Episode 7 Ultimate Brain

What's the best way to get the guinea pig

across a very sticky lane?

Monkey Power!

What happens when you put electricity through a pickle?

And will the cast of Hank Zipzer get themselves all in a flap?

You'll need to run your brain at full power to become the...

Welcome to Ultimate Brain!

I have been scouring the universe for brains of the highest quality,

but I don't have a scouring pad so it's not going very well.

Oh, well! My name is Dr Brain.

So over here are some wonderful people

who consider themselves to be pretty smart cookies.

And my task is to find out if they are, so let's meet them.

Let's begin...

with the Greens!

Our first team are Anna, James, and Grace,

and have called themselves S'not Greens.

Can they blow away the competition?

It'll run and run. Ha-ha!

How you doing, Greens?

Very fine, thank you.

-Where are you from?

-Nottingham.

Nottingham! Robin Hood country.

So, James...

..any job you fancy when you're older?

Prime Minister.

-Prime Minister? Aiming low, then.

-No.

What makes you think you have the right qualities

to lead this country?

-I'm a great speaker...

-Good.

I keep my promises.

Great speaker, never breaks promises...

You'll never make it in politics, my friend.

There we go, it's the S'not Greens.

Let's go meet the Yellows.

Next up are Roxy, Hani, and Oscar,

and they've chosen to be known as the Yellow Elements.

Will they trump their way to the circus?

Oh, no, that's elephants, isn't it? Sorry!

-Hi, Yellows.

-Hi.

-How you doing?

-Good.

Dr Hani, I happen to know that you play the saxophone

and you do karate.

Not at the same time, I hope.

-No, I don't.

-No, that wouldn't be good, would it?

Tell us about your karate. Are you good?

-Well, yeah, really good.

-Really good?

-I'm on my black belt.

Getting a little worried here. You're a black belt?

-Yeah.

-That's amazing!

Dr Roxy... Do you like monkeys?

-Yeah.

-Do you?

-Yeah.

-Talking monkeys?

-Baby monkeys.

-Baby monkeys?

-Yeah.

How about monkeys in pink spandex?

No?

-I don't know.

-Not yet, I'm sure we'll become the firmest of friends.

So let's meet the third team, the Blues!

Finally, it's the Blue Penguins, Jayden, Chloe, and Nick

who all star in the CBBC series, Hank Zipzer.

They are impressive actors, but can they penguin their way to the...

to the... Oh, I don't know.

Dr Jayden, ever played a lion?

Yeah, a few years ago.

A few years ago. What was that in?

-The Lion King.

-The Lion King.

-Yeah.

Got a good roar?

I did, but I think it might have left me.

Can you show everybody how to do a good lion roar?

Roar!

Very professional, you see?

He used the diaphragm there and he projected. Acting skills.

Got big science brains, have you?

-Yes.

-Yes?

What's the silliest science thing you've ever done?

Um... I was using a lit splint to do a hydrogen test

and I set fire to a friend's blazer.

What a blazer! What did your friend think?

I don't think he actually found out.

He didn't know?

No, we just kind of passed it off.

And he got home later and went,

"Hang on a minute, what's this? What's going on here?"

And he had a great big hole in his blazer and it was your fault!

-Yeah.

-Ooh! That's naughty. That's cheeky.

So there we are. Those are the teams.

-Are you up for it, teams?

-ALL: Yeah!

Come on, let's do it!

All you have to do is impress me with your genius minds

and you will win the Honour Points and the title of Ultimate Brain!

But above all, just do your blinking best, do you know what I mean?

Look what I have here...

No, S'not Greens, it's not a bogey.

It is, in fact, a pickled gherkin. But what's it doing there?

Well, it's linked to this machine here,

which is set up to pass 200 volts across it.

200 volts of electricity! La-la-la-la!

So, the question is...

What will happen to the gherkin when the electricity runs across it?

Will it...

A, cook and turn brown? Ooh, like a sausage.

B, split and fall apart, like my marriage?

C, will it explode all over my lovely costume?

Or D, will it start to glow? Ooh!

So teams, what's it going to be?

Your thinking time starts...

now!

THEY MURMUR

The teams need to think carefully

about what a pickled gherkin is made of and what electricity can do.

OK, teams, time's up! Let's see your answers now!

So the teams are split between A, cook and turn brown,

and C, explode!

Greens, why C? Why's it going to explode?

It's because it's the most logical answer.

-It's not going to glow, that's obvious.

-Yes.

And unless you're using, like, an oven,

it's not going to roast anything.

Oh, I see.

He's right, I think he might be Prime Minister one day.

Let's go with the Yellows first.

What was your reason for choosing A?

We don't think it's going to explode

because it's got no fuel in it really to explode, or anything.

Right, I see.

And we doubt it's going to glow because that's just kind of stupid.

That's silly isn't it, yes.

And we thought A was the most logical answer, so...

Blues, similar thinking there?

-Um... Not quite.

-No?

Once in physics,

my teacher wired electricity into a very, very thin iron wire...

-Oh, yes.

-..and it burnt.

So we just thought that was the most logical answer.

So you think that the electricity's going to put heat into the gherkin?

Quite right.

And what does heat do to things? Especially food things?

It cooks things. Especially things like bananas.

Yum-yum... with nuts... Oh, yum...

I'm really hungry.

So, who's going to be right? Is it A or C?

Well, folks, you should know by now

there's only one way to find out. Let's do this thing!

Now then, I'm a trained monkey scientist.

So please do not attempt to do this experiment

or play with electricity at home.

It's very, very dangerous, you know?

Release the monkey power!

It's smoking.

Gasp! It's glowing... Magically.

The glowing gherkin.

We think he's had enough.

Yes, I'll let you off, Mr Gherkin.

He glowed! Which means the right answer was D!

I'm sorry, teams, that means none of you got it right.

And that means none of you get the Honour Points.

And that means this poor gherkin needs a shower.

So do I.

Ah, now if you've ever eaten a gherkin

you'll have noticed that it's made up of a lot of salty water.

Now this salt contains a substance called sodium.

Now, when electricity passes through the gherkin,

it heats up and produces lots of tiny sparks.

These sparks excite the teeny-tiny sodium atoms,

causing them to omit this dazzling orangey-yellow light.

Actually, it's pretty much the same way

that the yellow street lamps work. Isn't that enlightening?

Time now to use a different part of the brain.

Beh-o-o-o-ld!

So, teams, this is the sticky lane.

If you tried to walk across this, you'd be slower than a tortoise

wearing concrete wellies, carrying an elephant driving a milk float.

So don't try it.

So, how can you get across

this sticky, sticky lane as quickly as possible?

We gave our teams three days and £50

to come up with an answer.

But who is going to be strolling along this sticky prom, prom, prom?

# Come on, let's go

# Ain't nobody going to get in my way

# No, no, no, no

# I'm going to make it no matter what you say... #

Mr Guinea Pig!

Hi, GP.

Hello. What are you making me do this time?

This looks like it's going to be one sticky situation.

Ha-ha! Sticky sit... Hoo-hoo-hoo! Brilliant.

Yes, you're going on

the long, long, sticky, sticky walk to freedom, my friend.

For this challenge, each team must figure out a way

to get the guinea pig across this very sticky, tarry floor

in the fastest possible time.

They'll be disqualified if his feet touch the sticky surface,

or if he fails to reach the end.

Which he probably will, being really stupid.

So how are you feeling about this, Guinea Pig?

Not optimistic. I'll never make it.

Well, let's see what happens when you try it...without a plan!

Off you go, Guinea Pig.

-Ready, Guinea Pig?

-No.

Three...

Two...

One... Go!

Look at him go. Look at this incredible speed!

Oh, I can't see him, it's such a blur!

Come on, Guinea pig!

ALL: Come on, Guinea pig!

You're nearly there. You've only got the whole thing to go.

CHANTING: Guinea Pig! Guinea Pig!

So that's what happens when you don't have a plan.

Now let's see what happens when you do.

Yes, it's the turn of the Yellow Elements.

The Yellow Elements are Roxy, Hani, and Oscar.

This team are particularly fond of science and inventing new things,

but can they put these skills to good use?

Their plan involves unusual footwear. Ooh!

So this is the plan of the Mellow Elephants.

I mean, Yellow Elements.

So, talk me through it.

What is your plan? What's it called?

The Ice-Frictionator.

The Ice-Frictionator!

Dr Hani, how does it work?

You're going to have to wear some shoes...wellies

which have ice on them.

Since you're creating friction,

you're creating heat which melts the ice,

which turns into water and the water doesn't stick

and then you can slide around.

They've thunk this through, you know? What are the sticks for?

The sticks are so that you can keep your balance.

Oh, they're balance sticks.

And with the poles do not touch the black bit on the bottom on there,

cos it will get stuck.

I hope you're listening to that, Guinea Pig,

because it's time to start the challenge.

Get into place! Let's see if it works.

The team have devised the Ice-Frictionator.

A boot with an ice sole attached to the bottom.

The plan is for the guinea pig to walk across using

the sticks to keep him steady.

Each step he takes will generate friction and heat,

causing the ice to melt.

Will the water create a smooth, slippery surface for him

to slide across as quickly as possible?

Let's find out, folks.

So what are these, Yellows?

These are our boots.

The icy boots.

-And you are hoping that these are going to create friction?

-Yeah.

Which is going to heat up the ice and get him across the track?

Yep.

Do you think it can work?

I hope so.

Here we go, let's count him down.

ALL: Three...

Two...

One...

Go, Guinea Pig!

Here he goes. Oh, the ice is breaking.

Not just melting, it's breaking.

But it's working. Can you see it's working?

-You can encourage him.

-Go, go, go!

-Give him instructions.

Oh, oh, oh, he's slipping. So that's what the sticks are for.

Balance. Balance.

It's working quite well, though, so far.

He's over halfway.

-Ah!

-And that's half of the ice gone.

ALARM BEEPS

Stop the clock, his foot has touched the sticky surface.

Oh, it's a failed attempt.

The ice broke, your contraption busted,

and that's why it was a failed attempt, I'm afraid.

Oh, dear. This was working really well.

But unfortunately the brittle ice broke,

causing the guinea pig's foot to touch the sticky surface

before he reached the end.

Bad luck, Yellow Elephants.

I mean, Elephants. Oh, I never get that right.

Well, unlucky, good try.

Let's see what the S'notty Greens come up with.

Anna, James, and Grace are from Nottingham.

Let's hope James's ambition to be Prime Minister one day

means he can lead this team to victory.

So now it is the plan of the S'not Greens.

Will it run and run, or just turn out to be a load of dribble?

Oh, that's made me feel slightly sick.

So how does it work? What is it? What is it called?

It is called the toilet roll dispersal unit.

-The toilet roll dispersal unit.

-The toilet roll dispersal unit.

The TDU.

It's a skateboard connected to lots of wallpaper.

So how does it actually work? Scientifically speaking, Dr Grace.

The guinea pig stands on the platform,

and there is meant to be ski sticks to propel it across and balance.

Then the roll keeps rolling

so underneath the wheels still go on paper, not the sticky thing.

Ah, I see you've thought this through, haven't you?

The S'not Greens are also trying to keep the guinea pig's feet

from the sticky surface with their Toilet Roll Dispenser Unit.

They hope that by utilising a skateboard with ski sticks

to help keep his balance

the guinea pig will be able to roll across the paper.

Hm... Let's see if they are right.

-Let's count him in.

-ALL: Three...

Two...

-One...

-Go, Guinea Pig!

Now what's happening?

A little stumbling block there as the wheels have hit the edge,

but he's got it over.

Now it seems to be working.

-Cowabunga, dude.

-Oh, what do you think?

Have you got any instructions for him?

Oh, he has fallen over. But he is still there, that's OK.

That's all right, it still counts, he is still on.

Now he is using the sticks.

-How's it working, do you think, Dr Anna?

-Very well.

Yes, it's going to plan.

There you go, it's done!

Well done, S'not Greens.

That's ten Honour Points for you. How do you feel?

-Amazing.

-And epic.

You happy with that, Dr Grace?

-Indeed.

-Brilliant.

How did it feel, Guinea Pig?

-It felt liberating.

-Did it?

-Yes.

To finally win something.

Having the wind rush through my fur.

Wonderful.

Well done, S'not Greens. Excellent thinking.

The paper created a barrier between the skateboard and the adhesive,

meaning the guinea pig

was able to roll across the surface very quickly.

So ten points there for the S'not Greens.

Let's see if the Blue Penguins can equal them.

Stars of CBBC's Hank Zipzer,

Jayden, Chloe, and Nick have all been performing from a young age.

Can they accurately portray the best way to win

this tricky, sticky challenge, darling?

So, what's your plan called?

-The Penguinator.

-The Penguinator.

And is that why you have the guinea pig dressed like this?

Yes. Blue penguins.

I just want you to know, Guinea Pig, that you look really, really stupid.

So tell us, how does it work?

Well, we're going to oil him up, and hopefully oil up the runway,

so he'll be able to slide on.

Ah.

And if he doesn't get that far at the first slide,

he can use the suction pads.

So if the oil doesn't work, you're in big trouble. Yeah, exactly.

Well, let's see if it works.

Off you go, Pingu.

The team have the guinea pig dressed as a penguin.

After all, they have tails, wings, and flippers,

so perhaps this will give him the edge.

Their tactic involves pouring baby oil all over himself

and on the sticky surface to enable the penguin to slide himself across.

If needs be, he can also use suction pads, to pull himself along.

-Are you ready for Operation Penguin?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

Let's count him in.

ALL: Three...

Two...

One...

Go, Penguin Guinea Pig!

24 seconds to beat.

He is squirting himself with the oil.

Giving himself a good old squirt. Yes, yes, you can instruct him.

-Everywhere, everywhere, faster.

-On your feet, on your feet.

Yes.

Come on, this is taking ages.

You'll need to speed up, Penguinator.

There you go a little bit more on himself.

He is really preparing for this, are you pleased about that?

Yes, here he goes, now.

He's pulling himself along. It's...it's kind of working.

-A bit more, a bit more.

-More oil.

-Take off the cap.

-Come on, Guinea-penguin. Get a move on.

Well, they haven't won,

but let's humiliate the guinea pig by seeing how far he can get.

-Push, push.

-Go, go, go.

He is stuck. Oh, he's still trying.

Is time going to run out, though?

Oh, I hope not.

Go faster! Go faster!

GONG

Oh, no!

It took too long. You ran out of time.

The Blue Penguins failed to get the guinea pig

across the sticky surface.

Lying face down on the floor meant that he had to work even harder

to pull himself along,

and there was not enough baby oil applied to make it slippery enough.

As a result, he was very slow, so I made him polish the floor

while he was down there.

It didn't work. Unfortunately, that's a failure.

But you did quite well, so I'm thinking,

well, the Greens got ten for theirs

because they actually got to the end.

But the Yellows and the Blues both had good plans

which only just failed, so I'm going to give you both five points.

Well done to all of you.

So at the end of that round,

the S'not Greens are in the lead with ten points,

with the Blue and Yellow team both tied with five points each.

Now it's time for our teams to allow their brains

a little bit of nonsense.

It's the brainless challenge.

"A wise man can learn more from a foolish question,

"than a fool can learn from a wise answer."

Bruce Lee.

Yes, it's time to use the silly part of the brain now,

the part known as the fahula-balala-kahila-kuhula.

Let me hear you say, aa-hoo.

ALL: Aa-hoo!

That's got them.

OK, teams, in this challenge you have to nominate one member

of your team who you think is the most miserable...

to join us in the zero laughter zone.

And the guinea pig and I will try to make you laugh.

So, nominate your members now.

THEY MURMUR

You ready?

The Blue Penguins have nominated Chloe,

and the Yellow Elements have chosen Oscar.

Who do you think the S'not Greens will pick?

Do you get it? PICK. Ha-ha.

OK, Greens, who's it going to be?

Me.

Dr James.

The future Prime Minister

of Her Majesty's Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

It's time to play.

OK, Dr James, you've got 30 seconds to try to keep a straight face.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

Then let's play.

Ooh, hello. Hello, Dr Annie, what lovely hair.

Look at me, I'm Dr Anna. I'm in love with Dr Brain.

I want to grow up and get married and have his children.

He's gone.

-He hardly lasted at all.

-Aw!

Unlucky, Dr James.

Well, if only all comedy audiences were as easy as you,

-eh, Guinea Pig?

-Mm.

-Yeah.

OK, Dr Oscar, you're doing a fine grimace there.

Do you think you can keep it up for more than nine seconds,

which is the current top score?

Well, let's see, shall we? Let's play, Guinea Pig.

Look at me, Dr Oscar, I'm Dr Roxy,

and I look a bit like Thelma from Scooby-Doo.

Hey, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone. Unlucky, Dr Oscar.

What was it the got you? Was it the Scooby-Doo?

No, it's Roxy doing Scooby-Doo.

You didn't quite beat the nine.

If you had just grimaced a little longer, you might have done it.

Unlucky.

You would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids.

Good one, Guinea Pig.

OK, let's see how the Blues get on.

Well, Dr Chloe,

of course you are hoping to win the Noble Prize

for medicine in the future.

Of course you're going to have to be very serious for that.

Do you think you've got what it takes?

-Maybe.

-Well, let's see. Let's play, Guinea Pig.

Oh.

I am Dr Jayden, and guess what I've done.

Pfft!

I've just done a big pfft and you can taste it.

-Ra-ra-ra-ra.

-Lu-lu-lu-lu.

Do you have any sense of humour at all?

I can see a smile breaking.

Don't try and hold it back,

you're about to smile. I see it cracking.

This woman has no emotion.

She is the Medusa of happiness.

Break a face, no, not any chance now.

I need you to use your face, sir, come on.

Ahh!

-GONG

-You've done it.

Ah, well done, Dr Chloe,

that means you are officially the most miserable person on the planet.

Well done. So ten Honour Points for the Blues.

So we're getting serious now, folks,

because it's all to play for in this, the next round.

The round known as the... eh...

I never remember what it's called.

Oh, yes, the memory game.

So, teams, first of all you are each going to have to nominate

a member of your team who you think

has the best memory to play the game.

So we are going to begin with...

the Greens.

So Greens have you nominated? Who's it going to be?

Grace.

Dr Grace, come and join me in the seat of repetition, repetition,

repetition, repetition.

-Ready, Dr Grace?

-Yeah.

Remember, the three most important things -

repetition, memory, and repetition.

So here we go. Are you ready?

Yes.

Chair.

Chair.

Chair, plant.

Chair, plant.

Chair, plant, hammock.

Chair, plant, hammock.

Chair, plant, hammock, orange.

Chair, plant, hammock, orange.

Chair, plant, hammock, orange, wombat.

Chair, plant, orange, hammock...

BUZZER

Unlucky. It was chair, plant, hammock, orange.

Unlucky, Dr Grace.

So you got to the fourth.

That means you got four points for your team.

Well done, Dr Grace.

OK, Dr Roxy, Dr Grace got four there for the Green team,

so you are going to need five or more

to stand a chance of getting the ten Honour Points for your team.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

Good luck.

Brick.

Brick.

Brick, computer.

Brick, computer.

Brick, computer, chicken.

Brick, computer, chicken.

Brick, computer, chicken, elephant.

Bricken...

BUZZER

Oh, unlucky.

I don't think there's such thing as a bricken. There's probably a joke.

What happens if you cross a brick with a chicken? You get a bricken.

-Unlucky.

-No.

-Unlucky, Dr Roxy.

So I'm afraid that was only three.

So let's see how the Blues get on.

OK, Dr Nick, don't look now,

but I think Dr Grace is looking pretty smug about her score.

She doesn't think you can beat her. But can you?

Let's find out. Are you ready?

Yes.

Five to win, let's begin.

Parsley.

Parsley.

Parsley, house.

Parsley, house.

Parsley, house, ticket.

Parsley, house, ticket.

Parsley, house, ticket, cupboard.

Parsley, house, ticket, cupboard.

Parsley, house, ticket, cupboard, car.

Parsley, house, ticket, cupboard, car.

That's the five. But let's see how far you can go.

Parsley, house, ticket, cupboard, car, flowerpot.

Parsley...

house, ticket, car, no.

BUZZER

Oh, unlucky, but you did beat four. You got five, so well done.

It's ten Honour Points for the Blues.

So at the end of that round, Blue Penguins

are in the lead with 25 points, with the S'not Greens on 14 points,

and the Yellows are trailing behind with 8 points.

And so with the Blue Penguins waddling their way into a lead,

we enter the final round. The quick fire round.

You have 90 seconds to answer as many questions as you can.

You get two points for any correct answer you give me.

Do you understand me, yes or no?

ALL: Yes.

Then let's do it.

Which gas is lighter, helium or carbon dioxide?

-Helium.

-Is the right answer.

What gas is found in fizzy drinks?

Carbon dioxide.

Is right.

If my pH is 12, am I an acid or an alkaline?

-Alkaline.

-Alkaline.

Is right.

True or false, bees send each other messages by dancing?

-False.

-Yes.

I'm afraid it's true.

What is ten divided by two?

Five.

Is right. What is the closest planet to the sun?

Mars.

No, I can offer it over.

-Mercury.

-Is the correct answer.

Who will be the first to hit their buzzer?

S'not Green.

Yes, it's the right answer. True or false, sharks can sense electricity?

False.

No, it's true.

What do we call a 2D shape with five equal sides?

-Pentagon.

-Is right.

Complete this sentence - Every time I open my mouth...

You...um...I breathe.

That'll do.

What's five times five?

-25.

-Is right.

If I have 23 banana pies, Guinea Pig gives me 16 banana pies,

how many banana pies do I have?

Um, 30. 20. 29.

No, it's wrong.

-39.

-39 is the right answer.

-Yes!

What's the funniest thing that's ever happened?

GONG

Oh, we're out of time, I'm afraid.

So I can reveal the results of today's show.

And so...

In third place, with nine Honour Points...

the Yellow Elements.

APPLAUSE

-You did very well. Did you have fun?

-Yeah.

In second place, with 18 points...

..the S'not Greens.

APPLAUSE

Well done.

That mean our winners,

with a massive 33 Honour Points...

It's the Blue Penguins! Come and join me.

APPLAUSE

You are the winners.

You are triumphant in victory.

How does it feel? Do you feel awesome?

-You feel great?

-Yeah.

What do you think was the secret to your success?

-Team work.

-Team work.

-And being fabulous.

-Being fabulously brainy.

Well, now you have an even greater title -

the title of Ultimate Brain.

Wasn't it fun? Wasn't it great? Wasn't it grand?

I hope that you enjoyed yourselves. I did. Did you enjoy yourself?

I had loads of fun, although if you had asked me

if sharks can detect electricity under water,

I would've said yes, because they can,

cos they have that ampullae of Lorenzini in their nose. Hmm.

Well, who knew? Join us next time, folks, on Ultimate Brain.

Let's dance.