The Big Screen Kiss Trust Me I'm a Genie
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Transcript
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I was hit by a can. I opened it and out popped a genie. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
# Three wishes set me free | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
# Trust me, I'm a genie... # Wish one... | 0:00:08 | 0:00:11 | |
And on that first day, I got my very own cafe. Ta-da! | 0:00:11 | 0:00:16 | |
-Wish two... -That was cool. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:18 | |
I got my own swimming pool. Hee-hee! | 0:00:18 | 0:00:21 | |
But then I dropped the magic can, | 0:00:21 | 0:00:24 | |
-and it filled with sand. -# ..I'm a genie... # | 0:00:24 | 0:00:27 | |
And the words got jammed! | 0:00:27 | 0:00:29 | |
-Wish three... -A total catastrophe. | 0:00:29 | 0:00:32 | |
The genie raved and ranted, | 0:00:32 | 0:00:35 | |
but no third wish was granted. | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
# If one more wish comes true | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
# Then I'll be free from you | 0:00:41 | 0:00:44 | |
# Trust me, I'm a genie! # | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
It's your lucky, lucky day folks! Coming up straight after the break, | 0:00:57 | 0:01:01 | |
Rita van Hump's NEW sizzling desert romance, | 0:01:01 | 0:01:04 | |
featuring Oasiswood's first ever 3D screen kiss! | 0:01:04 | 0:01:08 | |
Warning - this kiss may contain nuts. | 0:01:09 | 0:01:12 | |
And now loads of ads for stuff you don't need! | 0:01:12 | 0:01:16 | |
KISSES | 0:01:20 | 0:01:23 | |
-What are you doing? -Ah! | 0:01:23 | 0:01:27 | |
Dumb and desperate. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
Hey, wait a minute. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:32 | |
Listen up, my friend, a smart dude like you shouldn't waste your time | 0:01:32 | 0:01:36 | |
on this 3D business. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:38 | |
I know if I had a shot at a screen kiss with Rita, | 0:01:38 | 0:01:42 | |
I'd want it to be sooooo real it was like the screen wasn't even there! | 0:01:42 | 0:01:46 | |
Though how you'd get your hands on that kind of technology, | 0:01:46 | 0:01:50 | |
I can't imagine. Hmmm. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:53 | |
Use the wish, use the wish. | 0:01:56 | 0:02:00 | |
Use the wish! | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
Hey, we could use the third wish! | 0:02:02 | 0:02:06 | |
Whoa! That one came out of the blue there. OK! | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
Like the screen wasn't even there. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:12 | |
FIREWORKS POP | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
Don't change your hair, I love it just the way it is. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:25 | |
I wish to feel that kiss like it was real! | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
Please, can I? | 0:02:28 | 0:02:30 | |
I call upon the powers that be, let Diego feel that kiss and set me free! | 0:02:34 | 0:02:41 | |
Oh, did it work, did it work, did it work? | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
TV: ...and the ball's played into the penalty area. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:52 | |
He crosses into the centre. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:56 | |
And GOALLLLLLL! | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
Just one 3D kiss and I'll be free! | 0:02:58 | 0:03:03 | |
Wait a second, didn't Tony just buy a big new TV? | 0:03:05 | 0:03:09 | |
How about we do this in style? | 0:03:09 | 0:03:12 | |
-Wow! -TV: Hi-yah! | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
He's back. Sam Sahara is the Angry Fist | 0:03:17 | 0:03:21 | |
in Angry Fist II - This Time It's Clenched. | 0:03:21 | 0:03:26 | |
The desert can be a lonely place for a girl who knows only of the hope | 0:03:28 | 0:03:33 | |
in her heart and the sand in her belly button. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:38 | |
We're coming up to the kiss scene. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
-3D glasses? -Check. -Breath mints? | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
-Check. -Nails clean? | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
Check. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:48 | |
Operation Sloppy Lips | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
is a go, go, go! | 0:03:50 | 0:03:52 | |
Whoa! | 0:03:52 | 0:03:53 | |
Help! | 0:03:53 | 0:03:55 | |
BEEPING | 0:03:56 | 0:03:58 | |
RINGING | 0:03:58 | 0:03:59 | |
'Hallo?' | 0:03:59 | 0:04:00 | |
Darling, these 3D glasses... | 0:04:00 | 0:04:03 | |
-Yep? -'HELLO!' | 0:04:03 | 0:04:04 | |
-Red and blue, it's so last week! -'Huh, well...' | 0:04:04 | 0:04:08 | |
Whoa! Ziggy, I think we're in the movie. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:14 | |
Hey, she thinks you're the leading man. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:18 | |
She must have low standards. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
Go on, kiss her! What's wrong with you?! | 0:04:20 | 0:04:23 | |
I'm shy. This is my first time. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:28 | |
Look, it's easy. Just stick out your chin | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
and imagine you're eating candy. | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
Trust me, I'm a genie! | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
Mmm-mwah, mwah! | 0:04:35 | 0:04:38 | |
Ha-ha-ha! What do you think, guys? | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
The most expensive thing that I own that I can't wear around my neck! | 0:04:42 | 0:04:47 | |
Oh, can we watch Rita van Hump's desert romance? | 0:04:47 | 0:04:50 | |
No, why don't we watch the new Sam Sahara kung fu movie? | 0:04:50 | 0:04:55 | |
Oh, Rita's desert romance! | 0:04:55 | 0:04:57 | |
Sam Sahara's kung fu movie! | 0:04:57 | 0:05:00 | |
Don't mind me, I pick up all my programmes | 0:05:00 | 0:05:04 | |
through cosmic channelling. Ohmmm. | 0:05:04 | 0:05:07 | |
Tell me you've come to take me away from all this | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
and I will gladly surrender these lips. | 0:05:09 | 0:05:13 | |
OK, you're up. | 0:05:14 | 0:05:17 | |
I can't do it if you're watching! | 0:05:17 | 0:05:19 | |
SAM SAHARA: Wah! Hi-yah! Ohhh! | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
Wow! Talk about a kick in the lips! | 0:05:30 | 0:05:35 | |
C'est amour! | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
Wait up, if you planted one on her... | 0:05:38 | 0:05:41 | |
..how come I'm not free yet? | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
Give me that! | 0:05:47 | 0:05:50 | |
Do it again. Do it again! | 0:05:54 | 0:05:58 | |
Give me that! Oh, you... | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
Ah! | 0:06:07 | 0:06:08 | |
Ah...ho-ah! | 0:06:08 | 0:06:11 | |
That was even better than the first one! | 0:06:11 | 0:06:14 | |
She's got lips that won't quit! | 0:06:14 | 0:06:18 | |
Something's not right here. | 0:06:18 | 0:06:19 | |
You're getting kisses and I'm not getting free! | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
I surrendered my lips to my brave hero, yet he chose not to kiss me. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:27 | |
-I shall never offer them again. -SHE SOBS | 0:06:27 | 0:06:33 | |
I knew it! You haven't kissed her at all yet! | 0:06:33 | 0:06:37 | |
I demand to know what's going on right now! | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
-Hi-ya! -Whaaa! | 0:06:40 | 0:06:44 | |
So my old adversary, Limp Noodle, we meet again. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:50 | |
Destroying you will be my honour! | 0:06:52 | 0:06:56 | |
Yes! Aaah! | 0:06:56 | 0:07:00 | |
Hey, dudes, find something you all want to watch. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:05 | |
Rita's desert romance! | 0:07:07 | 0:07:09 | |
Sam Sahara's kung fu movie! | 0:07:09 | 0:07:12 | |
You couldn't get a simple little kiss right, | 0:07:18 | 0:07:21 | |
and now we've got this kung fu psycho after us. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:24 | |
Hey, where did that angry guy go? | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
Am I so ugly that I make my suitors take to their heels? | 0:07:27 | 0:07:34 | |
Hey, stop running, Rocky! | 0:07:34 | 0:07:37 | |
We're in the right movie! Uh-oh. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:41 | |
-Hi-yah! -SAM SAHARA CHUCKLES | 0:07:41 | 0:07:43 | |
No one escapes the wrath and revenge of Angry Fist! | 0:07:43 | 0:07:48 | |
'Let us now consider the inhabitants of this cold and inhospitable land.' | 0:07:48 | 0:07:54 | |
-Huh? -Grrrr! | 0:07:54 | 0:07:57 | |
HE SNIFFS Hmm. | 0:07:57 | 0:08:00 | |
And for ten points, of the inert gases, | 0:08:00 | 0:08:04 | |
is neon lower or higher than helium in atomic weight? | 0:08:04 | 0:08:09 | |
Hmm, hmm. Well... | 0:08:11 | 0:08:14 | |
HI-YAAAAAAH! | 0:08:18 | 0:08:19 | |
Correct, neon is higher. | 0:08:19 | 0:08:22 | |
Good job! | 0:08:22 | 0:08:25 | |
Oh. Er... "When I get home from a busy day at the office, | 0:08:27 | 0:08:31 | |
"cleaning grease can be a real chore. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
"That's why I use the Maxi Grill 6000." | 0:08:33 | 0:08:37 | |
"I never leave the house without mine. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:41 | |
"Big smile and cut to commercial." | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
-Oh! I said the thing in brackets! -Raaarrh! | 0:08:44 | 0:08:50 | |
Whoa! Whoa! | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
SAM SAHARA GROWLS | 0:08:52 | 0:08:55 | |
Chaos has struck the airwaves today... | 0:08:55 | 0:08:58 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:08:58 | 0:09:00 | |
..with programmes including Rita van Hump's TV movie premiere | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
descending into total anarchy. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:05 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:09:05 | 0:09:06 | |
That actor fleeing for his life with no sense of dignity whatsoever | 0:09:12 | 0:09:17 | |
looks just like Diego. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:20 | |
But news remains unaffected. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:23 | |
Can I do the weather? | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
Oh. Well. We already have a... | 0:09:25 | 0:09:28 | |
POLAR BEAR GROWLS | 0:09:28 | 0:09:31 | |
My hero, you've returned to protect my honour from this devilish beast. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:37 | |
-I did? -Come on, you can take this guy and get the kiss. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:42 | |
Try hurting his feelings, it might weaken him. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
-Hey, you have terrible dress sense! -Roooooar! | 0:09:45 | 0:09:50 | |
DIEGO WHIMPERS | 0:09:50 | 0:09:51 | |
Huh? I don't remember this in the script! | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
Uh-oh. He's clenching. | 0:09:56 | 0:10:00 | |
Aaaah! | 0:10:04 | 0:10:08 | |
That's why I use the Maxi Grill 6000. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
Oh. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:13 | |
Go! | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
This is Rita van Hump. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
I demand you take my movie off air immediately! | 0:10:21 | 0:10:24 | |
OK, no problem. I'll do it! | 0:10:24 | 0:10:27 | |
-Mwah! -Ah! | 0:10:31 | 0:10:34 | |
Well, you could have asked. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:36 | |
Aw! My magic glasses got squished! | 0:10:36 | 0:10:40 | |
No. | 0:10:40 | 0:10:42 | |
No! NOOOO! | 0:10:42 | 0:10:46 | |
Oh! | 0:10:49 | 0:10:50 | |
HE GIGGLES | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
The weather will be great in the Arctic | 0:10:52 | 0:10:56 | |
with a very pleasant minus 40 degrees and heavy snow storms. | 0:10:56 | 0:11:02 | |
# I'm singing in the snow | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
# Shoo bi doo bap bap boo doo in the snow | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
# Down to my toes | 0:11:07 | 0:11:09 | |
# Where I stood on a penguin but nobody knows... # | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
Cheer up, Ziggy. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
That 3D kiss was just practice for when the real Rita comes along. | 0:11:14 | 0:11:18 | |
Yep, I'm putting my lips under a strict exercise regime. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:23 | |
MAKES KISSING NOISES | 0:11:23 | 0:11:26 | |
HE SOBS | 0:11:26 | 0:11:29 | |
You're not keeping all the magic to yourself this time. | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
So long, suckers! | 0:11:32 | 0:11:35 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:36 | 0:11:40 | |
Now that was the best thing I've seen on TV all afternoon. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:45 | |
THEY LAUGH | 0:11:45 | 0:11:46 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 |