The Great Escape The Zoo


The Great Escape

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THEY BEATBOX

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THEY SCAT

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THEY HARMONISE

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Shut up.

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It's Monday morning at the zoo, and there's another busy day ahead.

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Keepers are keeping...

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-Hiya.

-..vets are vetting...

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Hello, there.

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..and the animals are...

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animalling.

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Mm.

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Keeping a close eye on all the animals is an important daily

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part of daily life at the zoo.

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The closeness of that close eye will be even closer today,

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-because it's the day of the big count.

-Morning!

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Craig, please explain.

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Well, its stock take.

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It's that time of year now where we count all the animals

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to make sure we've got all the correct amount,

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making sure the numbers match to the records we have.

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SNAKE BLOWS RASPBERRY

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The annual stock take is the keepers'

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chance to ensure no animal is missing,

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and everyone is present and correct.

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TORTOISE BELCHES

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Well, present, anyway.

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Some of the animals are keen to line-up and be counted.

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THEY CHEER

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Others are less keen.

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I ain't doing no line-up.

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I didn't do nothing!

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Except maybe let off some gas.

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THEY GROAN

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Get me out of here!

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And as always, when there's an important event going on at the

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zoo, there's one big hairy alpha-male desperate

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to come out on top.

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No, not Craig.

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I mean Jurgen, the silverback gorilla.

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Right, boys.

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This is it. We need to get match fit.

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Here we go.

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Every year, he gets all worked up about the stock take.

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As soon as he sees a keeper with a clipboard,

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he thinks he's being scored out of ten.

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He won't listen.

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He makes us do loads of stupid exercises,

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so we'll get a better score. Honestly!

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Come on, boys. 20 laps each.

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Last year we only got four in the stock take.

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This year I want to double it.

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Boss, we only scored four cos there are only four of us.

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You, me, Dave and...

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Oh, yeah, Hank.

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Yeah, that's me.

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Shut up.

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-And start running.

-Dude, do we have to?

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Yeah, do it.

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You do understand how a stock take works, don't you, Jurgen?

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Yeah, yeah, of course.

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I mean, look at me.

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Even on my own, I must be worth at least five points.

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No, no, it's not a competition.

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It's just a count of how many animals there are.

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You don't get a better score by working out.

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Yeah, keep going, boys.

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-I can't breathe!

-HE PANTS

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Keep going!

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While Jurgen whips Team Gorilla into shape, elsewhere in the zoo,

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the epic task of ticking off all the animals is well underway.

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Well, I'm the largest animal here at the zoo.

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So it'll take them longest to count me.

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We've got one elephant, so that's one.

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Oh, I demand a recount!

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But over in Amphibian Ark,

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keeper Andy has a particularly big job on his hands.

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Andy is about to count the zoo's army of tropical frogs.

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OK, chaps. Here's our chance to escape.

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When the big green hand appears, seize the moment,

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and head straight for Paris.

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Erm, Paris?

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Yes.

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It's the romance capital of the world.

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Oh-la-la.

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And I've heard they can't resist our legs.

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Read it on a menu.

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Yes, that's because they eat frogs' legs in Paris.

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Nonsense! Right, chaps.

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When I call your name, hop forward.

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Spiffy, Spaffy, Spotty, Spinky, Spammy...

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Wait, where's Spammy?

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-You're Spammy!

-Oh, that's right.

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As you were.

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Spleeny, Spelty...

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So, how many frogs should there be, Andy?

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Well, there should be 32.

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Must be hard to find them all in that big tank.

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Yeah, it's kind of like looking for a leaf in a pile of leaves.

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Hm...

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Isn't finding a leaf in a pile of leaves quite easy?

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..Squinty, and...

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Here's the first of 30-odd frogs.

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-Quick, play dead, Spiffy.

-These are mantella betsileos.

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They're little Madagascan frogs that live in the dry,

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sort of, rainforesty, deciduous forests.

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Shouldn't you shut the...?

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Never mind.

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While Andy gets on with counting his frogs,

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outside, big cat keeper Helen is about to begin the long and arduous

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task of counting the zoo's tig...

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Oh, she's finished.

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HE WHIMPERS

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Come on, boys. There's no time to rest.

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The tigers are on three already.

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I'm exhausted.

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My entire body is burning.

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Dude, make him stop!

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Why have you got to be so competitive all the time, boss?

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I'm not competitive.

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I'm not competitive at all.

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Actually, Geoffrey, I am the best at not being competitive.

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Meanwhile, back with Andy's army of amphibians, the count continues.

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Go, go, go!

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Leap for love, lads.

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-Oh. Whoops.

-It's this way, isn't it?

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Is Paris this way?

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-So, how many frogs have you got, then, Andy?

-We have...

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If they keep still.

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One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

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14?

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Erm, weren't there meant to be 32?

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I'll count them again.

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Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

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Six, seven, eight, nine,

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10, 11, 12, 13, 14...

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Andy?

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Andy?

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BELL RINGS

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What is that racket?

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It's disrupting our training.

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-HE SIGHS

-Thank goodness...

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I can stop.

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Oh, that. That's just the fire alarm...

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Sh, isn't that...?

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You know, the escaped-animal alarm, boss?

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What?

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I think some...erm...frogs must have escaped.

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-Isn't that right, Dave?

-No.

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Oh! Oh, wait, yeah.

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Right, yeah. Yeah, it's a frog alarm.

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Yeah, definitely.

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So, what? Who cares about some little bitty frogs?

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Oh, but they can be really dangerous.

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-Isn't that great, Dave?

-Oh, yeah, yeah. Deadly.

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-Are you sure?!

-Oh, yeah.

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They go straight for the jugular vein.

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The jugular vein?

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Yeah.

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Where do you think the expression "a frog in your throat" comes from?

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Argh! I...

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Excuse me a minute!

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Where you going, boss?

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Toilet!

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HE SIGHS

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Now maybe we can get some peace and quiet for a bit.

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OK, chaps. Hop it, boys.

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-Quick.

-Here I come.

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How's the frog count going, Andy?

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-Go, go, go!

-Hop it, boys!

-Quick!

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Geronimo!

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Oh, well.

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Looks like he's busy.

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-Oh, that's a shoe.

-Hello.

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The alarm has stopped.

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Have they caught them?

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Erm...no.

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Did you know, boss, that the Phyllobates terribilis frog

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from South America is the most toxic animal on the planet?

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I... I think I...

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I need the toilet again.

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And it's not just Jurgen who's worrying

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about a possible poison-frog escape...

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Yes, well, they're highly toxic, apparently.

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And they can leap about 15 feet in the air.

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They've got big pointy fangs, can breathe fire...

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GASPING

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Oh, and they love confined spaces.

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THEY SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER

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Meanwhile, the fire-breathing frogs are driving Andy hopping mad.

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-Keep going, Spammy!

-You're Spammy!

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And many of the animals have decided to go into hiding...

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There's nothing to see here.

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..which is making the stock take rather tricky.

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This is frog proof, right?

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OK, boys, so the plan is - we all lie low in here

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until those crazy frogs are back behind bars.

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But what if the frogs are already in here?

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THEY SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER

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At least it looks like Andy has finally

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got the situation under control.

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How many frogs were there in the end, then, Andy?

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29 frogs all back and present and accounted for.

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29?

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So there are three missing?

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Three missing, yeah.

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We'll make a note of it.

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It'll be added to the records.

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We wouldn't be surprised if next time we counted them,

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there was 31 or a couple more, but...

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Right, so it's quite hard to keep track of them, then?

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-Yeah.

-But they couldn't have escaped?

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-Could they?

-No, they definitely haven't escaped.

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Woohoo! We made it!

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-Paris, here we come!

-You do know they eat...

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Au revoir, Andy!

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Oh, never mind. Good luck, chaps.

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Your secret's safe with me.

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-So, Jurgen...

-Huh?

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Don't worry, it turns out that the frogs haven't escaped.

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Oh.

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I think it's probably safe to come out now.

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-But what about the alarm?

-Well, that was just the fire alarm.

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-Wasn't it, Craig?

-Oh, that was just the fire alarm going off.

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We do it once a week.

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All the animals are used to it. Well, they should be by now.

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Wait a second...

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You said it was the frog alarm.

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Oh, you must have misheard us, boss.

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Frog and fire, they sort of sound the same, don't they?

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No, they don't.

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-They don't sound anything like each other!

-Never mind, Jurgen.

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It looks like the stock take is over now, anyway.

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-But what did we score?

-We only got three.

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They didn't count you, cos you were hiding in the toilet.

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Argh. This is very disappointing.

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But I think we can all learn something from this experience.

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What, that every animal count is the same?

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The matter what size or shape it is?

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No, that if we want to win next year's stock take,

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we must start working out immediately.

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Come on, boys - zumba class!

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One, two, three.

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One, two, three.

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One, two, three.

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Oh, wait, wait, wait, boss. Is that a frog on your shoulder?

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What? No!

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Argh!

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They should have counted three gorillas and one chicken.

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Geoffrey?

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Yes, boss?

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Shut up.

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THEY SCAT

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