.

So, Craig didn't turn up for your date, then?

No, he, uh...

He had to wash his beard. It's very dirty.

Look, boss, why do you even want to be a human?

Honestly, it ain't all that.

Yeah, dude, humans, like, totally suck.

Being a gorilla is, like, totally awesome.

-JURGEN GRUNTS

-Yeah! Think about it.

We get to go to bed any time be like...

Yeah, we get to sit around naked and we can scratch our butts

-whenever we want.

-Hmm, yes, that is true.

Yeah, but you know, for me,

the best thing about being a gorilla is

I get to hang out with you guys all day, every day.

-Really?

-Really.

-Really?

-Really.

Oh, really? Oh, guys, you're right.

Listen, anyone fancy going to watch a human ball game?

Definitely!

I have absolutely no idea what that is, but definitely.

Oh, I love you guys. I was just saying to Craig the other day.

-If it wasn't...

-Pfffft!

-Ha-ha-ha!

I hate you guys.