The Big Screen Kiss Trust Me I'm a Genie


The Big Screen Kiss

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I was hit by a can. I opened it and out popped a genie.

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# Three wishes set me free

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# Trust me, I'm a genie... # Wish one...

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And on that first day, I got my very own cafe. Ta-da!

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-Wish two...

-That was cool.

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I got my own swimming pool. Hee-hee!

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But then I dropped the magic can,

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-and it filled with sand.

-# ..I'm a genie... #

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And the words got jammed!

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-Wish three...

-A total catastrophe.

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The genie raved and ranted,

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but no third wish was granted.

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# If one more wish comes true

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# Then I'll be free from you

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# Trust me, I'm a genie! #

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It's your lucky, lucky day folks! Coming up straight after the break,

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Rita van Hump's NEW sizzling desert romance,

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featuring Oasiswood's first ever 3D screen kiss!

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Warning - this kiss may contain nuts.

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And now loads of ads for stuff you don't need!

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KISSES

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-What are you doing?

-Ah!

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Dumb and desperate.

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Hey, wait a minute.

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Listen up, my friend, a smart dude like you shouldn't waste your time

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on this 3D business.

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I know if I had a shot at a screen kiss with Rita,

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I'd want it to be sooooo real it was like the screen wasn't even there!

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Though how you'd get your hands on that kind of technology,

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I can't imagine. Hmmm.

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Use the wish, use the wish.

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Use the wish!

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Hey, we could use the third wish!

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Whoa! That one came out of the blue there. OK!

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Like the screen wasn't even there.

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FIREWORKS POP

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Don't change your hair, I love it just the way it is.

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I wish to feel that kiss like it was real!

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Please, can I?

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I call upon the powers that be, let Diego feel that kiss and set me free!

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Oh, did it work, did it work, did it work?

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TV: ...and the ball's played into the penalty area.

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He crosses into the centre.

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And GOALLLLLLL!

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Just one 3D kiss and I'll be free!

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Wait a second, didn't Tony just buy a big new TV?

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How about we do this in style?

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-Wow!

-TV: Hi-yah!

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He's back. Sam Sahara is the Angry Fist

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in Angry Fist II - This Time It's Clenched.

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The desert can be a lonely place for a girl who knows only of the hope

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in her heart and the sand in her belly button.

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We're coming up to the kiss scene.

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-3D glasses?

-Check.

-Breath mints?

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-Check.

-Nails clean?

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Check.

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Operation Sloppy Lips

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is a go, go, go!

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Whoa!

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Help!

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BEEPING

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RINGING

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'Hallo?'

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Darling, these 3D glasses...

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-Yep?

-'HELLO!'

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-Red and blue, it's so last week!

-'Huh, well...'

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Whoa! Ziggy, I think we're in the movie.

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Hey, she thinks you're the leading man.

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She must have low standards.

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Go on, kiss her! What's wrong with you?!

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I'm shy. This is my first time.

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Look, it's easy. Just stick out your chin

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and imagine you're eating candy.

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Trust me, I'm a genie!

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Mmm-mwah, mwah!

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Ha-ha-ha! What do you think, guys?

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The most expensive thing that I own that I can't wear around my neck!

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Oh, can we watch Rita van Hump's desert romance?

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No, why don't we watch the new Sam Sahara kung fu movie?

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Oh, Rita's desert romance!

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Sam Sahara's kung fu movie!

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Don't mind me, I pick up all my programmes

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through cosmic channelling. Ohmmm.

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Tell me you've come to take me away from all this

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and I will gladly surrender these lips.

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OK, you're up.

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I can't do it if you're watching!

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SAM SAHARA: Wah! Hi-yah! Ohhh!

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Wow! Talk about a kick in the lips!

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C'est amour!

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Wait up, if you planted one on her...

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..how come I'm not free yet?

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Give me that!

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Do it again. Do it again!

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Give me that! Oh, you...

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Ah!

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Ah...ho-ah!

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That was even better than the first one!

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She's got lips that won't quit!

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Something's not right here.

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You're getting kisses and I'm not getting free!

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I surrendered my lips to my brave hero, yet he chose not to kiss me.

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-I shall never offer them again.

-SHE SOBS

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I knew it! You haven't kissed her at all yet!

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I demand to know what's going on right now!

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-Hi-ya!

-Whaaa!

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So my old adversary, Limp Noodle, we meet again.

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Destroying you will be my honour!

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Yes! Aaah!

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Hey, dudes, find something you all want to watch.

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Rita's desert romance!

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Sam Sahara's kung fu movie!

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You couldn't get a simple little kiss right,

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and now we've got this kung fu psycho after us.

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Hey, where did that angry guy go?

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Am I so ugly that I make my suitors take to their heels?

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Hey, stop running, Rocky!

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We're in the right movie! Uh-oh.

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-Hi-yah!

-SAM SAHARA CHUCKLES

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No one escapes the wrath and revenge of Angry Fist!

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'Let us now consider the inhabitants of this cold and inhospitable land.'

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-Huh?

-Grrrr!

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HE SNIFFS Hmm.

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And for ten points, of the inert gases,

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is neon lower or higher than helium in atomic weight?

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Hmm, hmm. Well...

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HI-YAAAAAAH!

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Correct, neon is higher.

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Good job!

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Oh. Er... "When I get home from a busy day at the office,

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"cleaning grease can be a real chore.

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"That's why I use the Maxi Grill 6000."

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"I never leave the house without mine.

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"Big smile and cut to commercial."

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-Oh! I said the thing in brackets!

-Raaarrh!

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Whoa! Whoa!

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SAM SAHARA GROWLS

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Chaos has struck the airwaves today...

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THEY SCREAM

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..with programmes including Rita van Hump's TV movie premiere

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descending into total anarchy.

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THEY SCREAM

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That actor fleeing for his life with no sense of dignity whatsoever

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looks just like Diego.

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But news remains unaffected.

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Can I do the weather?

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Oh. Well. We already have a...

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POLAR BEAR GROWLS

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My hero, you've returned to protect my honour from this devilish beast.

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-I did?

-Come on, you can take this guy and get the kiss.

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Try hurting his feelings, it might weaken him.

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-Hey, you have terrible dress sense!

-Roooooar!

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DIEGO WHIMPERS

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Huh? I don't remember this in the script!

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Uh-oh. He's clenching.

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Aaaah!

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That's why I use the Maxi Grill 6000.

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Oh.

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Go!

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This is Rita van Hump.

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I demand you take my movie off air immediately!

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OK, no problem. I'll do it!

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-Mwah!

-Ah!

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Well, you could have asked.

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Aw! My magic glasses got squished!

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No.

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No! NOOOO!

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Oh!

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HE GIGGLES

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The weather will be great in the Arctic

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with a very pleasant minus 40 degrees and heavy snow storms.

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# I'm singing in the snow

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# Shoo bi doo bap bap boo doo in the snow

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# Down to my toes

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# Where I stood on a penguin but nobody knows... #

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Cheer up, Ziggy.

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That 3D kiss was just practice for when the real Rita comes along.

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Yep, I'm putting my lips under a strict exercise regime.

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MAKES KISSING NOISES

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HE SOBS

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You're not keeping all the magic to yourself this time.

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So long, suckers!

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LAUGHTER

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Now that was the best thing I've seen on TV all afternoon.

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THEY LAUGH

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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E-mail [email protected]

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