Episode 10 Ultimate Brain

Aaagh!

The greatest test of the human mind ever created!

I, Dr Brain, have searched high and low,

seeking the best, the brightest, the bravest,

the boldest, the biggest and the barmiest.

Who has what it takes?

You'll need to run your mind at full power to become the Ultimate Brain!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome to Ultimate Brain.

I am on a quest to seek out the most super-brainy super-brains

in Super-Brain Land. If anyone can do it, I can

because my name...

is Dr Brain!

-Hurrah!

-CRACK

Ooh! So, we have some people here

who claim to be the brainiest people on the planet...but are they?

Let's find out, let's meet the teams.

Firstly the Green team from Leices...ter...

Um...

I think they're IN Leicester.

Erm, little technical hitch. Ah-ha-ha! Erm...

Guinea Pig!

Yes, this is my good friend the Guinea Pig. Today it was his job

to book the contestants - something he has apparently omitted to do.

'You can probably guess just how pleased I am with him

'by this footage of me chasing him around

'with an enormous whacking stick.

'While the Guinea Pig and I discuss the lack of teams on today's show

'because of his massive error, let's look at some of the,

'if I say so myself, quite brilliant questions I have posed in the past.'

Aagh!

I challenged brainy young teams from all over the country

as well as some of CBBC's most famous, and stupid, faces.

We tried all kinds of crazy experiments, including explosions!

Helicopters! Dagga-dagga-dagga- dagga-dagga-dagga-dagga.

Crazy pink goo monsters!

Ooh, see-sawing candles!

Tubes of fire!

And the all-electric pickle!

We always make the sparks fly!

Here are three of my all-time favourite brain ignition challenges.

Take it away!

In this one, the stars of Hank Zipzer

found themselves in a right pickle. Ah-ha-ha!

Look what I have here!

'I asked the teams what will happen to this pickled gherkin

'if we pass 200 volts of electricity through it.'

200 volts of electricity!

BUZZING

Will it...

A - cook, and turn brown? Ooh, like a sausage.

B - split and fall apart? Like my marriage.

C - will it explode all over my lovely costume?

or D - will it start to glow?

Oooh!

Let's see your answers...now!

'The Blues and Yellows thought it would cook and turn brown

'while the Greens hoped it would explode! Were either of them right?'

Let's do this thing!

Please don't attempt this experiment at home.

Electricity can be very dangerous.

Release the monkey power!

HE GASPS

It's glowing!

Magically! The glowing gherkin!

'The electricity excites the tiny sodium atoms in the gherkin,

'causing them to emit this orangey yellow light!'

He glowed!

'Naomi, Sam and Mark took on two very bright teams

'and this slippery little conundrum.'

Now, what I have here,

I have this extraordinary sort of runny, pink liquid stuff here.

It's rather weird.

Can you see it moves very slowly?

Now, what we also have is a speaker here, just an ordinary speaker

which can make noise and music.

We're going to pour the pink goo into the speaker,

make a noise through it

and find out what happens to the liquid.

Let us doooo the experiment!

I'm pouring. Eww, look at that!

Eww, weird, weird, weird.

In it goes. So, now we have our liquid inside the speaker,

let's have a little bit of music!

FUNKY MUSIC

Ooh! There we go. Oh, what was that?

Like a little mouth going, "Wah, wah, wah!"

Try another one!

Woo-hoo-hoo!

It's climbing out!

It's climbing out! Get back!

Get back in! Get back in!

I command you to get back in! Ooh!

You think you're cleverer than Sam and Mark?

THEY LAUGH

Look! This one's gone over.

-It's escaped!

-Oh, wow!

"Look at me, I'm over the wall!"

-Now this one's coming!

-Oh, wow!

Don't you come near me.

Well, there we go.

If there's one thing we've learned about that experiment,

it's that it was right weird!

The cornflour and water

forms something known as a non-Newtonian fluid.

If we leave it alone, it acts like a runny liquid

but if we try to move it, it acts like a solid.

As the loud speaker vibrates, it pushes and pulls on the mixture

around 100 times a second!

And the result is these weird little monster-like blobs.

Woo-hoo! They're brilliant, aren't they? Ha-ha!

'And here's one to make your hair stand on end!'

I have two flasks of liquid nitrogen!

One of the coldest things on the earth!

Colder than the North Pole

and the South Pole put together.

It's close to minus 200 degrees.

TEETH CHATTER

Whew! That's cold!

In contrast, in here

I have some boiling water,

which is roughly around

about 100 degrees centigrade!

So...what's going to happen when I add the two liquids together?

Some sort of reaction, I shouldn't doubt. What do we think?

So the options are...

A - the water freezes instantly. Ooh!

B - the liquid nitrogen boils into a gas.

C - nothing happens

or D - something else.

Here goes science!

'It boils into a gas! And here's why.

'The water is 100 degrees above its own freezing point

'but the liquid nitrogen is just a fraction of a degree

'below its own boiling point at minus 196 degrees Celsius,

'so when it's poured into the water, it boils almost instantly!'

THEY LAUGH

I deem this experiment to be a success!

'The stars of Wolfblood had to answer this burning question.'

Hey, teams! Get a load of this little beauty.

You know what that is?

I'll tell you. It's a Tubens rube. I mean, a Rubens' tube.

Yes! Invented by the great German physicist Heinrich Rubens.

What a lovely guy.

I asked the teams what happens

when you play music into this tube of fire. Do the flames...

A - bend away from the speaker?

B - go out?

C - get bigger?

Or D - something else entirely?

OK, teams, that's thinking time up.

So, let me see your answers now!

Our teams were split between A - bend away from the speaker,

and C - get bigger,

but they were both wrong.

The correct answer was D - something very different, and rather funky.

-CHEERING

-Take it away!

RUMBA MUSIC

What are the flames doing?

-Getting bigger.

-They're dancing!

'By the way, I'm a trained monkey scientist.

'Don't try to do this yourself.'

The best thing about being at Ultimate Brain today is...

-ALL:

-We won!

Yes!

'Blue Moon!'

THEY HOWL

Here's something you could try yourself.

Guinea Pig is aiming to create a visual spectacle.

So he's got a fairly normal plastic bottle,

three-quarters filled with vegetable oil,

and the other quarter filled with water, which sinks to the bottom.

What's he doing now?

He's about to add a couple of effervescent tablets.

I sense something unusual is about to happen.

Bravo, Guinea Pig.

When the gas is released by the tablet, it flows up to the surface,

picking up some of the water and oil,

creating this superb lava-lamp-like effect.

You could always add food colouring for even more pizzazz.

Get permission, and have a go yourself.

Well done, Guinea Pig. Good lad.

I don't know about you, Guinea Pig, but I feel a little bit better now

having seen a few of those lovely questions.

What are we going to do without contestants, though? Where are they?

-What have you done with them? Why aren't they here?

-I forgot.

You forgot!

Well, I'm not going to forget to make all sorts of unpleasant

and nasty challenges for you to try,

including things like bogies and poo and...

What do you mean you're going to? You already have.

'Our budding scientists' brains have been stretched in all directions,

'as well as the Guinea Pig. Quite literally!

'Our Guinea Pig's been dared to test the brightest of bright ideas

'and silly solutions.

'All in the name of spectacular science.

'He used the team's inventions to squeeze as many lemons as possible.'

-Good work, Guinea Pig.

-Lemony!

Get it down you. It's lovely, you know it is.

'And then drink the juice!

'He caught 100,000 flying balls!

'Learnt how to train his dragon...

'Climbed to the top of an incredibly slippery slope.

'Battled against the giant wind machine,

'and other times, was just sort of used for target practice, really.'

Oh, good shot!

'We challenged the Guinea Pig

'to climb to the top of a very slippery slope.

'Firstly, with no help whatsoever.'

Three, two, one...

Go, Guinea Pig!

Yes! Oh, look! Snow everywhere.

Look at him, down he goes. He's trying to get up,

and he's doing very well. His legs are flailing

and he's on his elbows now. He's crawling up, he's crawling

like a ninja, like a commando.

I think that's enough.

Back you come, Guinea Pig. You've tried your best, done very well.

TEAMS LAUGH

There he goes. Well done, Mr Guinea Pig, unlucky.

Now you see what he has to contend with.

My pants are wet again.

Oh, dear. Where are you hurt?

-Everywhere.

-Oh, good.

Yes! Oh, no! Snow everywhere!

'Now, with the Yellow team's Operation Noctopus.'

The plan is that these are going to help him stick to the slope,

-is that right?

-Yeah, then he can, like...

That squeegee's going to move some of the slime out the way.

-Then climb higher.

-So he's going to be wiping...

In a way, yeah, and then he can grab on with his fingers,

and then let go with his body, and then do the exact same thing again.

What monkey-brain idea is this?

Are you ready? Shall we count him down together?

ALL: Three, two, one...

Go, Guinea Pig!

Off he goes. Oh, and he's down.

Now he's got to deploy the suckers here.

Use the wiper.

Come on, Guinea Pig, more effort, more effort.

That's it. Oh, look. The suckers are working, aren't they?

But he has no suckers on his feet.

Don't stand up,

do it side to side. Like that, yeah.

Side to side, up and down! Make your mind up!

Move forward.

You're not going anywhere.

Now he's stuck, he's stuck. Now he's unstuck again.

Your fingers, your fingers as well!

One thing, it's certainly working,

the sucker pads are certainly working.

That's it, come on, keep moving.

Scrape forwards and backwards!

-That's it, that's it.

-Keep moving!

Now how's he going to get up this last bit?

He's gone backwards.

-Sorry, we have to abandon plan.

-Move horizontally.

-Abandon plan.

He's gone backwards,

which means unfortunately the plan hasn't worked,

so unlucky, Guinea Pig, and unlucky, Yellow team.

You did very well there. It was working for a while, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

-What do you think went wrong?

It was the suction pads. They started coming off,

and they had too much of that kind of squidgy stuff on them.

'Now the Blue team's plan - sponge and plunge.'

You look like a cheesy Dalek.

-Are you ready? Let's count him in.

-OK.

-Three, two, one...

Go, Guinea Pig!

And he's off.

Oh, and he's slipping, and down he goes again.

Come on, you can do this.

-Step by step, nice and slow.

-Stay down! Get down!

I wonder how long all this is taking.

-Believe you're Spider-Man!

-Come on.

-You can do this.

-This is a design at its full potential.

-He's still trying.

We're going forward, we're going forward.

That's the thing about the Guinea Pig, he never gives up.

-He's a fool.

-Come on.

Come on, Guinea Pig, that's it.

-Take it easy.

-Yes! Yes!

Oh!

You're nearly there, you're nearly there.

Stand, one more sprint.

Take it easy.

-He's up for one more.

-He's trying for one more!

Down he goes! Down he goes.

Guinea Pig, how did that feel?

Humiliating.

You guys watch too much TV.

These things don't stick to the floor, they slide...

Whoa.

THEY LAUGH

And he's down again. You've tried,

but once again, you've failed.

'And now the Green team's plan - The Carpet Theory!'

-Here we go.

-Let's go.

ALL: A three, a two, one...

Go, Guinea Pig!

Oh, I see, I see what you mean about the carpet.

-He's got to get on it, he's got to get on it.

-Yes!

-Yes!

Oh, that sort of worked! It's slipping a bit underneath,

-it's sort of getting there. Can he get up the peak?

-Come on!

That's the thing. He's got to get all the way up the peak.

Oh! He's run out of carpet.

He's going to try it. Come on, Guinea Pig.

Hit the button and you've won.

-Oh!

-Oh, so close!

Pull the carpet.

-That's it, he says, pull the carpet.

-Stand on the carpet.

He's trying. This is a very good attempt.

This is very good attempt. It could work.

No! Oh, dear, that's it.

Behold!

'The balloon challenge went off with a bang.

'How can you pop 200 balloons in 60 seconds?

'And what on earth is the Guinea Pig wearing?'

What, pray, is the name of your plan?

Operation Buzz Buzz.

Operation Buzz Buzz, and that could...

Could that be because he looks like a bee?

-Yes.

-Completely.

-You see, I'm clever, I'm a scientist, you see.

I'm covered in sharp needles,

and I've got to dive into balloons that make very loud noises?

-Yeah.

-Basically, yes, yes.

Why don't you do it?

Because you're the Guinea Pig.

So, are you ready?

I'm never ready.

-Are YOU ready?

-Yes!

60 seconds on the clock, starting from...

now! Go, Guinea Pig.

-Come on!

-There's one. There's another.

It's working quite well, it's working quite well.

THEY WHOOP

You need to get those balloons.

Come on, jump on that one.

Five seconds left.

-Jump, jump, jump.

-Jump over there.

Ah! That's it, time up.

I can't help feeling

that if he had done that dive from the beginning,

he might have done better.

'The Blue team designed this bizarre-looking vacuum cleaner.'

ALL: Three, two, one...

Good luck, Guinea Pig. Off you go.

Aah!

No balloons so far, that's a score of nil.

Still nothing.

Yes, that's one!

That's it, now it's working.

Oh, and he's broken it.

Oh, Guinea Pig, you've got to keep going, keep going.

Come on!

Yes, yes!

That's it. Only about another 150 to go.

Come on!

That's it, that's time up!

Time up.

'The Yellow team designed this mythical balloon-tastic popper.'

I should just say that if you at home were thinking at any point

of using a blowtorch to set fire to 200 balloons...

DON'T!

Here we go.

ALL: A three, a two, a one...

Go, Guinea Pig!

There's one, there's two. Is it working?

Looking worried, Blue and Green teams.

Oh, no! The gas has gone out.

You've got to carry on, got to carry on, it's just a setback.

-Come on.

-Get that.

Yeah, do that, do that.

Go back in there.

Only one second left!

Oh, and that's your time up.

That is your time up.

Now let's see how many balloons were left.

Ibliblibblbllbbleblelebleh... Quite a few!

So I think you've done slightly better than the Blues.

'The runaway cart challenge had the Guinea Pig skidding in his pants.

'First he tried it without a plan. What would the teams come up with?'

How are you feeling up there?

-Uh...not very well.

-Are you ready?

I have to go to the bathroom.

In fact, I think I've already gone.

THEY LAUGH

-Shall we count him down?

-Yes.

-Are we ready?

-ALL: Three, two, one.

-No, no, no!

-Go!

-Aaagh!

This is mental.

Aaaagh!

My pants are wet.

So we've discovered what happens when you don't have a plan.

It goes wrong.

ALL: Three, two, one...

Blast off!

No!

Oh!

Unlucky!

It didn't quite catch air, did it?

Poor Guinea Pig, he's wet again.

Oh, dear. And he's fallen over, yay!

All in the name of science, kids, science.

'Naomi, Sam, and Mark came up with a plan called...'

Bungee Weighty Man.

Are you ready?

Never. I'm never ready.

ALL: Three, two, one...

Good luck.

-Now!

-Now!

Oh, dear! He's in the water again.

-It definitely slowed him.

-It slowed him.

-It slowed him down.

'But sure enough, there was one plan

'that had all the hallmarks of scientific genius -

'the Yellow plan.'

The Yellow Rays have designed a triple braking system for the cart.

By pulling the lever, rubber pads meet the floor and the wheels,

creating friction to slow the wheels.

Pushing down on the foot bar lowers additional rubber pads,

helping to stop the cart in time.

That's what they think, innit.

Three, two, one...

Go.

-Now!

-Now.

Is it going to work?

CHEERING

Yay!

So, there we go, that's the plan - brakes.

'Oh, what a fantastic "runaway" success. Do you get it?

'Enough friction was created when the brakes were applied,

'bringing the runaway cart to a gentle stop, just in time.

'Ah, good job, Yellow Rays.'

And how do you feel now about the fact that you've won that round,

-and you get ten Honour Points?

-We all feel awesome!

Yeah! Well done, Yellow team.

I've got to say, the best thing about being on Ultimate Brain

is being on the Blue team, actually, wearing these overalls,

-makes our eyes pop.

-It really does.

And the worst thing was probably being upstaged by a monkey

wearing pink Lycra, pink boots, and a lab coat.

-Normal Friday night for me.

-Yeah.

I rather enjoyed that. In fact, you know, I've got half a mind

to forgive you for forgetting to book the contestants.

However, I'm not going to forgive you, unless you show me

something absolutely amazing that I've never seen before - right now!

Ooh!

'Here's a cool trick, commonly referred to as the chain fountain.

'This gravity-defying effect

'is the result of inertia.

'The beads are pulled out of the glass,

'but cannot instantly change direction

'to follow the beads going down,

'thus causing this arcing effect.

'Very clever, Guinea Pig, well done.'

Yes, er...

Well done. Have a banana.

Best and worst thing, Sam?

-Erm... Thanks.

-Not Sam's the best and worst thing.

I'll start. The best thing is meeting some really cool kids.

Very bright kids.

-Very bright.

-A bit too bright for us, unfortunately.

A little too clever for us.

The education system is clearly working, that's a good thing.

-Erm...worst thing?

-Go England.

The worst thing was probably sort of having to work with you two.

Also, Sam's feet, he doesn't wear shoes under the desk

-and the smell coming up, it's just terrible.

-It helps me think.

Smells worse than the defeat that we just suffered.

-Sam's feet, and defeat.

-Well done. High-five, like it.

De-feat! De feet, defeat!

-Ooh! That was poor, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

-I'll put my shoes on.

Well, Guinea Pig, which is your favourite part of the show?

-The brainless challenge.

-Really?

HE SIGHS

HE PURRS

HE MOOS

HE GROWLS

HE BRAYS

HE GROWLS

HE CHATTERS

HE HOWLS

HE SQUAWKS

HE BAAS

HE CHIRPS

HE TRUMPETS

HE SCREECHES

HE SNORTS

Oh, well done!

You are definitely the most brainless person in the world.

Yay! Huh?

For the brainless challenges, it's time for our teams to

conflobulate, cofibulise, and consumdeflumdihimdihate.

-Is everybody ready?

-Yes!

Am I a monkey?

Yes!

What's the square root of 356?

I don't know!

Doesn't matter! Let's dance.

MUSIC: "Firework" by Katy Perry

Bring it on!

Aagh! This is cold!

Three-ah, a two-ah, a one-ah, a go!

Yellows have got one.

"Look at me, Dr Oscar, I'm Dr Roxy,

"and I look a bit like Velma from Scooby-Doo."

He's gone, he's gone, he's gone!

You got me in the mouth!

That's it!

Right, left, right, left, left!

Very good.

Yellows doing well. That's another one for Yellow.

"Hello! Oh, hello, Dr Anna, you have lovely hair."

"Hey, look at me, I'm Dr Anna. I'm in love with Dr Brain.

"I want to grow up and get married."

He's gone. He hardly lasted at all!

That's it. Harder.

PARP!

"I just done a big...

HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY

"..and you can taste it."

Are you joking?

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

-OK, so we've had a really good time on Ultimate Brain.

-It's awesome.

The best bit for me was probably, for me, watching Guinea Pig get injured.

Yeah, that was pretty funny, and we got these really cool badges.

-And lab coats. Which I like.

-Which make us seem intelligent.

The Guinea Pig has discovered something very impressive.

With this trick you could become the most popular person in your school.

Quite possible the most popular person of all time,

apart from me, of course.

We recommend, however, that you avoid doing this at Christmas time

for reasons that will become obvious.

Look at that! What a turkey.

If you ever doubted it before, this surely is the proof.

Now watch as he's stuffed with sage and onion, roasted in the oven,

and served with cranberry sauce and a selection of veg.

Mmm, veg!

Whee!

Welcome to Guinea Pig Mastermind.

That's a fantastic oxymoron, if ever I've heard one.

PARP!

So, Guinea Pig, what is your specialist subject?

Ah, oh...

Whee!

I'm not going to ask you questions about wee. Choose another subject.

Ah... My subject is the Guinea Pig,

except I'm not a Guinea Pig, I'm a crash test stunt ninja!

Well... OK, that's more acceptable.

Let's begin. What is your name?

Uh... Pass.

Which martial art is the Guinea Pig's favourite martial art?

Pass.

TIMER BEEPS

I've started, so I'll finish...

Ah, forget it. You've scored no points.

Let's have a look at some of the great buzzer moments in the series.

-Are you ready?

-Yes!

Hands on your brains, let's do it.

So, how many legs does a beetle have?

'The Yellow Neutrons.'

Six.

Is the right answer! Six legs and a couple of guitars.

How many days does it take for the Earth to... I'll say that again.

'Yellow Jaguars.'

365.25.

Oh! Well, yes, well done.

If you mix blue and yellow paint together, what colour will you get?

'Blue Moons.'

-Green.

-That's the right answer.

How long does it take for light from the sun to reach the earth?

'Four O'clock Blues.'

-Eight minutes.

-Is the right answer.

True or false -

a kilogram of feathers weighs less than a kilogram of rocks?

'Blue Con Crew.'

-False.

-Very clever, Ted, they weigh exactly the same.

What is 100 billion million multiplied by zero?

'Green Gibbons.'

-Zero.

-Is the right answer!

Why did I fall out with my neighbour Carl?

'Green Dragons.'

-Cos the dog peed on your lawn.

-Is correct.

The fear of what animal is known as arachnophobia?

'Blue News Hounds.'

-Ah! Did you press it?

-What animal?

-No, I've got to offer it over.

'Think Green.'

-Spiders.

-Is the right answer.

Am I ticklish?

'Think Green.'

Yes.

Let's try it.

Ah-hoo! Yeah, you're right.

Yay! And the undisputed heavyweight champion of Ultimate Brain

is the Guinea Pig!

Guinea Pig, what are you doing?

It must be great to be declared the Ultimate Brain.

Well, you know, one gets used to it.

You know, sometimes it brings a tear to my eye

to think of all the young scientific geniuses

that we've discovered on this show.

Really?

Nah, not really.

With the title of Ultimate Brain...

Thank you, thank you. Yes, yes, give it up.

..it's the Yellow Experimenters!

-Yay!

-The Green Atoms!

It's the Yellow Jaguars! Rrgh! Come and join me.

It's the Blue Moons! Ooh! Come on down!

The Yellow Team!

-It's the Blue Penguins!

-Yes!

-Come and join me.

The Green Dragons!

Come on down and join me.

I think the best thing overall

is to say I am a close personal friend of Dr Brain.

Absolutely, yes.

And a chance to do my one and only monkey joke.

Two monkeys in a bath.

One said, "Ooh-ooh-ah-ah!"

The other said, "Well, put some cold in."

I have to say that it's been fun sharing my fat brain,

and one day we'll be back with you...

# To do it all again! #

A one, a two, a one...

# The monkey's brain The monkey's brain

# So full of knowledge it can cause me pain

# The monkey's mind The monkey's mind

# Clever in the front and just as much behind

# The monkey's head The monkey's head

# Don't be silly, be like me instead

# The monkey's smart The monkey's smart

# Pull my finger Hear the monkey... #

Well, I think that's just about enough for this series.

Join us next time for more Ultimate Brain!